Is It Enough? by Dawn Cunningham
Disclaimers:
All characters mentioned belong to Rysher. I'm just borrowing them and not getting paid for it.
Do not post or publish this story anywhere else, without my express permission. Feel free to share it with others as long as the disclaimers remain intact.
I wrote this story many years ago. Author's notes:
This story was published in Highland Blades #4.
Is It Enough? by Dawn Cunningham
Paris, France 1983
I can't sleep and it's all Duncan's fault! He just lies there, sleeping peacefully, while my mind goes a hundred kilometers an hour! First, he asks me to move to the United States with him. He didn't ask me to marry him, just to come live with him. Can I handle that? Is it enough to be with him even if we aren't joined in holy wedlock? It must be, because I didn't even hesitate - I practically screamed yes at him before flinging myself into his arms.
Those wonderful, strong arms. Arms that make me feel protected, loved, cherished. I want those arms around me every night - not like now. Now, I have to wait until he comes over for a visit. I count the days in between and then count the days until he leaves again. One count in anticipation, one count in dread. I wonder if he counts, too.
But that wasn't enough. Then he wanted me to know the whole truth. I think I could have lived without that. My heart races, even now, as I recall the horror of seeing him lying on the floor, a bullet hole in his chest. I couldn't believe he was dead. I wanted to die, too. I almost did, when he reached out to stop me from calling for help.
He is Immortal. He can't die. He can't age. He can't have children.
How do I feel about that? I guess the part about him not dying I can handle. I'm not so sure about the other two. I haven't really thought too much about having children. I'm still young and I thought I had plenty of time before making that decision. Still, it's how my dreams of the future were - I would get married and have children.
Now I may not get either dream.
He didn't mention adoption. I think it would be a solution. Maybe he's already done that and isn't interested in doing it again. And how would I explain to the children why Papa wasn't getting any older?
I've known him for three years and he's lived more than ten times that long. How many women has he known? Slept with? Loved? Do I want to know?
I don't think so.
He'll never look any older than he does now. I'll keep aging. How long will he stay with me? When the wrinkles come, will he go? How many years will we have together? I'm 25 now. When will it become obvious? Ten years? Fifteen? Twenty? If I take care of myself, we could have at least that many years. Maybe he'll stay with me, but will I want him to? Can I stand by and let people make comments about my having a lover so much younger than me? He's got his pride - it will hurt him so much. I have my pride, too.
He's 400 - well, almost. He never did tell me just how old he was. I'll have to pry that out of him. I remember visiting a gypsy fortune teller back when I was still studying at the Sorbonne. A group of us visited a fair and we dared each other to have our futures foretold.
How I laughed when the old woman claimed I would fall in love with a man much, much older than me. It wasn't going to happen, I told her. Never in a million years. Well, guess what? She'd been right - oh, so very right. What else had she told me? If she'd been right about Duncan, could she have been right about other things?
There was something else... something about a gathering that would cause me great anguish. Well, I still don't know what that means. And she'd told me something about a thief in the night, but I can't remember if I was supposed to help him or beware of him. No, it was thieves - one who would help me and one who wouldn't. Oh, this is ridiculous. What would I have to do with thieves?
I should be sleeping instead of wondering about all these things. But I can't help myself.
I'm about to change my life forever. Move away from my friends, my family, and my country to be with the man I love. I suppose I can make new friends, but is the love of one man enough to replace the love of my entire family?
How do I feel about him? I'm sure I love him. Absolutely positive about that. When I'm with him I feel complete. I feel a thrill whenever his arms go around me. He can be so serious sometimes - even in bed - but he likes to have fun, too. And my heart just melts when he smiles at me.
I showed one of my instructors from the Sorbonne a recent work. He told me I had added a new dimension to my art. And how much more mature my work was - and how much more passionate. Do I have Duncan to thank for that? Has he unlocked a part of me that I didn't even know I had?
Can I go back to what I was before I met him? Can I forget he ever existed? Even the thought of trying to do it makes me depressed. Will I ever be able to find someone else who would make me even half this happy? Or will I spend the rest of my life alone?
How am I supposed to make this kind of choice?
All I know is he loves me and I love him.
Is it enough?
I sigh as strong hands pull me back against a firm, masculine chest.
It will have to be.
The end.