Ch.1 the common room
(It's a typical day in Hogwarts and Harry, Ron, and, Hermione, are all studying in the common room. Well at least Harry and Hermione are studying.)
Ron: Guys I know that you think that this is going to sound strange but I think that moaning Myrtal is hot.
(Hermione throws a pillow at him)
Ron: OW! Hey, that hurts!
Hermione: It's a freakin pillow Ron. (looks at Harry) What's wrong Harry? You sick or something?
Harry(wipes his eyes) No! It's just that I am in love with Ginny Weasly and she doesn't even know that I exist
Hermione: Harry, you saved her from Lord Voldemort in the Chamber of Secrets, and you spend holidays at her house. You are the boy who lived. How can she or anyone else for that matter not know that you exist!
(they are all quiet for about 30 seconds)
Hermione(looks at her watch) 3, 2, 1…
Ron: (suddenly realizing it) wait a minute, YOU think that MY little sister is HOT!
Hermione: (snorts) took ya long enough
(Ron jumps on Harry and they start wrestling on the floor. While they wrestle Mcgonagal comes crashing through the window on her broom stick wearing a white tank top and hip huggers. Ron whistles and Mcgonagal throws a pillow at him.
Ron: OW! Hey, that hurts!
Mcgonagal: It's a freakin pillow Weasly
Harry: Not to be rude or anything Professor, but why are you dressed like that?
Mcgonagal:(blushes) Because the M.T.V party bus has arrived at Hogwarts
Harry &Ron: what's mtv?
Hermione: Isn't that a muggle thing?
Mcgonagal: Yes, and no Miss Granger. It stands for Magical Fun With Totally Hot Victor.
Hermione: well then wouldn't that be M.F.W.T.H.V then?
Mcgonagal: yeah but then it would be to long. (sighs) ah Victor will be hosting the party bus. He is SO fine!
Ron: (angrily) you mean Victor as in Victor (grits his teeth) Krum!
Hermione: (sighs) ah Victor
Ron: AHA! I knew that you still liked him
Hermione: I do NOT!
Ron: liar, liar, pants on fire
Hermione: dude I'm wearing a skirt
(pinokio appears in the common room and throws a pillow at ron)
Ron: Hey! You threw that at me!
Pinokio: No I didn't!
(his nose grows about 8ft . As he turns around, he knocks over Hermione and she falls on top of Ron. Harry throws Pinokio out the window and Ron and Hermione stare at each other with pleasant expressions on their face.)
Ron: well, hey there
Hermione: well hey yourself
Harry: hey this is gross
Mcgonagal: I agree did you see the mess pinokio made in here?
(she starts to pick up some broken glass that pinokio knocked over with his nose. Lavender Brown walks in and is horrified by the sight of Ron on top of Hermione. They jump up immediately buy the sight of lavender.)
Lavender:(screaming and crying) Won! Won! How can you do this to me? We just broke up! (gestures to Hermione) I can't believe that you are with that, that, THAT SLUT!
Ron and Harry: (gasp)
Hermione: well, that sure beats Mudblood
Mcgonagal: oh lets forget about this nonsense and go on over to mtv party bus and have some FUN!
Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Lavender: (all grab hands and start singing and skipping around in a circle) Were going to the party bus, were going to the party bus, were going to the party bus, were goin to the party bus-
Mcgonagal yeah, yeah, yeah shut up everybody lets go
(and with a flick of her wand they all disappeared and from the common room)
ch. 2 The Party Bus
(they all appear on Hogwarts grounds close to Hagrid's hut. There are hundreds of screaming Hogwarts students outside a tye-died giant bus that said M.T.V. It's moving up and down.)
Ron: Wow! Is this cool or what?
Harry: (from behind) I don't know guys something doesn't feel right my scar is burning
Hermione: (turns around) well duh, Harry you are holding a magnified glass up to your fore-head and looking up at the sun!
Harry: (tosses the magnified glass and blushes) oh yeah, he he
Mcgonagal: All right! Let's get this party started!
(she starts yelling at the students)
Mcgonagal: I want all of you to make an organized line in an organized fashion
(they don't listen)
Mcgonagal: If you all don't move right now, you are all getting detention!
(they still don't listen. Hagrid comes up to Mcgonagal)
Hagrid: Professor if you don't mind I would like to try a different approach
Mcgonagal: (sighs) If you must
Hagrid: (clears his throat) IF YOU ALL DON'T GET INTO AN ORGANIZED LINE IN AN ORGANIZED FASHION RIGHT NOW, THEN YOU ARE ALL GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE CARE FOR MAGICAL CREATURES FOR THE REST OF YOUR WIZARDING CAREER!
(the students immediately form an organized line from youngest grade to highest in about three seconds)
Mcgonagal: hmm…not bad
(Victor Krum comes out of the bus and jumps on top of the bus with his shirt off. All of the girls are screaming and fainting from the sight of Victor's six pack)
Victor: HELLO HOGWARTS STUDENTS!
Students: HI VICTOR!
Victor: ARE YOU READY TO HAVE MAGICAL FUN WITH TOTALLY HOT VICTOR A.K.A ME?
Students: YEAH!
Victor: ARE YOU READY TO ROCK ALL NIGHT LONG?
Students: YEAH!
Victor: THEN YOU ARE IN THE WRONG PLACE BECAUSE THIS BUS IS A RENTAL AND I ONLY HAVE IT FOR FIVE MORE HOURS!
(at the exact same time Professor Snape is in his office peaking out the window down on the students)
snape: Fools. Little do they know that I , Snape, will one day-
(Dumbledoor walks in with his shirt off wearing nothing but a speedo)
Dumbledoor: Why Severus what are you doing all alone inside on a beautiful day like this?
Snape: Professor I – (turns around) OH MY GOD! (clutches his heart) Sir why are you dressed like that?
Dumbledoor: The M.T.V party bus has a 5ft deep Jacuzzi. You should go.
Snape: No thank you. I have uh work to do.
Dumbledoor: Suit yourself. Ha ha! Get it? SUIT yourself? (he gestures at his speedo)
Snape: Hilarious sir.
Dumbledoor: ah suit yourself ha ha I kill myself (leaves the room)
Snape: (mischievously) oh it is not you who is going to kill
(the scene switches back to wear Victor is jumping up and down on the bus flexing his muscles.)
Ron: (murmurs to Harry) Can you believe this guy?
Victor: ( looks out into the crowd and spots Hermione) Hermione? Hermione Granger? Is that you?
Hermione: It is I
Victor: well come on up here so I can get a good look at you
Ron: You can see perfectly fine from wear you are (grits his teeth) Krum
(lavender who like every other girl in Hogwarts was in a trance buy Victor's good looks)
Lavender: (angrily) Ron, BACK OFF! What Victor wants Victor gets!
(lavender picks up Hermione and throws her into the line of students wear they carry her up to the top of the bus wear Victor pulled her up on the top next to him)
Ron: Woah! Lavender is buffed.
Victor: (says to Hermione) wow, you look great.
Hermione: (blushes) well thank you so do you. I'm sixteen now officially old enough for to date.
Victor: wow 16. That's a great age (they stare at each other)
Ron: (very agitated) Hey Krum! How about opening up the bus?
Students: yeah…come on…open up…get this show on the rode…
Victor: all right, all right
( he opens it up and everyone piles in)
ch. 3 Inside the bus
( everyone piles in and victor runs to go put his shirt back on. It's huge inside. No not Victor's shirt the bus I mean lol. Anyways music is blaring, there Is a big screen T.V., with video games, food, bean bag chairs, a giant Jacuzzi and disco lights. Everyone cheers and goes to different sections of the bus.)
Student #1: Man muggles sure know how to party (starts to play video games)
Student #2: (eating chips) they know how to eat too.
(the scene switches to Dudley back at the Dursleys pigging out on pizza)
Harry: Hermione I'm still not so sure about this (feels his for-head) my scar is burning real bad.
Hermione: Harry I told you to stay away from the magnified glasses
Harry: But I don't have any and it is realy hurting
Hermione: OH you're probably just overwhelmed buy everything. Go relax for once in your life. Go jump in a Jacuzzi or something. Man! Do you see those cheese sticks? They are like the size of Pinokio's nose. (she runs off)
Harry: She's right. I need to relax. (he jumps into a Jacuzzi) Ahh this is the life
(Ginny is in the Jacuzzi wearing a two-piece swim suit. She scoots next to Harry without him noticing.)
Ginny: Hi ya harry!
Harry: (shrieks) Oh…uh…hey Ginny…how are you?
Ginny: I'm doing fine…how about you?
Harry: (sweating and tugging his shirt collar nervously) um…good but is it just me or is it getting hot in here?
(Fred and George walk by)
Fred and George: (singing off key) It's getting hot in here so take off all of your clothes
(harry splashes them and they run off laughing)
Harry: uh…Ginny there is something that I wanted to tell you
Ginny: (scooting closer) yes?
Harry: I uh…really like you…a lot. More than just my best friend's little sister
Ginny: (overly dramatic romantic music plays) Oh Harry I've waited so long to hear those words
Harry: Cooley (music stops) So you wanna make out?
Ginny: sure
(they make out while Dumbledoor is on the other side drinking his 8th glass of Margaritas between professor Sprout and Professor Mcgonagal.)
Dumbledoor: Ahh… that hit the spot. Hit me again baby. (sprout pours him another glass. Ron walks around depressed at the sight of Hermione and Victor eating an 8ft long cheese sticks on the opposite ends. They reach the middle and almost kiss when Fred and George walk by.)
Fred&George: (singing off key again) This is the night it's a beautiful night…
Hermione: Shut up! (she chases them and Victor follows. Ron walks around and sees Malfoy, Crab, Goyle, and Pansy Parkinson sitting on couches playing a board game)
Malfoy: Hey Weasly, wanna play Candy Land with us?
Ron: (his mood suddenly changes) you're on!
(Hermione catches Fred and George and jumps on top of them. She starts to beat them up.)
Fred: were sorry, were sorry!
George: We'll never do it again
(Hermione jumps up and wipes her hands together. Victor comes up from behind her)
Victor: Hey Hermione. I want to show you something.
(they walk into a room with a bead in it. Victor locks the door and gestures for Hermione to sit down on the bed. She does.)
Hermione: (nervously) Victor I don't feel comfortable about doing this.
Victor: Baby you don't have to say a word (he starts unbuttoning his shirt)
Hermione: (gets up and heads for the door) I really would like to leave.
Victor: (opens up his shirt and all of these different colored watches hang from the sides) What's the matter? Don't you wanna see my watch collection?
Hermione: You're what?
Victor: my watch collection. Besides Quiditch I am really into watches. I locked the door because I didn't want Seamus Finnigan to see.
Hermione: Why Seamus Finnigan?
Victor: Because he is in the watch business as well. He won first prize last year at the Tickety Tock Sell Me A Clock National Championships. He won for his watches that has wings attached to it. He called it, "boy does time fly?" Sheesh! How original!
Hermione: OH my gosh I actually have one of those.
Victor: yeah so this year I am determined to crush him with my different colored watches. I call them "some where over the rainbow, time just flew". Neat Huh?
Hermione: That's all you wanted to show me?
Victor: yeah what do you think I wanted to show you?
Hermione: (blushes) oh nothing. I would really like to be leaving right now
Victor: Well ok then, but remember don't tell Seamus.
Hermione: My lips are sealed.
(all of a sudden Hilary and Haley Duff appear singing "our lips are sealed". )
Victor: (pulls out a gun) Die! You killed the song! (he blows the Duff sisters away. Hermione leaves to go find Ron. She finds him sitting with the slytherins. She doesn't even bother asking why)
Ron: (looks at his card) Yes! I get to go all the way to Princess Lolly!
Malfoy: (pulls a card and slams his fist on the table) Rats! I'm still stuck in the yellow swamp!
Hermione: um…Ron…can I talk to you for a sec?
Ron: sure thing. (looks at the slytherins) I'll be right back. (turns to Hermione) so what's up?
Hermione: Ron, I just wanted you to know that I never liked victor. I only dated him because he is hotter than you. I've never loved anyone as much as I've loved you. From the moment I stepped into your corridor looking for Neville's frog, I knew that I was going to be with you. I know that we have been hard on each other over the years but I believe that we can make this work. Ron, I want to be with you for now and forever.
Crab: (wiping his eyes) this is so beautiful
Pansy: (blowing her nose) Have you ever seen anything more romantic?
Malfoy: (crying) Give me those! (he takes the tissues from pansy and blows his nose loudly)
Ron: wow I thought that I would never hear those words before, and everything that you said I feel the same way. Well you know besides the whole Victor being hot thing. I love you Hermione Granger.
Hermione: And I love you Ronald Weasly (they kiss)
Slytherins: Aww
Ch. 4 Revenge! Wahahahaha!
(snape is walking torwards the M.T.V bus with his wand in his hand. Dumbledoor stumbled out of the party bus weak and drunk from all of the margaritas. He falls to the ground and sees Snape)
Dumbledoor: Severus you have to help me.
Snape: you don't know how long I have waited for this day. You can't protect Harry any longer
Dumbledoor: noooooo!
Snape: Avada Kedavra!
(Dumbledoor dies and snape runs away. Harry is still making around with Ginny but stops because his scar is burning really bad
Harry: Ahhh! My scar! It hurts! Something is terribly wrong. (he and everyone else ran out of the bus and are shocked buy the sight of Dumbledoor's dead body.
Harry: NOOO! (crying) Why Dumbledoor why? (he falls on top of his body)
Hermione: (tears in her eyes) How could this have happened?
Harry: Snape
Hermione: Now Harry-
Harry: Don't you "now Harry" me I know that it was snape. Why won't anyone believe me? God who wrote this thing anyways?
(somewhere in London about 8:15 pm J.K. Rowling is counting her money while sitting next to the coffee table counting her money)
J.K. Rowling: A billion and one…A billion and two…hmm…I'm thinking Vegas.
Harry: GET HER!(all of the Harry Potter characters climb out of the book)
J.K Rowling: what the- oops gotta go!
(they chase her down the stairs of her mansion. As they run, Ron grabs a valuable vase and stuffs it into the pocket of his robes. They chase her down the street but quickly run out of breath)
Harry: Ugh! We lost her!
Ginny: (puts hand on his shoulder) don't worry we'll get her next time
Ron: (holding Hermione's hand) yeah besides I'm getting kind of hungry how about y'all?
Everybody: yeah…I'm starved… feed me…
Harry: Hey how about frozen yogurt, my treat
Everybody: yeah…sounds great…you da man Harry…
Harry: you know when I say "my treat" y'all are supposed to back me up by saying "oh no Harry that's ok we'll pay for own"
Ron: why? You are the richest kid in school
Harry: good point (they all get there yogurt and Harry pays up front at the cash register)
Harry: Hey anybody got any muggle money?
Everybody: (looks up from eating) Huh?
THE END