This time, this place, misused, mistakes
Too long, too late, who was I to make you wait
Just one chance, one breath,
Just in case there's just one left...
"Nice to meet you, I'm Nymphadora Tonks."
With that one sentence, his fate was sealed.
He took her hand, marvelling at its silky smoothes on his, how tiny it was, and afraid that if he squeezed it too tightly he would break every bone in her fingers.
She smiled, her face lighting up and her dark eyes twinkling. Something about her felt sincere. He'd met too many people who hated him to take this for granted.
He tightened his grip on her hand and helped her up off the ground.
"Thank you," she giggled, hair turning a shade of pink from its previously violet state as she brushed down her clothes. "I'm dead clumsy, as you can probably tell."
"In that case, I think we ought to move this to prevent future accidents."
He waved his wand and the troll's leg umbrella stand righted itself then shuffled over to the left.
"Out of harm's way." He chuckled, and she smiled.
Remus knew she meant it.
That I love you, I loved you all along
And I miss you, I've been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me, and you'll never go
Stop breathing if I don't see you any more
"Busy," he replied to her question, "Lots of work."
"Work?" she cocked her head to one side, "You've found a job?"
He winced, "Not exactly."
Spending weeks on end without her was torture. The werewolves loved to torment him about how he lived with wizards. He was finding it extremely hard to tolerate them, but he knew that he was the only one that could succeed at this mission.
There was no denying that he'd much rather be spending his time with Tonks and Sirius at 12 Grimmauld Place than spending it with the werewolves hiding in caves, but Dumbledore had asked him specially to 'keep an eye on them'.
Just like he'd asked him to with James and Sirius.
"Well, when you find some time out from your busy schedule, drop by. We can chat."
He knew she was joking for his sake, and he appreciated it.
"I'd love to."
On my knees, I'll ask, last chance for one last dance
Cause with you I'll withstand, all of hell to hold your hand
I'll give it all, I'll give for us, give anything but I won't give up
Cause you know, you know
"It's strange, isn't it?"
Remus looked up from his cup of tea. It was probably cold now, but it gave him something to focus on other than the overwhelming grief that was threatening to consume him.
Tonks was sitting opposite him at the table, a mug of hot chocolate in her hands and her usually bright hair a dull shade of brown. They'd tried alcohol to drown their sorrows, but found that being pissed wasn't nearly as fun without Sirius. Yet another reason to sit dejectedly at the kitchen table, staring into their drinks.
"What?"
"This." She swept her arms around. "Being without...him. I guess you never realise what you've got until it's gone."
He chanced a glance at her face. It was pale and heart-shaped, dark eyes which used to twinkle now sad. She was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, even with tear-tracks down her face.
Which was why he had to do it. He had to leave her, before she realised that he was not what she wanted. It was selfish, but he had to hurt her before she hurt him. Because he'd been hurt too many times in the past. And he couldn't lose her. He loved her too much to lose her like he did Sirius.
Perhaps if he kept telling himself that, he would stop feeling so guilty.
I love you, I loved you all along
And I miss you,I've been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me, and you'll never go
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore
There she was. She looked so small, so fragile, her mousey brown hair trailing limply down her back.
She was sitting hunched over on a bench outside in the grounds. It was getting cold but she didn't seem to care.
His thoughts returned to her words earlier.
"I don't care either! I don't care!"
Was it true? Did she love him the way he loved her, with a deep burning ache inside? Did she disregard everyone else's opinion, only caring that she had him? Would she sacrifice everything for him – the same he would do for her?
In his heart, he knew the answer to all of these was yes. Yes, yes, a deep resounding yes. And she'd told him so many times.
So why was he still running away?
He'd given her his excuses. She'd combated them with answers of her own. But still he was running. He was running from something he wanted, but was desperately scared of.
A woman. A relationship. Something he'd never had before. Love.
Why?
"I thought about what you said."
She turned around. There was no fear in her eyes anymore. Her heart was broken, what more could he do?
"And?"
It was only after he'd kissed her that he realised her hair had turned pink again.
I wanted, I wanted you to stay
Cuz I needed, I need to hear you say
That I love you, I loved you all along
And I forgive you, for being away for far too long
He paced anxiously across the floorboards, chewing his lip. He felt like his insides were being twisted inside-out. What would they say? How would they take it? Dora had left it a little late to tell them, but...
Green powder suddenly filled the room and Remus began to cough, his heartbeat speeding up. There was only one person who used that much floo powder. He jumped up and opened a window, before racing over to the figure in the smoke.
Something was wrong; he knew that the moment he took her into his arms and she buried her face in his chest.
"Dora, what is it?"
"They...they...well, dad was...but mum..."
Remus hugged her tightly as she continued to sob. His heart felt like a deadweight in his chest; his soon to be parents-in-law hadn't taken the news of their engagement well. He'd been expecting it, but it still hit him hard. He knew how much it meant to Dora that her parents approved. By the sounds of it, Ted didn't seem to mind, but Andromeda...Merlin, that woman scared him.
As the young woman's sobs began to subside, Remus closed his eyes and held her tightly.
He was not looking forwards to meeting his in-laws.
So keep breathing, cuz I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it, hold on to me, and never let me go
"What?"
He recoiled back in shock at her words.
No. No. No.
He wasn't supposed to...his type shouldn't...it wasn't right...
He watched all the joy drain from her and her face crumple in confusion.
"Remus? Remus, what is it?" she whimpered.
"I...I need some time to think..."
Her beautiful face looked horror-stricken. Her hair, previously bubblegum pink from happiness at her news, turned a strange greeny-brown. He was upsetting her.
"I'm sorry, Dora, I just...need to be alone."
Wincing at the coldness of his reason, mind still reeling in surprise and horror, he turned and fled from the house.
Five minutes later he stopped running, panting, thoughts whirling round so fast in his head he had to pause just to make sense of them.
Responsibility.
Lycanthropy.
What if...?
He closed his eyes and tried to calm himself. Once sentence floated up from the chaos of his mind.
We're going to have a baby.
So keep breathing, cuz I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it, hold on to me, and never let me go
"Teddy Lupin, meet your daddy."
Nothing could compare the flood of emotions that breached the banks of his heart at that moment.
Fear.
Confusion.
Responsibility.
Happiness.
Love.
She passed the tiny bundle of blankets to him, grinning broadly. He took it in his arms, shifting it awkwardly, awed at the wonder of something so small.
Teddy gazed sleepily up at him, eyes large and golden-amber, fists curled. Teddy was him, but he was Dora at the same time, and at the same time completely himself.
Teddy was amazing. He was gorgeous, wonderful, fantastic, but he was theirs. And he knew that he loved him, from the tips of his tiny toes to the feathery ends of his slowly-turning-ginger hair.
"Hello Teddy," he breathed, beaming, "Welcome to the world. It's a crazy place, but I think you'll like it."
Keep breathing, hold onto me, and never let me go
Remus Lupin sealed the envelope with a heavy heart as he walked across the landing to his son's room.
There they were; the two people he loved most in the world. Dora was standing by the cot, gazing mournfully down into it at their baby.
Teddy was asleep, blissfully unaware of the events unfolding around him, his hair a light turquoise colour. That was the colour it turned when he was happy.
"Dora," he touched her shoulder lightly and she turned round. She was crying.
Heart breaking, Remus enfolded her in a hug. "You know I have to go. You understand, don't you?"
She sniffed her reply and he released her, making his way over to where Teddy was sleeping.
He leant over the bars so his face was millimetres from the little boy's, before kissing him gently on his forehead and slipping the letter underneath his pillow.
"I love you Teddy. Don't you ever forget that."
He stood up and ruffled the wisps of blue hair, then turned to his wife and hugged her again.
"I know you'll raise him well. Tell him about me, won't you?"
"Every night." Dora choked. Remus managed a smile.
"Good." He leant back and grinned at her, "Now, little missus, you stay here and look after the baby. And if anything happens to me, don't you ever forget that I love you."
"I won't."
Remus leant back in and kissed her one last time. Then he left.
Keep breathing, hold onto me, and never let me go
Never let me go