By Way of Sorrow
By: Trivette Lover Heather
Damn alarm clock. Sometimes I just want to throw it out the window.
He hopped in the shower and fell into his routine. Opened his closet door, looked for about ten seconds, picked something to wear, got his socks, his shoes put them beside his bed as he sat down to put them on. Walks over to his dresser and straightens his cross around his neck, kisses it.slips on his watch. Has exactly 30 minutes to get to work and prepares him self for the morning San Francisco traffic.
He waves to the mail man, picks us his paper and smiles at his neighbor who walks his dog at this time every morning. Tosses the paper onto his passenger seat, sits down to turn the key. 25 minutes to get to work. Right on time. He is greeted by Bill O'Reiley on station 760. "Morning Bill." He says to himself, puts the car in reverse and is on his way.
20 Minutes to get to work. Stops at the crosswalk for the children crossing and waves to the elderly crossing guard. Been there for thirty years, good old Tony, he thought.
15 Minutes to get to work. Stops at the same light he catches every day. Notices the same Honda Civic behind him and same lady sitting at the bus stop. Funny how today he seemed to pay particular attention to these things. He shrugged it off. The Light was green.
He stopped at the next light. "Hey Cody" He yelled out the window to a boy riding his bike to school like he did every morning. "Hey Steve." He waved back. A honk came from behind him as he realized he'd been watching Cody bike away. He waved his hand up in apology to the Honda behind him. Hed make up for it tomorrow.
10 Minutes to get to work. He listened to the Giants score from the day before and listens to the same callers calling the station to talk about the game. This reminded him of his Dad and brother who he went to games with him when they visited.
5 minutes early to work. Odd. Guess traffic did move a bit quicker. He walked into the SIU which was beaming with activity, even this early. Us cops never sleep.
Harvey swiped passed him looking at his watch.
"Five minutes early today?"
"Traffic was light." "Ah I see.well good day to look sharp.got lots to prepare for, for tomorrow."
Tomorrow. What was tomorrow? He had been on vacation this past couple weeks and had completely lost track of the days.
Harvey noticed his confused look.
"Guess that time off got you all jumbled up and out of routine eh pal? Its September 11th, there are a lot of ceremonies going on. I thought you'd remember, in fact I didn't even think you'd be in today."
He nodded vigorously. "I can handle it."
"You're sure?" Harvey replied. "I'm sure Nash won't mind a couple of extra days off."
"I said I could handle it." He walked away quickly and made his way upstairs for his routine cup of coffee. Talking with Harvey had made up for those early 5 minutes.
Harvey stood there for a moment and shrugged. Joe appeared at his side.
"Steve early today?" Joe asked.
"Yea a little."
"I didn't even think hed be back until Thursday."
"Me either. I asked him. he said he could handle it."
"Yeah figures.he's a hard one."
"Kind of like Nash?" Harvey smirked.
"Bubba, there aint another like him anywhere.come on we got work to do."
Harvey replied flatly. "Yeah." He stood staring at Steve for about thirty more seconds till he retreated to his desk and made what seemed like 1000 phone calls.
Hours Later***
"How are my boys doing?" Catching a glare from a lady officer passing by. " And Ladies doing?" He corrected him self sending a wink over as an apology for his little slip of the tongue.
Harvey giggled. "Your boys and girls are doing just fine.busy as hell.but fine.."
"Yeah well it's a big day tomorrow, and I mean that in the least possible meaning of the word big if you know what I mean." Nash made a weird expression.
"Yeah I gotchya." Harvey replied turning back to his phone list.
"Uh Harv...?"
Harvey kind of annoyed pulled the phone and held it between his ear and shoulders. "Yeah?"
"McKinney.he here today?"
"Yup, five minutes early no doubt."
Nash's eyes widened. "No way.hm. I didn't expect him back until Thursday."
"I don't think anybody did boss.he didn't even know what day it was today."
Nash shrugged. "Really? Should I talk to him?"
"Nah boss.I think we should leave this alone.just this once if you can manage?"
"I'll try. keep up the good work, this cities counting on us tomorrow. As if they don't every day..."
"That's what I'm trying to do." He insinuates by eyeing the phone on his shoulder.
"Well exccuuuuuse me! I'll just go back up to my chambers, ring a bell if you need anything."
Harvey didn't reply, simply smiled.
Nine O'Clock**
Joe picked up his phone. " Lt. Dominguez"
"Hi there Joe.ready for the debriefing?"
"Well hi there Nash. ya know you and I have been here all day and only seen each other five minutes, is that possible?"
"Awww you miss me?" Nash laughed on the other line.
"Well Yeah!" Joe laughed. "But yeah I'm ready, I'll get every one and we'll be right up."
"Okay bubba.see ya in a couple minutes don't miss me too much." "I'll try not to sweet heart." Joe blew a kiss into the phone and hung up.
"Inger?" Harvey asked passing by.
"No my other wife."
"Oh okay." He smiled and sat down. "Your wife say when we are debriefing for tomorrow?"
"Yeah couple minutes. get McKinney yourself okay?"
"Sure. See ya up there." Harvey grabbed a bunch of papers and motioned for everyone to go upstairs for the meeting.
He noticed Steve hadn't moved from his desk all day. Not that most of them had.
"You ready bubba. we got debriefing for assignments tomorrow, that is if you want to be with us tomorrow." Harvey felt like he was talking to the wall. "Uh Steve, ya with me?"
Steve snapped out of whatever universe he was in. "Yeah I will. let go."
"You don't have to." He was interrupted.
"You got a problem hearing me today Leek? I will be here..." He looked into Harvey's eyes. "I'm sorry brotha; I didn't mean to snap. it's just. I can't believe its been a year ya know? All went by so damn fast. I feel like I haven't paid enough attention to it lately. Feel kind of ashamed I guess.I don't know."
"Its cool bro, we all got our crosses to carry.just know we're here for ya. ya know that. especially father Nash, I had to plead with him not to come talk with ya today, figured you had some thoughts to figure out for yourself."
"Thanks, and I did. I'll be here tomorrow, you guys are my family."
"Gee thanks.our family is meeting up stairs right now, let's not be 5 minutes late instead of early eh?" He laughed.
"Funny." Steve replied throwing a hand around Harvey and walking up the steps.
Nash handed out orders for tomorrow as clear as crystal. Reiterating how important this day was to our country and city. They needed to feel safe and on this day it was more important to them than ever.
"Be on guard tomorrow, but be courteous these are the days we are appreciated for what we do, so just do what you do and you'll be fine. Call me or Joe if you have any problems, all the other personnel will be off hand at a conference at City hall. Okay boys. and girls. you know what you have to do. Sleep well tonight. That's all."
With those words Nash stepped down to approach McKinney but caught a keen eye from Harvey. He decided to not say anything and reminded himself to call Harvey later on that night.
***
The same radio station was on but this time commentating on the Giants game in progress. Harvey's Ranchero pulled up beside him for the usual "Sleep tight brother." But this time he felt it had more meaning that any other night.
He set his friendly alarm clock an hour earlier than normal. He needed to make it to mass before he went to work.
That night he skipped his ice cream and TV show and went to be a little earlier.
Harvey did get that call from Nash and assured him that McKinney was fine and how he felt. Harvey as well skipped his nightly routine and took a pit stop to see Jerry and Anna before he went home for the night.
Nick was sleeping when Nash finally arrived home. And after getting off the phone with Harvey all he wanted to was a good book and a glass of wine. But he himself decided to turn in early. Taking a minute to kiss his father good night. Something he felt for some reason he was not doing as often as he should.
NEXT MORNING**
That alarm clock aint that bad.
He hopped in the shower. Opened his closet door, looked for about ten seconds, picked something to wear, got his socks, his shoes put them beside his bed as he sat down to put them on. Walks over to his dresser and straightens his cross around his neck, kisses it.slips on his watch. Has exactly 30 minutes to get to church. And prepares him self for the morning San Francisco traffic for he hadn't been to church in a while.
He took a couple minute to talk with the post man about the day. picks us his paper and smiles at his neighbor who surprising was walking his dog earlier this morning.
"Got some special things I have to do today. walking the dog a little early.you have a blessed day."
Tosses the paper onto his passenger seat, sits down to turn the key. 25 minutes to get to church. "Morning Bill." He says to himself, puts the car in reverse and is on his way.
20 Minutes to get to church. The kids were probably just getting up for school at that time, but Tony was waiting for him patiently. An American flag waving from his car window. "Morning Tony, beautiful day.love the flag."
15 Minutes to get to church. Stops at the same light he catches every day. No Honda Civic.
He stopped at the next light and waited for Cody but realized it was too early. No honking this time. No body was on the road. It seemed almost too silent on the streets.
10 minutes early for church.
He sat in his car and listened to the station for about five minutes. But today they weren't talking about the Giants game.the same callers were calling in.but they question was "Where were you last year on this day?"
A strange feeling came over him as he picked up his cell phone and waited. He got a response from a familiar voice.
"Morning Bill.Names Steve, I listen to ya every morning.a year ago today I was just getting to work when I heard about it on my way in.I'm a cop.I didn't ask to leave at that moment, I just did. Phone lines were down so I couldn't get through to my Mom in New York. My Dad and Brother Jason both worked in the WTC North Tower. I was confused as to where exactly I was driving to, but I just kept driving. And I just kept calling. So you ask where I was on that day, I was driving around San Francisco wondering if my father and brother were alive. Spent the rest of the day driving and calling. Finally I realized I had no where to go but to the one place I knew Id be taken care of.back to work. I couldn't fly a plane to get home, couldn't get a call through.I went back into work and my fellow officers took care of me, even though they were a wreck themselves, they were there for me, trying to call on all different phones, trying to find a way for me to get home, calling in favors, anything they could think of. One guy in particular, Harvey, sat next to me all day and we consoled each other as we cried. So that's where I was a year ago.My Dad and brother.No.they were killed. They were to high up there was no way out for them.Its alright.I'm fine.Just wanted to let America know, that I'm alright.and If I'm alright.we're all alright.I gotta go do something I should have done a long time ago.then I'm gonna go see my family at the station." A tear fell from his eye as he looked up to the cross in the skyline. "Good day to ya."
You've been taken by the wind You have known the kiss of sorrow Doors that would not let you in Outcast and a stranger
You have come by way of sorrow you have come by way of tears But you'll reach your destiny come to find you all these years Come to find you all these years
You have drunk a bitter wine with none to be your comfort You who once were left behind will be welcome at love's tables
You have come by way of sorrow you have come by way of tears But you'll reach your destiny You will one day come to know You will one day come to know
All the nights that joy has slept will awake to days of laughter Gone the tears that you have wept
You'll dance in freedom ever after
You have come by way of sorrow you have come over stony ground
But when love will calls your names You will lay your burden down You will lay your burden down
You have come by way of sorrow You have come by way of tears But you'll reach your destiny Meant to find you all these years Meant to find you all these years
Julie Miller "Blue Pony" Hightone Records 1997
Damn alarm clock. Sometimes I just want to throw it out the window.
He hopped in the shower and fell into his routine. Opened his closet door, looked for about ten seconds, picked something to wear, got his socks, his shoes put them beside his bed as he sat down to put them on. Walks over to his dresser and straightens his cross around his neck, kisses it.slips on his watch. Has exactly 30 minutes to get to work and prepares him self for the morning San Francisco traffic.
He waves to the mail man, picks us his paper and smiles at his neighbor who walks his dog at this time every morning. Tosses the paper onto his passenger seat, sits down to turn the key. 25 minutes to get to work. Right on time. He is greeted by Bill O'Reiley on station 760. "Morning Bill." He says to himself, puts the car in reverse and is on his way.
20 Minutes to get to work. Stops at the crosswalk for the children crossing and waves to the elderly crossing guard. Been there for thirty years, good old Tony, he thought.
15 Minutes to get to work. Stops at the same light he catches every day. Notices the same Honda Civic behind him and same lady sitting at the bus stop. Funny how today he seemed to pay particular attention to these things. He shrugged it off. The Light was green.
He stopped at the next light. "Hey Cody" He yelled out the window to a boy riding his bike to school like he did every morning. "Hey Steve." He waved back. A honk came from behind him as he realized he'd been watching Cody bike away. He waved his hand up in apology to the Honda behind him. Hed make up for it tomorrow.
10 Minutes to get to work. He listened to the Giants score from the day before and listens to the same callers calling the station to talk about the game. This reminded him of his Dad and brother who he went to games with him when they visited.
5 minutes early to work. Odd. Guess traffic did move a bit quicker. He walked into the SIU which was beaming with activity, even this early. Us cops never sleep.
Harvey swiped passed him looking at his watch.
"Five minutes early today?"
"Traffic was light." "Ah I see.well good day to look sharp.got lots to prepare for, for tomorrow."
Tomorrow. What was tomorrow? He had been on vacation this past couple weeks and had completely lost track of the days.
Harvey noticed his confused look.
"Guess that time off got you all jumbled up and out of routine eh pal? Its September 11th, there are a lot of ceremonies going on. I thought you'd remember, in fact I didn't even think you'd be in today."
He nodded vigorously. "I can handle it."
"You're sure?" Harvey replied. "I'm sure Nash won't mind a couple of extra days off."
"I said I could handle it." He walked away quickly and made his way upstairs for his routine cup of coffee. Talking with Harvey had made up for those early 5 minutes.
Harvey stood there for a moment and shrugged. Joe appeared at his side.
"Steve early today?" Joe asked.
"Yea a little."
"I didn't even think hed be back until Thursday."
"Me either. I asked him. he said he could handle it."
"Yeah figures.he's a hard one."
"Kind of like Nash?" Harvey smirked.
"Bubba, there aint another like him anywhere.come on we got work to do."
Harvey replied flatly. "Yeah." He stood staring at Steve for about thirty more seconds till he retreated to his desk and made what seemed like 1000 phone calls.
Hours Later***
"How are my boys doing?" Catching a glare from a lady officer passing by. " And Ladies doing?" He corrected him self sending a wink over as an apology for his little slip of the tongue.
Harvey giggled. "Your boys and girls are doing just fine.busy as hell.but fine.."
"Yeah well it's a big day tomorrow, and I mean that in the least possible meaning of the word big if you know what I mean." Nash made a weird expression.
"Yeah I gotchya." Harvey replied turning back to his phone list.
"Uh Harv...?"
Harvey kind of annoyed pulled the phone and held it between his ear and shoulders. "Yeah?"
"McKinney.he here today?"
"Yup, five minutes early no doubt."
Nash's eyes widened. "No way.hm. I didn't expect him back until Thursday."
"I don't think anybody did boss.he didn't even know what day it was today."
Nash shrugged. "Really? Should I talk to him?"
"Nah boss.I think we should leave this alone.just this once if you can manage?"
"I'll try. keep up the good work, this cities counting on us tomorrow. As if they don't every day..."
"That's what I'm trying to do." He insinuates by eyeing the phone on his shoulder.
"Well exccuuuuuse me! I'll just go back up to my chambers, ring a bell if you need anything."
Harvey didn't reply, simply smiled.
Nine O'Clock**
Joe picked up his phone. " Lt. Dominguez"
"Hi there Joe.ready for the debriefing?"
"Well hi there Nash. ya know you and I have been here all day and only seen each other five minutes, is that possible?"
"Awww you miss me?" Nash laughed on the other line.
"Well Yeah!" Joe laughed. "But yeah I'm ready, I'll get every one and we'll be right up."
"Okay bubba.see ya in a couple minutes don't miss me too much." "I'll try not to sweet heart." Joe blew a kiss into the phone and hung up.
"Inger?" Harvey asked passing by.
"No my other wife."
"Oh okay." He smiled and sat down. "Your wife say when we are debriefing for tomorrow?"
"Yeah couple minutes. get McKinney yourself okay?"
"Sure. See ya up there." Harvey grabbed a bunch of papers and motioned for everyone to go upstairs for the meeting.
He noticed Steve hadn't moved from his desk all day. Not that most of them had.
"You ready bubba. we got debriefing for assignments tomorrow, that is if you want to be with us tomorrow." Harvey felt like he was talking to the wall. "Uh Steve, ya with me?"
Steve snapped out of whatever universe he was in. "Yeah I will. let go."
"You don't have to." He was interrupted.
"You got a problem hearing me today Leek? I will be here..." He looked into Harvey's eyes. "I'm sorry brotha; I didn't mean to snap. it's just. I can't believe its been a year ya know? All went by so damn fast. I feel like I haven't paid enough attention to it lately. Feel kind of ashamed I guess.I don't know."
"Its cool bro, we all got our crosses to carry.just know we're here for ya. ya know that. especially father Nash, I had to plead with him not to come talk with ya today, figured you had some thoughts to figure out for yourself."
"Thanks, and I did. I'll be here tomorrow, you guys are my family."
"Gee thanks.our family is meeting up stairs right now, let's not be 5 minutes late instead of early eh?" He laughed.
"Funny." Steve replied throwing a hand around Harvey and walking up the steps.
Nash handed out orders for tomorrow as clear as crystal. Reiterating how important this day was to our country and city. They needed to feel safe and on this day it was more important to them than ever.
"Be on guard tomorrow, but be courteous these are the days we are appreciated for what we do, so just do what you do and you'll be fine. Call me or Joe if you have any problems, all the other personnel will be off hand at a conference at City hall. Okay boys. and girls. you know what you have to do. Sleep well tonight. That's all."
With those words Nash stepped down to approach McKinney but caught a keen eye from Harvey. He decided to not say anything and reminded himself to call Harvey later on that night.
***
The same radio station was on but this time commentating on the Giants game in progress. Harvey's Ranchero pulled up beside him for the usual "Sleep tight brother." But this time he felt it had more meaning that any other night.
He set his friendly alarm clock an hour earlier than normal. He needed to make it to mass before he went to work.
That night he skipped his ice cream and TV show and went to be a little earlier.
Harvey did get that call from Nash and assured him that McKinney was fine and how he felt. Harvey as well skipped his nightly routine and took a pit stop to see Jerry and Anna before he went home for the night.
Nick was sleeping when Nash finally arrived home. And after getting off the phone with Harvey all he wanted to was a good book and a glass of wine. But he himself decided to turn in early. Taking a minute to kiss his father good night. Something he felt for some reason he was not doing as often as he should.
NEXT MORNING**
That alarm clock aint that bad.
He hopped in the shower. Opened his closet door, looked for about ten seconds, picked something to wear, got his socks, his shoes put them beside his bed as he sat down to put them on. Walks over to his dresser and straightens his cross around his neck, kisses it.slips on his watch. Has exactly 30 minutes to get to church. And prepares him self for the morning San Francisco traffic for he hadn't been to church in a while.
He took a couple minute to talk with the post man about the day. picks us his paper and smiles at his neighbor who surprising was walking his dog earlier this morning.
"Got some special things I have to do today. walking the dog a little early.you have a blessed day."
Tosses the paper onto his passenger seat, sits down to turn the key. 25 minutes to get to church. "Morning Bill." He says to himself, puts the car in reverse and is on his way.
20 Minutes to get to church. The kids were probably just getting up for school at that time, but Tony was waiting for him patiently. An American flag waving from his car window. "Morning Tony, beautiful day.love the flag."
15 Minutes to get to church. Stops at the same light he catches every day. No Honda Civic.
He stopped at the next light and waited for Cody but realized it was too early. No honking this time. No body was on the road. It seemed almost too silent on the streets.
10 minutes early for church.
He sat in his car and listened to the station for about five minutes. But today they weren't talking about the Giants game.the same callers were calling in.but they question was "Where were you last year on this day?"
A strange feeling came over him as he picked up his cell phone and waited. He got a response from a familiar voice.
"Morning Bill.Names Steve, I listen to ya every morning.a year ago today I was just getting to work when I heard about it on my way in.I'm a cop.I didn't ask to leave at that moment, I just did. Phone lines were down so I couldn't get through to my Mom in New York. My Dad and Brother Jason both worked in the WTC North Tower. I was confused as to where exactly I was driving to, but I just kept driving. And I just kept calling. So you ask where I was on that day, I was driving around San Francisco wondering if my father and brother were alive. Spent the rest of the day driving and calling. Finally I realized I had no where to go but to the one place I knew Id be taken care of.back to work. I couldn't fly a plane to get home, couldn't get a call through.I went back into work and my fellow officers took care of me, even though they were a wreck themselves, they were there for me, trying to call on all different phones, trying to find a way for me to get home, calling in favors, anything they could think of. One guy in particular, Harvey, sat next to me all day and we consoled each other as we cried. So that's where I was a year ago.My Dad and brother.No.they were killed. They were to high up there was no way out for them.Its alright.I'm fine.Just wanted to let America know, that I'm alright.and If I'm alright.we're all alright.I gotta go do something I should have done a long time ago.then I'm gonna go see my family at the station." A tear fell from his eye as he looked up to the cross in the skyline. "Good day to ya."
You've been taken by the wind You have known the kiss of sorrow Doors that would not let you in Outcast and a stranger
You have come by way of sorrow you have come by way of tears But you'll reach your destiny come to find you all these years Come to find you all these years
You have drunk a bitter wine with none to be your comfort You who once were left behind will be welcome at love's tables
You have come by way of sorrow you have come by way of tears But you'll reach your destiny You will one day come to know You will one day come to know
All the nights that joy has slept will awake to days of laughter Gone the tears that you have wept
You'll dance in freedom ever after
You have come by way of sorrow you have come over stony ground
But when love will calls your names You will lay your burden down You will lay your burden down
You have come by way of sorrow You have come by way of tears But you'll reach your destiny Meant to find you all these years Meant to find you all these years
Julie Miller "Blue Pony" Hightone Records 1997