My Life with a Stranger
I wait to hear the loud slam of the door as it closes before I let out the breath I have been unknowingly holding.
He had rushed away again to meet his friends- though he would be the first one to arrive as they are always tardy- and left me to spend the rest of my evening in our apartment alone. His friends were always more important to him than me. Of course, when I had accepted his proposal I didn't think he would just leave me behind.
I guess you can call me a fool then.
When I first gotten together with him- though at first it was only about sex- I had thought that I could have reformed his polygamous ways. Then again, I wasn't really thinking rationally. I was merely a young girl stuck in the cliché of all clichés, of a playboy that had his heart captured by a naïve and innocent girl.
He was only intrigued. Curious. And when I had finally relented to his reckless and stupid ways of courting, he hung around for awhile. When I gave him an easy out, he didn't take it. Instead, he made it so serious that he made me go to a disastrous family dinner.
A normal obedient son would've ended our relationship, but then again, whoever said he was normal and obedient? No, he used our relationship as a rebellion. He knew he would never be cut off and everything his father said were all bluffs, he was jus too valuable. And as a final treason, he proposed. Of course I accepted, who wouldn't?
And now, when our wedding is drawing closer, I know that he is happily gallivanting with his friends instead of spending time with me.
They knew of course.
They knew that I was only a pawn in his plan of a permanent spit in the face to his father.
Don't get me wrong, he was absolutely perfect when we first started our relationship.
He was always caring and sweet. He knew when to give me my space when I needed it and he was always patient. The road was bumpy, yes, but I had thought that we would go through them together. Like I said before, I was and am a fool.
Where had my knight in shining armor gone?
In the back of my mind I know where. He had gone- and as utterly cliché as it would sound- with the wind; for he was like the wind in so many ways. Our relationship was like the wind trying to knock down an unyielding tree, and once it gets what it wanted, it goes looking for yet another obstacle to knock down. He was the wind and I was the stubborn tree, a mere challenge. Once he had finally dominated me, he went off and faced another conquest while still holding on to me, for he knew that he could use me to his advantage.
But I love him. And try as I might, that will never change.
I curse myself for submitting so easily. I am, once again, only one of the many. But as oppose to the others, I got the rock and will have the prominent last name.
Who cares though?
Speaking of which, I looked down at my engagement ring and found that it was as brilliant as ever. He had said that he specifically chose this ring because they matched my eyes. Sapphire. Too bad he did'nt think that in the course of a few months, my eyes would have changed. They would lack the luster that made the ring so beautiful.
To the spectators, we may look like a couple madly in love, but to those who knew…to those who had looked beyond our society smiles, would know that the glitter had long since fade.
Our friends- his friends- had tried to console me. Giving me fake reassurances that he would get serious once we finally tied the knot. Do they think of me as someone dim-witted enough that I would actually believe them?
Of course not! But hey, at least they care enough to try unlike my fiancé.
My mother knew as well. I didn't tell her the specifics as I normally would but she figured it out. She never gave me that I-told-you-so look though. I guess she knew how much it hurts.
I have a feeling that my grandparents know as well. And I sense that they are regretting pushing us together. My constant less-than-sunny mood must be a big clue. But of course they would never try and break us apart. That would be embarrassing the family name.
Do they care more about their image than their granddaughter's eternal happiness?
I would never know.
Is it because me marrying into his family would somehow overshadow the humiliation of my mother having me out of wedlock?
Maybe.
It's kinda funny, you know. Almost everyone close to me knows how unhappy I am, and yet, he, who is the most important person to me, does nothing.
I'm condemned to a life with a man who I've come to realize does not care.
A life with a man who is no longer the man I fell in love with.
A life with a complete stranger.
I could hear the ringing of the clock. I look up and find that an hour has already passed since he left.
An hour spent wallowing in misery.
And now it's time for my nightly phone call with my mother. After all, I am her best friend.
I pick up the phone and dial the familiar phone number. I wait for her to pick up. She must have fallen asleep as she has yet to answer the phone.
As I wait for my mother, my eyes are caught by the picture hanging on the wall. It was of him, me and our friends. We were at a Halloween party wearing costumes. We had gone together as a zombie couple in wedding attire. One of our friends was holding up a banner they made.
It had said "Mr. and Mrs. Logan Huntzberger".
To think that in a few months, their little Halloween joke would become a reality. That we would actually get married. But by then, the smile on my face wouldn't be real.
"Hello? Rory, are you there?" came a voice from the other line.
"Oh. Sorry Mom, zoned out for a bit" I replied. My eyes were still on the picture. I wasn't really listening to what my mom was talking about. Where was the man who, once upon a time, said that he loved me? Where was my Logan?
"Honey, are you okay?" came the worried voice of my mother.
"Nothing, nothing. Now what were you talking about?"
I guess I'll never know.