How's It Going To Be

by sarabeth1

After each failed blind date she is set up on Ressler is always waiting with Cookie Dough and a frozen pizza. One night after a blind date she doesn't show up at his door. Ressler is struggling with the fact that he is losing his best friend...and perhaps the woman he loves. *Keenler One-Shot*

I took a little break from Let The Flames Begin (when I was trying to tweek a few things) and wrote this one shot.

The title comes from the Third Eye Blind song. The line "I wonder how's it going to be, When you don't me, How's it going to be, When you're sure I'm not there, How's it going to be" kind of makes me think of how Ressler would feel in a situation such as the one he is faced in this story.

Anyway, enjoy.

*I own nothing*

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RESSLER

He could feel the crisp air hit his lungs the minute he stepped outside his apartment door. Why he agreed to do this today was still baffling him. This was not something Donald Ressler did. It just wasn't. It didn't matter that he had no plans besides maybe watching a college football game. But agreeing to this? It was completely and utterly insane. He saw her car and walked down the steps and jumped in the passenger seat. God, how he hated being the passenger.

"You have my coffee, Keen?"

"Yes, Mr. Grouchy Pants." She handed him the warm cup and pulled the car on to the road. "Thank you for doing this today. Red was going to send me to some fancy boutique and I just couldn't handle that. And I really needed a man's opinion. And not his."

"Just let him buy you one. He somehow knows your size every time." He took a sip and looked over at her. "Who is the guy this time?"

"Aram went to school with him. He swears we'd be a perfect match," she laughed. "He's taking me to a swanky restaurant. That's why I need a nice dress."

Ressler rolled his eyes. It had been two years since both their worlds were turned upside down. Since she was framed for the Senator's murder. She was going to run but stayed and fought. In the end Red, with the help of the task force, cleared her name. They grew closer and became more than partners. He was her best friend and she was his. Nothing more than that. The last six months she kept getting set up on blind dates that all ended horribly. They all served as entertainment for him but he'd be lying if he wasn't worried if one worked out. He'd lose her if she found a guy. What guy would be fine with his girl being friends with another man? He wasn't sure if he wouldn't be.

"What? This could be the one."

"Yeah, ok. If it ends horribly I'll have your cookie dough and a frozen pizza ready and waiting." He groaned as they pulled up to the store. He was forced to go shopping with Audrey a few times and each time he swore he'd rather be water boarded. "You owe me big time."

Twenty minutes later she had her arms full of dresses and was headed to the dressing room. He was in a comfy chair at least and reviewing some top news stories on his phone while waiting. She came out in a few dresses and he wasn't sure what kind of response she wanted. Was he supposed to be honest? The first one was hideous. The second one just looked like she was wearing a garbage bag. But if there was anything he learned from his mother it was you never tell a woman things like that. So, he told her they were nice. Then she came out in the last dress. He couldn't even pretend to know the cut of the dress but he knew she was beautiful in it.

"That's the one," he said honestly.

"You think?"

"Yep." He shook his head yes. He found himself staring at her cleavage that was very prominent. The dress clung in all the right places. She needed to change back in her jeans and sweater right away. The thoughts he had should not be in his mind. "Now can we go?"

"Yes, Oscar," she joked.

The clerk at the stored chuckled at them causing Ressler to smile in response. Oscar was Liz's most recent name for him. While he wasn't as uptight as he used to be he still had his moments. She liked to call him Oscar the Grouch and now that they were more than just work partners she was more comfortable with things like that and he was ok with it.

Later that night he was sitting on his couch drinking a beer while watching a movie when there was knock on his door. He chuckled as he walked to the door and opened it to find Liz on the other side. She shrugged then let herself in heading directly to his fridge and grabbing the roll of cookie dough. She left her heals in the middle of his kitchen before dropping her bobby pins, that held her hair up, on his counter. He shook his head thinking how she acted like she owned the place.

"Can I have something to wear? This isn't the most comfortable thing?" she asked as she plopped down on his couch.

"Yeah." He walked back to his room and grabbed drawstring sweats and his FBI shirt from the Academy. He tossed them at her only to find she turned the channel. "No, Keen. We've discussed this. Just because you had a crappy date does not mean you come in here and make me watch a sappy girly movie."

"Listen, Oscar," she scolded. Liz stood up and pulled the pants on then pulled the dress over it. She motioned for him to turn around which he did. "This one was beyond horrible. Think of the computer nerdyness of Aram and multiple it by 100. I only understood like 5 words that came out of his mouth."

When he turned around her dress was thrown on his chair and the cookie dough was in her hand about to be consumed. The TV was playing some old Hugh Grant movie. He didn't know what to say. Usually they laughed over her dates but tonight she looked on the verge of tears. She eyeballed the dough like it was crack to a junkie. She took a big bite before collapsing back on the couch. She looked defeated.

"Why can't I find one normal guy?" she whimpered.

"You will. Just stop going on blind dates." He sat down next to her and took the cookie dough away. "And stop inhaling this." She leaned in to him and rested her head on his chest. "This is the last time you put one of your girly movies on my TV got it Keen?"

"Got it, Res," she said softly.

He pulled a blanket down over her and closed his eyes as she watched her movie. He could hear her chuckle from time to time then finally her breathing evened out and he knew she had fallen asleep. Gently, he lifted her off the couch and in to his room. This wasn't the first time this happened and it probably wouldn't be the last. After pulling the covers over her he padded out in to the living room where he settled in the couch for the night.

IIIIIIII

One day it finally happened. Keen walked in their shared office with a grin on her face. She threw herself in to her chair and looked at him expectantly. He wasn't sure what she wanted him to say. He knew she had a date last night. He waited up with the customary cookie dough waiting for her knock and complain about just how horrible it was. He waited. And waited. But she never showed. He was happy that she finally had a date that went well but he also half expected that he'd hear something about how well it went. When he didn't it only meant one thing. The date didn't end until the next morning.

"What?" he asked after being stared at for far too long.

"Don't you want to know how it went?" she asked.

"You laughed. He laughed. You ate. You drank. You shared a cab back to his place and in the morning you took one back to your place. That sound about right?" he tried to come off like he didn't care but deep down he did. It shouldn't bother him. He saw other woman he just didn't bring his relationships in their friendship the way Keen did.

"Actually, he picked me up at my place and drove me home this morning. So, you aren't completely correct in your assessment," she huffed.

And that's when he realized he was losing her. She spent most of her spare time with him. With Matt Fitzgerald, some hoity toity big shot lawyer who worked on the Hill. What she saw in him Ressler could not even begin to figure out. He met him once when Liz begged him to meet for drinks. It had been two months since she started seeing Matt and Ressler had probably spent time with her once outside of the office.

He was lonely but would never admit it to anyone. Talking to his mom one day she mentioned her neighbor's dog just had little of puppies. Labrador Retrievers. He had one as a boy and always wanted one again but it was never the right time. Things weren't as crazy with Red's Blacklist and even if he had to leave town his mother could always come and take the dog. So, he did it. One Saturday he drove up to his parent's and picked out the runt of the little. The dog could have cared less about anyone and for some reason he liked that about it. It reminded him of himself. So, he went home with a new dog.

And since Liz was preoccupied with Matt she never found out about his new dog. He didn't tell her about his sister getting married. Or about his Aunt passing away. These were all things he would have told her. But, she was too busy. With Matt. He never expected her to get so wrapped up in another person to just ignore him. It hurt. The last semi-serious girlfriend he was with he had always made sure he made time for Liz. The relationship ended due to the girlfriend's jealousy and unwillingness to understand that he had no underlying feelings for Liz. But he still made time for Liz.

"Hey, when is Jen's wedding?" Liz asked one day at work. "Matt said he was ok with it if I went with you."

"You mean the wedding you already said you'd go to prior to meeting Matt?" Ressler didn't hide his irritation or did he bother to look up from the paperwork he was filling out. "Three weeks ago. I sent your regards and a nice set of wine glasses. Jen understood you were out of town."

"Res, why didn't you remind me?" Liz got up from her desk and moved toward him.

"You've been otherwise preoccupied and I didn't realize you'd need permission." He got up, grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."

That night he sat on his couch with his new best friend. One that would forever be loyal and give him wet kisses every morning and every night. All she asked for in return was a nice belly rub, a full bowl of water and food. He looked down in to those brown puppy dog eyes and rubbed her ears. The dog that wanted nothing to do with him turned out to be the clingiest dog he'd ever met. When the doorbell rang she scrambled off the couch and ran to the door. Ressler followed and before opening the door picked her up and held her.

"Ress, can we talk?" Liz asked as the door pulled open then her eyes widened when she saw the dog.

"Did you get Matt's permission first?" He asked walking in to his apartment and setting the dog down. She ran to the couch and snuggled in to her favorite spot.

"No. I don't need it." She pointed to the dog. "Since when do you have a dog?"

"Since about a month ago." He took a seat next to the dog and patted his lap. "Come here, Oscar."

"You named your dog Oscar?" She looked at him as if it was some kind of joke.

"When I picked her out she wanted nothing to do with anyone. A loner. A grouch if you will. Oscar suited her. And I figured since you weren't around anymore there wouldn't be any confusion with the name. I mean it's been available for a few months now," he said with bitterness in his voice. In reality he named her Oscar because it made him think of Liz. Not the dog, but the name.

He watched as her face turned red. The anger was boiling up in her and she was going to explode. Ressler knew he was being childish but he was hurt. You don't treat someone like they mean the world to you for years then toss them to side when something better comes along. He didn't have many…or any friends…but he knew that much. He understood that when starting a relationship it was different but you still made time for your friends. And he didn't want to admit it but he was jealous. Feelings were bubbling up in him that he never wanted to.

"You can be a real ass you know that?" she growled.

"That was established years ago, Keen." He grabbed his beer and took a drink. "You can be a real self-centered….," he stopped himself before going any further. "Look, here's the deal. When Matt breaks your heart…which I'm sorry to tell you…he will…find someone else to cry to ok? Find someone else who is willing to keep a roll of cookie dough and frozen pizza waiting for you when you are down in the dumps. I'm not that person anymore. You made sure of that."

"Are you jealous?" She was holding back a tear and he wanted to wipe it away but refused to show he cared anymore. "Jealous that I found someone and you are still alone?"

"No. And I'm alone because when any woman made me choose between my friend or her…I chose you. I don't bail on my friends. And friends that do, I don't need." He just wanted her gone. Seeing her on the verge of tears was killing him. He finally realized in that moment while he was pushing her away he was pushing away the woman he loved. All this time, all the anger he felt. He was jealous and hurt because the woman he loved was happy with another man.

"So, from now on we are just what? Partners? Like we were before…," she trailed off.

"Before," he said. Neither mentioning her time being set up by the Cabal.

He watched her leave and knowing he was sad, Oscar climbed up Ressler's chest and licked his cheek. He scratched her head and tried to focus back on the movie but couldn't. Elizabeth Keen had invaded his life the day Raymond Reddington surrender himself to the FBI and somewhere along the way she invaded his heart. Why didn't he realize it sooner? When she had no one and before things had become so messed up.

He was jogging in the park with Oscar early one morning. It had been about two months since the night he pushed Liz out of his personal life. Everyone at work noticed the difference. They were strictly business. Not joking. No teasing. They made everyone miserable. Even Red had commented on how they needed to just get over it. One day he even went so far as to tell Ressler to just tell her he loved her already. Ha. As if he was going to do that.

Oscar was bigger now. Able to go for longer runs and he enjoyed the company. People always looked at him funny when finding out his girl dog was named Oscar but it didn't matter. He was on his way home, his mind swirling with all kinds of thoughts about him and Liz. He approached a crosswalk and stopped. Oscar sat obediently at his feet. He wasn't going to lie but he was really proud at how obedient she was. There was a little girl next to them giggling and smiling at Oscar.

"She's a nice dog. If your mom says it is ok you can pet her," Ressler said to the girl.

"It's ok," the mom said.

That's when it happened. The little girl gave Oscar a small hug and the cross walk flashed 'walk'. The three of them and Oscar began to cross the street when he heard the screeching of tires. Ressler saw a car that was going entirely too fast to stop in time. The little girl dropped her doll and her mother was a step or two ahead of her. In a split second he let go of Oscar's leash, screamed go, and pushed the little girl out of the way.

He didn't see the car hit him but he felt it. And he felt his body crash back down on the concrete. Then his world went black.

IIIIIIII

LIZ

She could hear the ring and buzz of her phone at the same time. She was too comfortable to get out of bed and grab her phone but something told her to do it. Matt wrapped his arms around her tightly trying to keep in bed. Prying his hands off her she found her phone on the floor by the door. She didn't recognize the number.

"Elizabeth Keen? This is Nurse Sansone."

She went stiff as the nurse relayed the information. Ressler had been hit by a car and was being readied for surgery. She was listed in his phone as his In Case of Emergency and could she come down right away. She didn't even think about. Tears were flowing down her face as she dressed with Matt watching trying to figure out what was going on.

"He's in the hospital. I have to go," she said as she was at the door.

"Who?"

"Ressler." She had her hand on the doorknob.

"He has family, Elizabeth. Let them be there," he said as he reached for her hand. "You don't need to go."

"I'm going. Now let go of my hand."

Without another glance at her boyfriend she ran down the stairs of his brownstone and jumped in her car. She drove like a madwoman and reasoned if she got pulled over she'd say it was official business. Even if he said they weren't friends anymore he couldn't make her stop caring. It had been killing her not being able to talk to him the way they used to and now he was in the hospital about to go in to surgery and she had to see him. She made it to the hospital in record time and blew through the ER only to find he had been moved up to the surgical floor already.

"You can wait over here. The doctor or a nurse will come out and give you a progress report about half way through," the nurse at the front counter said.

Liz plopped down in a seat and looked over to see a little girl holding a doll and her mother. She smiled at the girl then closed her eyes. It didn't take long for her to feel someone sit next to her. Opening one eye she saw Red. She closed it and rested her head on his shoulder.

"He is a fighter, Lizzie. He will be fine and the two of you can kiss and make up."

"He's not invincible." She picked her head up. "Do you know what happened?"

"He was out for a run with his dog when a car hit him. From what I hear he took the hit to save a little girl," he said softly nodding to the girl and woman in the corner.

Of course he would be the hero. Red said he was out with his dog. Oscar. She remembered that cute little dog and then worry hit her. Did something happen to her too? Ressler loved that dog. Even though he didn't talk to her she heard him talk to Aram about her. If he pulled through and she was hurt or got killed he'd be heartbroken.

"Oscar?"

"Such a peculiar name for a girl dog," Red chuckled. "She has a broken leg. Dembe is with her at the veterinarian clinic. A very loyal dog. Never left his side."

Liz wasn't sure how long they waited but she did introduce herself to the girl and mother who Ressler had saved. The little girl was exhausted and Liz promised to call her and update her. She tried calling his parents and sister but they were out of the country on a family trip that he chose not to go on. Red tried to get her to leave. Matt called a few times asking her to come back to his house. She wasn't leaving until she knew he was ok.

Finally, he was out of surgery and in a private room. Like his dog he had a broken bone. His right arm. He had a few cracked ribs, a ruptured spleen and internal bleeding which they had to take care of. She was allowed to see him and his beautiful face was all scrapped up. His arms too. The doctor said he wouldn't wake up for a while and she should go home. Instead, she pulled up her chair and settled in for the long one.

"I bribed the hospital staff," Red said as he came in with Oscar who was much bigger than the last time Liz saw her. She had a service dog vest on and pink bandage on her back leg. "Still have to play a part." Oscar saw Ressler and began to whimper. Red lifted her and she curled up at his feet. "Leave it to Donald to have the most obedient, well-mannered and loyal dog I've ever seen."

Red came over and kissed the top of her head before leaving. Liz found herself petting Oscar with one hand while holding Ressler's other hand. She felt tears rolling down her face. She almost lost him. It was always a possibility to die in the line of duty but not while out for a morning jog. That's not how it is supposed to happen. She felt a wet nose hit her cheek so she lowered her face and soon fell asleep leaned over the bed with her head to Oscar.

IIIIIIII

RESSLER

Ressler felt pressure on his feet and could hear snoring under the tones of beeping. The smell…it brought back memories of the time he was shot and in the hospital. It was that distinct hospital smell. His hand also felt warmer than the other. Opening his eyes he glanced down and saw Oscar snoring away at his feet which surprised him but what did even more was Liz. Her arm stretched out holding his hand with her head resting on the bed next to Oscar. She had been crying. Squeezing her hand he announced he was awake.

"Hmmm," she mumbled a moment then shot up. "Ress? You're awake. Let me get the doctor. Oscar stay," she commanded the dog.

When she came back in with the doctor she took Oscar and left saying she was taking the dog out to go to the bathroom. He couldn't help but wonder how long she had been laying there and how Oscar had been allowed in the room. When she came back the doctor was done checking him out so she lifted his dog back on the bed.

"Red?" he asked pointing the vest on his dog.

"Yes." She rubbed Oscar's ears. "Dembe made sure she was healthy after the accident. Just the leg."

"I told her to go."

"She's like her dad," Liz laughed and then laughed harder when he raised his eyebrows at her dad comment. "You scared me. Don't scare me."

"Trust me, I didn't mean to." He took a deep breath then looked her in the eye. "I didn't remove you as my I.C.E.." It wasn't a question. He knew. He couldn't bring himself to do that. It meant their friendship was really over.

"I'm glad you didn't. I swear Res, I couldn't get here quick enough."

He closed his eyes tight. She was the only person he'd want in this room with him and she came through for him. But for how long. Soon, she'd leave to go back to Matt. He felt something warm on his forehead and when he opened his eyes he saw Liz. She had kissed his forehead.

"I'll take her with me tonight, ok?" Liz said talking about the lab at his feet. "But for now, how about we just sit here."

He felt her hand in his again. Her phone rang twice and she didn't even look at it. They talked about a lot of stuff. Everything but Matt. They were catching up on lost time. Liz took Oscar home and she showed back up bright and early the next morning. And so it went for the next three days. Finally, he had enough of being stuck in a hospital and demanded to be released. The doctor said it would be ok so long as he had someone staying with him. He lied and said he'd have Liz. She didn't know he was coming home that day when she showed up late with Oscar.

"Ok, time to bust me out. I have my walking orders." He was putting on his shoes with some difficulty. Thankfully, Liz brought him sweatpants and t-shirts the second day he was in the hospital so he had something to go home in.

"Today? I thought…today?" Liz looked perplexed and worried. "Ok, well let me just go run a few errands and I'll be back to take you home ok?"

"I just want to go home now, Liz."

She sighed and agreed. Ressler refused the wheelchair that was offered determined not to be an invalid. He just wanted to go home, crawl in to his own bed and rest without all the annoying hospital sounds. When they finally reached his apartment, Liz opened the door and Oscar slid by them, tail wagging as she grabbed a toy to bring to them. What he saw next when he entered made his eyes grow wide. It was as if a Keen tornado ripped through.

One heel was left by the door and the other was by the couch. Her slippers were by the couch and an empty wine glass sat on the end table. A book bag was on his favorite chair with a shirt half in half out. He walked down to his room to set his bag of dirty clothes on his bed and found the bed unmade. Oscar nudged his leg forcing him to look down at her. She turned and moved to Liz who standing still by the door, her face red and her eyes watery.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "I took her home and she whimpered for two hours. She sat at the door and cried. I thought maybe she'd feel better at home. And she did." She picked up her heels and put them in her book bag then grabbed her wine glass. "Lay down on the couch. I'll have your sheets changed in just a minute ok?"

He watched as she scurried about trying to pick up her mess yet refusing to look at him. Before Matt it was never a big deal that she'd leave a wine glass or that she'd leave her heels around. He never changed his sheets after she passed out and he let her take the bed while he took the couch. His heart hurt that things had changed so much. She had always felt so at ease in his apartment but now…watching her it was if she was scared that she did something wrong.

"Stop," he said. "Please, stop."

"I'm just picking up my mess. I shouldn't have been here without asking." She walked by him to go to his room when he grabbed her arm.

"Stop." He looked her in the eye. "You don't need to change my sheets. I really just want to lay down."

"Ok, well then I'll be leaving I guess then," she said softly.

"You don't have to." He still had his hand on her arm. "Watch a movie with me? Like old times?"

"Old times? You sound like it's been years," she laughed as she headed in to his room.

"Feels like it." He gently laid down. "Do you need to call Matt and let him know?" Ressler looked over as she got in on the other side. She shook her head no then turned on a movie. They were about a half hour in when he spoke again. "I'm sorry I was jealous ass."

"I'm sorry I was a self-centered jerk." She rested her head on his shoulder. "We broke up. He told me to pick. You or him. I finally got it, Res. It was you. Always you," she said quietly. She looked up at him with a tear rolling down her face.

He wiped the tear away with his thumb then taking a chance pulled her close and placed his lips on hers. It was a soft gentle kiss. Even though he wanted more, yearned for more, this was perfect. When they pulled away her smile lit up the room. Ressler couldn't believe it took him getting hit by a car to bring them back together and maybe now as something more than friends. He always chose her and she finally chose him.