Z The Very Narsty Amusment Park Story:
Disclaimer:
The characters except for Vivianne, Robin, and hypothetically the young Sirius belong to Ms. Rowling, so there.A 15 year old Harry Potter was in Transfiguration class when something very strange happened. Two distant figures from his troubled transvestite past appeared. Professer McGonagall was in the middle of teaching her lesson when the door to the classroom opened and two hot redhead chicks walked in. But they were not just any redheads, they were the 'muggle' ones that only last year, had transformed Harry into a chick durning a very deranged fanfiction (see: Harriett Potter and the Mirror of Desrever By: Tigerlily).
"Hello, can we help you?" said McGonagall, "Oh wait, you're the new students aren't you? Please sit down."
"Thanx." said the taller one.
"Students," said McGonagall, "These girls are going to be attending school with you from now on. They are from America. This," she pointed to the taller one, "is Vivianne Fuc'you. And her sister, Robin Fuc'you." Stupid names or what?
Then McGonagall, being the stiff old bird that she was, continued with class.
Afterwords, out side the classroom, they introduced themselves to every one.
"Hi Harry," said Vivianne, "Of course we already know you, are you pissed at us for turning you into a chick last year?"
"No, it was a good experience."
"Hi, I'm Hermione," said Ron, I mean Hermione. "And this is Ron."
"Yo." said Ron.
"Ya 'all can call me Viv." Said Vivianne.
"Hey look!" a voice behind them sounded, "It's those chicks again! Are they available Potter?"
"Not to you Malfoy." Said Viv. "You're just not sexy enough for us, sorry. In fact, a pile of shit would be sexier than you."
"Yah, and we're Gryffindors," Robin put in, "And you know the rules about not jacking off at people in other houses, so put that thing back already." She pointed to his pants.
"Why should I? I like it where it is."
"Because it's frick'n nasty, that's why!!!!!!!" Viv yelled.
"Come on, let's go." Said Harry. "He's bi anyway."
They turned away and walked to the Gryffindor Common Room as Malfoy flipped them off.
"Malfoy just freaks me out. I can't believe any one could be so not sexy." Said Viv.
"Well just look at Neville! He's a virgin, and he's 15!"
"15 doesn't seem that old when your not sex-crazed."
"That's true.But do you know any one like that?"
Just then, Fred and George walked over.
"Who are you chicks?" George asked.
"We're the new pornstars." Said Viv.
"Really? I hope you guys are good."
"We're the best." Said Robin. "But we're really expensive, although we can be payed in cash, credit, checks, pot, pcp, or crack."
"Are you serious?!" Harry asked.
"Hell no!" Viv said, "We don't do porn, but we will do just about any thing else, so what we really want to know, is who are the hottest guys around here?"
"Well, pretty much everyone but Neville and the Slytherins, other than that, every one's hot." Said Hermione, "Oh yah, stay away from the Creeveys, there're about as sexy as Neville's toad."
"Ok, that's just frick'n nasty."
"And don't go down to the kitchens, the house elve will try to hump you legs."
"Thanx for the warning." Robin gagged.
"So is anything going on at school we should know about; drug busts.field trips?" said Viv.
"Actually, we are going on a 5th year field trip to an amusement park somewhere." Hermione put in, "It's supposed to be really good, no suppervision or anything. And it's magical too."
"Shnazy."
"See you later Robin, bye Viv," said Fred, "it was nice meeting you, but I've got a date with Angelina, we're going to go make out in the forbidden forest. Maybe a little more if I'm lucky."
"I'm going to join them, we're having a threesome." George added.
As they turned to leave, Hermoine slapped George's butt.
"He's been working out."
* * * * * * * * * *
Viv: stars, stars, every where!
Later, in the guys dorm, Harry, Viv, and Robin where all smoking joints Harry had stolen from Snape's desk.
"Before we get too stoned," he mumbled, "I gotta ask you guys; why'd you come back to Hogwarts after turning me into a bitch last year? Have you come to turn me into a frick'n chick again?"
"Nah, Robin has a crush on Ron," Viv said absentmindedly, "among other things."
Harry shrugged. "Ron's single now. Just tell him you wanna screw with him, he thinks your hot anyway. Is that it?"
"We're sick of America too. It's cool for while, but every one's so screwed and/or uptight." Robin grumbled. "But you know we'll go back, you can't leave for long if your just as screwed as everyone else."
"Oh.." Harry mumbled incoherently, "That clears up a lot."
* * * * * * * *
Viv: those aren't real stars..
Ron and Robin had escaped to the girl's bathroom, and Fred and George were still gone, so it just Harry, Viv, and Hermione hanging out in the common room 5 hours later. Hermione was writing a really sick letter to Viktor Krum about getting screwed, Harry was looking for joints under the couch, and Viv was going through a nature chick stage and was trying the meditate to the Goddess of the Trees, when an owl came through the window and landed on Harry's ass, but not before taking a shit on Hermione's letter.
"Ow." Harry said. "Sharp talons."
Viv came out of her trace and took the owl's letter.
"Yo Harry, it's from Snuffles." She said.
"Who?"
"Sirius, you dumb ass."
"Oh yah, read it, will ya?"
"Yah, it says,
'Harry-
I am having nearly mid-life crisis. So I'm coming down to Hogwarts to hang out with some one my own age. Oh yah, I also took an anti-aging potion, so I'm your age now, but it should wear off in about a month or whatever. I took it when I was high, so I'm not totally responsible. Sorry, man. The good news is now I'm free to hang with you guys cause no one will recognise me, yo? So like, the other good news is I have always had a tendency to act 15 even when I was 30, so who the hell cares.
Screw You
-Sirius'
That's cool." Viv finished.
"Hell ya," said Harry, coming out from under the couch, "but you girls better be careful, if he's our age, he'll probably wanna fuck. And who wouldn't? He hasn't screwed any one in like 13 years!"
"I don't care, I'm game, as long as he's not ugly." Viv said.
"He's probably be alright looking," Hermione put in, "if he gets a hair cut, gains some weight, quits eating rats, and spends some time out in the sun."
"Do you know any 15 year old who could stand to look like he just got out of Azkaban? You know he's probably gonna want to make hiself hot & sexy for all the chicks. He'd probably be a pimp right now if he hadn't been sent to Azkaban. I won't be suprized if he doesn't have any maturity at all any way. And if he does, what guy in his 30's would wanna screw a 15 year old?" Harry said.
"Snape." Hermione suggested.
"Oh yah," Harry said, "didn't he have an affair with that Slytherin bitch last year?"
"That is so sick!" Viv blurted out. "He is sooooooo ugly! Who would want to screw with him any way!?! Other than Malfoy, I mean?"
Just then Robin came in through the portrait hole with her shirt on backwards, with Ron following behind.
"She's good!!" he said with an excited look of his face.
"You're not so bad yourself." Robin told him, winking.
"Robin," Harry said, absentmindedly, "since I saw you last, you've totally lost every ounce of sanity you ever had."
"Isn't it great?" she sighed, "Now I can get screwed and not be a priss about it. I went through extensive therapy to loose my sanity, and Viv was a real help. She inspired me to be a sexy bitch."
"Thanx Viv." Said Ron.
"Just doing my job! So when's this field trip you guys told me about?"
"In two days," Hermione said, "Hey! Does the letter say when Sirius is getting here maybe he'll wanna go and screw with us there!"
"Maybe? Oh course he will!" Harry said, "And no, it doesn't say when."
"Snuffles is coming?"
"Yes Ron."
"HELLOI'MHERE EVERYONE!" came a voice.
"Speak of the devil.That was quick!" said Ron.
"YOWUZUPWHOWANTSTOGETSCREWEDFIRST?"
"What the hell are you on?!" said Harry as Sirius climbed through the window and landed on the floor with a thump. "And how did you scale that frick'n wall?"
"When your on what I'm on, you can do more than climb walls dude!"
" 'Dude'? Where do you think we are? America?"
"Yah? So? Now introduce me to your hot chicks already!"
Sirius was definitly not in his 30's.
"Snape's gonna love this." Hermione said.
"Not as much as Malfoy is. He could use a new boy toy!"
"That's sick!" Viv said.
Sirius started to try to climb the walls and actually succeeded.
"Some one get him down! He'll fall!" squealled Robin as he started swinging from the chandalier singing "What a Night".
"Careful Robin," Viv warned, "your sanity's showing!"
"She's right though," Hermione looked worried, "he might fall."
"Oh, he's not that high up," Viv said, looking up at him, "he'll li-"
She never got to finish her sentence, and you wouldn't have been able to either if a 140 pound guy had fallen on you.
"Oh shit." She gasped.
"Well that takes care of that." Ron said.
"Help?" she said.
"Get the hell off her already, Sirius!" Harry kicked him.
"I'm quite comfy actually."
"Your crushing my frick'n boobs! Get off!" Viv wheezed.
"Well," Sirius said, "in that case."
He hopped off.
"I can breath again!.must getair!"
"Yo Harry!" Sirius said, and added, "I think my high just wore off. Damn."
"I'm going to kick your ass!" Viv yelled, "That frick'n hurt!"
"Ooh! I would love an ass kicking from you!!!!"
"Where you always horny as a child?" Ron asked.
"Yah. So what's wrong with that?"
"Nothing." Ron said sarcastically, "You just really need to calm down."
"Sirius, you are such a horny bastard," Hermione said, "And by the way we're going on a field trip to Fondu's Magical Amusment Park in a few days, you coming?"
"Sure, I- oh fuck!"
Viv had gotten up and kicked him in the balls.
"That's for being insensitive!"
"My dick!!!!! Oh shit!!!" he wheezed, and he rolled up in a fetal position on the ground.
"That's a little harsh Viv." Harry said.
"Hey! He's no pixie alright! You think I liked having 140 pounds on my chest!?!"
"I assumed you did." Sirius squeaked.
"Yah, well you assumed wrong, but I've had my revenge, so you're forgiven."
Sirius lay on the ground for a few for seconds before finally getting up and leaning against the wall.
"Any way," said Robin, "My name is Robin, and this is my sister Viv."
"We've met." said Sirius.
"We're friends of Harry's, from America." She added.
"Soooo," said Hermione, "I've noticed you've improved your appearance a lot Sirius."
"Yep! Did you expect me to keep looking like a dog?"
"Well,"
"Look, I'm starving and I'm horny, so can we eat now?"
"Yah, it's only like 6:00, so dinner should be starting soon, let's go." Harry answered.
As they left the G.C.R. (figure it out), and walked down the hall way, they heard Malfoy yell, "Ooh! A new boy toy! I'm so excited! Nice butt, new boy!"
* * * * * * * * * *
Viv: I'm seeing stars. Sirius is not light.
As they enjoyed dinner, Ron gave them all a little hard liquor to fill their cups with.
Ron played footsies with Robin.
Harry played footsies with Hermione, as they were both far away from any one who cared.
Sirius played footsies Viv, who had forgiven him, and didn't feel guilty about the fact that he was born in the 70's because and 3, she'd screw with almost anything that was male, human, within her age range by 5 years, and attractive.
Malfoy played footsies with himself.
After they finished with dinner, they headed for the gcr again.
Harry pulled Sirius aside as they were walking back and said, "Don't you think it's a little strange that you're my god father and your screwing my friend? I know she doesn't care, but she's not exactly sane."
"Really Harry," Sirius sighed, "It's no big deal. And we haven't even screwed yet. You'll get used to the thought of it after a while. Oh, and sorry for being such a dick earlier. I was on some strong stuff."
"It's alright, but just be careful, Viv is as strange as she is horny."
"Right."
* * * * * * * * * *
Robin: Look at all the stars.
The next day was Saturday, so every one slept in. When Harry finally wandered down stairs, Ron and Hermione were already there.
"Are Viv and Robin up yet?" Harry asked Hermione.
"Nah."
They sat around for ten minutes before getting bored.
"I'll play some one poker." Ron said finally.
"I'm game." Hermione said.
"Me too." said Harry.
A voice from the stairs called, "Only if it's strip!"
"Hi, Sirius." They chimed in together.
"Yo everyone."
Eventually, they convinced Snuffles to play regular poker, and about an hour later, Robin and Viv wandered down.
"Good morning sunshine." Hermione said, "Now that you guys are finally up, we can eat some frick'n breakfast."
"I'm so hungry," Harry said, "I could eat shit."
They rushed down to the great hall, and ate so fast that Hermione and Ron got sick enough to start puking on everyones plates. But they ran out of the Hall quick enough to do it somewhere else instead.
"I feel so much better." Hermione said, 10 minutes later.
"Me too." Said Ron.
They had been in the bathrooms, practicing their projectile vomiting skills.
Just then Neville walked up.
"Hi you guys," he said, "who's your new friend?" he pointed to Sirius.
"His name is Bob." Harry said. "Bob the wonder boytoy."
Neville went on, "Oh, look, I was like um wondering if like, I could hang um out with you guys like tomorrow at the um field trip place?"
They all looked at each other.
"Well, Neville.you see.." Harry started.
"I wouldn't bother you guys too much!"
"No, oh no, that's not it, you see," Harry continued, "we're going on all the roller coasters, and scary rides, and we know you don't like those, so."
"I could wait while you guys go on them!"
"..also when we're not on the rides, we'll be screwing each other in the bathroom stalls, and that's a bit private."
"Oh, alright then, um bye."
As he left they all sighed with relief.
"Bleh!" 'Bob' said, "That's just like Peter Pettigrew, always following us around and bugging us. I swear, that fat bastard is the next wormtail."
"Neville is so annoying," Ron said, "you know he's going to follow us around any way."
"Yah," Hermione said, "but at least now he won't talk to us, and he'll be a safe distance away."
"I hope he doesn't barf again. That was so sick. All he has to do is look at one of those rides, and he's spuing chunks!"
* * * * * * * * *
The next morning, the prefects woke every one up at six.
"Get the hell off of me!" Viv said goggily, as a prefect chick tried to get her out of bed.
"Just get out of bed." Hermione said from across the room, "We've got that damn field trip today."
"No shit." said Robin.
It took them about an hour to get ready, and they were all wearing tube tops, short-shorts, platform strappy sandals, rock hard hair spray, and 1 pound of unsmudgable, waterproof make-up each.
The guys of course wore the usual; white tank tops and shorts that go down past your knees.
The walked down to the front of the school, where four yellow muggle school buses were waiting.
"We're riding this crap!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
"Yes we are, Ms. Fuc'you." McGonagall said, "They are the best way to avoid muggle attention."
"Well screw that!" Viv said, "I don't want to ride in those shitty things!"
"To bad."
So eventually Viv got on the Gryffindor bus, and sat down on a moldy old seat in the back seat.
"Where'd you get these pieces of junk?!" Hermione yelled from the back seat.
"A muggle rubbish yard!" McGonagall yelled back.
"That's fuck'n sick! I'm calling the S.P.S.T.!" Robin yelled.
"The what!?"
"The S.P.S.T!" she repeated, "The Society for Protection of Screwed Teenages! I'm a member you know!!!!!!!"
"You're also full of shit!" McGonagal yelled at her, "So shut your mouth and sit your candy ass down!"
"Fine! You wanna mess with me old woman?!?!?!" Robin screamed, "You wanna piece of me!?!?!?! Huh!?!?!"
"Shut your mouth!" McGonagall yelled, "Or I'll come back there and kick your ass!"
"I'd like to see you try Grandma!"
Robin got up as the bus started off down the road, and spread out her arms yelling, "You wanna piece of this?! Huh? Huh?"
McGonagall wlked down the middle of the bus and tried to throw a punch at Robin who blocked it and smacked her in the nose.
"Ya gonna cry? Ya gonna squirt some? Huh? Huh?"
Then Robin kept smacking her in the face without stopping till McGonagall cried, "Alright! Alright! You win, bitch!"
"Oh! You had enough? Poor grandma!"
McGonagall finally left and Robin sat down.
"That was fun."
"Yah."
"Look we're almost there!" Viv cried, staring out the window.
* * * * * * * * * *
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!