"Spencer you are such a failure and a disgrace to this family!"

" All you are is a mistake!"

" I wish we had never had you."

" The world would be so much better without you!"

" I wish you would be more like Melissa!"

" You are a sorry excuse for a human being, you should not even be alive!"

These are the words, said by my family, that ran through my head as I collapsed on the floor in my room, so weak from crying that I could not even support my own weight. If it were not for the people who actually treated me right in this town, I would run away right now, its not like my parents would notice or care!

First there is Aria aka the other half to my sparia, for as long as I can remember Aria has always been there for me and she is in most of my favorite childhood memories. Aria gives me the best advice on subjects like love, family, school, ect. I know I have a sister but Aria fees like more of a sister to me then Melissa does! I honestly do not think I could have survived this long in my dysfunctional family without some of the advice that Aria gave me! In my close group of 3 friends I am closest to Aria, and I think that says something speaking of how close all of us girls are! I hate the thought of Aria being sad and I do not want to do anything reckless that could end up affecting Aria or any of my friends.

But would anyone really care if I disappeared? Maybe my family is right about the world being better without me…

Next there is Emily my shoulder to cry on. Emily is the kind of friend who puts your needs before her own, she is the kind of girl who would take a bullet for her friends if it meant them getting to live another day. I remember Emily being the friend I went to the one time I finally broke down, I knew doing that was wrong because I was supposed to be the strong one in our group, I would not have gone to one of my friends if he was in the picture at the time that breakdown happened. My fondest memory of Emily and I was actually the day I broke down in front of her because I remember how hopeless I felt that day but somehow Emily managed to make me smile during my dark moment.

Then there is Hanna, my bubbly blonde. Hanna can always cheer people up and she doesn't even mean to, it's just a side effect to her bubbly personality. I remember being so stressed over a test one day but when Hanna came over to my house I actually relaxed just with her being in the room, she has that power! Hanna is the best at giving relationship advice but I thankfully don't need that because I have already found the love of my life and, luckily, he is the sweetest guy ever!

Now the story ties back to him andby him I mean, Toby Cavanaugh, the love of my life. Toby is the best boyfriend any girl could want not only is he adorable and hot at the same time but he is also the kind of guy that would never even think about yelling at his girlfriend or being rough with her, no Toby is always so gentle and he is always there for me, god I wish he was here right now! I trust Toby with my entire life, with him I feel safe no matter what situation I may be in, I know I have made it a rule of mine to never break down in front of my friends but with Toby I know I can break down and he will stay with me until I am calm again. In fact if Toby were here right now I know that he would be holding me right now whispering things like "baby it will be okay, I promise, I love you", "I'm here for you baby, just let it out", or even a simple "I love you" and I know if I could hear any of those things coming out of his mouth right now I would probably feel a lot better.

Sadly I cant always run to Toby… this is my own battle I just need to know how to fight it even when I am done fighting.

Thats when it dawns on me…

They may be able to control your life but they can not control your body.

Suddenly I have an overwhelming urge to cut myself so I jumped up and ran over to my desk where I kept a pencil sharpener, after trying a few times I finally was able to pull out the razor blades that were attached to the sharpener and that is when I did it…

That was when I made that first toxic cut

About 10 minutes had passed and I had already made about 15 cuts on each wrist, I knew I should stop and save the pleasure for tomorrow and the days after that but it just felt so damn good.

After I cleaned up the mess I had made I got changed and I fell asleep wondering how I would survive tomorrow if I barley survived today?

AN: WOW I am so sorry that I went MIA! I just finished my grade last week so now I will be able to post a lot more! I am almost positive that I will not continue my other story for a while, but I will take the time to work on this one! Tell me what you guys think! Reviews are greatly appreciated!