Preface

I stared at the mirror for a long time.

She... I looked younger than I expected, not much older than... before. That was good I supposed, at least I had that.

I could not help a sigh. It had been a long day, a long week to be honest. After the first couple of days there was no chance for it to be a dream. As much as I would have loved to think so, it seemed that my situation would not change any time soon. I ought to accept it and move on.

I laughed. Accept that I had a husband that was not my husband and five children that were not my children? Well, easier said than done. I almost pitied them. I had her memories. I could recall their births, their first steps, their first words, but in a detached way. There was no emotion with those images. The love and happiness that woman had felt were not mine to remember.

The memories were very useful though.

I didn't know what I would have done without them. It had being difficult enough to put a mask and fake my way through these days. I was lucky. The Lady of the castle had a lot to do and to prepare with the arrival of the King any day now. I could follow her plans and avoid most personal interaction with the family. It was easier to give orders to the maids than to face all the trouble those kids could bring.

I had little experience with children, without kids nor younger siblings. Thank the gods for the maester, the master at arms, the septa and the direwolf puppies. They kept the teenagers and the older children busy. If only the lot of them were older enough to be independent... Rickon, the baby of the family was different.

It would have been cute how he trailed after his mother if it wasn't me. I liked the boy, he was beautiful and adorable but I didn't know what to do with him. I didn't enjoy fishing through another woman life to entertain her child with his favorite toys or to sing him the same lullaby at night. I felt like an usurper.

It was not my fault I kept repeating to myself. I didn't ask for this. They may have lost a mother but I lost my life too. The difference was that they were children and I was an adult. They were so young, this had to be world of the books.

If this was not a dream, if it was real,I had to do something. I had no intention to die in a bloody wedding! I would not let anything happen to the children either, if I could help it. They didn't deserve to die or to suffer the hell I knew it was coming. In a way, I owed it to Catelyn. She could do nothing to protect her children but I would. I had no choice, had I?

If I had my way no Stark would set a foot on the capital. I couldn't care less what would happen with the Lannister, the Baratheons or the rest. I had to be very careful though. That would change everything. Littlefinger was a very dangerous man, his obsession with Lady Stark meant that he had to die to keep all of us safe. I was not stupid enough to think that I could outplay him. The Others were another huge problem. Would the North as it was now enough to stop them? I didn't know.

I saw something in the edge of the mirror. I was no longer alone in the chamber.

Forget Littlefinger, the Lannisters or the Others, my main problem had just entered that door.

Eddard fucking Stark.

Like every other night since I woke there we prepared for the night in silence with me praying that he would not break it. He must have a lot to think about with the death of the old Falcon and the visit of his old friend, I thought.

I was not so lucky.

It took effort not to flinch when he barely touched my elbow to get my attention.

"My lady" He said looking at me with those soulful grey eyes of his. "You have been distant for a while"

I smiled to hide the lie."Nonsense. I'm just busy, my Lord. There is much to do and to prepare"

He didn't buy it. I knew he wouldn't.

"Cat, please, talk to me. Have I done anything to offend you?"

Gods, I hate this

He looked so sad, so vulnerable. At that moment there was nothing of his grim face.

"You have done nothing. I'm just tired." I said trying to ignore his expression, getting into the bed, my back to him.

A long moment of silence followed by the movement of the furs and the shift of weigh told me that he did the same. My body relaxed in relief until I felt his arm around my waist. I tried not to tense but he must have felt it because he quickly withdrew it.

My guilt grew.

He was a good man, a gentle one and he had no idea why his wife could not suffer his touch.

It was not his fault. There was nothing wrong with the lord of Winterfell. He was everything a woman could ask for in that forsaken world but he was not mine. He was a stranger I only knew from stories and another's recollections. His suffering only made me feel worse. I was a fraud and what it was worse, an useless fraud.

How could I save us if I could not even face my supposed family?

Family, Duty, Honor.

I would have to find the way.