Her voice is what calms me the most…well, on the outside. On the inside, the circus in my stomach comes alive with every innocent laugh or sarcastic jab that leaves her lips.
And her eyes, man, those eyes. One look and they just make you think, you know? How can something, someone, really be so goddamn beautiful?
I guess I'll never know will I?
I'll never really be able to speak the truth; my truth. I can joke, I can play along, but I can never let her know what's real and what's not.
Because what if she runs?
What if I lose her?
What if it all ends up coming undone?
I don't think I could deal. No, I know I wouldn't be able to deal.
Before her, I had nothing but my hopes, nothing but my dreams. And now that they're all here, right in front of me, I cannot let them go. Not like that. I won't let myself get in the way of the one thing I've been looking for.
So I'll continue listening to her voice on the other end of the line that ties us together. The one thing that brings her to me. I'll let her tell me about the stupid kid who decided he actually had a chance with her, but ended up failing miserably.
Because how can I not love the sound of her rambling on in the way that makes her...her?
In my head, I'd like to think that I had something to do with that hopeless kid just building himself up for a letdown. I'd like to think that her hopes and dreams are laying right in front of her as well. I'd like to think that while she lays in bed so many miles away, while she walks through the halls of her school, while she smiles and laughs in the way that cannot ever be replaced, she thinks of me.
Maybe she'll smile to herself in that confident way.
Maybe she'll wonder if I ever have those fleeting moments when I just picture us actually near each other, together.
Maybe she'll end up needing to hear my voice too.
But, then again, those are only my hopes and dreams I guess.