This is certainly not the best thing you've ever read. But I felt like writing something and tadaaa.
This takes place in 7x02, between Reid and Emily's talk on the plane and the team meeting at Rossi's for a cooking lesson. For those of you who have read my Reid/Elle story "Grief Part 2", know that this scene would take place after Reid's call to Elle.
Also, this is a one-shot and it's complete so there's no need to put it into your story alert. But you can put it in your favorites ;)
He wasn't expecting the knock on his door. Spencer Reid was lying on his couch with a book in his lap, and he was taking a nap after having read half of the book in twenty-seven minutes. But he woke up with a start when someone knocked on the door. Still half-asleep, he stood up and peered outside the window. A car was parked in front of his house. He knew that car. It was JJ's.
With a sigh, he went to open the door. His blonde partner was there, her arms folded, her eyes red. Obviously she'd been crying. His first instinct was to reach out to her, but then Spencer realized that he was supposed to be mad at her. So he took a second to compose himself and said in a cold voice:
"What are you doing here, JJ?"
"Spencer… I need to talk to you. Please."
Without a word, he stepped aside to let her in. Then he closed the door and gestured for her to follow him into the living-room where he sat on the couch. JJ waited for a few seconds, and when it was clear that he wasn't going to invite her to sit, she sighed and sat opposite of him.
"So, what is it you have to say that we didn't discuss earlier today?"
"I need you to forgive me, Spence."
"Don't call me that."
The look of hurt that flashed in her eyes told him that it was like he had just slapped her with all his strength. And he felt a strange dissatisfaction at that fact. He didn't really want to hurt JJ; he just needed her to understand how hard the last months had been for him. Then he saw the resolve in her blue eyes as she said in a carefully controlled voice:
"I had to protect Emily and the team. Doyle was out there, watching our every move. If he had suspected something and decided to take one of us and torture us to know the truth... I couldn't risk one of us breaking and telling him that Emily was still alive. If we wanted Doyle to believe Emily was dead, we had to believe it ourselves. I know how hard it's been, Reid. I understand why you're mad at me. And I was wrong to say that it was because you couldn't tell Hotch and I were lying. That was stupid."
Then her voice broke, but he made no move to comfort her, even when the first tear crashed on his floor.
"And I'm sorry to hear that you almost took that drug again, especially because I was the reason you became addicted to it in the first place. I would never have let you use it again, I swear! But I couldn't tell you the truth, Reid, no matter how badly I wanted to do it! There was too much at stake and I had to protect Emily… I'm sorry. You have no idea what it's been like to see you so broken and lost. Every time you left my place I ended up crying because it hurt me so much to lie to you! You mean so much to me, Spence… I'll never apologize enough, but please try to understand… I could not tell you, I just couldn't…"
By the time she finished talking; Reid was trying to control the trembling of his hands and he was fighting his own tears. Of course, it must've hurt JJ to have to comfort him, to listen to him while he talked fondly of Emily and their moments shared together.
"Jennifer, please… Just leave."
She looked up in surprise, obviously not expecting such a brutal rejection from his part.
"Reid ?"
"I need some time alone. I believe you have to get ready to go to Rossi's tonight with the team."
"No. No, you don't get to shut me out like this, not after everything I've just said!"
Now he was dealing with an angry JJ, and no one liked being on the receiving end of JJ's wrath.
"I will forever be sorry for lying to you, and Morgan, and Garcia, and Rossi, and hell, even to Seaver! But I will not keep apologizing, Reid. You know how I feel! Don't you think the guilt I wake up with every morning is enough? I was only doing my job! And as horrible as it sounds, I preferred to see you cry over a fake death than over a real one. We didn't know how Emily was doing, we didn't know if she would ever be able to come back. I lost her, too! Quit being selfish Reid, you're not the only one who suffered. I went through hell, too. So did the rest of the team. Don't judge me for what I did. You would've done the same had you been in my shoes. I just hope that you'll come to your senses soon."
As sudden as her outburst had come; it died down and, once again the quiet JJ, she added:
"I miss you, Spencer. Please, if you think you can forgive me, come at Rossi's tonight."
She looked down and hesitated for a second, waiting to see if he had something to say. When nothing came, she spun on her heels and walked out the door, closing it behind her.
Spencer released a breath he didn't even know he was holding and closed his eyes. He hadn't expected her visit tonight, but he should've known better. JJ hated when someone was giving her the cold shoulder or was avoiding her. Suddenly, Reid didn't feel good at all. What she had said to him had touched him more profoundly than he had let on. Absorbed in his own grief and hurt, he hadn't realized that JJ must have suffered greatly from the situation she had been forced into. Now he understood a little better.
He got up promptly and hurried to his bathroom where he took a quick shower, brushed his teeth and chose rapidly some new clothes to wear. Then he cursed as his car key was nowhere to be found and he looked everywhere in the house to retrieve it. When he finally put his hand on it ten minutes later, he almost ran to the door and slammed it behind him.
There was no way he was going to let his own stupidity ruin one of the best friendships he had. JJ was like a sister to him and he could not lose her. So he would go to Rossi, he would show her that all was forgiven, that she didn't have to feel guilty anymore. That he would forever be her friend.
I hope you didn't dislike it. I'm dying to read your comments, so be sure to leave one before you move onto another story ;)
Thanks !
OTH-FOQ