Disclaimer: "This Drakel is an Infernomage. All shall burn at his feet! Which is scary! Have you seen Drakel feet?"
Yesh, this is finally being reposted! The lyrics have been replaced with links to my LJ that I created solely for this purpose.
(An: Ok, yep, here it is, first chappy of "The Cajun King." This is going to be very weird because: A) This is humor section and thus designed to be so, B) it's a parody, so to make it an actual fic there will be jokes packed into every inch of space (economy sized for your pleasure!), and C) because it's a tagfic between moi (EE's Skysong, for those with short attention spans) and Dis Chick Digs Da Fuzzy Dude (for you unobservant few). The reasoning behind all of this? This was my idea, because DCDDFD pretty much stole my idea for this whole thing, and we both -really- wanted to do it. So, yeah... bear with me here. Fuzzy: Allo, Fuzzy here! No, I did not steal the idea from her! GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE! Besides, simba317 gave me the idea for it. Hey, I just realized that Skysong never gave me a chappie title. Oh well. I'll come up with one myself.)
Cast!
Mufasa: Logan
Sarabi: Ororo
Simba: Remy (DUH)
Nala: Rogue (I repeat, DUH)
Timon: Pyro
Pumbaa: Piotr
Scar: Mufasa
Zazu: Scott
Shenzi (the chick hyena): Tabitha
Banzai (the non-psycho male hyena): Evan (Hey, Fuzzy, why is this ironic? I must've missed it... -hates not knowing; stupid Cartoon Network- Fuzzy: It's ironic because Banzai's the one who lands in the thorns. You know, spikes…Evan shoots spikes…yeah.)
Ed (the psycho male hyena): Bobby
Rafiki: Forge
Director: Kurt
ALL THAT BUSY STUFF THAT GOES BEFORE THE ACTUAL PARODY...
"I HAVE ABSOLUTE POWER!" Kurt cries, dancing around.
Author: I thought of another reason this might be a little weird: Fuzzy does her parodies in past tense. I do mine in present. Hopefully no one gets confuzzled... and if you do, we don't really care.
"Power corrupts," Piotr quotes, "absolute power corrupts absolutely."
"Actually, it's kind of neat!"
"Why is he the director?" Forge demands. "I miss my absolute power!"
Author: Well, Storm is Simba's mom and Remy is Simba and then you're the creepy baboon so we had to have somebody be the director and since DCDDFD's name has "Fuzzy Dude" in it it was a natural conclusion that you should be director. -gasps for air-
"Ooh! Get out the transmogrifier thingy!" Kurt cries, looking through his clipboard/listy thing. "Since the cast is animals and all."
Forge frowns and brings out a big purple thingy (1). "Does this mean-" audible gulp "-that I have to use it on myself?"
"YEP!"
"Oh joy." Forge sighs.
The entire cast lines up in front of him- "HOLD UP!" Rogue screeches.
"Yes, dear sister?" Kurt asks, basking in his director chair.
"Ok A- do Ah really have ta work with THAT?" She points at Remy, who looks up and then around, confused.
"YEP!"
Rogue mutters something very very rude and generally unrepeatable. "Ok, 2- the whole touching thing. What's up with it? How am Ah supposed to make out with someone? Unless yah've got an APLBPN..." (2)
"Your powers just go away when you become animals," Forge points out. "It's handy."
"How the hell do cats make out, anyway?"
Kurt flips through his script. "Lots of head nuzzling and rubbing up against each other."
Remy smirks.
"Don't get any ideas, swamp rat," Rogue says, flicking Remy in the back of the head. "You can't exactly cop a feel on a lioness. And Ah can bite now."
Forge clears his throat and everyone immediately turns their attention back to him. "Right. Let's get this over with..."
FIVE MINUTES LATER...
All of the cast has been animal-ized, except Forge, who is pointing the device at himself. "Here we go..."
SQIZERK!
Forge!Baboon is now standing there, eyeing himself dubiously. "Damn. I still have the prosthetic arm."
Ororo (obviously a lioness) falls over laughing. "Oh my Goddess!" she squeals... I didn't even know Ororo could squeal. Huh.
"What?" Forge asks, not looking like he really wants to hear the answer.
"Your- your ass!" Ororo gasps, almost laughing too hard to speak. "It's blue!"
"It is?" Forge asks, peering over his shoulder. "Wait... you've been staring at my ass?" (3)
"We need to de-age them, too," Kurt points out.
Remy and Rogue (smartly) try to run away. Kurt steps on their tails. "Not so funny now, is it?" he demands of Rogue. "Stupid tail-pulling half-sister..."
"Mah GOD you're touchy," Rogue mutters.
"I like m' age right now, merci," Remy protests. "I'd very much like t' stay twenty-one."
"Yah're twenty-one?" Rogue demands. "And ya never bought me beer?"
"Considering that whenever I get near y', y' try t' kill me..."
"But still!"
"Can we get back on track here?" Kurt asks.
"NO!"
Forge ignores them and brings out the de-ager.
FIVE MINUTES LATER...
Rogue is now a little lioness cub and looking very disillusioned and grumpy.
Remy is now a baby cub... say it with me: AWWW... "Shut up." A baby cub with a smart mouth. Somebody smack 'im. "D'accord, so wait-" he says, looking like he just realized something... that is an odd expression on a baby... "Ororo's my mom- which is bad enough, by de way- but dat makes LOGAN m' dad?"
"Well, yeah!" Kurt agrees.
"Won't that be a little... I dunno... awkward?" Ororo asks, eyeing Logan, who is in his happy place.
"Why?"
"Put into consideration de fact dat Logan threatens t' gut moi on a daily basis," Remy points out.
"Oh... maybe that will be a little awkward... threatening bodily harm doesn't exactly make for father/son bonding time, does it," Kurt mumbles. "I wouldn't know, since my mommy abandoned me."
"Oh, yeah, bring THAT up!" Mystique shrieks (note that she didn't have to be transformed 'cause she could change herself. Handy that). "I drop my son off a bridge ONE TIME-!" She roars angrily. Yeah.
Kurt begins to cry. "MY MOMMY DIDN'T LOVE ME!"
"Oh, dear Lord," Ororo moans, resting her head on her paws. "This is going to take a while."
"I'M SUCH A BAD MOTHER!" Mystique wails, watching her sobbing son and bursting into tears herself.
"What do we do now?" Forge asks.
"Hit them on the head with bricks?" Rogue suggests.
"That works," everyone else choruses.
TWO AND A HALF HOURS LATER...
Mystique and Kurt finally wake up from their braining-induced naps. "What happened?" Kurt mumbles. "It feels like somebody hit me on the head with a brick... except they can't do that 'cause I've got absolute power..."
"Can we start now?" Mystique begs. "I want to go home and lie down and nurse the bleeding wound on my forehead."
Author: Good idea.
"CUE SONG MUSIC!" Kurt shrieks, Frau Farbissina-esque. (4)
AND NOW, AFTER LOTS OF STALLING AND PEOPLE GETTING SEVERE HEAD TRAUMA FROM BRICKS, EE'S SKYSONG AND DIS CHICK DIGS DA FUZZY DUDE NOT-SO-PROUDLY PRESENT... THE CAJUN KING!
HEY YOU! YES YOU! LOOK HERE!
Okay, so originally this is where the song "The Circle of Life" was, but the whole lyrics thing blah blah blah, happened, so instead go to http / www. livejournal. com/ users/ (underscore)(underscore)b(underscore)a(underscore)m(underscore)f(underscore)(underscore), but take out the spaces. And add all those underscores.I highly suggest you go there and read that, since there's Random Insanity Humor in there, dontcha know?
DONE READING THE LYRICS? GOOD! NEXT SCENE!
A Cute Little Mousy (who looks oddly like Sabretooth-) "THAT'S BECAUSE I AM SABRETOOTH!" he screeches. "Dumbass."
"Ooh, I get to eat you?" Mystique coos, edging down to his level. "I didn't know I was going to have fun in this..." (6)
Sabes!Mousy sniffs around for a second, before getting squashed by Mystique's paw. Now only his tail is sticking out. Mystique holds him up as he squeaks furiously. "Life's not fair, is it?" Mystique inquires of him, obviously enjoying it. "You see, I, well, I shall never be king- queen!" She flips him across her paw and almost lets him go, then holds him up to her mouth. "And you shall never see the light of another day. Adieu." Mystique is just about to eat him when an annoying, obviously-spoken-by-someone-with-a-pole-up-his-ass interrupts.
"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with your food?" Scott asks.
"What do you want?" Mystique asks, looking bored and irritated- duh, it's SCOTT- and holding onto Sabretooth, who is trying to escape.
"SHE'S GONNA EAT ME!" (7)
Scott ignores Sabes- who wouldn't?- and bows as he speaks. "I'm here to announce that King Logan's on his way, so you'd better have a good excuse for missing the ceremony today." He looks all annoyed and tight-assed and such. "WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THE TIGHT ASS JOKES?"
Everyone Else: ...DUH!
"I do NOT have a pole up my ass!" Scott bends over and shows everyone something nobody wants to see... ever... "SEE!"
"EW!" screams the entire cast, covering their eyes.
"Oh, my EYES!" Kurt cries, falling off his chair.
Scott settles back down, looking very pleased with himself.
Author: Even fictionally... that's a bad image. Yuck.
Mystique does not look at all worried. She shifts her paw and Sabretooth runs off, screaming at the top of his miniscule lungs. "Oh, look, Scooter, now you've made me lose my lunch."
Scott glares at her. "You'll lose a lot more than that when the king gets through with you. He's as mad as a hippo with a hernia."
"Ooh, I quiver with fear..." Mystique snarls, looking delighted and advancing on Scott.
"Now, Mystique," Scott says, backing up and waving his wings nervously, "HEEELP!"
"I refuse to eat him!" Mystique cries. "I simply refuse!"
"MY MOMMY DOESN'T LOVE ME!"
"Oh, great..." Mystique sighs and clamps her jaws around Scott who flaps around in there.
Logan pokes his head over the rock next to Mystique's cave. "Mystique..."
"Mmmhmmhmm?" Mystique queries, mouth full of tightassery.
"Drop him."
Scott sticks his big orange banahna (8) beak out of Mystique's mouth. "Impeccable timing, your majesty."
Mystique scowls and drops the very slobbery Scott. He eyes himself while Mystique shrieks, "MOUTHWASH!"
Logan enters Mystique's cave and they begin to circle each other. Obviously they do not get along.
"Whhhy if it isn't my big brother descending from on high to mingle with the commoners."
"Ororo and I didn't see you at the presentation of Gumbo," Logan says, looking distinctly P.O.'ed.
"That was today?" Mystique asks, all innocent as she walks over to a wall. "Oh, I feel simply awful." She drags her claws down the wall making- and I quote from the captioning- an irritating scraping sound.
Scott gets his only truly funny bit in the whole movie as he winces dramatically.
Mystique eyes her claws, looking self-important. "It must've slipped my mind."
Scott flaps up to Mystique's eye level, back to looking tightassed. "Slippery as your mind is, as the King's sister- brother? you should've been first in line!" In response, Mystique clacks her jaws at him and he flies back down, hiding between Logan's legs and shooting Mystique death glares.
Author: If you're wondering why I'm keeping the Scott bashing to a minimum, I happen to like Zazu and his big banahna beak. Otherwise Scott would be in SO much pain right now.
"I WAS first in line until that little hair ball was born," Mystique mutters, sticking her head down by Scott.
"That 'hair ball'," Logan snarls, "is my son and YOUR future king!"
Mystique sticks her paw in front of her face, all daintily and crap. "Oh, I shall practice my curtsy." She turns around to leave.
"Don't turn your back on ME, Mystique," Logan growls.
"What? Don't you WANT to stare at my ass?" Mystique asks, flicking her tail.
Author: Can you PLEASE refrain from flirting?
"Yeah, seriously, it's creeping me out," Kurt says in the background.
"Perhaps YOU shouldn't turn your back on me," Mystique replies.
Logan roars and springs in front of her. "Is that a challenge?"
"Temper, temper. I wouldn't dream of challenging you."
Scott, reassuming his safe position between Logan's legs, says, "Pity, why not?"
"As far as brains go," Mystique purrs, "I got the lion's share. But when it comes to brute strength... I'm afraid I'm at the shallow end of the gene pool." She turns and walks away down the side of the rock.
Scott sighs. "There's one in every family, sire. TWO in mine, actually-"
Author: Yeah. You and Alex!
Scott pointedly ignores that comment and flaps up to Logan's shoulder. "HE'S TOUCHING ME..." Logan snarls.
"Ignore him, you're ACTING," Ororo yells from offstage.
"And they always manage to ruin special occasions."
"What am I going to do with him?" Logan asks, twitching slightly.
"He'd make a very handsome throw rug."
"SCOTT..."
"And just think- whenever he gets dirty, you could take him out and beat him."
Logan laughs- it's very creepy- as he walks off.
We switch to a tree. Neat. Rain clouds move in over the plains and we see some neat, but rather pointless, shots of rain and puddles and stuff as we zoom in on THE tree, Forge's big baobab. At least, I think that's what it is.
In it, safe from all the rain, Forge and his blue butt are busily working. There's a drawing of a lion cub which he rubs with some sand. They are really fixated on that. "Hmm..." he murmurs, chuckling. "Remy." He draws a streak of melon juice across the forehead.
"THAT'S A WRAP!" Kurt yells.
Everyone yells back, "DO WE HAVE TO STAY LIKE THIS?"
"If I'm fuzzy, you're fuzzy!"
"DAMN!"
(Why is it that whenever I add a bit to the beginning the chapter always ends up longer than I intended? REVIEW! Because our egos need stroking.)
(1) According to me, this is how all of Forge's devices look.
(2) Abitrarily Placed Little Black Power Negater. X-band joke that's leaked over into everything. Oh, yeah, and Fuzzy, before you say anything... I'm working on it... really... I just have these little things called "Standards" and if my chapter isn't just that long I'm not done with it... damn things. (Fuzzy: As you can see, Skysong emailed me this quite a while ago…I just didn't know I was supposed to put it up. Hehe.)
(3) Even though this is LoRo, couldn't resist some Storge.
(4) Couldn't resist.
(5) Fuzzy doesn't know what gondilieri are; I don't know what Zazu is... wait... is he a hornbill? I'm confused now. (Fuzzy: Yes, he is a hornbill)
(6) Mystique and Sabes had a relationship in the 'mics. To make a long story short, it Did Not End Well At All.
(7) Anyone who knows where this line is from gets a cookie. Here's a hint- you don't have to look far 'tall. -winks-
(8) Come on. You can't not pronounce this with a British accent. You just can't. Banahna. (Fuzzy: Actually, I've pronounced it non-Britishly all my life. Except the one time in World History class when we were learning about Elizabethan times, and me and my friends talked in British accents the entire class. One of my friends was terrible at it. It sounded like a cross between Irish, German, and French instead. AND she insisted on being Queen Elizabeth I for our skit.)
Okee, click on to the next chappie!