Listening to: Tempted (Conjure One Mix) by Collide
Wicked Lovely © Melissa Marr
DREAM
Chapter One
Why was this happening?
The reflection that stared back at her was not the person she was. It couldn't be; not this ugly, weak, disgraceful thing. This girl who looked so miserable, so pathetic, so… heartbroken. Who seemed too easily snapped in two.
Aislinn clenched her eyes shut tightly, letting her head fall backwards, fingers gripping the bathroom sink so tightly that her knuckles bled white. Why? She really couldn't understand. It was mind boggling, it was ludicrous, so absolutely --
Seth had left. He left.
She bit her bottom lip so hard that her canines broke skin and thin trickles of blood ran down her chin; a stark contrast to pale flesh. Her head fell forward and she was looking in the steamy mirror again, leaning so close her forehead touched it and all she could see was her eyes. Her broken, fragile eyes. Anger pushed at the despair. So much anger; hot and volatile. Both feelings collided and compressed, forming an uncomfortable lump in her chest that only frustrated her when it made her eyes water.
No. No. No.
She didn't want to cry. Crying was bad for her. Her crying affected the weather, her crying meant weakness. She couldn't afford to be weak… could never afford to be weak. Not when she was mortal and definitely not now when she was --
She pushed the thought away. It still stung to think that she was no longer human and if she allowed herself to be completely honest with herself - which she never allowed - it hurt even more to be this… in-between thing. No longer human, but not fully faery queen. Not until she and Keenan -- Again, she pushed those thoughts aside.
How could she possibly think about such things when Seth - oh god, Seth - had left her. Almost half a year and not a word. He had just… left. Her heart crumbled just a little more as she once again thought about it. Too much, it was all too much. The stinging behind her eyes increased and she couldn't hold it back anymore.
The Summer Queen screamed, broken and anguished, throwing all her bodyweight into her fists as she broke the mirror; her inhuman strength shattering it into tiny pieces that exploded back outwards towards her from the force. She didn't care. Her arms cut up and bleeding, she crumpled to the floor and sobbed. Sobbed like she had never allowed herself to before. Whole upper body shaking from it, the bloody heels of her hands pressed into her eyes - tear trails roll pink down her cheeks.
Why?! Why?! Why?!
Aislinn curled into herself - the outside sky swirling with dark clouds, thunder striking; influenced by her emotions - and bawled for a good long time. Bawled, sobbed, screamed out her misery, thinking that it wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. She cried for a good half hour and when she had no more tears and when her voice was cracked and used, she had sat up against the rim of the tub and stared at the wall in a lifeless stupor.
Aislinn, what are you doing?
Common sense was a terrible thing… only coming to you when you're at your weakest. She didn't want to listen…
What are you doing? You're making people worry… He's not coming back. He's never going to come back.
She closed her eyes against such traitorous thoughts, swallowing thickly thought it hurt her raw throat. She didn't want to hear it… Didn't want to accept the things she already knew. So many things she already knew. Accepting them though, would mean accepting that her entire life had been a lie.
Keenan's waiting for you. Your court is waiting for you… They suffer. They suffer. Your selfishness makes them suffer.
She whimpered, drawing her knees to her chest and burying her face in them. What was she doing? When had she become so weak? She had never been dependent before, but… then again, she'd also never been in love before. It just… hurt so much.
Selfish. You're selfish, Ash. You have responsibilities… Think of them. The court… Keenan. Keenan…
"… Keenan," she murmured and suddenly felt like crying all over again. Keenan. Her friend, her king. He had just regained Donia's affection and she had taken that from him again. He was here - with her - instead of being where he truly wanted to be.
"… I'm sorry," she breathed, voice cracking and trembling, "I'm so, so sorry…."
Seth is gone. Donia is gone. You have forever to live… Do something right for a change. If you truly love Seth… then let him go.
Her heart finished breaking right then and it wasn't just because she knew what she had to do… but also because she realized… she truly realized…
If not for Seth… I would've fallen in love with Keenan.
She cried again. Silently this time and she promised herself that it would be the last time. She knew what she had to do.
Even if the painfulness of it killed her.