I've Tried

Denna sat staring at the fire. The Wizard was lying down across from it, he reminded her of Richard so much. Richard. Richard had forgiven her after she had tortured him. He was such a rare person. Denna straightened. She caught herself thinking about Richard again.

She'd caught herself smiling again.

She grasped her Agiel. It didn't help her forget anymore. The pain was a slight nuisance. It didn't take her mind off of Richard any longer. She tried to think of something else. Settling on wishing she still had her leathers. The cotton of the dress was uncomfortable against her skin. She preferred her skintight leather.

Denna was too lost in thought to notice the Wizard was staring at her. Staring at the way her knuckles were tightly gripped around her Agiel, trying to cause herself as much pain as possible. It wasn't working.

"You don't have to do this, you know." Zedd said quietly.

"Don't I" Denna whispered. Somehow she wasn't surprised the Wizard was trying to talk her out of her plan.

"Everyone thinks your dead, Denna. You don't have to be a Mord – Sith anymore."

"You don't know what your talking about, Wizard. I can be only what I am, no more and no less." She whispered, not letting go of the Agiel.

"I don't believe that, Denna." The Wizard was getting on her nerves. He doesn't understand what it was like to be her.

"You don't think I've tried?" Her voice was suddenly loud, and she saw the Wizard shrink back a little as she stood up. She barely noticed that the Agiel was still in her hand. "You don't think I've tried to forget what I am. Forget how I was made." She whispered sinking back down onto a log.

The Wizard didn't say anything for a long time, and Denna thought he might have gone back to sleep. Finally the Wizard stood up. He handed her a blanket and sat down on the log next to her.

"I just think you need to try harder." The Wizard took her hand and carefully pried her fingers from the Agiel one at a time.

Denna suddenly noticed how the world looked with the absence of pain as the Agiel fell to the forest floor. The Wizard motioned her to go to sleep. She spread the blanket out on the ground. Noticing how the Wizard watched the fire. Knowing that he wouldn't notice

She took her Agiel back into her hand, barely noticing the way the pain shot into her, and whispered,

"I've tried."