Disclaimer: I do not own Glee – but a girl can dream, right?

Dancing with the Devil

Prologue

Rachel Barbara Berry prided herself on being strong, she both loved and hated the fact that she could love so much. She had loved Finn Christopher Hudson so much – she had imagined a life with him; their wedding day, their children, retiring together, spending their whole lives in love. She had even imagined a life where she gave up New York, she gave up Broadway, and she gave everything to him.

And now here she was, practically on her knees, tears falling down her face as she begged for him to not break up with her. She realized how pathetic she looked but she couldn't bring herself to care as she held on him, not ready to let go of the love they shared. She knew freshman year of college had been difficult, she understood why he felt as though he couldn't go through it again but she wanted to make him see things her way – it was better to have each other and be long distance, rather than not have each other at all. But the boy wasn't budging, he had made his decision already, Rachel could see that.

Her heart broke as he walked away, and she finally fell to her knees, ignoring the sickening crack when her bare knees hit the concrete. She sobbed harder than she ever had before, her arms wrapping around herself as she cried. They had celebrated their two year anniversary just a two months before, they had been so happy and now it was gone. She sobbed louder as she thought of the summer; it had been so perfect, so full of love and now it was over because he was too scared to go another college year without them being in the same state.

She hated him in that moment. She hated him for being so damn weak, for giving up so easily. She wanted to run after him, slap him, push him, scream at him for giving up on her so easily, for not having enough faith in their relationship to trust either of them enough to be away from each other for so long. She wanted to punch him, she wanted to make him feel as much pain as she was feeling right then, she needed him to feel what he had done to her. She shook her head, wiping her tears away angrily, struggling to stand up as she finally noticed the blood that was falling in droplets down her knees, she sighed and rested against the nearest wall. Nothing was going her way tonight.

She closed her eyes, sliding down against the wall, another sob escaping her lips as she pressed her head into her knees, not caring about the amount of pain she could feel in the movement. She wanted to go to New York and start all over again, forget about Finn, move on with her life, be someone different. She loved too much, which meant she hurt too much, as well. She sobbed harder, she wanted to stop hurting so much, she longed to live a life where when someone broke her heart, she wouldn't fall into a state of depression. She wanted to be like Santana – strong, independent, confident and ignorant to the pains of a true heart-break.

The next day she walked into the airport, with Kurt by her side – he had commented on her slight limp a few times already, and she had responded with a glare, not trusting herself to say anything in case she broke down again. She just wanted to go to New York, and never return to Lima. She would apologize to her parents – but she knew if they wanted to see her, they would come to New York; the only reason she ever went back to Lima was to spend time with Finn, and his family at Christmas. And now that was over for good. 'It's time to grow up' she thought to herself, realizing that as long as she had been with Finn, she hadn't needed to change like Kurt had once he and Blaine decided it was best to go their own ways at least until Blaine made up his mind on where he would go for college. As it turned out, Blaine had decided to go to California, and although neither of them made a decision to wait for each other, they had decided that if they were both single in four years, they would find their way back to each other. Rachel frowned at the memory, Finn hadn't even bothered to make her such a promise, just a simple goodbye and nothing else. No promise of when we finish college, no acknowledgement, it was just two years of a strong, loving relationship chucked away just like that.

Kurt kept his eye on the girl throughout the flight, but she kept her headphones in to avoid any conversation with him – he was her best friend, but he was too blunt and she wasn't sure if she was strong enough to cope with that yet. Maybe one day. She felt a rush of happiness, and a sense of security when they got out of the airport, and into the New York air. She couldn't help the small smile that appeared on her face, when she realized that this truly was her home – she felt safe here, she felt as though she could get over Finn and move on with her life. She found herself wishing she had chosen New York two years ago, instead of thinking she could have both.

It was a sense of relief when they got to their two bedroom apartment that was so close to NYU – neither of them had gotten into NYADA but in the end, they decided they wouldn't let that ruin their New York dreams, and ended up doing Musical Theatre in NYU. Rachel smiled at the small, but homely apartment as she made her way into her bedroom, quickly taking down any photographs she had of her and Finn, removing all the memories she held of him, putting them all in a bag which she chucked in the back of her cupboard – she wanted to move on, but so many memories were hard to chuck away that easily.

She frowned at her reflection when she finally made the decision to look at herself in the large mirror she had in her room – her face was pale, her eyes red and watery, a look of defeat on her face. She looked sick. She shook her head at the sight, running her fingers through her hair – Finn loved her long hair, he always reminded her to never cut any of it off because he loved to run his fingers through it after they made love, or whenever he held her on the couch during a movie. So, like the good girlfriend she had longed to be, she kept it long just for him.

She gave the reflection a small smirk before grabbing a pair of scissors from her drawers, not hesitating to chop off her hair to just below her ear for now – she would go to the hairdressers to make it more choppy later, but it would do for now. It was just one thing she could use to erase that boy from her mind.

She finally took a deep breath, tearing her eyes away from the reflection as she made her way to her cupboard, angrily chucking out every single sweater she owned, every single school-girl-chic skirt that she had, every shirt she had stolen of Finn's. She chucked it all on the floor, before chucking them all into a bag, storming from her bedroom to take the clothes immediately to the garbage disposal. She ignored Kurt's voice as he followed her outside, his eyes widening at the sight of her favourite sweater being chucked in with the garbage. "Finally." He muttered to himself, before his eyes caught sight of her hair. "How much destruction can you possibly do in like.. ten minutes?" He sighed and grabbed her hand,

"Come on, you need an emergency hair appointment." She just nodded at him, not saying a word as they made their way out of the apartment, her mind focusing on what Finn loved about her, what she needed to change. She reminded herself that she wasn't doing this for him, but for herself. She wasn't going to be that little girl who people kept reminding her how she needed to grow up, she wanted to be someone that the people in her class wanted to hang out with – they made fun of her 'no drinking' policy until she was twenty one, they had rolled her eyes at how unrealistic it was and she had just refused to go out with them. They all hated her – she heard them say that she thought that she was too good to hang out with them, once. She was going to prove them how wrong that judgement was.

She was going to prove that she didn't need a man to love her, she didn't need to be loved, she didn't need to love. She wouldn't hurt. She didn't need Finn Hudson.