I don't do M-ish stuff to much, but I took a stab at it this time. So yeah I"m super nervous so please tell me that you think

Rick,

I'm not sure when and if these letters will ever find you. I don't even know if we are together or not when you read this. You might have given up on me and deemed me too much work. I wouldn't blame you for that. I know I've hurt you. For the entire length of our relationship, it has been me hurting you and you taking me back always forgiving me for whatever I've done. Even now as I write these letters to you in some run down café I know you'll forgive me even though I don't deserve it. As I sit drinking coffee remembering all the times you brought me a cup just to see me smile. Something so small and simple but holds such strong meaning between us. With every cup of coffee and bad joke, I would find myself falling a little bit more in love with you. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize my feelings for you. What I felt was so strong that it scared me. I realize how much time I lost with you by fighting what I felt and there is nothing I can do to get it back. That's part of the realization that hit me tonight. I don't want to lose any more time. Our partnership, our relationship is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. You are an amazing man, father, and husband. I am so proud to have been your inspiration and I'm proud to be your wife. I love you with all my heart. Always.

Castle ran his thumb over Beckett's name in the lower right hand corner fighting the tears the words evoked. Over the last five months he had read the few letters Beckett wrote to him in the short time they were apart after the miscarriage. The first two were written during her time at the cabin. The third shortly after leaving the book store. She must have written this one some time on her journey home. Each letter helped him understand a little more about his wife's thought process on how she dealt with the loss of the baby. Castle still held a small amount of resentment towards her and her actions. Forgive and forget. Whoever came up with that saying must not have been in the position to do such a thing. He tried too, he really did. But he still felt angry towards his wife every now and again. Angry for the pain she caused not only him but his mother and daughter. Castle wasn't sure if his mother actually has forgiven her.

Hearing Beckett shuffling around in the bathroom, Castle tucked the letter back in his top drawer before she stepped out. They really hadn't fully talked about the whole heartbreaking miscarriage and the fallout from it. Of course they talked here and there. They just never stopped to dive deep into the topic. They never discussed whether or not they would try again to get pregnant. He didn't even know if Beckett wanted children now. Did he? As much as Castle longed to have children with Beckett he wasn't sure if he wanted to run the risk of her losing another baby. They were lucky that this one caused no real complication to her health.

"Alexis and Jeremy wanted to have dinner tonight." Beckett announced picking up her father's watch from the nightstand. "Figured we'd make it a full family dinner by asking the boys to join."

Castle smiled at the idea, "I'll make sure mother goes nowhere near the kitchen."

The strange tone in her voice caused Beckett to look up, "Everything okay?' This would happen now again. Everything would be seemingly fine, at least to her, and then out of nowhere his demeanor would change. Like he was lashing out a form of punishment. Something Beckett wasn't even sure if he consciously knew he was doing. Their marriage was still somewhat in a bad place, but they were working on it. By working on it meaning talking less than they should about their problems.

"Everything is fine."

"Well if you're ready we have a crime scene to get too."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

How was it that not even ten hours ago they had been laughing and joking, the four of them together again for the first time in over four months? Just this morning, Castle had ragged on Ryan for his overreaction to Jenny's call. Beckett made a quip about being married to a scaredy cat. Esposito laughed at them all. Just like old times.

Castle wanted that morning back. He didn't want to be standing in front of a burning building wondering if his two friends were inside. Hearing Jenny fight another contraction, he looked at the ambulance where Lanie coached her through it while Beckett sat at her side holding her hand. Jenny should be at the hospital with Ryan fussing about the delivery room in his signature fashion. But no, she was in the back of an ambulance refusing to leave until they find out where the hell Ryan and Esposito where. Until they found out they were safe. The only thing they knew was that they weren't. From what Castle and Beckett could gather, the partners went to the very building now on fire for reasons unknown.

"Castle!" Beckett waved her husband over, cell phone in hand.

Jenny took the phone that the detective offered, "Is it really you?"

"Yeah." Ryan's hoarse voice filled the other end of the line. "Yeah, it's me, beautiful."

The pregnant woman nearly sobbed at her husband's soft laugh, "Where are you? The baby is coming!"

A long pause, "I'm inside."

"Inside?" Her gaze shot to Beckett.

Oh god! Beckett looked to the burning building then to her husband lingering by the door of the ambulance. They could have been the one to take the tip. They could be the ones inside a burning building - trapped. Or worse, Beckett thought climbing out of the ambulance to join him. She could be in Jenny's place, about to give birth to Castle's child talking helplessly to him on the phone and knowing that it would be for the last time.

"Kevin, please. Please don't leave me." She gasps, trying to find some kind of resolve. Strength not to break down completely. If this truly would be their last conversation than she would draw it out for as long as she could. "We need to pick names. Before they come."

Castle turned in attempt to give her some privacy. He met Beckett's grief filled gaze, his thoughts running along the same lines hers did moments ago. He couldn't imagine doing what Jenny was doing right now.

Needing to anchor herself with emotions threatening to sweep her away, Beckett touched a hand to his arm. About the extent of their relationship since coming home. His hand, so large and warm covered hers making her knees tremble. The first loving touch he offered. The first step in bridging the problem between them.

"Kevin? Kevin!" Sobbing, Jenny dropped her arm holding the phone losing her grip on it when another contraction hit. "I don't want… To do this… Lanie. Not with you... him."

"I know, Baby. I'm here. We're here." Lanie corrected after Beckett climbed in next to her ready to help in any way she could. She glanced at her watch, "The contractions are two minutes apart. Your boys are coming."

"I can't." Jenny rubbed her swollen stomach. "I can't."

"Yes, you can. We will do this." Beckett encouraged, "Together. We're not going anywhere."

Castle watched amazed at the determination on his wife's face. She was doing her best to get Jenny through the pains of birth, Lanie at the ready at the woman's feet. Jenny's pregnancy had been somewhat of a sore subject for her since the miscarriage. There were none of those ill feelings on Beckett's face now. Her only purpose is to get Jenny through this.

"Detective." Burton stopped realizing that the woman was preoccupied. "I... umm…. We caught a break."

Since Jenny was in between pushing, Beckett spared a moment too looked at the man. "What is it?"

Burton held up a stack of file, "Arson investigator got us a name."

Beckett's attention split again as Lanie told Jenny to start pushing again. "Castle."

The writer took over talking to Burton. While talking to him, Castle kept an ear out on the progress of Jenny's progress just in case his assistance was needed. "Mark Kimball." An arsonist. That meant that this Kimball would have certain traits he couldn't ignore. "He's here."

"What?"

"An arsonist can't help watch their handy work." He gestured to the fiery multiple story building. "There is no way he would pass this up. We can find him. If he knows this building he might know if there is a way out from the basement."

"Castle." Beckett spoke her husband's name telling him what to do without having to say more. She couldn't leave, not now. The first baby was coming and Jenny needed the support.

Climbing into the ambulance, Castle took Beckett's ankle piece and took off into the crowd. They were all fascinated by the dancing flames, but he sought the one who enjoyed it more. Enjoyed it to the point he received almost a sexual pleasure from it.

"That's it, girl." Lanie coaxed, "One more big push for me."

"I can't." Jenny collapsed back against the stretcher.

"Yes, you can." Keeping the woman supported, Beckett awkwardly released the lever to get the stretcher flat and slid in behind Jenny. She took both of her hands, "Together, remember. One, two, three you're going to push, okay. One. Two. Three."

Castle found the one out of a hundred that he was seeking. Kimball stood, his face in complete awe, filming the fire on his phone. "Kimball! Don't move!" Of course the man didn't listen and moved to take off, but Castle lifted his weapon causing him to freeze. "The basement, is there a way out? Is there?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Growling, Castle shoved Kimball into the car at his back. "Is there a way out?" Again nothing. He grabbed Kimball's arm, twists him, and grabs his throat. He kept his grip tight so the man began to gasp for air. "Those guys in there are my family. If they die, you die. What's it going to be?"

Kimball remained silent.

"It's your choice."

"There he is." Wrapping the baby in clean linen found on the ambulance, Lanie raised the wailing newborn to Beckett.

Carefully cradling him, Beckett slid back on the bench in order to pass the baby to his mother. "You did it, Jenny."

Crying, Jenny ran her fingers over her son's bloody head, "Hello Patrick Kevin Ryan."

Beckett could see the boy's father etched into his face. Her heart began to breaking, "He's beautiful." Jenny let out a cry of pain. Panicked, Beckett looked to the ME, "Lanie."

"His brother doesn't want to wait." Lanie informed, "Beckett take Patrick."

"Rescue Seven, what's your status?"

There is no response over the walkie talkie. Castle fidgets next to the fire chief with suspense. Did Kimball lie? Were they too late? Did he not press hard enough to get the answer faster?

"They're coming out."

Following the chief, Castle met the tattered and injured detectives. "Thank God!" He took over for the firefighter carrying Ryan's weight. "You scared the hell out of us."

"Take me." Ryan wheezed between his coughs, "Take me to Jenny."

"You're so not naming your Irish white kid Javi." Esposito remarked helping get his partner to the right ambulance.

Ryan caught himself on the edge of the ambulance after hobbling away from his partner's in time to see Lanie helping Jenny cuddle their second son. He let out a loud sob.

"Kevin!" Jenny's attention lifted from her son's face, "You're alive!"

The Irish detective continued to stare at the site before him.

"Javi!" Lanie jumped down for the ambulance into Esposito's waiting arms. "Don't ever do that again."

"Go meet your sons, Kevin." Castle helped the injured man into the back of the ambulance.

Kevin lunged forward to kiss his wife, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He whispered over and over again, kissing her until they were both breathless.

"All right Patrick, here is your Dad." It was a bit awkward, Beckett shifted with Kevin so he was at his wife's side with his newborn nestled in his arms. The moment she stepped out of the ambulance, Castle's arms engulfed her. The feel of his strong arms around her after so long broke her. She looked up at him with tears in his eyes. For the first time there was no apprehension in his blue orbs. Only affection, admiration, and untainted love. The bridge was complete they just needed to meet in the middle. Not here though. Right now this moment, this miracle of life, took center stage. She buried her head into her husband's neck to watch the reunion.

"Aidan after my grandfather." Ryan sniffled looking to Jenny, "Aidan Javier."

Jenny touched a hand to his soot covered cheek, "It's perfect."

"Still going to get his ass kicked if he says his full name." Esposito grunted after Lanie rammed her elbow into his gut. "Easy woman! I just came out of the building that just happens to be on fire."

They all laughed. Everyone was okay. Their family may be a bit battered and bruised, but they were okay. They're okay and everything is amazing.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Beckett just walked through the threshold of the door when Castle grasped her by the arm, spun her around, and slammed her against the closed door kissing the breath out of her in the most passionate gesture he'd shown in four months. She jerked away taken aback by the sudden actions. Heat started to rise in her chest, filling every part of her body. His eyes bore down to her, darken with desire and that untainted love she saw outside the ambulance. She could feel those beautiful blue orbs track everything from her blinking to the erratic movement of her chest due to her labored breathing. Not wanting to break the moment, she trailed her hands up his chest to fist them in his thick mane of hair.

This time she had been ready for the passion, her lips parting allowing him full access. One of his hands left her arm, sliding down until he found the hem of her shirt and slipped inside. The contact sent shivers up her spine. Everything felt new. His touch, rougher than she remembered. His taste, more intoxicating than before. His scent, spicier and warmer. Everything seemed like they were coming together for the first time. Everything felt right.

Martha clearing her voice jerked the pair apart, their faces flushed and breathing short. "I will just." Grabbing her purse from the coat closet, Martha awkwardly skirted around Beckett to get to the door. "Find something for me to do."

A silence fell between them before Castle broke it by laughing. "Come on," he held out a hand for her, "Just in case anyone else decides to drop by."

Taking it, Beckett pressed herself as tightly as she could against him on their short journey to their bedroom. They sat on the bed as close as humanly possible without literally sitting on each other. "Rick."

"I'm sorry." Cupping the nape of her neck, Castle lowered his brow to hers. "I've been treating you so horribly for the past four months. I said I forgave you, but a part of me was so angry with you. Maybe even hated you."

"I deserved it. What I did was unforgivable."

He shook his head, "It doesn't matter." This time he meant it with every fiber of his being. "I'm lucky that losing the baby didn't take you away from me in a way I couldn't get you back. That could have been us tonight. We could have lost each other."

Her fingers dug into his shoulders, "I want us back to what we were, Rick. It breaks my heart knowing that I caused the rift between us. I'm going to be a better partner and a better wife to you because you deserve all from me. No more holding back, I swear."

"I love you, Kate Beckett, just the way you are. Never change who you are." He pressed his mouth to hers. Their lips moved in time with each other and Castle raised his other hand to Beckett's hair and tangled his fingers in it.

Beckett slid over his lap, moving her lips from his neck while her hands started working on the buttons of his shirt. Her fingers shook with nerves.

"Kate." He drew her away and took her hands in his to place a kiss on the pad on each of his fingers. "If you're not ready."

She shook her head, drawing him back using mouth, tongue, and hands to drive away any doubt in his mind that this was what she wanted. After months of barely touching being like this was overwhelming. "I want to…" Pulling back, Beckett licked her swollen lips struggling to think straight. She meant it about not hiding behind walls anymore. "Well I hope that- well... still want..."

"Of course I still want you." Castle cut her off by pulling her close just so she could feel how much he wanted her.

Heat or more like molten lava filled her veins. Beckett stopped him before he could devour her, "I want to try again." His hands shot to his face to look at her once her meaning sunk in. His touch was so loving, so soft. Beckett fought back tears, "I'm not sure if I ever wanted to be a mother mostly because I never thought I would find a man I wanted to spend my life with. A man that couldn't love me with all my faults. But you do. I didn't realize how much I wanted to be a mother until I lost my chance."

"You haven't lost your chance, Kate. We can try again whenever you're ready."

"I think I am," Beckett confessed. "Now."

He raised a brow, "Are you sure?"

"My OBGYN informed me that there's been enough time since the miscarriage to try again. I know there is a risk that it can happen again and I've accepted that risk. I understand if you need time to and even if you don't want to try again-." Beckett got her answer as her husband twisted her to lay on the bed to lose himself in her.

Castle took his time undressing her making sure he didn't leave one patch of her skin untouched. He savored each breathless mummer and sigh. God he missed this. Missed the way her fingers desperately clutched at him until they found purchase while he drove her insane with his lips. The way her back arched exposing the beautiful line of her throat when she threw her head backwards in her throws of passion. He missed the way she cried out his name when she fell over the edge loud enough to echo around the room. Watching her slowly return to herself, Castle wondered if the house was truly empty to spare Beckett the embarrassment from having to face his mother after being heard. That was until her hands found the button of his slacks and wrapped themselves around his arousal.

"Kate." He groaned out her name. Her hands stroked, and his hips jerked violently. He fought tooth in nail for control. Four months of no sexual contact made it hard to maintain.

Beckett glanced up at her husband to see his eyes were nearly closed, blue orbs free of any haunted or hurt expression. "You're over dressed, Mr. Castle."

Clumsily, he yanked at his shirt tearing buttons off in haste making the woman beneath him laugh. The sound was so beautiful. "Are you laughing at me, Mrs. Castle?"

Shaking with laughter, Beckett pressed her face into his neck, "No. Not at all."

"That's it." He fell onto his side to deal with riding him of the rest of his clothes, "You're going to get it."

"Oh I'm so terrified." The words barely left her mouth before he was on her again turning her laughter into moans. The next thing she knew, her release was tearing threw her and she was sobbing out her husband's name. Or screaming. She couldn't really tell with the roaring in her ears.

"Kate." He settled in between her legs and poised himself at her entrance. "Look at me, Kate. Look at me."

His commanding voice left her any choice but to comply. She was glad that she did or she would have missed the emotions that flooded his face as he drove himself inside her. "Rick."

"God." Quivering, he paused stretching out the feeling for as long as he could before being overwhelmed by her heat and began to move. She met him beat for beat. Their bodies forever in sync with each other no matter how long apart. With her nails digging into the small of his back, he plunged madly into her over and over so lost in her that the world just seemed to fade away. God he wanted her, wanted to brand her soul with his, so much he could barely breathe. "You are mine."

There was so much desperation on his face and in his kiss, Beckett was consumed by it.

Castle cupped her face, his touch near bruising. "And I am yours." He the words tore from his throat, "We belong to each other. Always."

Beckett anchored her hand into his hair meeting each violent thrust without missing a beat. His breath was coming in sort pants and hot against her face. His eyes blazing. "Always."

His release left him shacking to the point his arms couldn't bare his weight anymore. Burying his face in her throat, Castle collapsed on to his side so he didn't crush her and she turned to press her body against his. He didn't mind it one bit. He wasn't ready to part with her just yet. "I love you."

Beckett ran her fingers through his sweat soaked hair, "I love you too." He had forgiven her. Beckett wasn't sure why because again she didn't deserve it. Love, her heart reminded her. That's what love was.