Notes:
With Red and Liz talking on the phone all the time, I've been meaning to write this kind of story for as long as I can remember. Now I've finally figured out how to do it.
There will be smut eventually, the main and only purpose of this story ;) Daddygate my ass!
Oh, and it's good to be back :)
Thank you to my friend heaterpeters for the beta!
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Elizabeth stepped into the shower and turned on the hot spray.
With a heavy sigh, she closed her eyes and stood for long minutes, leaning against the cold ceramic tile while hot water sluiced over her, soothing her muscles and relaxing the tension in her shoulders and back. Steam rose and eddied around her, thickening the air.
If only the aching in her heart could be soothed as easily.
She knew she shouldn't feel this way. She didn't even know when or how he'd managed to sneak his way into her heart, unnoticeable and without her suspecting. Yet ever since they'd been on the run together she was more aware of him than she'd ever been.
She'd begun to grow conscious of his eyes, of the way he'd looked at her. How he stared at her in that way of his. Half longing, half awe, with an intensity that totally wrecked her.
What was it about him? He'd managed to make her feel more fierce emotions than she'd ever thought possible, in all of the time she'd known him, ranging from genuine fascination to absolute resentment.
And now, after all they'd been through, and with her exoneration complete, he'd been gone for business abroad for many weeks and his lasting absence taunted her. He hadn't kept in touch like he'd promised.
She couldn't stop thinking about him, worrying about him; he was constantly on her mind and she missed him with a fierceness that she couldn't push aside: an ache that nearly caused her physical pain.
Tears stung her eyes and she blinked them away, angry at her own foolishness. It was ridiculous and profoundly inappropriate that she felt this way and yet, she had no control over whatever feelings brewed and grew inside her.
God, what had gotten into her tonight?
By the time she shampooed her hair and rinsed it out, she had contained the sentiment. She was just tired and cranky. Probably due to her period as well. She always became emotional around this time.
Wrapping a thick fuzzy towel around her hair and another one around her body, she was startled out of her thoughts by the sudden harsh ring tone of her phone. Leaving the warmth of the bathroom, she rushed into the living room. Her heart leaped in her chest as she grabbed the phone from the table, peering at the screen.
Her hope deflated: No Nick's Pizza.
The number was unknown to her and she stared at it; maybe it was him after all?
The phone continued to ring, its tone seemed urgent and persistent, so she answered it.
"Hello?" she said with a shaky voice.
"Hello Lizzie."
A tingle ran the length of her spine, dancing on the nape of her neck at the familiar sound of his voice.
It was him.
She had to close her eyes. Funny how easily feelings always tend override rational thought.
With her heart pounding in her ears, she clutched the phone harder, remembering that first and foremost she was mad at him.
"Red! Where are you?"
He didn't answer.
"It's been six weeks without a word. Are you alright? Did something happen?"
"I'm fine, Lizzie."
Red halted and took a breath as if he was going to say something else but remained quiet.
"Is that all you have to say? You said you'd be gone for only a few days. It's been six weeks, Red. Six!"
"I know."
Liz listened intently, waiting for a further explanation. She waited in vain, however, a thousand questions swirling around in her head.
"Are you still in Europe?"
"Yes."
"When are you coming back?"
"I don't know."
His tone was matter-of-fact, his answers short and cold and it bothered the hell out of her. She started to pace: long, restless strides that took her back and forth across the room.
"What's keeping you?"
"The business negotiations are taking longer than expected."
"What kind of business takes so long?"
When he didn't answer, she paused and a disturbing realization hit her like a blow to the stomach.
"Is there a woman? Is that why you won't come back?"
She knew he'd always had a way with women, had an unexplainable charm that drew them to him, especially the beautiful ones.
She tried to sound calm, yet her voice trembled, and jealousy burned inside her, as she found herself asking him the question that she'd never expected to voice.
Red hesitated a second again before finally answering.
"No," he whispered. "There is no woman, Lizzie."
The way he said the words, with emphasis on her name, caused her to fight to hold back the tears that threatened to fall in relief.
Standing there in nothing but the damp towel, and emotionally wrapped up in their conversation, Liz suddenly started to feel cold. She walked to her bedroom, switched on the bedside lamp then dimmed it. Dropping the wet fabric on the floor, she crept naked into her bed quickly, snuggling down under the thick duvet, never taking her phone from her ear.
"Dammit, I was worried about you, Red. Usually you keep in touch and tell me what you're doing."
"You were worried about me?"
He seemed bewildered by her show of concern.
"Of course I was. I didn't hear a single word from you. No mail, no phone call, not even a text. For all I know you could have been killed."
"There are protocols in place to let you know if something happens to me, Lizzie."
"Is that what its come down to? Protocols?"
Liz was so angry and frustrated, baffled by his inability to understand her point. Her lips were quivering, and she was close to tears again.
"Why is it so hard for you to understand that I care?"
He heard her sniff. Her voice was clotted with tears.
"After your exoneration and after all you've been through, I wanted to give you space," he attempted to explain. "Let you settle into your new apartment. Give you time to reacquaint yourself with work … and with Tom."
"Tom?"
"You seemed quite in a hurry to go back to him. I got the notion you wanted to get back together."
"God no."
"He helped you with your move."
"Yes, but I made it clear that we could be just friends. I don't love him anymore, Red. It's over."
"Hm," Red replied, clearly not convinced.
"Tom bought a boat; seems he wants to sail the seven seas. He asked me to come along, but I said no. We're done."
Liz tried to sound persuasive.
"In any case, I wanted, more than anything, for your life to go back to normal," Red changed the subject. "All the violence and death were getting to you. Your life was shattered into a million pieces, all because of me, and I felt that, in order to let you figure out how to fit all the fragments back together again, I had to go away."
His words were quiet but laced with emotion and she thought she heard him sigh.
"I had no reason nor right to stay. So, I left immediately and didn't look back."
There was a heavy pause, the weight of his words hanging between them. He never even intended to come back at all.
It took a few moments before she found her voice.
"Then why did you call now?"
"Because … I miss you, Lizzie."
His voice was rough, unsteady, like nothing she'd heard from him before. A wave of fresh tears spilled down her cheeks.
Red's heart lurched painfully in his chest. Nothing had ever hurt him as much as listening to her weep. It was the worst feeling in the world, her voice so broken because of something he did, because of something he'd allowed to happen.
"Please don't cry, sweetheart."
"I don't have a life to 'get on' with," she sniveled. "I don't even know where to start. There is no 'normal' to go back to."
At her words, he swallowed hard.
"I miss you too, Red. I never wanted you to go away."
The thought of her feeling that way almost floored him.
"I need you to come back. I need you to come home."
He was stunned into silence by her raw confession; he didn't miss the meaning behind her words. He'd told her the night on the shipping container that she was his home.
"Did you really think you can say these things and then expect that your words won't matter to me? That I just move on as if none of it happened?"
"You didn't particularly return the sentiment that night, Lizzie."
"And you couldn't even look at me, Red!"
"I feared rejection. I doubted I was worthy … I still do," he whispered thickly.
Liz didn't know what to say, what to think. He'd never spoken of his feelings so point-blank and openly before.
"There were surges of conflicting feelings within me. At the time I was confused and scared, insecure and angry, worried about who I'd been and who I might become."
"Another reason why I left, to let you figure it all out. The options were clear, but you were not yet ready to choose, not with me being a constant influence."
She laughed bitterly and wiped away more tears.
"Well, guess what? It didn't work out that way. If you thought going away would stop causing me pain and suffering, you were wrong. Because the truth is, I'm miserable without you."
"As if the world feels that nothing's is in the right place and nothing fits," he added in a low voice that gave away his own vulnerability.
"Yeah, exactly."
She felt something shift inside her. It was as if her heart had been balancing on some precarious edge. Now it was falling free, out of her hands and into his.
Would he catch it? Hold it?
"Lizzie, if I come back …"
She held her breath as she listened to him.
"…are you really sure you'd want to see me again?"
A frisson of hope came to life inside her chest at the prospect of his return.
"I want more than that," she blurred out.
He took in a breath, ready to speak but she beat him to it.
"I do want you to be involved in my life. I want us working together again, sharing in decisions. I need you to walk next to me, by my side with every step we take."
She stopped herself before continuing, her voice shaking.
"And most of all, I want us to give in to what we feel for each other and explore what we could be – together."
She was almost afraid to ask him the next question, yet she had to, to alleviate her own anguish and uncertainty.
"Are you willing to do that?"
"Yes," he said without hesitation.
Rolling onto her side, she hugged the pillow as she drew her knees upward, curling her body tightly around its form. The gloom and heaviness that had existed in her for the past weeks lifted by his simple answer; gone was the worry and ache.
"So tell me," Liz said softly into her phone, smiling. "What have you been up to? In which part of the world are you hiding?"
"Well, I'm in Spain, Lizzie," he said, smiling back.
TBC