{Okay, okay, okay… This is half-based on a roleplay between my sister and I…and it's kinda weird. Don't judge. Warning: Crude language, Owner!Dave & Pet!Sollux}
What the actual fuck.
What the fuuuuuck was on your bed.
Staring at the…creature?...soon proved to harbor no results. So, you did what you always do when you didn't understand what the fuck was going on.
"…BRO."
A brief silence, then a sigh…followed by your brother's familiar voice.
"…yes, Dave?"
"What the fuck."
Another sigh. "…elaborate. Use your words, Dave."
"There's this…thing. On my bed." You paused a moment, then added. "The fuck is it?"
"It's your new pet. I found it. Now, it's your problem. And if you don't mind, I'm going out. Have fun." You could hear Bro stand up and after a period of near silence, you heard the front door close.
Nearly ten minutes had passed since Bro left. You'd pretty much had been staring like a creep at whatever the fuck was sleeping on your bed for the whole time. It's not like you, Dave fucking Strider, were going to ask for attention. It was going to give it to you. If only it woke up…
Being completely bored out of your skull, you threw an empty apple juice box at it. It stirred and sat up suddenly, as if the juice box was going to bite out his jugular. Holding in laughter, since you were too cool for that, you sat on the bed across from the creature and crossed your arms. Waiting for it to talk first. Since you were too fucking cool to start a conversation.
It looked around nervously, obviously confused by your silent stare. You two ended up having a staring contest that you made up in your mind. Since you were the only one playing. But, you won twice…so it didn't really matter.
"…sthhup?"
Snorting at its obvious speech impediment, you then replied with a shrug. When it didn't say anything else, you added. "Nothing really. Fucking bored."
Another moment of silence filled the room. You took this time to totally check out inspect the weird thing in front of you. It had grey skin, four horns, and sharp-ass teeth. Mental note taken. It was kinda fucking hot as shiiiiiit attractive…for some alien shit, of course. Whatever. You didn't care. At least, that's what you told yourself.
…
"You wanna play a video game or something?"
"Sthhure."
A couple weeks had gone by since you found the…troll?...at least, that's what he called himself. You also found out he was named Sollux Captor and he thought you were an 'insufferable prick'. But, he'd also say you had a nice ass…so you weren't too offended by the first statement.
The past weeks had been pretty uneventful. He'd slap your ass after breakfast. You'd slap his after a round of Halo. Then, he'd slap yours again. Then, you'd return the favour. And so on.
Pretty fucking uneventful.
Man, your life was soooo boring.