Disclaimer: Characters belong to people infinitely cooler than I. If Glee was owned by me, there would be less Rachel and Finn and more Santana/Mercedes/Brittany/Kurt/Puck and Quinn awesomeness. Seriously, we get Finn's an adorable idiot with a low attention span and Rachel's a high maintenance short-thing, don't need to point it out five times every episode.

Um, anyway, this is rated for language, themes and situations (nothing too racy, I think) and general amounts of awesomeness. Kurt and Quinn are the centric characters, so that should be enough incentive for everyone. Yes, that means a maybe plentiful amount of Kurt and Quinn pairings.

God was working against her.

She loved Him, being Christian and all, but….this was unfair and cruel.

Very, very cruel.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

"William Schuester must die", Captain Sue Sylvester spat towards three of her lackeys who were standing in front of her Captain's desk. "He is a disgrace to humanity and a total ninny!"A fist made contact with the wooden top, papers scattered and miscellaneous objects toppled over with a vengeance.

Silence fell after the outburst while the three young adults stood still to wait for her to continue her bashing of a man they only heard tales of and never actually met.

"Plus, his atrocious hair gives me urges to kill young, helpless animals."

One of Sue's trusted mate/lackey/slaves raised her hand, a gleeful smirk played across her pretty tanned face.

"So you want us to kill him?"

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Quinn rolled her eyes at the memory of Santana's comment. The excitement in her voice was creepy, but what would one expect from a pyromaniac and knife-fanatic?

With her right hand, the blonde played with the bottom of her white dress shirt, glaring at its navy blue tailcoat partner, while her left hand twirled itself in blonde curls—a nervous habit she adapted to when younger while her father scrutinized her every action in her 'Lady-Training'. Anything done wrong resulted in Quinn receiving a lecture in etiquette, welts, and no meal for the night.

Dammit, she ran away from home so she wouldn't have to wear the noble-styled and very frilly clothes laid out in front of her.

Lifting the coat to her eye level, Quinn scoffed.

Really, who would want to wear something entirely composed of these hideous ruffles?

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

"No, S, I would like the pleasure of wringing his neck myself, thank you," the older woman said without a missing a beat. She then stood and circled to the front of her desk so she could address the assembled group face-to-face. "This poor excuse of a man must be humiliated in the harshest way possible. Multiple times. In front of very important people."

Quinn and Kurt gave eachother the 'Uh-Oh, She's Going to do Something Crazy and give Us Ulcers'-look.

"Captain," the tall blonde voiced, a polite smile in place in hopes of her assumption being wrong, "what do you suppose we do?"

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Quinn really, really wished she had not been the one to speak after Sylvester revealed yet another portion of her insanity.

One day, the Cheerios leader will run her crew into the ground with her brand of crazy….

Or the smart ones will just save her the time by killing themselves.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

The smile that played across the Captain's face told the crewmates of the upcoming pain they will indeed go through to achieve her goals. "You're always quick to please, Q, it churns my stomach with disgust and little amounts of pride to see you work hard for me. I'm glad you ask, for I have recently received a delicious bit of information about my curly-haired friend."

Kurt's cringed at the snarl in Sue's voice. He felt his own stomach drop dramatically, forewarning him of the horrors to come.

"He will be hosting a wedding for two of the wealthiest families in Europe, with live performances of the best music and dancing money could buy. We will do everything in our power and within our resources to halt this obnoxious gay-fest before the bride walks down the aisle for 'I do'"

"So you're implying that we can't kill him or…or anyone?"

Quinn snorted and a spontaneous burst of courage blossomed through her chest. "Are you seriously not over the fact that you won't be able to wield a blunt object and bash someone's head in?" She whipped her hair over her shoulder and turned to look the Captain in the eye. "I am not a patient person, Miss Sylvester, please inform us—or rather me—of your reason for this 'secret' meeting before I grow bored and leave."

Ignoring Santana's "You know I like setting people on fire more than giving them brain damage", Quinn and Sue shared a glare-off while said Latina stared, uninterested, between Captain and First Mate, and Kurt awkwardly shifted from foot to foot.

"Why am I even here, ma'am?"

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Those were the words that broke the thirty-five point three zero eight seconds of indifferent/mutually-respected/affronted stare offs normally shared between the older and younger blondes. Sue was everything but a 'softie' (or, the more offensive lingo she used, pussy) but her crew was family. Once you lived with the same people over an x-amount of years, you grew fond of them, even in the littlest of amounts. The cold captain hated it, but she cherished the three in front of her above anyone else—excluding her real family, of course—and let certain privileges be blessed upon them. Sue was a fair woman, but favoritism was not above her when concerned with these three.

It was this small amount of affection that stopped the tall blonde from kicking the smaller blonde's ass. Quinn knew this; Santana knew this; everyone and their grandmother's dog knew this little factoid. Many know that Quinn would have put up a fight against the older woman and Captain Sylvester respected the blind, stupid courage her first mate exhibited. Hence the title 'First Mate' and "Get-out-of-Jail-free" cards bestowed unto the stubborn blonde.

Kurt's interruption saved Quinn from a bout of ranting on respecting people of higher intelligence/status/age/blah, and hours of waxing the ship's deck with nothing more than a rag the size of the palm of her hand and her own sweat as the waxing substance.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

"So the Fairy speaks", Sue spoke, not breaking eye contact with Quinn. "I'm glad you ask; after much deliberation I have decided to destroy William Schuester from the inside out, and will be needing your feminine charms, Hummel."Kurt raised an eyebrow while Quinn knitted her brows in confusion.

Hell, even Santana showed interest. She tried covering it by picking at her nails with a freakishly large kitchen knife. No one wanted to know neither where she was hiding it nor who she had killed to obtain it.

Sue made a mental note to check the kitchen staff and hire if anyone turned out to be 'missing'.

"Q will be aiding you in this mission. I have chosen you two as you are both my top players—don't give me that look, Santana, you are wonderful as well but I need a boy and a girl for this particular…espionage mission."

The Latina lowered her knife-arm she was just holding over Kurt's oblivious head. A small pout graced her features as she went back to picking at her nails.

The Captain continued, "You two will go undercover as brother and sister and infiltrate Schuester's property. Learn everything about the couple, wedding plans, and other bits of useful information that will allow me to crush his puny head in my fist"—she inhaled through her nose to calm the excitement welling in her chest at the image of her holding a miniature Will and squeezing him until his eyes and brain popped out—"gain his trust and the trust of the bride and groom, then viciously tear the lovers apart and stage the break-up as a mistake in Schuester's wedding planning skills."

Sue paused to breathe as her voice pitched higher with adrenaline when she finished the basics of her plan. "That will only be the first half of the plan to destroy William Schuester." She crossed her arms behind her back to coolly address the still confused crewmates. "I still need to work out the kinks in the finale, but it will be remarkable."

Kurt ran a hand through his hair before asking "What does this have to do with my 'feminine charms', Captain?" He crossed his arms across his chest, leaned to the side to jut a hip out, and gave his leader a skeptical look.

Sue suddenly clapped her hands to together and pointed at him with a smirk, "That, my dear little closet-case is the reason." She cast a gaze to two other females present. "Do you see it?"

Santana narrowed her eyes and pointed the tip of the knife in Kurt's general direction, "Him acting like a total girl? Yeah, I see it, what of it?"

Wait…Sylvester had just mentioned she needed a boy and girl to act the parts of siblings, but how did she have confidence in Kurt to be the 'brother' when she pointed out his blindingly flamboyant personality?

…

Boy and Girl.

…

Kurt and Quinn.

…

Kurt's effeminateness.

…

He liked wearing dresses, didn't he?

…

Boy…and Girl?

Girly Kurt and Quinn…..

Oh, crap.

With sudden realization, Quinn's eyes widened as her throat tightened up. The Captain's words of 'brother' and 'sister' and, earlier, pointing out Kurt's girliness echoed in her head. Connections were made and she was suddenly regretting her standing up to the Captain.

"C…Captain, don't tell me…he is to play the part of the sister…while I…I…" She couldn't finish the sentence as her voice hitched into a breathless gasp. The others' eyes also widened and Sue's mouth twisted into a grin. Oh, this was the pain their Sue-senses were warning them about.

"Yes, Fabray, it is exactly what you are thinking."

The last thing Kurt remembers before blacking out was the hysterical laughter of one Santana Lopez, Sue's self-praising smile, and the thought he and Quinn shared which the blonde spoke aloud:

"Oh…fuck".

A/N: This is the brainchild of boredom and radical theories certain friends and I come up with about Glee. If your brain is starting to hurt, that's good. It means I have done my job. Criticism is encouraged. Bashing…not so much. Look out for the next installment.