She put him out
Like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette
"I can't do this anymore Dean!" Castiel cried, tears streaming down his face. Dean opened his mouth, looking for the right words that would make it all better, that would fix the problem, but he had none.
"Please babe, I- we can fix this." Dean pleaded, grabbing on to Castiel's shoulder. It was 2014, only a year after Cas had been cast out of heaven. They've been searching for a way to get back at Metatron, to let the angels back into heaven, but they have been coming up empty. Along the way, Cas and Dean had acknowledged their feelings for each other, and they were happy… for a while.
"What is there to fix Dean!?" Castiel asked, his voice broken. "I just can't take it, the useless arguments, the angry sex, you showing up drunk on our step after spending half the night who knows where, and for what!? What did I do?"
"You didn't do anything babe-"
"Oh don't give me the 'it's not you it's me' crap!" He cursed, shoving Dean's hand away. Dean looked at the floor, broken inside. Why couldn't he be happy? What on earth did he do to deserve this?
"Please Cas," He pleaded, green eyes shimmering with tears. Cas's bright blue eyes, were now dim and rimmed with red. When did they lose that sparkle that he fell in love with? The curiosity, when him and Sam showed him something new after he fell, the glow when they made love. Did he ruin that? Of course, He thought bitterly, I always ruin anything beautiful after I touch it.
"I think you should leave." Castiel whispered, gesturing towards the door. "And don't come back." He then turned his back on Dean, telling himself that this was for the best. Dean stormed out the door furiously, hot tears streaming down his face. He was so stupid, how could he not see this coming? Everyone left him in the end, even Sam, who was now living with his wife on the other side of town. Dean didn't deserve happiness, and he was selfish enough to get a taste of it with Castiel before he threw him out as well. Dean jumped in the Impala drove furiously to Sam's house. He knocked on the door a couple times, and Sam's wife, Amelia, opened the door.
"Can I stay here a couple days?" He whispered, and even in the low volume his voice was breaking.
She broke his heart
He spent his whole life trying to forget
Dean looked dejectedly around the blank walls of his new apartment. It has been months sense Cas kicked him out, and he kept waiting for a sign that maybe, just maybe, he would be forgiven, and Cas would love him and want him back. Of course, that was just wishful thinking. Dean flopped down on his bed, staring at the ceiling reminiscing some of the good times that he and Cas had those first few months. Like, their first time that rainy night.
He could easily remember the way Cas looked, his eyes illuminated by the dim lighting by their bed. It was their first night in the new house together.
"Dean…." Cas had moaned, tipping his head back as Dean furiously pressed kisses to his neck.
"Yeah babe?" He asked distractedly.
"I'm ready." Dean froze once he heard those words. They had been together for a month now, and every time things had gotten heated, Cas had always stopped him, saying that he wasn't ready. Dean hadn't minded of course, he would have waited forever for Castiel.
"Are you sure?" Dean whispered, the moment suddenly becoming that much more intimate.
"Dean…" Castiel growled, looking him dead in the eyes. Thunder boomed in the distance. "Make love to me." And they did. Slow, sensual, and when Cas had his first orgasm of his life, Dean had held him tightly, and whispered those 3 words.
"I love you." He muttered.
"I love you too." Cas said back.
Dean didn't realize that he was crying again until he felt the dampness streaming down his cheeks.
We watched him drink his pain away, a little at a time
Sam came over every other day, to check on Dean. If Dean wasn't drinking, he was already drunk, babbling on about Cas. It was heartbreaking, to see his brother reduced to this mess. Sam had tried to talk to Cas, but he wouldn't open the door or pick up the phone.
"Hey Sammy." Dean said dejectedly, pouring a glass of whiskey when Sam let himself in. Dean's eyes were focused, which meant that he hadn't started drinking… yet. "Want some?" He downed the whole glass in one go.
"No thank-you." Sam rejected politely, which Dean replied with a shrug and poured himself another glass. Sam stayed over for a few hours, watching tv. Dean got wasted and started talking about Cas, Sam tried to calm him down, Dean yelled at Sam, then Dean drank so much that he passed out and Sam carried his brother to his bed before leaving.
This was the routine for months.
But he never could get drunk enough, to get her off his mind
Until the night…
"Sorry Dean, Amelia's father's in town and I promised that I would stay for dinner…" Sam trailed off on the phone. Dean gripped the glass tighter, forcing his words to sound lighthearted.
"No problem Sammy, I'll be fine."
"Are you sure, because I can come over to your place for a bit and just come back to my house later…"
"I'm sure Sam, you have fun with the folks you hear?" He smiled, trying to convince himself of his own words.
"Thanks Dean, I'll be over tomorrow." Click. Dean stared at the phone, before throwing it against the wall where it shattered. He then threw back his glass of whiskey, not even blinking as the liquid burned down his throat. Sammy was leaving him now too. Just like his Mom, his Dad,… Cas
Dean drank the whole bottle, and was sitting in front of the TV watching some ESPN special on a shooting tournament. Dean couldn't help but smile at the first time he taught Cas how to shoot a gun. It was when they all still lived at the bunker. Sam was out with his new girlfriend, and Cas and Dean were bored.
"Dean?" Cas asked timidly, Dean looked up from the laptop he was looking at, trying to find another case.
"Yeah Cas?" he asked.
"I believe that if I am to become a hunter, I will need to know how to shoot a gun, is that correct?"
"Congratulations Sherlock." Dean teased, while Cas tilted his head in that adorable way.
"I do not understand that reference." Dean rolled his eyes. "However, I do not know how to shoot."
"Well you're in luck!" Dean exclaimed, bounding out of chair and pulling Cas down one of the hallways. "This place has a fully stocked shooting range. With a teacher like me, you'll be a pro in no time."
Dean started crying again, not bothering to be silent. No one lived in the apartments around him anyway.
"Okay, so you hold the gun like this… No Cas!" Dean exclaimed, frustrated.
"I'm sorry Dean." Castiel blushed, looking down. Dean rubbed his face with his hand, trying to calm down.
"It's okay, here, let me help you." Dean put his arms around Cas's, his stomach pressed up against the other's back, his head resting on Cas's shoulder. He tried to steady his breathing. "Okay, so you need to steady your arms so you don't miss… alright now aim for his head… and pull the trigger." Dean was jolted back when Cas yanked the trigger. Dean looked up to see the new hole in the middle of the targets forehead.
"Like that Dean?" Cas asked, twisting his head around to face Dean. They were so close, only a few inches apart.
"Great job Cas." Dean praised, and the grin on Castiel's face was worth the pain in his shoulder from being jerked back.
Dean found himself in his bedroom, staring at the same gun that was in the drawer of his bedside table. He then walked over to his desk, and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. With a sense of calm, Dean jotted down a quick note, and then sat on his bed, picking up the gun.
He put that bottle to his head, and pulled the trigger
He finally drank away her memory.
Dean put the gun up to his head, the last image he had in his head was the one of Castiel smiling that morning after the first time and they woke up in each other's arms.
Life is short, but this time it was bigger,
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees.
They found him with his face down in the pillow.
"Dean!" Sam yelled, throwing open the door to the apartment. He had been trying to call Dean all night, and realized why his brother wasn't answering his phone when he saw the shattered pieces of it on the wall. The house was eerily quiet, and Sam couldn't hear the usual snores indicating that Dean was asleep.
"Dean!" He called again, then ran into the bedroom. "Oh god…" Sam whispered, slumping down on the door frame. His brother was lying in a pool of his own blood, body twisted so that his bottom half was falling off the bed while his face was buried on top of a pillow. Sam carefully stepped into the room, and found a note on the desk.
With a note that said I'll love her till I die.
With trembling fingers, Sam picked up the note and read his brother's drunken scrawl.
'I still don't know why I still love the bastard, after all that he put me through. But, I do, and I can't find a way to live without him. So I won't. Sorry Sammy, I hope you have a wonderful life with Amelia. And Castiel, I'll always love you till the day I die, and then some.'
Sam put the note in his pocket, then stumbled over to the bed, cradling his dead brother in his arms, sobbing.
And when we buried him beneath the willow
Sam watched somberly as the men lowered his brother into the ground. Amelia stood next to him, rubbing his arms and muttering soothing words. The funeral was small, only a couple of people had shown up. Kevin was there, as well as Garth and Charlie. Everyone else that Dean cared about was dead.
"It's okay Sam, he's in a better place now." Amelia whispered, tears in her own eyes. Was he really? They didn't know what was going on in Heaven now once Metatron took over. They each threw a handful of dirt onto the grave, and Sam turned around to leave to find Castiel standing only a couple feet away.
"You bastard!" Sam shouted, and Kevin and Charlie grabbed onto Sam to prevent him from attacking Cas.
"Sam!" Amelia shouted, rushing over to her husband's arm. Sam eventually relaxed, shrugging Kevin off his shoulder.
"You have a lot of nerve showing up here." Sam hissed, then pulled the note out of his pocket before shoving it into Castiel's chest. Cas quickly read the words, then shoved the note into his suit jacket.
"My condolences." He whispered, turning his face towards the ground, trying to hide the tears.
"It's a little too late for that buddy." Sam spat, before stalking away towards the car, bumping Cas roughly in the shoulder and making him stagger backwards. The others glanced at him, not finding any words to say, and walked to their cars. While Charlie was getting into hers, she looked up to find Castiel kneeling next to the grave. In the setting sun, the willow tree was casting long shadows over him, and she saw him kiss the letter, before throwing a handful of dirt into the grave. She bit back the sob that bubbled in her throat, and drove away.
Castiel cried freely at the grave of Dean, away from anyone that could see or hear him. He reread the last line of the note over and over again, mumbling how stupid he was. The wind suddenly picked up, and he thought he heard a faint murmur through the long branches of the willow tree. Cas smiled. It was the angels taking Dean's soul to heaven.
And the angels sang a whiskey lullaby
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
The rumors flew, but nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years…
Cas stumbled around the empty house, trying to find his car keys. He needed to make a run out to the local convenience store, he was out of whiskey.
It had been 2 years since Dean killed himself, but the memory was still fresh in his mind as when he read the obituary in the paper that fateful morning. He remembers the way his glass of water dropped out of his hand, shattering glass all over the floor. He remembers stepping on it in his bare feet, numb to the pain that was shooting up his legs as he crossed the floor to their old bedroom. He pulled out a drawer next to his bed, one that had all the things that Dean left when Cas had kicked him out. On top there was a picture of them, one that was taken… it seems like a lifetime ago. Sam had taken it, it was when they still lived in the bunker, and Dean and Cas were joking about something when they heard a camera go off.
"What was that for!" Dean shouted incredulously, glaring playfully at Sam who was hiding behind an old camera.
"I found this in one of the old rooms, I was just seeing if it worked." Sam said defensively.
"Aren't pictures customly taken when the people in them are looking at the camera and smiling?" Cas asked, tilting his head to the side, confused.
"That's right Cas!" Sam grinned wolfishly, before holding the camera up to his face again. "Smile you two!" Dean rolled his eyes, but turned towards Sam and smiled, but not before throwing an arm around Castiel. In his surprise, Cas managed to make a small grin while the camera went off, the flash blinding him for a split second. Sam waiting a moment while the picture printed out of the bottom of the camera, then he took it out and shook it before looking down.
"Perfect." He said, smiling.
Cas found his car keys on his dresser, next to that picture, which was framed, and the folded note beneath it. Cas stared at the picture for a little longer, admiring the way that Dean looked, so carefree and happy, his jade eyes sparkling mischievously. Cas started crying again. Dean was such a bright soul, and Cas stole that from him, making the other man take his own life. Cas ruined everything that he touched. Sniffling a little, Cas picked up the keys and left.
She tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
"Have you been drinking again?" The cleaning lady, Irene, said, squinting at Cas.
"No." He glared at her, staggering a little. Irene leaned back, taken by surprise by the stench of alcohol reeking from this man. Cas saw, and looked down, ashamed. Irene was an elderly woman, and had taken to him after he hired her to clean up around her after Dean had killed himself. She was more like a mother to him now.
"You're going to drink yourself to death." She warned, giving him a look.
She finally drank her pain away, a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough, to get him off her mind
Until the night…
Cas was on his couch, staring at the TV screen without really watching it. Some old sitcom was on, but the words and meaningless laughter floated over his head. When was the last time that he laughed? He grabbed the glass, drinking furiously out of it, trying to suppress the memory that was bubbling up.
"Hey Cas!" Dean shouted, chasing him through the bunker, trying not to laugh at the former angel who was stalking away.
"Don't laugh at me…." Cas pouted, turning away from Dean. Dean laughed, holding a washcloth while trying to get at some of the food that was stuck to Cas's face. The angel kept turning away, looking down like a little kid.
"Hey, hold still." Dean said, trying to wipe the remains of what should have been a pie off his friend's face. He was still smiling at the incident that happened just a couple moments before.
"Sam didn't have to throw the pie at me." He growled, glaring towards the kitchen where you could still hear the roar of Sam laughing.
"He didn't mean to." Dean soothed, grabbing Castiel's arm to pin him in one spot. "Now look up so I can get pie off your face."
"No." Cas pouted defiantly. Dean sighed, before putting his hand on Cas's chin and jerking the face up towards his. Cas was caught off guard by how close Dean's face was to his. Ever since he became human, he had been plagued with the urges that usually centered around Dean. However, Dean was the last person he could ever talk to about feelings, and he was too embarrassed to talk to Sam. Dean looked down at Cas's lips for a second.
"You have some whip cream on your mouth." Dean whispered, leaning forward a bit. Castiel gulped.
"Then get it off." Dean's eyes flickered back to his for a moment, to make sure, then ever so softly, pressed his mouth against Castiel's. Cas's eyes slid shut in bliss, and he wrapped his arms tightly around Dean, who in turn threaded his hands through Cas's hair. All was well, until Sam showed up.
"I knew it!" He shouted victoriously, before launching another pie at them. This time, it hit Dean, and the food slid all over his shocked face. Cas couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up in his throat, and wiped some of the food off of Dean's mouth. Dean grinned wolfishly at him, then bumped his nose against Cas's.
Cas threw the glass at the wall, the glass shattering with a loud crash. The tears were running freely down his face, and he couldn't control the sobs that were racking through his body. It was all his fault, it was him who ended the relationship, which ultimately ended Dean's life. The love of Cas's life. Cas stumbled to his bedroom, and grabbed the picture frame and the note. He threw the frame on the ground, picking up the old photo underneath the shattered glass. He then unfolded the note, for the millionth time, and kissed the last words.
'And Castiel, I'll love you till the day I die.'
"Me too." He whispered, then went to the fridge to grab all the alcohol he could find.
She put that bottle to her head, and pulled the trigger
She finally drank away his memory.
Castiel sat on the bed, chugging the whiskey straight out of the bottle. Tears ran down his face, hitting the picture that he held tightly in his hand. A shudder racked through his body, and Cas threw up violently over the side of the bed, before grabbing another bottle and chugging it down.
Life is short, but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees.
Cas was lying on the bed now, jerking violently. Blood dribbled out of the corner of his mouth, and he coughed some of it out, spraying it all over the note, on top of the words he had added for anyone who found him. He thought of Dean, and a calming sensation warmed over him. He would be with him soon, and maybe then he could apologize for all that he had done. He looked at the picture of them smiling, and shakily brought his lips to the picture before succumbing to the darkness for the last time.
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
"Castiel? Castiel?" Irene shouted, padding her way through all the rooms. She couldn't find the poor man that she worked for, and he hadn't been answering his phone all week. She made her way up the stairs, then to his bedroom. She slowly opened the door, then reeled back at the stench that overcame her. Blinking the tears out of her eyes, she peeked her head into the room, before leaning against the doorway, clutching her heart.
"Oh lord help me." She whispered, eyes tearing up at the sight before her. Empty whiskey bottles were strewn across the floor, and a mixture of blood and vomit was everywhere. She looked to the still form on the bed, lying in a pool of his own sick. In his hand there was a wrinkled photograph and a note. Gingerly, she pried them from his hands. Opening the note, she saw that it was that paper that Castiel always kept in his pocket. She read the words on the top first, in a faded handwriting. Tears started to leak down her face once she read the note that Cas had added on the bottom.
'And I will love you forever Dean. If anyone finds me, please bury me at the cemetery off of Hill road, next to Dean Winchester underneath the willow tree.'
She put that in her dress pocket before looking at the picture. She had looked at it several times while she was cleaning, but whenever she asked about it Castiel had always teared up and simply told her it was a friend who died.
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
Irene bowed her head while the men lowered Castiel's casket into the ground. He had left no information about any family or friends, so there was no funeral. She muttered a quick prayer before leaving the men to fill in the grave. When she turned around, the wind suddenly picked up, and she thought she could hear the faint murmurs of a song as she walked away from the 2 boys.
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la