HALO: Master Chief and Arbiter funny collection

by Blades of Fate

Chief and Arbiter have a lot to deal with: the Covenant, the Flood, a broken TV and a laser that will not shoot properly. This is just a part of what you are going to witness in this fic. The rest are out of the summary, because so much insanity can't be put into words. So, what are you waiting for? Let the reading start! Rated T to be sure.

1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: And so the madness began

You know, sometimes I wonder why I write these author notes. I mean it's not like many people actually read them. Anyway, this is not a regular story it is my first one-shot (Maybe I will publish more chapters later, but this must do for now). So this will be a HALO story. Before anyone DARES to think anything in the lines of: "Oh my god! A HALO fic! This will be awesome with lots of explosions, a badass Master Chief and stuff like that" I have something to say. I will (try to) write a humorous fic, alright? So here we go to destroy the image you have for HALO (let's not forget that I AM an evil mastermind after all). And for a shocking twist: I do NOT own HALO. It is owned by Bungie (but don't tell anyone or else…).

It was one hell of a battle. Flood-infected Covenant were surrounding Master Chief and Arbiter. "So… why are we letting them to be on an advantageous position?" "Three reasons: First of all, this stupid author wanted an epic beginning, so that people would read his story. Second: If we break their formation, then we will not have a battle in which we avoid certain death while showing how badass we are. The third one is so classified that I was never told." "If you are done breaking the fourth wall and talking about nonsense can we begin fighting already?" the Gravemind asked through one of the infected. "Yeah, yeah I know. Jonson, what is our status?" Master Chief asked through his communication device. "Bad news Chief. It appears that the player is a complete noob." "What? How did he made it this far then?" "He used It!" "Oh, no! Not the-" "Yes… the ultimate cheat code: chili burritos." "How is that possible? We have to take back Cortana so that we can alter the code."

With Arbiter and the Gravemind:

"Does he always act like that?" the Gravemind asked. "Oh, that's nothing. The last time something like this happened he spent about an hour going around and killing any enemy that dared breathe while he was near." "…This SPARTAN is starting to creep me out."

With Master Chief:

"Alright guys I am done here. Let's continue." "Finally! Why am I siding with you?" Arbiter shouted. "Simple. If you don't then I will te-

Let's give our dear protagonist some time to finish threatening his ally.

Alright he is done.

"Got it?" "…Did the author cut that part?" Arbiter asked, while trying to recover from the shock he had just received. "… I think so." The Gravemind replied in a similar manner. "That's good. The rating of thing is T, but what Chief just said was WAY above MA." " Oh, come on, it wasn't that bad" "You threatened to give me a sweater made of my internal organs!" "Hey, I said some more threatening stuff." "Don't you dare repeat any of this." "Fine… let's just finish the fight." Master Chief said before charging against a flood infected Brute in epic super slow motion. "… This will take a while." Arbiter sighed. "Please, someone end the chapter before my sanity is destroyed beyond repair!" the Gravemind shouted.

Then Blades of Fate made a sudden cameo in order to finish the chapter just on time to save the two characters from insanity.

Oh yeah! I saved the day. Now I can make more chapters of this one-shot-that-is-no-longer-a-one-shot-because-I-changed—my-mind-while-I-was-writing-it. So there will be several short chapters of this thing so stay tuned. In the meantime, you can read my main story: Three heroes. Two swords. One destiny. See you next time everyone.