A/N: This is for my friend, Patty. She's one of the many people that are
obsessed with Link. As you can tell after reading, my heart belongs to
another! It's corny, but give me a break. I'm home sick w/a fever and can't
talk (phone=life!), don't flame too hard! Setting: Uhm.... er... Hyrule and
Termia combined? Okay? Oh chickens! I have Powerman 5000's "When World's
Collide" stuck in my head! Grrrrr....
Oh! And by the way... I do NOT like Zelda so this story will be much less than complimentary of her dizzying intellect (Yes, I know... I've been watching The Princess Bride waaaaaay too much.)
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Intro by Antigone
I remember the first time I saw him. So loyal, so handsome. It was love at first sight for me. His muscular figure... those beautiful eyes... how could anyone NOT love him? I could feel my face grow pink as he ran by me, so concentrated on his work. I could tell nothing could keep him from his work. Not rain, not snow, nor sleet, nor dark of night! No. Nothing could deter my love from his responsibilities. He truly was The Postman.
I thought my heart was about to burst then, but that was before I heard him speak. An annoying, blond boy was trying to distract him. The nerve! What a cute accent he has, though! I love German men... and he is not merely a man in my eyes, but a Postal God!
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Antigone was staying with her uncle, owner of the Milk Bar, for a week while her parents took a vacation. She was sweeping the sidewalk near the entrance when she heard a strange sound. It was someone running, and in a hurry. She had to slam herself into the wall of the building to avoid a collision. Enraged, she was about to scream quite a list of not so niceties at the rude stranger when she got a good look at him, bending slightly over the postal box. An angel. Her hands grew unsteady on the broom and she almost fell, but someone behind her held her up.
"Are you alright, Miss?" a tall, blond boy asked. Antigone blushed, trying to regain her composure. After all, it was her first night in Clock Town and she didn't want to be written off as just another silly little girl quite yet. "Oh... yes. I'm fine, thank you." He grinned down at her. "I haven't seen you around before... I'm Link. What's your name?" Antigone was barely paying attention, trying to find where the postman had gone. She'd lost him, thanks to this idiot. "Oh, er... Antigone." His smiled widened a bit, and, taking her small pale hand in his, kissed it, ever-so- softly. "It's a pleasure, Antigone."
Antigone was about to reply when an ear-shattering scream pierced the air. "LLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKK K!" Link's already over-sized blue eyes grew even larger. He whispered something that sounded like "Zelda." "I'm sorry, I have to go, fair Antigone. 'Til we meet again!" he said, sounding quite disturbed, as he began to run away, faster than most Gorons can roll. Not five seconds after he disappeared, a peroxide-bottle-blond appeared, looking quite temperamental in her seventeen layers of pink. "Link! Where are you, my Link! I thought you said you were going to go get me my Bon-Bons! That was hours ago, my One-True-Love-Whom-The-Goddesses-Have-Given-To-Me-For- Enternity-Because-I-Am-The-Almighty-Princess-Zelda-Who-Has-An-Entire-Series- of-Games-named-after-me-even-though-I-don't-do-a-thing-in-them!" Her eyes began to fill with tears and she look like she was about to blow, when her eyes fell on Antigone, whose hair, may I add, is it's natural color, thank you very much!
"You! You tried to steal him, didn't you!? Where is he?! Where is my LINK?! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!" Zelda began to quite pathetically bang her fists into Antigone's chest. Getting slightly annoyed at the Princess, Antigone thought of the cruelest thing she could. "Oh my God, Zelda! Did you break a nail?" Zelda's eyes widened and she ran off bawling. "That's the only way to deal with her type." Antigone muttered to herself.
Later that night, Antigone found herself sitting on the balcony above the bar, staring at the stars. A dreamy look on her face, she appeared quite serene and peaceful. " O Postman... Postman... where for art tho-" "Anttteeegoooonie! What is you be doin' up there?" It was her uncle's best customer, the leader of the traveling Circus. As usual, he was quite drunk (hey, it IS a bar... maybe milk: hylians as vodka: humans? I dunno). Antigone sighed. "Gorman, go to the Inn and get some sleep!" She turned to face the stars again, cleared her throat and began her soliloquy over again.
"O Postman... Postman... where for ar-" "Ooooh, Whell if it ain't da Indygo-go's! Play dat funkee moosic, fish boys! Heh heh heh! Oh and girl! Heya, LuLu! I rememba when yer mama was singin' da windyfish song back in the day when - " "GORMAN! GO TO SLEEP!" Gorman had been conversing for several minutes now with one of the many Indigo-Go's posters that had been left up since the Carnival. After several attempts, Gorman eventually made his way successfully into the Stock Pot Inn. Once again, Antigone was alone and quite agitated. "O POSTMAN... POSTMAN... WHERE FOR ART THOU POSTM-" "Antigone! Dearest!" Antigone's eyes slit shut. "Why is it that you people never sleep? Can no one let me be!" With her fists clenched behind her back, she turned to find Link staring up at her with worshipping eyes. "Good Evening, Link." Link smiled up at her. "You are out quite late, Lady. Might I keep you company?" Antigone growled lowly in her throat. "Great!" Link enthusiastically climbed up the stairs to the balcony. "The stars look lovely tonight, yet their light is dimmed by your shining beauty. You're the most delicate and beautiful angel I've ever glimpsed at, more precious even than the Great Fairy (A/N: **shudder, shudder, twitch, twitch**). In all my heroic adventures," he said, taking a moment for a dramatic pose and a flash of his nauseatingly white teeth, "I have never met a woman that has been able to capture my heart, such as you...." Link's speech was quite lovely, but all in vain. For at that moment, the Postman began to run through East Clock town for his nightly training session. Antigone's brown eyes widened. "Postman!" she whispered happily. Quickly she descended the stairs and began to chase after him. "No Princess has ever been as lovely, no jewel as shining, no... Antigone? Antigone, where are you going?!" Link, who had gotten quite into his speech, whirled around, to see her run down the stairs and out of East Clock Town. Link quite clumsily began to chase after her.
Meanwhile, the Postman had reached his office and locked the door for the night. Antigone sat silently on the bench next to the door. "Oh, my love... sweet, gentle man... rest here tonight and tomorrow, my love for you I shall confess!"
Meanwhile at Hyrule Castle...
"That wench! I knew it! I knew it! She's put a spell on MY LINK! I'll teach her a lesson!" Zelda was screaming at her magic mirror (only 99.99 rupees at the Hylian Disneyland's gift shop) which had just shown her the current events. A vein across the Princess' forehead bulged and twitched in rage. "I'll send, like, Ruto after her! Totally! While Ruto destroys her, I'll, like, hypnotize Link with my, like, really cool ocarina!" Zelda threw her head back and began to cackle like a manic.
Impa poked her head in the door. "Zelda! You didn't take your tranquilizers today! Bad Princess!" Zelda sat up, her eyes wide. "Like, oh my god, Impa, those are like so totally last year. I'm over it. For sure!" Impa sighed and rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'm going to go work for that new Army Men Game, they'll appreciate my warrior skills!" "... Kay!" Zelda smiled and waved as Impa left. After the footsteps in the hall faded, and she remembered her 'evil plan', she once again threw back her head and began to cackle uncontrollably.
Will Link's charm help him to erase the Postman from Antigone's mind? Will Zelda's 'evil plan' succeed? Will the Army Men accept Impa as a new recruit? Only time can tell.
Oh! And by the way... I do NOT like Zelda so this story will be much less than complimentary of her dizzying intellect (Yes, I know... I've been watching The Princess Bride waaaaaay too much.)
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Intro by Antigone
I remember the first time I saw him. So loyal, so handsome. It was love at first sight for me. His muscular figure... those beautiful eyes... how could anyone NOT love him? I could feel my face grow pink as he ran by me, so concentrated on his work. I could tell nothing could keep him from his work. Not rain, not snow, nor sleet, nor dark of night! No. Nothing could deter my love from his responsibilities. He truly was The Postman.
I thought my heart was about to burst then, but that was before I heard him speak. An annoying, blond boy was trying to distract him. The nerve! What a cute accent he has, though! I love German men... and he is not merely a man in my eyes, but a Postal God!
************************************************************************
Antigone was staying with her uncle, owner of the Milk Bar, for a week while her parents took a vacation. She was sweeping the sidewalk near the entrance when she heard a strange sound. It was someone running, and in a hurry. She had to slam herself into the wall of the building to avoid a collision. Enraged, she was about to scream quite a list of not so niceties at the rude stranger when she got a good look at him, bending slightly over the postal box. An angel. Her hands grew unsteady on the broom and she almost fell, but someone behind her held her up.
"Are you alright, Miss?" a tall, blond boy asked. Antigone blushed, trying to regain her composure. After all, it was her first night in Clock Town and she didn't want to be written off as just another silly little girl quite yet. "Oh... yes. I'm fine, thank you." He grinned down at her. "I haven't seen you around before... I'm Link. What's your name?" Antigone was barely paying attention, trying to find where the postman had gone. She'd lost him, thanks to this idiot. "Oh, er... Antigone." His smiled widened a bit, and, taking her small pale hand in his, kissed it, ever-so- softly. "It's a pleasure, Antigone."
Antigone was about to reply when an ear-shattering scream pierced the air. "LLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKK K!" Link's already over-sized blue eyes grew even larger. He whispered something that sounded like "Zelda." "I'm sorry, I have to go, fair Antigone. 'Til we meet again!" he said, sounding quite disturbed, as he began to run away, faster than most Gorons can roll. Not five seconds after he disappeared, a peroxide-bottle-blond appeared, looking quite temperamental in her seventeen layers of pink. "Link! Where are you, my Link! I thought you said you were going to go get me my Bon-Bons! That was hours ago, my One-True-Love-Whom-The-Goddesses-Have-Given-To-Me-For- Enternity-Because-I-Am-The-Almighty-Princess-Zelda-Who-Has-An-Entire-Series- of-Games-named-after-me-even-though-I-don't-do-a-thing-in-them!" Her eyes began to fill with tears and she look like she was about to blow, when her eyes fell on Antigone, whose hair, may I add, is it's natural color, thank you very much!
"You! You tried to steal him, didn't you!? Where is he?! Where is my LINK?! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!" Zelda began to quite pathetically bang her fists into Antigone's chest. Getting slightly annoyed at the Princess, Antigone thought of the cruelest thing she could. "Oh my God, Zelda! Did you break a nail?" Zelda's eyes widened and she ran off bawling. "That's the only way to deal with her type." Antigone muttered to herself.
Later that night, Antigone found herself sitting on the balcony above the bar, staring at the stars. A dreamy look on her face, she appeared quite serene and peaceful. " O Postman... Postman... where for art tho-" "Anttteeegoooonie! What is you be doin' up there?" It was her uncle's best customer, the leader of the traveling Circus. As usual, he was quite drunk (hey, it IS a bar... maybe milk: hylians as vodka: humans? I dunno). Antigone sighed. "Gorman, go to the Inn and get some sleep!" She turned to face the stars again, cleared her throat and began her soliloquy over again.
"O Postman... Postman... where for ar-" "Ooooh, Whell if it ain't da Indygo-go's! Play dat funkee moosic, fish boys! Heh heh heh! Oh and girl! Heya, LuLu! I rememba when yer mama was singin' da windyfish song back in the day when - " "GORMAN! GO TO SLEEP!" Gorman had been conversing for several minutes now with one of the many Indigo-Go's posters that had been left up since the Carnival. After several attempts, Gorman eventually made his way successfully into the Stock Pot Inn. Once again, Antigone was alone and quite agitated. "O POSTMAN... POSTMAN... WHERE FOR ART THOU POSTM-" "Antigone! Dearest!" Antigone's eyes slit shut. "Why is it that you people never sleep? Can no one let me be!" With her fists clenched behind her back, she turned to find Link staring up at her with worshipping eyes. "Good Evening, Link." Link smiled up at her. "You are out quite late, Lady. Might I keep you company?" Antigone growled lowly in her throat. "Great!" Link enthusiastically climbed up the stairs to the balcony. "The stars look lovely tonight, yet their light is dimmed by your shining beauty. You're the most delicate and beautiful angel I've ever glimpsed at, more precious even than the Great Fairy (A/N: **shudder, shudder, twitch, twitch**). In all my heroic adventures," he said, taking a moment for a dramatic pose and a flash of his nauseatingly white teeth, "I have never met a woman that has been able to capture my heart, such as you...." Link's speech was quite lovely, but all in vain. For at that moment, the Postman began to run through East Clock town for his nightly training session. Antigone's brown eyes widened. "Postman!" she whispered happily. Quickly she descended the stairs and began to chase after him. "No Princess has ever been as lovely, no jewel as shining, no... Antigone? Antigone, where are you going?!" Link, who had gotten quite into his speech, whirled around, to see her run down the stairs and out of East Clock Town. Link quite clumsily began to chase after her.
Meanwhile, the Postman had reached his office and locked the door for the night. Antigone sat silently on the bench next to the door. "Oh, my love... sweet, gentle man... rest here tonight and tomorrow, my love for you I shall confess!"
Meanwhile at Hyrule Castle...
"That wench! I knew it! I knew it! She's put a spell on MY LINK! I'll teach her a lesson!" Zelda was screaming at her magic mirror (only 99.99 rupees at the Hylian Disneyland's gift shop) which had just shown her the current events. A vein across the Princess' forehead bulged and twitched in rage. "I'll send, like, Ruto after her! Totally! While Ruto destroys her, I'll, like, hypnotize Link with my, like, really cool ocarina!" Zelda threw her head back and began to cackle like a manic.
Impa poked her head in the door. "Zelda! You didn't take your tranquilizers today! Bad Princess!" Zelda sat up, her eyes wide. "Like, oh my god, Impa, those are like so totally last year. I'm over it. For sure!" Impa sighed and rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'm going to go work for that new Army Men Game, they'll appreciate my warrior skills!" "... Kay!" Zelda smiled and waved as Impa left. After the footsteps in the hall faded, and she remembered her 'evil plan', she once again threw back her head and began to cackle uncontrollably.
Will Link's charm help him to erase the Postman from Antigone's mind? Will Zelda's 'evil plan' succeed? Will the Army Men accept Impa as a new recruit? Only time can tell.