Well, another Tina and Sean standalone! I know, I'm getting predictable. This was written for a fic contest on Htv and the entries had to be below 1000 words, hence the shortness. It takes place in S14, during Calm Before The Storm. It's set during the scene in Part 2, when Sean and Chloe discuss her pregnancy before Tina walks out of the cubicle and is my answer to my own question, 'just what was Tina thinking while she was listening to them?'. So please read, and leave me a review! Thanks.

Nina xXx

Secrets

I can hear them out there. I know it's them. Even amongst the tears I can tell Chloe's accent. I used to love it, thought it gave her that extra something, helped her to stand out even more. Now I just want it to be quiet, to leave me alone. I know what they're talking about. How could they be talking about anything else? Even they can't be so self centere4d as to pretend that everything is OK. I can't decide whether or not to listen, not that I have much of a choice. I came in here thinking I could get away. I could be in peace and pretend, just for a minute, that none of this was happening. But they couldn't even let me have that could they? No they have to come in here and remind me that I'm not as good as Chloe, not as pretty, not as sexy. They have to remind me that I'm just not good enough.

I want nothing more than to punch the rotting wooden door stood threateningly in front of me. But I can't, I know I can't. I'm Tina; I don't punch things in anger, no matter what happens to me. No matter how much I'm hurting. I cry, have a hug and then everything's OK, right?

Did they even think about me, even wonder what their sordid little fling would do to me? Of course they didn't. Because they're both as selfish as each other. Chloe, who eats her way through any man who crosses her path. He was just another notch for her wasn't he? Who cares that he's Tina's boyfriend? Who cares that he's the first person she's trusted? As long as Chloe's happy then everything's OK, that's all that matters.

I hate her. No, I hate him. He knew what I'd been through. She's just weak. She wasn't the one who'd promised me the world, who held me as I told them about the rape. Who promised they'd be there for me, and we needn't rush things, not until I was sure. I'd told him everything, exposed the most intimate parts of myself to him. And he'd listened, told me not to worry. Had asked me to move in with him this morning for God's sake. But it had all meant nothing to him. He'd obviously been lying through his teeth when he said it all.

I hear the door slam and my head snaps in the direction of the noise. She's obviously walked out. Sean doesn't have enough backbone to make a decent exit. I wipe my tears away without even realising they're there. But I'm not going to let him do this to me. He's not getting the satisfaction of knowing how much he's hurt me. I'll just stay here and hope he goes away.

He's running the water now. Trying to wash away the betrayal? I hope he drowns in it. I hope he's choking on it, struggling to breathe. I want to throw the door open now and yell at him. Scream and lash out until all the hurts gone and he's lying broken and bloodied on the floor. Exactly where he left me.

But I don't. I can't. I just can't stoop to his level. I straighten my dress instead, and slowly open the door, enjoying the mix of surprise and terror on his face as he realises I know now. There are no secrets anymore. He tries to apologise but I don't even reply. I'm scared if I do I'll break down. I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing what he's done to me. How he's destroyed all the trust and faith I had spent twelve months building up.

Why did he do it? That's all I really want to know. Why? He'd promised me he'd never hurt me. He'd lied through his teeth as he'd said he'd be my rock, he'd protect me. Was he laughing then? Had they been laughing behind my back all this time? Plotting their next sordid little meeting? Drinking their wine and making a joke out of me? He's still talking to me, but I don't even care anymore. He's hurt me ten times more than Edmund White ever could. Sean took my trust, and let me give it, knowing what he'd done. Knowing he'd betrayed me already. I hate him, but that doesn't give me the answers I need.

Why me?

As the tears begin to fall and my façade crumbles I finally expose myself to him. I choke on every word, desperate to get them right. They're the last words I ever want to say to him,

"Tell me why you think, why you think I deserve this?"

He doesn't answer. He never will.