Kaitlyn Harvey 9YA
Reconstructing Chapter 40 of 'Noughts and Crosses' in Sephy's POV.
I watched the second hand on the clock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Every second taunted me, Laughed in my face. My turmoil mind did nothing to help the situation at hand. Callum. Callum was hurting. Callum was in pain. Callum had lost his only sister and I was just sat here. I needed to do something but what? I couldn't just turn up at his house uninvited, could I? No Sephy, that's rude and you don't need to give Callum's family any more reason to hate you. ButI couldn't just send him a card either, what would I even put in it? 'Hey Callum sorry to hear you lost your sister, and I'm too scared to face your family and probably every nought in town to say all this to you in person.' Yeah I'm sure that would go down well. So here I was, back at the beginning with no idea how to pay my respects to Lynette. 'Well there was always that option...' My mind urged me to go to her wake, and if I was not welcome then I should, no would leave, but I was still unsure, what if Callum didn't want me there? 'After all the secrets you've shared and times where he has helped you it's the least you could do for your best friend. Go...'
On my new confidence high and surge of courage that I would not be immediately kicked out of the McGregor household, I brisk fully strode towards my oversized wardrobe and pulled out the first dress my hand met and slipped it over my head. I tried not to think about what was to come, about what I was about to face, in fear of backing out. My trembling hands reached out and grabbed a pair of navy pumps. As I slipped them on my mind ran through different scenarios. Should I just go in and pay my respects then leave? What if they asked me to stay? 'Don't be silly Persephone' my mind chided 'a room full of noughts that hate every cross man, women and child out there.' That was true but Callum would be there, he would stick up for me. Right? After all we've been through; he of all people should understand why I was doing this. I paused in front of my door desperate to get my breathing under control and hopefully stop the large headache that was forming.
I slowly opened my bedroom door and crept past Minnie's room (not that she would care if I was sneaking out of the house anyway) and down our long, marble stairs. My plan was to go through the kitchen and out the back door, that way no one would see me exiting onto the main roads; however I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw my mother perched on the end of her chair at the island, a bottle of wine in her left hand and her head in her right. Typical. Thankfully she had been too caught up staring at her hand, in her alcohol inducted state to notice I was here. This left the front door as my only way out, unless I wanted to climb out the window and I was not in the mood in breaking my neck today of all days, especially when I had to go to something as important as Lynette's wake. Sure the front door would not be as inconspicuous, but it'll have to do.
I carefully backed up and turned to tip toe down the long hallway with my foot fall echoing in my ears and the adrenaline coursing through my veins I started to move quicker and not as cautiously. The door was within my reach. Panic started to rise up in me; I had never snuck out in broad day light before; mother always knew where I was, with or without Callum. I took in a deep shaky breath as I reached for the gold door handle, I could see my reflection in the polished metal, and I looked like a complete mess; with my blood shot eyes from crying so much, to my messy hair from having my hand constantly run through it. I slowly unlocked the door, the catch clicking back in its place rather loudly and I cringed as the hinges screamed in protest as I pulled open the door; it was as if the whole house was calling to my mother telling her to come quick! That good, little Persephone was breaking the rules.
As if reading my thoughts staggering footsteps came from the kitchen, I had to get out now! I opened the door just enough to fit my body through and quickly but quietly pushed my tiny frame through the gap and roughly pulled the door behind me as I herd the confused slur voice belonging to the one person who was supposed to help me at a time like this, but was instead drowning her problems and sorrows in a bottle. My mother.
"Persephone?"
I ignored her as I ran down the gravel drive as fast as my trembling legs could take me, I couldn't look back. Not now, I had come so far. As I rounded the street corner I took a much needed breath and continued towards my destination. I knew the way to Callum's house like the back of my hand, even though I had only been here a couple of times. I let my thoughts run away as I walked down the familiar roads. My mind raced with thoughts of the future would I get married, have kids, a job? What about Callum? Would he meet a nice girl, marry her, have 3 kids and a dog, get a stable job, grow old? Would we grow apart, or would we always be the best of friends?
With each thought of Callum growing up and moving on made each of my steps grow heavier and each breath harder to take. What was wrong with me I was only 15, I shouldn't be worrying about Callum and I growing up, I mean I wanted Callum to be happy, even if his future didn't include me.
I hadn't realized that I had been stuck to the same spot staring at the floor for a couple of minutes until I finally looked up and took in my surroundings. Just as I expected, I was stood on the opposite side of the road to Callum's family home.
I could see the confused and hate filled glares on each of their faces, as if it were possible I shrank down to the size of an ant and considered if I was really doing the right thing, if I did this wrong would Callum hate me, would I lose my best friend?
No. I couldn't let them get in the way of mine and Callum's relationship; I was not going to let them risk me losing my friend all because they gave me a funny look, I have received many funny looks all my life and I wasn't going to let them get to me now. Not when Callum needed me. I wasn't going to treat him or his family as any stereotypical cross normally would.
What is met by the term nought? Nothing, blank, non-existing. Why do we call people like Callum 'noughts'? Just because their skin is paler than ours doesn't mean that they're not the same as us. They are intellectual, Callum managed to prove that by passing the exam to get into Heathcroft.
Callum was so much more than that. He was not a nought, or a Blanker. He was a human being, which was not only intelligent but was funny, considerate and caring. He is everything that a nought is not. They're just the same as us not like animals as father had once referred to them as.
I crossed the road and strode towards the door with more determination than ever felt. Shoulders back and head held high I made my way through the crowd on the front lawn and pushed the wooden front door open and peeked inside it looked smaller than usual, probably from the mass number of people and I quickly became claustrophobic. I scanned the room and realised that a couple of people had stopped their conversations to stare at me clear hostility written all over their faces and in their body language. One by one each of their faces turned to me each holding the same level of cruelness and confusion.
That's when I spotted him. His back was turned to me but even the back of his brown curly hair was enough to render me speechless. I had to pull my eyes away from him to catch the movement of Mrs McGregor storming towards Mr McGregor. 'Great could have picked a better time to crash the party Sephy'. My eyes flickered to Callum's just in time to catch him turning towards the source of the sudden stillness. Me I thought sourly. His eyes were wide with concern and panic and I found myself walking towards him rather than his parents. I managed to remember where I was and who I was here for; all of his family not just Callum. My gaze swept back over to where I had last seen Mrs McGregor only to find that she had not moved her body an inch, but had turned her head to watch me. I took a couple of hesitant steps towards her and paused. When I realised that everyone was looking at me to explain I decided to quickly start.
"Mr and Mrs McGregor, I just wanted to come and see you, to say how sorry I am about Lynette." My thoughts drifted back to this morning. My mother's hunched over depressed state, slumped over the kitchen Counter. "My mother...I know..." I let that sentence trail of not wanting to broach the subject. When no one commented I took it for a bad sign and decided that that was probably my queue to leave and that I should most likely wrap this up. "I hope I'm not intruding or anything." My eyes flickered between Meggie and Ryan "I just wanted to say...I'm sorry..."
Mrs McGregor was the first to come out from the shocked state.
"No you're not intruding Miss Hadley." She assured. Somehow I couldn't quite believe her considering the tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
"Thank you for coming Miss Hadley. Can I get you a drink?" I once again looked around me at the dark glares 'hmm let me think about that one, do I have a death wish?'
"No I don't think I should stay." I tried to hint politely to Mrs McGregor. I really didn't feel welcome here and although I prepared myself for the hostile and unwelcome glares nothing could of prepared me for the thousands of holes being burned in my skull by each and every nought here.
"Nonsense. You've come this far, you can't leave without a drink. Can she Ryan?" My eyes drifted behind Mrs McGregor to Mr McGregor. His eyes were hard and his jaw was set in a hard line, I could tell he would probably prefer if I just went home, which was what I was trying to do.
"Ryan." Mrs McGregor's sharp voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
"Hello Miss Hadley." No I was not welcome here. 'And you never will be Persephone '
"I'll go." If I didn't get out now I was going to end up spontaneously combusting from the level of intensity in the room, no doubt that I was the one creating it.
"Sephy..." My head whipped in Callum's direction so fast i'm sure I just got whip lash. I wonder what he was going to say. Part of me wished him to ask me to say as well, although the other half was begging him to let me go. Unfortunately I never got to hear the rest of Callum's speech as Jude appeared from no-where in a whirlwind storm of anger.
"Yes GO! Who told you could come here in the first place?" That was a good question, who did say I was invited? "You and your false sympathy aren't wanted here!"
"Jude that's enough." Once again Mrs McGregor's voice brought me out of my musings. Nonetheless, my brain dove right back into my thoughts, as my eyes stayed connected with Callum's, making it harder for my ears to pick up most of Jude's harsh and cutting words.
"Cares so much...last three years...Lynette...out of her head...two beans to rub together...money...dagger...you got fired...drop school...when Harry got the boot?" With the last one I saw confusion flitter across Callum's face. I looked towards Jude and followed his out stretched hand to Harry our old chuffer. What did Harry have to do with this, didn't our new chuffer say that he had quit?
As I stared at Harry, with what I was sure was complete perplexity written all over my face, he glared straight back at me with an evil sneer.
"Our new chuffer told me you decided to quit." My voice came out as a strangled whisper, but it carried far across the people in the tiny room.
"I got fired when I left you to face the riot at your school, I begged you to stay in the car but you didn't want to-remember? When your face was plastered all over the TV screen and I was nowhere to been seen, your mother kicked me out so fast I'll have the imprint of her foot on my backside 'til the day I die!" Harry spat at me. What? If I knew Harry would have been fired when I got out the car that day I would have stayed, for his sake rather than mine. Who cares about the whispers I would have gotten.
I could hear the harsh whispers all around me as they engulfed me in a sea of hatred and antagonism. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was the reason Harry lost his job. I was the reason that Harry was now jobless, and I will be the person to blame in a few years time when Harry, his wife and 2 daughters are starving.
"I didn't know. I swear I didn't know." I begged him to understand. Desperately trying to swallow back the lump in my throat.
"You didn't take the time to find out either. Did you?" Harry turned his head away in disgust and I couldn't help but agree with him, every day when Harry asked me how I was, I never even bothered to ask him how he was doing himself.
"You and others like you have brought us nothing but grief." I heard the gasps before I knew what had happened. I looked down to see Judes' large hand resting against my shoulder, and from the way everyone was gaping between me and Jude, I gathered that he must of pushed me, though I couldn't bring myself to do anything, because I well and truly deserved everything he gave me and more. "And then you have the nerve to come over here..." I could see Jude was trembling with anger and actually feared for my life at that very moment. Judes was well built and could easily take me down with no problem if he so wished, forget the implications.
"Mrs McGregor, Mr McGregor..." I tried to appeal to them to ask Jude to stop. I wasn't going to tell father about the shove, but if I came home covered in bruises the interrogation would start and then I would be in a lot of trouble. I could hear the questions going through my mind right now; where were you? What were you doing? Who gave you those bruises?
"Persephone, I think that it would be best if you left." I knew he was right, especially if I wanted to get out of her in one peace, however I couldn't stop the next words from tumbling out of my mouth.
"But I haven't done anything?" I wanted to slap myself silly at this point. What was I thinking?
"That's right you haven't." Ryan agreed pointedly. "You come here in your fancy dress which costs more than I make in a year." I tilted my head down and took in my outfit. Uh oh. I was wearing my Jackson Spacey dress that I was only allowed to wear with mother's permission. No wonder they believed, I thought I was better than them. "And we're supposed to smile and cheer? Is that how it's meant to work?"
"No..." I answered disbelieve coating my voice. I was never meant to wear this, this was all going wrong, I should of just left when I had the chance, And now I was going to get beat up by, no doubt, several people and mother was going to kill me when she saw me in the only nice dress.
"Just go away!" Jude hissed at me venom seeping through his voice. "Go on, get lost before I do something I'll regret." My eyes widened and I took one last look around the room as I inched towards the door when my eyes caught the movement of Callum trying to take a step forward, but he was pulled back by a nought in her late 30's and his foot froze mid step as she whispered something into his ear, to quiet for me to hear
Callum, he just left me. He didn't even try to stick up for me. He was supposed to be my friend. I thought...What did you think Persephone? That he was going to come along and knock Jude out of the way, then sweep you up in his arms and whisk you away? Sure maybe if this was a fairy tale.
My vision became blurry as my eyes filled with glistening tears. My feet moved on their own accord carrying me towards the door, and even though the room was practically filled to capacity, a pathway managed to opened up for me like I was parting the sea.
I held my tears as I walked out the door, down the drive and back up the road. As soon as I turned onto the next road I couldn't hold it in any more. I collapsed on to the floor as I let the pain of loneliness and hurt overwhelm me. Tears poured from my eyes as heart wrenching sobs escaped my mouth.
I only went to show my respects, to show them that I really did care, that I understood. I never meant to make anyone angry or hurt that is not why I came here, I wasn't trying to cause any trouble. I should of never of went, I should of just sent the card, at least they wouldn't of been able to kill me through it.
I forced myself of the ground and stumbled on unstable legs towards the one place that really felt like home. Even though it held no shelter and did not have a fancy garden, when I shared this place with that one special person it almost felt as if it did have a big warm house and a garden that held colourful fox gloves, with a pebble path winding through it. He made the bare sands and repetitive ocean sounds come alive and turn it into something magical. Something beautiful.
I lowered my-self carefully to the sandy floor, immediately ruining the dress, but I didn't care anymore, I just watched as the waves rolled in and out. It was so easy for the sea, every day it just washed back and forth; it didn't have to worry about hurting people's feelings or getting itself into trouble.
I felt his presence near, before he came over and sat next to me.
"I didn't harm Callum, I really didn't" this was my last chance at saving our friendship, but I couldn't find it in me to make any more excuses. I mucked this up, end of.
"I know. But..." I stopped him before he could say anymore. Now that the whole idea had been played out in-front of me I could see every tin floor in my plan.
"But it wasn't one of my best ideas I've had in my life." I concluded. Callum had obviously come to the same conclusion.
"Not as such- no."
"I can't seem to do anything right at the moment." I had no pity for myself though, everything that came to me I deserved either due to my foolishness or my lack of thinking. "I am so sorry about your sister Callum, I just wanted to show you how much, I thought a card would be a bit...a bit..." why couldn't I find the right word? Wasn't I just wishing that I had sent the card instead today?
"Impersonal?" Callum provided.
"Exactly. I guess it was just a spur of the moment thing to walk over to your house. I thought it'd make a difference somehow." This was technically true as I wasn't in the right frame of mind when I decided to go over there.
Callum said nothing.
"This is growing up isn't it?" I asked. The word 'grown up' alone scared me! How was I going to cope being one, I couldn't seem to make a right decision anymore. Life is easier when you are a child; you don't have any high expectations and you treat people all the same, 'cause when you're a child everyone is the same!
"I think it is." Callum agreed. Great! So Callum and I were growing up and, despite our futile effort's, society was going to rip us apart.
"Would you put your arm around me, please?"
I needed to feel comforted by my best friend; I needed him to tell me that everything was going to be ok, that no matter what we were going to get through this. But rejection hit me full force when he hesitated. Did Callum not want to be friends, would he push me away? I sighed. "If you'd rather not..."
"No it's not that." Callum quickly intervened before I could get the wrong idea. I gave him a bizarre look. What was he on about?
"It's just...never mind" he continued as he put his arm around me and pulled me close, I rested my head on his shoulder and breathed in the smell that was purely Callum, it smelt like sunshine and freshly cut grass in a meadow with wild flowers.
I sighed one last time as we watched the waves foam at the shore and the shadows lengthen.
Why couldn't we just stay like this forever? Never moving. Just Callum and I.