Pomona Sprout was tending to some poisonous man-eating lilies as a disgruntled and agitated Professor Snape Dogg entered greenhouse 6 and yelled, "POTTER!?"

"Whatever is the matter, Snape Dogg!?" asked Professor Sprout.

"That got-damned Potter bitch done went and put doxy droppins in my sexual eruption potion. I swear I'm-a kill dat dank little pussy."

"Oh, Snape Dogg, boys will be boys!"

"I s'pose you's right Pomona, it's jus that I ran out of chronic the other night and I been gettin' all agitated, and I can't get out to Greenpuff Alley to buy sum mo' 'til the weekend!"

"Well, it just so happens, Snape Dogg, that I have a secret stash in the top shelf over here."

Professor Sprout pulled out a baggie full of bright green marijuana.

"Whoa, bitch! What is dat shit!?"

"It's bubonic fairy chronic, Snape Dogg! The moast potent leaf in all of Britain!"

"Awwww, shit, Pomona, girl!"

Pomona uttered the spell "puffprepicus!" and all of the seeds and stems magically separated from the sweet sticky mess.

"Would you like to do the honors, Snape Dogg?"

"Hells, yes!"

Snape Dogg conjured some rolling paper with the "Wrappicus!" spell, and with two swift wand flicks and a "blunticus totalus!" the joint was rolled neatly.

Professor Sprout and Snape Dogg passed around their joint and engaged in some lively conversation.

"Oh, yes! Dumbledore made me get rid of moast of my pot after that horrible Umbridge woman got here, but I don't think she'll be here too long, and then I can replant."

"Do Dumbledore get his smoke on any?"

"Oh, dear, yes! I have to let him have some of my crop each year in order to keep him hush, but the dirty old bastard always keeps the good shit for himself!"

"Dat's shit, Pomona, girl. I feel ya."

There was a sound like snickering from a nearby jubjub tree. Snape Dogg sat up, alert and slightly paranoid.

"What the fuck was that shit!? Revealacus yo pansy assicus!"

Harry's invisibility cloak was whisked off of him, and he stood there frightened to the point of pant-pissery.

"I'm sorry about the doxy droppings, Professor Snape Dogg! I won't ever do it again! Please don't beat my white ass!"

"Aww, shit, bitch, I ain't carin' about that sexual eruption potion no mo'. Pomonie here done fixed all my problems with this sweet weed. C'mere, Harry, and toke a bit."

"If you insist, Professor."

***

Professors Snape Dogg, Sprout, and Harry continued to get increasingly higher that night until around their fourth joint, Snape Dogg accidently used feindfyre to light the joint and burnt down the entire green house killing all three of them. Dumbledore insisted that he tried to help them, but in reality, he was passed out in his headmaster's chair with no bones, because that is what happens when you smoke pot according to the American Government anti-drug douches.

THE END!