Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the station
No one was stirring, not even the drunk in for an altercation.
The arrest reports were all filed in their cabinets with care
In hopes that the detectives would soon leave there.
Ryan and Esposito were playing Trashket-ball
While ignoring the disapproving looks being given by all
And Beckett at her desk and I in my seat
Had just settled our brains after a long day of walking the beat
When out from the dispatch room there arose such a clatter
I knocked over my chair to see what was the matter.
A murder on Broadway, came the news flash
The victim was sliced, no the cut was more a slash.
The scene of the crime was at the newest Broadway show
The lights overhead gave the body an eerie glow
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But an irate ME who was dressed for the premiere
"I had tickets," she said, pulling her gloves on quick
"The victim is the star of the show, his name is Jeremy Nick"
More rapid than eagles her preliminary came,
Which Esposito struggled to note as she called them by name.
"He's got two in the stomach and three on his thigh,
There's drugs in his pocket, he could have been high.
I'll know more about it when I get him out of here,
I'll figure out the murder weapon, don't have any fear."
As quickly as she came, she left just as fast
Leaving Ryan to question the rest of the cast
Esposito and Beckett tracked down the first on the scene
I was left to my own devices, a writer's greatest dream.
And then, down an alley, I heard a person on the roof.
A clanging and scraping as they descended on foot
As I looked into the darkness and went to investigate
The leading lady of the play came down the fire escape
She was dressed all in fur, from her head to her foot
And her clothes were all matted with blood and some dirt
A scary looking knife she held in her hand
And she looked right at me. "I didn't kill that man."
Her eyes were scared and her voice was shaking
I should have assumed then that she was faking
Her droll little mouth lured me in with her story
And then when I called for help, she glared at me in fury
She threatened me with the knife held tight in her fist
"I was the best actress here, about to be dismissed.
"Hire the musician from the radio," she practically screamed
"Her music is stupid, not to mention horribly obscene!"
"You okay?" Beckett's voice whispered in my ear
And I nodded and saw Ryan and Esposito appear
A wink from Javier and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
Kate spoke the only words, trying to talk her down
But she wasn't listening, only stared with a frown
Beckett laid her finger on the trigger silently
And a shot rang out when the girl attacked me violently
I sprang back from the knife, giving a girly scream to which I'll never admit
But Ryan and Esposito will never let me forget
And I heard myself exclaim as I ran out of sight
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."