Love Birds

Ch 1

DISCLAIMER:I DON'T OWN HETALIA UNFORTUNATELY ?

"Matthew I don't get it I did everything right."

"Well what did you do?"

"The usual. It's breeding season. I'm a nice, attractive parrot and he's some featherless species of bird I don't know the name of. You following me?"

"Sure."

"So here I am putting the moves on him doing all the right stuff. I'm pressing my back against him, singing a little, and putting out all the stops. You hear me?"

"I hear you loud and clear."

"He seems to know what's up. He starts rubbing on my lower back, creeping near the vent-"

"Alfred!"

"Just bear with me, Mattie. So after all that buildup nothing. I'm thinking okay he needs to know I mean business. So you know what I do?"

"What do you do?"

"Regurgitate food. What else!? So I do that and he gets mad at me. Starts squawking up and down pointing at the mess. He rudely disposes of my food and leaves me hot and bothered."

"I see."

"So tell me who's in the wrong here?"

"Alfred."

"Yeah?"

Matthew pauses from preening his feathers to once again explain to his brother something that shouldn't have to be said more than once.

"He's human."

"So?"

Matthew suddenly felt the need to put his head in his wing.

"He's a different species!"

"He should still know when a handsome parrot wants to get freaky!"

"Alfred, it'd never work."

"You don't know that! Hell your mated to an albino peacock."

"Leave Gilbert out of this. At least he's a bird."

"Arthur just doesn't have any feathers him alone."

"Of course he doesn't he's a mammal. He has hair."

"Well why was he was reaching for the vent then?"

Matthew made an annoyed clicking sound with his beak. Sometimes he was embarrassed to think Alfred had come from the same nest as him.

"He was probably petting you."

"Well Matthew he let me get on his hand."

Alfred whispered this while peeking out from his wing. Something this intimate should've been kept between him and Arthur but Matthew needed to understand just how close they were.

"That's not his vent, Alfred!"

"Well then where is his vent?!"

"In his pants!"

"Just what the hell are those!?"

Matthew took a deep breath. He had to think through what his next words would be. He could either argue about this with Alfred till sunset or go back to Gilbert and the nest and sweet cuddles. Well screw Alfred. If he wants to go interspecial he could go right ahead ,but Matthew had a hot peacock waiting at home for him.

"I'm going home."

"But Matt-"

"Bye."

Matthew disappeared from sight pretty quickly, his violet tail feathers the last thing to vanish behind a tree branch.

"I'll show him. I'll mate Arthur and build a nice,little nest in a sturdy tree, then he'll have eggs, and we'll have a beautiful family."

A/N: Alfred's needs to take bird sex ed. Gilbert fans his tail everywhere and embarrasses Matthew when they go out to get food. Constructive criticism is welcome.