"Blue Hour"
Dayana Fernandez
Blue Hour
Chapter 1
"Wonders"
I never spend so much time listening when my mom is talking to me; I just catch the most important part of a sentence and try to respond with the most accurate phrase. Lately, every time she speaks, the conversation fades out; it's just too painful to hear it.
It all started last week when I turned 19, and for some reason my mom realized I'm nothing like any other girls my age; my best friend, Megan, is 16; I'm not interested in dancing, going to parties, drinking, or smoking, I just find those things a waste of time. I limit myself to go to the movies every now and then; or going to Megan's house, which has become a habit -to the point of having her mom wonder why I didn't go on a certain day. I've always been a dreamer; my head is never in the same place for more than a couple minutes, always shifting from one fantastic thought to another, always trying to picture myself as someone better, someone cooler in a way. Not that I think I'm lame or anything, but I definitely think there has to be more to life than just sitting around waiting for something interesting to happen.
"Are you paying any attention to me at all?" my mom screamed at me as she pulled over, already in our driveway, interrupting my thoughts like a hiccups. "You have to call your dad and let him know what time to pick you up tomorrow, ok?"
"Yes, mom" I said halfheartedly, for I knew it was going to take me a while to think about whatever I was thinking a second ago.
I went inside the house, and ran up the stairs to my room, which was just as messy as I had left it before we rushed to the supermarket; my bed half-made, the nightstand next to it with a couple of empty soda cans, my computer desk with a little bunch of pilled up CD's, and my hair brush on top of my drawer next to my favorite book. I'm not normally like this, well I didn't use to be. But everything now is so boring, and I have a weird feeling all the time, like I don't even belong here. Like I said, I'm a dreamer, or really stupid if you think about it. I could still hear my mom mumble something about me not being a normal teenager. Oh well, nothing I haven't heard before. I closed the door softly and sat in the edge of the bed, then I started looking for my phone –which had oddly disappeared from my pocket- to call dad, before I actually forgot. His phone rang twice.
"Hey S, how are you?" my dad seamed eager to hear my voice, like I hadn't spoken to him less than three days ago. Just like my mom, I know they love me but it seems like they miss me terribly sometimes, like if they knew something bad was about to happen to me, it freaks me out.
"I'm fine, mom said to call you" I murmured that last part, I didn't like having to address the fact of me not thinking about actually calling him myself.
"Oh, that's right. You're spending two weeks with me, aren't you?" he said, his voice strained this time. He knew it wasn't my favorite thing to spend time at his house.
See, after they divorced, I my parents arranged for me to spend two weeks every month at my dad's in Shelby, Ohio; my mom always insisted on me to spend some time with him, after all, he was my dad. I just didn't think it was that big of a deal. That's another thing that has always made me wonder; how I'm not like either or them at all. My mom, Claudia, is a typical blonde, green eyed woman, of very fine features, the party girl that never seemed to get older -she is on her early 40's but still. And my dad, Leo; he likes to fix things, very dedicated to any project he might be working on, very serious, except when he's with me, I can even make him laugh. This all opposes my personality; starting off with me not being able to concentrate on a project for more than a day or two, or as I said before, my lack of interest in social life, and finally, that even when I'm sad I smile and act like nothing is wrong, like a self-defense mechanism I guess; I hate having people wonder what's wrong with me because I think they like gossip more than whatever my problem is. Then we have the physical stuff; my skin is paler than both of theirs, my eyes have a very particular chocolate color that changes when they get wet, turning hazel; my curly, caramel-colored hair is, besides being left-handed, my most outstanding characteristic; I like it although it makes me even more different. People here in Indiana seem to have straight hair only, and their skin has a peach, almost rosy color. It's almost like I had been adopted. I'd lie if I said that possibility hasn't crossed my mind from time to time.
"Yes, I am." I answered after what might have been a long pause.
"Ok, I'll get things settled" he said and then sighed. "We have new neighbors"
"Oh really? Are they nice people?" I said, trying to sound as interested as possible, like I wasn't the bad liar I am. He paused for a minute.
"You'll like them, they are a big family, and they have a son about your age" he said. I sensed something in his tone, something that took me a while to analyze but that eventually came to me; he was already setting me up. The way he announced the kid made me think that when he said "You will like them" he really meant "You will like him". I hate when parents try to do this. Can't they just let things happen on their own?
"I'll invite them over for dinner, so you can meet them"
"Dad, you know you really don't have to, I'll just do the usual" I said trying to sound like I normally have a good time.
"No, Sarah, you don't have fun here on your own, try making a new friend" he stated, and he was right, maybe I should give it a try. Whatever why not? He spoke right away without letting me think of a good response.
"Ok, that's it then, I'll pick you up tomorrow as soon as I get out of work. Love you S" I could almost see the smile on his face, I wanted so bad to put the same smile in mine, but Ohio is not a place I love and I can't lie.
"Love you too, dad. I'll see you tomorrow" I answered and hung up the phone.
My mom was knocking on my door the next second. Had she been listening? Well, there really wasn't much to listen, I just hope she didn't get to that "boy" part –although I'm sure my dad had already spared her all the details- she might get all jumpy and start squeaking words like "boyfriend", "dresses" and "makeup". Those things are as appealing to me as hitting my head with a baseball bat. To my surprise, she didn't say anything; maybe she didn't hear that part after all. She did stare at me for a long moment though, just brushing her fingers through my hair. It ended up freaking me out, so I finally broke the silence.
"What's wrong mom?"
She just sighed and then replied softly.
"Nothing honey, I was just thinking" her face looked like she had been hit in the head with a baseball bat. This is not the usual face she made before I went to my dad's. It felt like if she knew she wouldn't see me again in a long time instead of just 3 days.
"About?" I said wary.
"About you, you are growing up so fast, you just turned 19" it didn't seem like she was talking about just being 19. So even though I'm not a fan of deep conversations, I dared to ask.
"What are you really worried about mom?"
"I'm not worried, it just feels like sometimes you don't have as much time as you planned" she said, and I could see tears almost coming out of her eyes. I know my mom has her moments, but I didn't understand at all what she was talking about.
"Mom, I turned 19, it's not the end of the world…" I tried to soothe her, but in a split second she threw her arms around me and hugged me. I flinched but stayed in place, I don't really like hugs, they make me think of goodbyes, and I feel uncomfortable when people cry around me, you put those two together and I start hyperventilating and getting claustrophobic. Although I felt odd and confused, I hugged her back.
"Mom, what's wrong?"
She let go and wiped her face, then smiled at me. "Nothing, I'm just being silly… pick up your room, it smells funny" she smiled again halfheartedly, and then darted for the door. My face must've looked something like a ten year old being forced to do a college calculus problem. My mom never acts like this, not even when I finished High School last month. I didn't know what that had been about. I decided not to focus on what had just happened because I noticed I was finally alone, so I could finally start thinking again, and get lost in that fantasy world I made myself believe I lived in.
To make it productive I decided to gather a few bags and start packing for tomorrow. I started off thinking about the last guy I had a crush on; he was tall, had green eyes, and was seriously cute, but I was 14 so what did I know about guys. I laughed at myself, and tried to picture the next guy I would have a crush on; would be tall and have green eyes? Maybe he would be tan and have dark eyes and a really good body. I laughed again. By the time I finished packing it was already late, so I gave up into going to sleep. I put my headphones on, played one of my favorite Kerli tracks, and lied down; I think I fell asleep in a second.
As fast as I had fallen asleep I suddenly woke up with a strong feeling inside of me, it wasn't fear, and I wasn't having a nightmare, or at least I thought. It was one of those things when you are not sure if you're awake, or still dreaming. Through my window I saw a shadow running in my front yard, I got scared for a moment but got off the bed and peaked out, trying to see who it was. The boy, acting like some kind of animal; a dog perhaps?, saw me and stopped right under my window, he smiled at me; his russet skin glowed under the moon light, his face was soft and had a touch of sweetness underneath it, his body was bulky but delicate at the same time, like one of those teenage underwear models. He never stopped smiling at me; I opened the window to see if I could catch a better glimpse, and then a loud noise came from behind him, like the roar of an engine -or lightening, although it wasn't raining. I flinched and shut my eyes closed by instinct, but I opened them just as fast. When I did I realized I was in the same position I'd fallen asleep as, so it had been a dream. I looked at the clock, just an hour had passed. I kept thinking about the boy, forcing myself to dream about him again, to be able to see him again. But I didn't succeed. Instead I had the weirdest dream ever. But somehow when I woke up all I could remember was me running towards someone, a woman, her face was blurry but I knew it wasn't my mom. I felt like I knew her though, like I'd missed her.
It was Friday already. My mom was gone to work so I had the house to myself. I didn't get enough sleep thanks to that dream. My dad was picking me up in the afternoon so I decided to go visit Megan and try to forget the fact of spending 2 entire weeks in that little town without my friends.
I called her. "Are you isolated yet?" she answered without saying "Hello".
"No, he's coming later" I said a little annoyed. "Can I come over?"
"Sure my mom just made lunch and left somewhere, come" she also hated not having an accomplice for her weekend adventures –which by the way I almost never approved of.
"Ok, I'll be right there" I answered her and then hung up.
I didn't have to ask my mother permission thanks to the relationship she and Megan's mom had built -for my relief. They knew pretty well what we were up to, and my mom knew that if I wasn't home I was most likely to be at her house. This time I left a little note on the fridge though, I was still worried about her behavior last night, so I figured being nice would calm her down a bit.
I took the bus to Megan's house; it normally takes about 10 minutes to get to her there. The bus took longer than ever to get to my stop, when I got in it was empty, except for a boy sitting in the front, left corner, he looked younger than me, but older at the same time. He was wearing a dark coat, which made me giggle since that's almost suicide in the middle of July. I made the mistake of looking at his eyes right when he looked up at me, I smiled halfheartedly, and I think I looked scared because he looked away fast. I didn't mean for him to think I was being rude by staring at him like that so I sat six rows away from him in the back of the bus. His eyes were so unique; they had a deep amber color that one would confuse with gold, only they were more brown than orange. I thought about who could have that eye color, but I'd really never seen it before; was he sick? This made me feel even worse. I'm normally very shy so I knew I wouldn't have the guts to ask. I looked at him again, warily, trying to focus on his face this time, but all I could see was the back of his head. After a few blocks the bus stopped and he got up, he moved like he was floating, so smooth, so perfectly in balance, he was obviously not sick. I dragged my eyes to his face in the next split second; his eyes were on mine, his face looked pale, but lovely and kind, it was like an imaginary boy, like a creature taken out of a Shakespeare novel. He smiled again to my surprise, he didn't find my staring rude at all, but I looked away, blushing like a tomato. When I looked up again he was gone. I looked outside the window trying to find him but there was no sign of anyone around. All of the sudden I noticed I was a few blocks away from Megan's house so I pulled the cord, I wouldn't mind walking a few blocks, wishing I was lucky enough to run into that boy again.
I got off the bus carefully and started walking towards a little wine store half way to Megan's, my eyes unfocused as I looked everywhere for the strange guy. I bought a bottle of water and asked the person who worked there if they had seen him. As I described him, the old man stared at me like if I had been speaking another language, as if I wasn't talking to him. I left the store and continued walking, a little faster now; I really needed air conditioner to prevent me from fainting. I started thinking how I had gotten here so fast. I realized the trip had taken half of the usual time. Then I thought about the boy, smiling to myself a little when I thought about his face again. Had it been all a dream again? What was wrong with me, having all these dreams about pretty boys smiling at me for no reason? Boys I'd never met before in my life, and by the way, I don't even remember about falling asleep.
I finally made it to Megan's, tired and hot under the blazing sun -you could fry an egg outside on days like this one. Megan opened the door before I knocked.
"Well there you are!" she screamed at me with a wide smile on her face.
"I didn't take that long Meg" I said as I walked through the door.
We walked directly to her room, and she locked the door behind me so we could put the music loud. Her playlist never changes, some odd, overplayed music, same tracks you can find all day long in a teenage radio station.
"I have to talk to you about something" she said, and looked down.
"Sure, what is it?" I asked a little worried judging by her expression. She never got in too much trouble but she never made a big deal about things unless it was utterly necessary.
"I gave it some thought, and I want to go with you to College, I talked to my mom and she said as long as she was aware where we're going it was fine" she smiled at the last part.
"Um… Meg, are you sure? I mean you still have 2 years to go, you could change your mind"
"I want to be with my best friend, I don't want to worry about that too when I'm in College, besides" she giggled "Who would take care of you not running into a wall or something!"
"That's true, I kind of might need you to point at them" I laughed. "I have to talk to you too"
"Are you pregnant?!" she screamed out of nowhere. I just sighed.
"No, but I've been having these weird dreams, about boys. And, I don't even know who they are"
She laughed for about 3 minutes; I stared at her wondering what was so funny.
"You're having dreams about boys?" she asked me still laughing.
"Yes, what's wrong with that?" I gave her a meaner look this time.
"Nothing, nothing at all, it's just so not Sarah-like" she giggled.
"It's weird Meg, I've never met them before, I don't know if it means something"
"Yea, it means you should get a boyfriend already!" she said letting out another giggle.
I looked at her serious, but I sort of wanted to laugh at her statement.
"What are the dreams about" she said in a more serious voice, I guessed she was just trying to make me feel better since this was extremely funny for her. It was true that this was nothing like me.
"The first one was last night; I was sleeping and something woke me up, then I looked out my window and saw someone running outside of my house, and there was the first boy; russet skinned, beautiful, strong but with such a noble face" I stared at space as I remembered him. "And the second one was right now, when I was coming over here, I must've fallen asleep in the bus or something. His eyes had an amber tone in them, I remember perfectly, and his face looked like an angel, so harmonious, so pale also, and he was wearing a big coat" I looked back at her as I said the last part.
"A coat?!" she giggled "How do you know it was a dream?"
"Because since when do you see gorgeous, tanned guy running around your front yard in the middle of the night? Or gold-eyed, perfect-looking boys on a public bus wearing coats in the middle of summer in Indianapolis, Indiana?!"
"That's true" she looked down, like trying to figure it out. "Well the other day in Psychology class we talked about how you only dream of people you know, maybe you have actually met these guys"
"I doubt it; I would remember them for sure! I'm probably just stressed about college and stuff"
"Most likely" she said smiling. "Let's eat some ice cream!"
Random, but it always worked. She had that gift of making me think about something else when I didn't want to think I was crazy. As we walked to the kitchen, and away from the extremely annoying songs coming out of the speakers in her room, I started thinking about both boys, yet again. They were so different; one of the so pale and the other so tan, and then both of them seemed to have just about one thing in common: they both wanted me. It seemed almost crazy to think about this. I smiled subconsciously; Great I'm falling for dream people now!
Meagan interrupted my epiphany as random as always, only this time I was far too grateful for it.
"Do you want to go shopping when you come back?"
She opened the freezer to get the ice cream while I thought about my answer. I enjoy being with her, but the malls, not that much.
"I don't know, why? Any special occasions coming up?"
"Um, no, just out of boredom I guess" she put the ice cream in the counter and took out two spoons.
I stared at her for a minute, she was so amused with the little things life had to offer, she was simple, always happy, and she never felt like she didn't fit in thanks to her ability to blend in with anyone. I wonder why it was so hard for me to be like that, was I too old? I giggled, that couldn't be it.
Megan looked at me with a weird face. "And what's with you? How is your mom? I haven' seen her since last week"
"She's weirder than ever" I said letting out a laugh. I spooned the ice cream and smiled.
"Too bad we are the only normal ones" she said sarcastically.
"If I wasn't losing it with these odd dreams"
"Oh, never mind then, I'm the only normal one left" she said smirk.
"Whatever!"
We both laughed for a moment and my phone interrupted us. It was my dad.
"Are you ready?"
"Um, actually dad, I'm at Megan's, can you pick me up here?" I said with the spoon in my mouth so I would sound more innocent than normal.
"Ok, sure, I'll go to the house and get your stuff and I'll be there in a minute. Don't take long coming out"
"Ok dad"
I looked at Megan with a painful expression, she started laughing.
"So no more ice cream" I turned around to wash my spoon and walked upstairs to get my purse. Megan followed, still holding the ice cream.
"It sucks that you have to leave" she said, and again, I picked up that sad tone everyone else kept using with me for the past 2 days.
"Why does everyone sound like I'm not coming back, Meg?!"
"No clue, I just get bored when you're not home"
It sounded convincing enough. But it didn't explain my mom's reaction.
We stayed in her room for about twenty minutes just debating on how many times I would have to call her and that I had to stay connected so I could tell her all the interesting things about the two weeks, then we laughed at how stupid we were coming of.
My dad honked. Me and Meagan went back down stairs; I said bye to her but we didn't hug because it felt silly, I was going to see her in a couple of days. And Shelby was only two hours away, so I could come back if she was about to kill herself due to an anxiety attack.
When I went outside my dad did hug me and said he'd missed me; I couldn't help but giggling at that, I talked to him every other day, and saw him every two weeks, how could it be that bad?
"Me too dad" I said, mostly to be polite
"Hey Megan" he said as he waved at Megan who was standing in the threshold. She just waved back.
"So you are ready to go kid?"
"Yes, lets go" I almost added "and get this over with" but being rude to my dad wasn't really my thing.
We got in the car; a 1997, grey, Honda CR-V -the same one he'd had since I can remember- and started driving away from my precious little town to a remote, rainy, and smaller one.