Author: Andréa
Summary: She's tired of being strong all the time - LS
Rating: G
Category: Drama, Romance
Spoiler: None as far as I know
Disclaimer: No, they're not mine :(
A/N: First off I need to say English isn't my native language :/ So if there s any mistakes here, please, don't mind them. I have been writing quite a while now but mistakes are always around.
The idea for this fic came in a totally unexpected moment. It was past midnight, I was bored and without feeling sleep whatsoever, so I just diced to write.
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Midnight Sun
By Andréa
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She was so tired of pretending she was tough, of putting up that strong girl façade every morning, just like she put her clothes on every day before going to work. And just so tired of being herself.
Sometimes all she wanted was to escape from herself, to jump out of her skin and be someone else, anyone else, if even more a moment.
She always gave herself fully to the cases, to bring justice to those who deserved it, those that for so long, so many years ere forgotten to everyone else. But not to her. Sometimes she seemed to be the only one who cared, the only one who thought they mattered.
She was wrong.
And it was in these moments, only then, when she knew so many people still cared, was when she was glad she was herself, because she then she could rest, she could feel relieved.
Her job was the only real thing she had in life, and that was one of the main reasons why worked so hard.
But still, walking around as if she was strong, day-by-day, showing people what she wanted them to believe, was just so difficult, it was becoming so much harder to do. It was so hard to make herself look the independent, strong, capacitated woman she didn't feel she was.
Then, in the end of the day she always went home to her cats, the only constant in her life, the only ones she knew couldn't hurt her. When she was home, in her bed, playing with her cats, she could shut the world out and just be herself.
There was that time when Kite entered her life and at first she didn't like him. She thought of him as a jerk, an annoying pain in the ass, constantly hitting on her, flirting with her, until the moment she gave in and decided to give him a chance.
She couldn't have been more stupid.
She had let her walls down, showed him her true self, only to, in the end, be hurt by him.
Her walls had come back up as fast as a thunder before the storm, and stronger, better. And she promised herself she'd be more careful, would be just as stronger.
But she was damn tired of being the strong Lilly Rush. The only woman in the Homicide Division, she was so tired of having to prove herself over and over and over again. Of pretending she wasn't afraid, she wasn't scared, that all the cases were alike, that some didn't touch her they way they did, to the point of forcing her to cry alone, to hide within the security of four walls. To be sure no one would see Lilly Rush shedding a tear.
It was in those times she wished more than anything she had someone to go home to, not her cats. That she actually had someone to hug her, kiss her head, hold her as she cried, telling her that everything would be all right. That he was there for her, he'd always be there.
Someone who would take her to ed, hold her until she was finally asleep, who'd be there in the morning, waking with her, who'd let her hug the covers and pillows all night and bring that up in the morning and argue about it only for the sake of seeing her annoyed because she looked more beautiful when she was mad, and letting her win the argument.
Someone who'd love her cats as much as she did, who'd not freak out because of them.
Someone who'd kiss her good morning and say 'I love you'. Someone who'd set her skin on fire from a single touch.
Someone she could let her walls down and just be Lilly Rush, the girl, not the detective.
Someone who'd be strong for her.
And for some odd reason, all those thoughts entered her mind as he held her and comforted her as she cried, head on his shoulder, sounds muffled. Only for her mind to be filled with a big blank as her lips crashed upon his and this burning, electric feeling swept through her whole body, from head to toe, an amazing, welcoming feeling she hadn't felt in a long time.
And he responded to her kiss, kissing her back with such care and gentleness that amazed her, so she kept kissing him as much as she could, enjoying this moment, his proximity and warmth, until the necessity for air spoke louder and forced them to part.
She looked up at his eyes then, silently, breathing hard, still in his arms, feeling the heat coming from his skin warming her like sunshine, so welcome on a cold day. "I don't want to be alone anymore." She whispered, not moving an inch from his arms.
He tightened his hold on her waist and kissed the side of her head so gently and softly that almost made her melt. "I'm here."
"You're here today." She sighed sadly, knowing that even with him like this, in the morning she'd miss his presence terribly. He had caught her in a weak moment, vulnerable, and what she did now wasn't something she'd normally do. She couldn't expect anything from him, if he wasn't willing to give.
He brought his hands up to her face, cupping it and made her look at him, eye to eye. "I'll be here for as long as you want me here." He said so seriously, so full of truth that her eyes welled up again.
And he never left her said again. Ever.
-Fin-