She…she's…
Damn it! Do you see it now you fucking bastards?!
Kurama…Yusuke…Botan….
Can you see now why I didn't want to do it?!
In all honesty I suppose it was all my fault. I'm the one who did it, sure you were the ones who were pressuring me into actually doing it.
To tell her.
To go against Shigure's payment.
To destroy my word when I told the surgeon I wouldn't tell her who I really was.
To go against my logic – and to ignore my fears and doubts and insecurities.
You all wanted me to know that she would see me for who I was.
That she would see Hiei.
A strong swordsmen that kept true to his word, who kept true to his loyalty to both his team and his own honor codes.
A fire demon who had gone so far with his flaming techniques without proper teachings.
A small apparition that had suffered through the horrendous agony of enduring the pain filled operation of the third eye implantation.
Well guess what? You were wrong.
DO YOU HEAR THAT MOTHER FUCKERS? EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU WAS WRONG!
Gods, and to think that I actually went along with it too…
I'm locked right now, stuck in one position, quite literally unable to move from where my feet had planted themselves. It was so cold here…the air was freezing, the ground cracking as more and more snow fell and landed on top of the frozen ground. Mountains were surrounding me and them, blocking any form of warm air currents from entering the frozen, glacial village.
A glowing blue fire was lit, it's flames growing though somehow no warmth exited the glowing fire. The only things coming out from it were light and…impossibly…more cold.
I didn't want to be seeing any of this. I didn't want to see it all.
Standing on one side of the fire stood one of the taller elders, her hands held behind her back as she looked disdainfully down her crinkled nose at the other Koorime on the other side of the
blue white flames. The other woman was on her hands and knees, her mint colored hair fluttering harshly within the cruel whiplash of snow encrusted winds.
"Hina, you have broken the most sacred of our covenants rules."
"Please, just give me my son! I'll take my children and leave this place!"
"You are young and therefore do not realize just what it is that you have done. But I am old, and I have seen what kind of monsters men grow into, he'll be the ruin of us all."
Tears flew from the younger females face and hardened into stones before being brushed away by the wind. "Please, please, don't punish my baby for my sins!"
I could only watch as my mother collapsed further into herself, her sobs tearing at my heart as they grew so loud that they overpowered the heavy howls of wind. I wanted to go to her, but with my hands fisted and eyes burning I was positively furious as my feet still wouldn't allow my movement as the elder bitch turned and walked away.
"The girl is yours to keep, but the boy must be destroyed."
Suddenly there was a blast of even colder wind and I found myself standing on a cliff side, peering down over the long fall…the miles long fall…
"NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!"
I didn't have to turn my head to know my mother was screaming and shouting, her frail form being held back by two other Koorime. I knew what was going to happen, I've seen it enough in my nightmares.
I didn't want to see it again.
But alas, my gaze was drawn over to my left, my eyes leaving the twisting white clouds shielding the glacial village from view by those down below on the ground to the pair beside me. Rui was there, her eyes closed as she held my helpless infant figure wrapped completely in wards over the cliff that led to certain death.
"Rui, I know you and Hina are close friends but this…this Emiko shall destroy us all. The abomination must be eliminated." A soft growl mingled with a strangled whine broke from my infant forms throat as the woman's cruel voice broke through the icy atmosphere. "Before he has the opportunity to kill us all…"
"MY BABY! YOU CAN'T KILL MY BABY!"
I suppose, listening can be worse than observing. My resolve was already breaking down as I listened to my mother's distressed cries.
Rui's soft voice entered my ears as a small, salty tear dripped from her face and crystallized. "I'm sorry for this little one."
"Do not pity the beast!"
Gods, that woman was still in the same posture as she was before, her voice and tone were the same as before…
The sound of a chain clicking together caught my attention as my mother's hiroseki stone was tucked in through the gap of my infant form's wards, my small hand coming up to take hold of the small, blue jewel. "Please, when you come back for the revenge that you – and we deserve – please kill me first." My own stones started to fall down my chin…the blood red stones glinting in the slight sun light peeking through the mountains. "It's the least I can atone for what I'm about to do."
Heart clenching I couldn't help but watch as the woman's fingers loosened their hold on my defenseless body, and my younger self widened his eyes when the prospect of what was going to happen finally crashed full blown into mind…I was breathing heavily now, trying to suck the ever flowing tears back into my eyes as my mother's screams cut clean through me easier than any blade had ever done.
The fingers unwrapped completely…
Young, crimson eyes flashed huge with fear as he realized he was about to die…
Two palms slid out from underneath…
"MY BABY! YOU'VE KILLED MY BABY!!"
I don't know what happened, listening to both Hina's and my infantry screams tightened around my ribs, crushing my heart and lungs and I dearly expected to be thrust down with my barreling self but only when the tiny form passed the clouds that opened to let him pass before reclosing did I realize I wasn't going down with him. My mouth was open against my will and I could feel my legs trembling underneath me but for some reason…
I expected there to be some sort of noise after that moment.
I don't really know what happened because I wasn't there afterwards but…shouldn't there have been some form of sound other than the blowing winds?
Now that I really think on it and my breathing let up just the slightest bit I forced myself to turn around when the presences of the Koorime faded to nothing.
Nothing but one.
A choked gurgle blew from my lips as my eyes opened marginally.
Fear, pain and sadness filled my being to the brim, the added guilt making the emotions boil over as tears.
All of the others had disappeared, disintegrated, but standing before me was a young girl.
My height.
My ruby eyes, though larger, and filled with a scorning hate that I've never seen before or even thought imaginable.
Mint green hair and pointed, six sided tie fluttering in the wind, a blue white yukata fitting comfortably.
Yukina...I…
"This is all your fault you know."
Another whine escaped me but when I opened my mouth no words was able to come out.
"Do you really think I could have loved someone like you? Actually call you my brother?" Fuck…Kuwabara would be having a heart attack if he ever heard the loving and innocent girl speak in such a disgusted and disappointed voice.
I knew I was.
"It's because of you my mother committed suicide when I was two years old, it's because of you I grew up without a mother!" My twin took a step forward and another and I took a tiny step back, feeling my heels slip off the edge.
But, Yukina I…
"You're foul, disgusting! A filthy beast that grew up to be nothing more than a murderer!"
Another step forward, another centimeters retreat.
"You're disgusting! You've killed countless innocents, never even mentioned who you were to me until after a year…!"
Another step.
But…! You…!
"You were born an abomination! A half breed that doesn't deserve to walk any of the three worlds! The only thing you deserve is death! And then the thousands of years of suffering and anguish!"
My feet were halfway off the cliff by now and…frightfully I think I'd prefer death by fall than to hear her spout everything wrong about me.
"You're worthless and unwanted! You're not needed and all you are is a burden on everyone! No one wants you around you worthless…" step "…Pathetic…" step "…Dispicable…" Oh fuck! What was this? Pain was shooting throughout my right arm as if the dragon was suddenly trying to rip itself away from me!
"PIECE OF SHIT!!"
I – I don't know how it happened.
After my sister's heartfelt shout I could feel an invisible pressure coming in and pushing against my chest with the force of a freight train and then…I was falling.
The scream was ripped from my throat as my tears dried with the excelerating speed as my helpless form flew through the clouds and I plummeted to my death.
But…this didn't have to mean death.
I survived this fall once before so I can do it again…
But…is there a point?
Yukina is right after all.
All I am on everyone is a burden and everyone would be better off without me. I wouldn't be doing anyone any favors by living, in fact I'll be making the biggest of favors by dying!
As the wind howled in my ears making my blood pulse loudly within and my lungs and heart clench as my breath caught white hot shots of agony tore through my right limb, creating a soundless gasp pass through my lips. The ground was getting closer and closer, my death becoming more and more promising and I tried to ignore the pure pain as my arm exploded, blood spurting out like a frazzled waterfall as it flew all around me, black flames shooting up into the air.
My vision darkened around the edges but I could make out the burning form of my black dragon as it swam in the air and glared at me as it forever watched me fall…and screamed.
My ear drums burst, sending hot life's blood to dribble out of the cavities and into my hair as words thundered in my mind as I finally cleared the trees.
'YOU ARE NOT WORTHY TO BE MY MASTER WEAKLING!'
He's right, I knew that.
Yukina's right.
The elders' were right.
The bandits who raised me were right.
The random demons I battled and defeated were right.
I've always known that.
All I'm worthy of is death.
My eyes closed, bloodied tear gems spraying the ground with my life blood as the ground came closer and closer.
Despite the pain I could feel the fear of death leave my being.
Every creature feared death it was only natural because they feared the unknown.
That was one of the only aspects that I had similar with everybody else.
However…the only thing I've earned in this life is death…
…And I gladly welcome it now.
Finally I felt my form crash into the Mekai rocks with the speed of a bullet and the force of a cannon ball.
I didn't even feel or acknowledge as my bones cracked and split, bursting out of my skin, my heart being crushed from the impaling rib cage and my body crumbling like eroded stone once my head made impact with the ground, breaking my neck.
….
….
….
….
This…
This couldn't possibly be right.
Death was supposed to be cold. Those dead are supposed to be freezing over, lost in a plane of blackness that they'll never be able to get rid of as loneliness settled over.
It wasn't cold here.
Yes it was dark but if I opened my eyes I knew I would see sun light, or at least candle light or perhaps the overbearing electric light bulbs. And it was warm.
I could feel something soft, warm and comforting covering me. A blanket.
And I was lying on a soft mattress to.
The lonely feeling was still there but people are around me, I can feel them.
What the fuck is going on?
The scents of ash, vanilla perfume, some different form of men's cologne and flowers attacked my nose and warily I opened my eyes, blinking at the brightness of the room.
I was surrounded by a different assortment of plants. There was a desk opposite me and sitting in the chair, acting as regal as ever was the demigod Koenma. Shizuru and Yusuke were leaning against the wall with Botan holding onto her oar with her hands covering her mouth, tear tracks staining her face.
I knew I was in Kurama's room and the fox's stroking of my hair left a strange, comforting feeling over my person.
But the confusion was stronger.
"What's goin on?"
I could hear Kurama's answer come from behind me, seeing as how everyone else seemed reluctant to speak. "We were curious. Please forgive us my friend but we wanted to see what was holding you back from telling Yukina that you are her brother."
Eyes wide I couldn't stop the indignation to cover my face as I turned to look at him with betrayal. He looked worse for wear, his usually lively hair stiff with his face filled with sadness and sympathy.
"So what was that than? I died damn it!"
Koenma answered this time, making me swivel in my lying down position back to the teenaged form. "You never died. It was a dream of sorts I suppose you could say. A vision that showed not only you, but us, your inner most fears."
Botan took a few steps forward tears still sliding down her round cheeks. "You see Hiei, Yukina's been absolutely miserable without her brother and…well…we had to know why you continued to refuse to tell her."
"And all of that was just a bunch of bull shit Hiei!" Yusuke obviously couldn't keep to himself any longer as he kicked off against the wall, brown eyes filled with anger and sadness. "You're not a freak or an abomination or filth or – or anything else that how many people have called you! And you shouldn't think so either! You're not worthless and you're not a burden on any of us!"
Clenching my teeth I tried to hold back the flood of tears that wanted to fly loose as I snarled back at him. "That's where you're wrong Detective! I don't deserve any form of kindness because I am worthless and disgusting! I can't have friends or family because I don't deserve any of it! All I'm worthy of is death and that's it!"
There was silence after that and against my better judgment I pushed back the covers and got to my feet only to sway on my legs and bend my head as I sucked in deep gulps of air. Damn how my head hurt in that one moment alone!
I obviously got up way too fast.
Only to be pulled back down to the bed and into a strong embrace.
With shock I recognized the sweet aroma of roses and the magenta shirt I was being pushed into as strong arms tugged me deeper into Kurama's chest. Shock and embaressment reddened my cheeks as I weakly pushed at the one holding me.
"Leggo K'rama."
"Iie," at the firm voice and tightening of arms I reluctantly, though surprisingly even to myself I found that there wasn't much reluctance in the first place, settled into the fox spirit's arms. "You know that everything you've just said is a lie Hiei. You belong here with us, you are our friend and the most worthy creature I have ever met." The demon continued the soothing petting of my hair and I could feel the barriers slipping as wetness slipped down my face.
"Yukina would never say those things to you Hiei and we could never betray or abandon you. You have no idea just how precious you are to all of us and it hurts my friend. It hurts to find out that you have so little faith in yourself and us when you carry around that mask."
'Hai master, he's right. If I did not feel that you were good enough for me, I would've eaten you when you first came to me.'
Regardless of the others in the room I let the silent cries creep out of my burning throat and I hid my face in the fox's strong chest as I clutched at the shirt's material. They…they was being sincere.
He really feels that I'm worthy of being alive…
And Yusuke does as well apparently if that outburst was anything to go by.
Maybe, just maybe the Koorime were wrong about me, maybe I too could be loved by others despite my lineage.
Shizuru's voice suddenly cut the silence as she stated, "And don't worry. We won't bug you about revealing yourself to Yukina until you're good and ready okay?"
Finally!
It's about time they stopped pestering me about that!
YEAH…I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THIS CAME FROM….SORRY FOR THE OOCNESS BUT IT WAS KINDA NEEDED FOR THE STORY AND PLEASE REVIEW KAY?
JA NE