Matters of the Mind
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They were on another alien planet. And in trouble. Again. He should have checked. He should have been more careful. There was a virus going around. He should have figured it out. But he had wanted to show Rose the glass beaches on this planet.
Long before the planet had been inhabited, there had been this radiation from this solar system's Star, and it heated the sand on the beaches so much they turned to glass. Also evaporated a lot of water obviously, but its simply rained later. Now the planet was well inhabited with people. And apparently, a deadly virus. And it had Rose.
The Doctor was currently yelling at a physician to explain to him what type of virus it was and how to stop it. The physician was blubbering. The Doctor pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.
"How long does she have?" he asked in a calm but tense voice. The physician took a deep breath now he had stopped shouting and answered.
"A couple hours at most possibly. A pure human has never caught the virus so we don't know entirely, but similar races have so we can at least guess." A few hours. Hopefully that would be enough time.
"What type of virus is it?" He was looking down at Rose as he spoke. She was lying still on the hospital bed, barely breathing with her brow furrowed, as if having a bad dream.
"A virus of the mind, I'm afraid. We can't cure it." the physician said slowly. The Doctor frowned as he trailed off.
"But?" he knew there was one.
"But that does not mean that she will die. We can not cure it but she might be able to kill it." The Doctor tensed.
"How?" he asked urgently.
"If her mind is strong enough. It can be killed from the inside. If it is ripped from its host while feeding, it will die."
"Right, thanks." The Doctor crossed his arms. There is something that might help. He sat on the edge of the hospital bed. The physician nodded and left. The Doctor looked down at Rose. He hoped it would work. It had better work. He gently pressed his fingertips to Rose's temples and closed his eyes.
He reached his mind forward and brushed against hers. The Doctor gasped slightly. Bright gold, it was all shimmering gold and it smelled like Rose. And her song. The Doctor tool a deep breath and pushed forwards. It wasn't hard to find, the virus. It was big and grey, twisting and undulating around Rose's mind. It was eating her. The Doctor growled and pushed forward. It was smart. It pushed back. It writhed around and tried to grab hold of his mind too. He half wanted it to, but it wouldn't let go of Rose. He wrestled with it but it eventually threw him out.
The Doctor sat up and blinked, his hands lowering from Rose's face. He was breathing heavily. It was strong. Amazingly strong. It had to be her. It had to be her mind. It couldn't be an outsider. This virus was clever, very clever. The Doctor shifted again and placed his fingers back on Rose's temples and leapt. This time, he didn't go for the virus, he went into her mind, sifting. He found what he had feared. She wasn't strong enough. Oh, his Rose was strong, very strong, but she wasn't telepathic.
An idea hit him and he pulled back again, this time not breaking contact. There was something he could do. There was some way for him to be able to stop it. He looked down at Rose. If he did, there would be no way to break it. She might be furious with him. She might slap him. But that would mean that she was still alive. The Doctor squeezed his eyes shut and whispered an apology. He moved closer and pressed his forehead to hers as well.
He went back in, deeper and surrounding. He whispered words into her mind. Words that the TARDIS wouldn't translate. The language of his people. The melodic words spread out through her mind and his. The virus would notice. He knew it would. It was clever, so he had to work fast. Even though it couldn't understand the words, it would know what was happening soon. The words ended and drifted together to form a circle around his mind and hers. It tightened and the Doctor winced.
Then the force hit him hard, harder than the virus had done and he stumbled back, falling off the edge of the bed and landing hard on the hospital room floor. He could feel her. He could still feel her. Inside his mind. She could too, but wouldn't know what it meant. And she was a bit busy.
The virus! It was moving faster. The Doctor blinked and jumped to his feet, returning to his previous position. He was now further in. He could see the virus from Rose's perspective. It was eating away at her faster. He could see its many rows of needle thin teeth gnashing away. He ran at it and pushed. It jerked back. He grabbed at it and it turned to eat him. But he was still inside her. It was still eating her but the grip was not as strong as before.
He squeezed. It shuddered and flailed. More of its teeth were coming loose. It flailed more, trying to get out of his grip and continue feeding. It slipped part ways out of his reach and he snatched for it again. He felt Rose shudder. Rose. Rose. He had to save Rose. He grabbed at the thing again and yanked as hard as he could. It jerked back and they tumbled. Its mouth was flailing and empty. It tried to get up. It tried to bite, to continue feeding, but the Doctor yanked it aside again. It flailed and started to shrivel up. The Doctor kept his grip on it until it disappeared entirely.
He sagged and looked around. Rose's mind was all still there, but now a bit more messy and frayed at the edges. He sighed. He felt her. She was going to wake up soon. He pulled back quickly and stood up from the bed. He looked down at her. Her breathing had evened out and she stirred, about to wake. The Doctor took a step back. He should stay, he wanted to stay and be there when she woke. But he selfishly wanted to postpone her anger at him. He knew it would not end well. He turned on his heel and strode down the wing. He met the physician again, walking towards him. He paused.
"When she wakes, tell her I'm in our-ship" he said curtly. The physician looked at him and smiled slightly.
"So you were able to do it, were you? Good man." The Doctor shrugged and continued to the TARDIS. He unlocked the door and stepped into the consul room. He slowly walked along the grating. He could still feel her. She was waking up. The physician came over to talk to her. He was explaining. She was confused. She was wondering where he was. The Doctor ran a hand over his face. She could feel him too. She didn't know what it was yet but she could. She was coming to the TARDIS.
The Doctor moved as if he just been shocked by electricity and turned to the consul. He started fiddling and checking things that didn't need to be checked. The door opened behind him and she entered. The Doctor squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. He could feel her. She was so alive. He turned and forced a grin on his face. He wondered how long it would be until she asked.
"Hello Rose."
"Where've you been?" She walked closer to stand next to him. He turned quickly and started checking things again. He shrugged.
"The TARDIS needed some repairs."
"The physician explained everything, 'bout the virus and stuff."
"Good." he wouldn't look at her.
"He said you saved me. How's that?" she asked, leaning against the consul. The Doctor shrugged again.
"Bit of this, bit of that," he replied noncommittally and walked around the consul to stare intently at one of the screens. He could feel Rose hesitating. He sighed. Here it came. He knew it would come sooner rather than later. His clever Rose, always asking questions.
"Doctor?"
"Yeah?"
"What-I mean. Since I woke up-and I think before- there's this thing inside my head-and I know it's not the virus anymore," she said quickly as if expecting him to interrupt. "But-its not evil or anything. Its just there. Feelin's and things that aren't mine." She finished quietly. The Doctor didn't reply and kept his head down. He was so focused, he didn't hear, or sense, her move until she put her hand on his arm.
"Doctor-" he jumped back as if shocked.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Rose. I couldn't-I didn't mean to-Well I did-I had to. You were dying. It was the only way-I couldn't," The Doctor knew he was rambling but he couldn't seem to stop. The words were tripping over themselves on the way out of his mouth "It had to be you-your mind-but you weren't strong enough-I am sorry- not that I didn't wan-I mean-no- that is-it would have been better if you-"
"Doctor" He stopped immediately and took a deep breath.
"Sorry."
"What are you going on about?"
"Your mind. It wasn't strong enough to fight off the virus. I tried but realized that it could only be your mind to kill it," he explained slowly.
"So how did you kill it then? 'Cause I certainly din't"
"I-there is this thing that telepathic species can do- especially Time Lords. A special bond." he stopped.
"'Kay. What has that got to do with anything?"
"I did it."
"You did whot?"
"The psychic bond."
"You did? With who?"
"You."
"Me?"
"Yes you." Rose frowned slightly
"You can read my thoughts now?"
"Without touching you, yeah."
"Could you before?"
"Not if I wasn't touching you. Basic telepathy with non telepathic creatures requires contact."
"Have you before"
"No! I would never have invaded your privacy like that."
"Can I read your mind then?"
"Yeah, with a bit of training. Your species isn't telepathic so you didn't recognize my mind for what it was at first."
"So can we do that speakin' thing?"
"What speakin' thing?"
"You know, without speakin'"
-You mean this?- He thought and she gaped at him.
"You-oh my gosh! That is so cool! Can I do that too?" Rose asked excitedly and the Doctor chuckled slightly.
"Yeah." Rose paused.
"How?"
"Just think it. I'm inside your head and your inside mine. I'll hear it."
-Doctor?-
-Yeah?-
"Oh my gosh! It works!" Rose exclaimed excitedly and threw her arms around his neck. His arms went around her waist automatically and he picked her up, spinning her. He set her down and she giggled.
"Wait." She frowned. "What were you saying before?"
"About what?"
"Why were you sorry?" She asked and the Doctor's face fell. Right. He dropped his arms and took a step back. "Why is it a bad thing? You saved my life, din'tcha? And it's absolutely brilliant. So why are you sorry?"
"Because I can't undo it Rose."
"Whot?"
"This is permanent. Time Lords don't bond on a whim. It's meant... it's meant for-." The Doctor tried again. "If you ever wanted to move on, you couldn't. You're stuck with me in your head. Stuck with the brain of this daft old alien." he said with a half smile that he didn't mean. "It's meant- the ritual is sometimes done along with marriage. Not all the time though-It's more intimate-being inside each other's heads all day- you share emotions, thoughts, memories, dreams, nightmares. It's much more permanent than marriage is. Marriage-you might regenerate and decide to get a divorce or something. But this, this is forever." he said sadly, looking up into her wide eyes. "You're stuck with me." She didn't speak for a moment, thinking. He could see what she was thinking without much effort but he didn't particularly want to, so he waited.
"But you're stuck with me too, aren't you?" She asked and he frowned at her question.
"Not really, no" Without meaning to, he felt a shift from confusion to hurt. What had he done now?
"That's 'cause you'll live longer than me, innit? You can go off and be free once I'm dead."
"What?! No! No, that's not what I meant. I'd die if you did-not- I'd also feel you dying. Might even regenerate. Don't know. Never done this before. Never heard of it being done before. But that's still not what I meant. I would lo-" he cut himself off with a growl. Could he make any less sense? "It's not that I don't want this. It would be nice if you could regenerate, actually- but that's besides the point. It's that you might not want that. Not want to be stuck with me forever. You were unconscious. And dying. You had no say," he finally finished. He looked at her. He could feel her working things out. She didn't say anything for a while and he didn't want to break the silence.
"Do I get a say now?" she asked finally and the Doctor looked at her confused.
"No point is there. It's done. No going back." he said and crossed his arms.
"So?" she asked defiantly. He looked up at her slightly surprised and then sighed.
"'Course you do. You always do." He sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets. He turned to walk out of the consul room but paused when her voice came from behind him.
"I would've said yes." He turned on his heel to face her.
"You what?"
"I would've said yes," she repeated. "If I was conscious. And if it wasn't a life or death situation. I would've agreed to do it."
"Really?" he was shocked. He opened his mouth to say something else to say but couldn't think of anything. "Why?" he finally managed.
"I thought you could read my mind, Doctor."
"I could, easily, if I tried. But I'm not trying. I can feel your general emotions right now just like you can with mine. But I'm not trying. When-if we become more in tune, it won't be as easy not to read your mind. But it's early stages yet." he explained softly.
"Why if Doctor? I told you, I want this. Don't you?"
"Yes."
"Then what's the problem?" She huffed. He didn't need to read he mind that she was very exasperated.
"Because I'm afraid that when you find out you'll want to leave." he finally admitted.
"Find out what?"
"How much I am hopelessly in love with you."