Prologue

They told me I'd never be able to feel pain.

It wasn't like I knew any better... I thought I was normal. Of course, my snow-white hair and my pale skin didn't match that of my parents, but I never considered that a problem. My mom would just smile and say, 'You're just special,' and that was all there was to it. Successful with his occupation, my Dad was able to support us on his own, and we lived comfortably and happily, without worry. For a while, my family went on with our lives as if nothing was wrong... and whether it was ignorance or denial on my parents' part, I'll never know.

That was until the day the inevitable happened. While 'helping' my mom wash the dishes, I stuck my hand down the drain, into the garbage disposal. My hand shook against my will, and when I pulled it back out in surprise, I saw nothing but blood. When she glanced in my direction, my mom screamed, horrified to see my fingers mutilated to that extent. However, I just looked at the bloody lacerations with interest, too naive to know what had happened. I was rushed to the hospital, and my hand healed... eventually, but that was the day I was told I was told that I was incapable of feeling pain. That was the day I was told I was adopted.

That was the day I was told I wasn't human.

Chapter 1

The words took some time to sink in.

I felt light-headed, but maybe that was just from the loss of blood. The doctors wouldn't tell me anything. Being adopted might have not been that big of a surprise, but if I wasn't human, then what was I? I looked at my healthy hand, comparing it to my crying mother's as she knelt next to me, holding it and telling me that things would be okay.

"Mom, what did the mean when they said I wasn't human?" I mouthed. She was looking, but she didn't answer. I was confused; didn't I look like a fricking human to them? What did they know?

If I didn't stick my hand down that drain, maybe I wouldn't have had to deal with all of this, at least not yet. My hand did come out torn apart, but I was still confused as to what this thing they called pain was. Hot, cold, rough, smooth... none of these words meant anything to me. They still don't. I guess it's probably how a blind man feels about colors, or maybe how you feel about love. Some things can only be learned and understood with experience.

Sometime during the early evening, my dad came into the room. He motioned the doctors over, and they went in a side room to talk. The sky went from blue to black, and all the life that was once in the room died, a part of me with it. Soon, my mom was asleep by my side. I, however, didn't close my eyes once that night. I wanted to believe her words; I wanted to believe that everything would be okay soon, but I couldn't. Dreading the sunrise, I watched the stars sluggishly make their way past the hospital window, feeling uneasy and afraid of what would happen if I allowed the next day to arrive.

My hand was better by the next morning.

The doctors gawked at it wordlessly; they hadn't treated 'my kind' before, and apparently my body healed at a rate they considered impossible. My dad talked to them in a side room again for quite some time, and shortly after we were back in the car, taking the long way home.

"Honey, you don't have to do this..." my mom pleaded. My dad kept his eyes on the blurred glass in front of him, focusing on the street he followed between swipes of the windshield wipers. It was almost like he hadn't even heard her, but I saw his mouth clenched shut and his hands tighten around the wheel, trembling ever so slightly. With tears in my mom's eyes, she continued, "So what if it means you'll lose your job? We love you, and we need you here."

"I can't; I'm sorry." His grip on the steering wheel strengthened, "Look, none of this was supposed to happen."

"You knew damn well that it was going to happen. It was only a matter of time. We couldn't keep her locked away in the house forever."

Raindrops splattered into nonexistence on the window I leaned against. I focused my mind on that, tuning the argument out of my head. The rhythmic tapping continued for a while, the water flooding my ears with sound, drowning out the things that hurt to hear. My parents were arguing again, and it was all my fault. Why couldn't I be human? Why couldn't I just be a normal girl? Maybe things could have been different then. The car ride soon ended, but the tension followed us through the front door, hovering above our heads throughout the house. Not a single word was spoken.

I hated calling this prison my home. It was a cage, disguised by bright colors and photos of happy faces in memories of my pathetic excuse of a life. I wanted to go outside. I wanted to run as far as I could. I wanted to have more friends than just my parents.

I wanted more than what I had; that's normal right? At least, it is for "humans". I glanced at my window. I was on the second floor, right above the front door, but if I jumped out I could probably get away undetected. I looked outside. It was still drizzling, but compared to my room, it was inviting, tempting. The young dog from across the street waded through flowers in her yard, looking for bugs. People walked by on the sidewalk, holding all sorts of colorful umbrellas.

And then I looked down.

My 'dad' was standing with his back to the door. He shook his head, and began walking down to the car. Mom ran out after him, crying, but he ignored her. He got in, started it, and pulled out of the driveway, leaving my mom sitting alone in the wet grass. Ignoring her, he looked up to the house one last time. We made eye contact, he blinked, and he drove off.

From the look in his eyes, I already knew he wasn't going to come back. I wanted to run down the stairs and out to my mom, but I couldn't. I was frozen like a statue, wishing it were just another bad dream. It was in that moment that I became an adult, and I was only nine years old.

They told me I wouldn't be able to feel pain, but they were wrong.

Author's Note:

So this is one of my more recent fanfics. The chapters will get longer, so don't worry about that. I started this in June 2011, and it's been slowly dragging along since then, so you'll see not only development in the plot, but development in my writing over the year as well. This story has placed second both in Computerfan's 2011 Fanfic Competition and Battle of the Best 2012, two of the biggest fanfic competitions at . I'm fairly proud of how good it's done, and though all the competitions are over, I hope to continue this story, since it's still far from half over.

In case you're not a VersaEmerge fan, this fanfic is named after my favorite song on their first album, Fixed at Zero (if you're into female rock singers, I'd very much suggest them). The story pretty much started off random (I had no clue where I was going with any of the story until maybe 10 chapters) in), but I have a good idea as to where this is headed now, and if you guys stick around, you'll see that it's going to be a hell of a journey. If you've read anything else I've written (like my other AC fic, Opheliac), you'd know that my stories are usually dark and depressing, but with hope somewhere amidst the darkness... and this story is not an exception to that. I'm aiming for around 30-40 chapters for completion, but we'll see where this goes.

So, yeah... thanks for dropping in and reading this, and I hope you stick around for updates :)