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My name is Light Yagami and I wish I were dead.

This is an unending life; a life that should have ended a long time ago but didn't. I wasn't given what I truly deserved but at the same time I was.

I don't know who to blame for why my life is like this. Should I be to blame for bringing this onto myself? Should I blame Ryuk for giving me this Death Note which made my life like this. Should I blame the King for this life or should I blame L and Near for not catching me as Kira when they were alive.

I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to take the law into my own hands. When I decided to become Kira, I thought I could be a hero, a god, a symbol of justice, but I became more and more like the thing I was trying to destroy, a criminal. What I did was strike vengeance to the rotten people of this planet. I became so blinded by the power of the Death Note and my own pride that I forgot I was killing human beings, just people with problems. I crossed the line when I started killing those who disagreed with me and those who were after me.

L was close to finding out the truth about me but ended up making a fatal mistake when he decided to take the handcuffs off of L and me. The case immediately slowed down after Higuchi died. He could have immediately connected the dots of the scene of the crime but didn't. He did start on the process of debunking the 13 day rule the day that I killed him when he should have started it immediately after he looked at the notebook. I don't know why L simply let himself lose like he did. Maybe he just couldn't let go of me or the person I was when I lost my memory.

Near was close to finding out the truth as well. Had he switched the Death Note paper in Mikami's Death Note right before we entered the Yellow Box Warehouse, he would have won and had evidence against me. I was one step ahead of him. I tested out Mikami's Death Note on a few criminals and when they didn't die after 40 seconds I switched the paper. I don't know how much it would have affected the Task Force to find out I was Kira. I would have lost all trust and I can't imagine what Matsuda would think. I always wish that L or Near could have just won so I wouldn't have to live this life, but it is too late.

After I finished off the Task Force and SPK, I returned home with Mikami and kept Kira under the radar like I did before I became the new L. A year later, I found out Mikami was plotting against me, so I had to kill him. I gathered clues from Mikami's behavior that he was going to kill me and become and new Kira, so I had to take care of him as quickly as possible.

A few weeks later, Ryuk said that I was considered a possible threat to the Shinigami Realm by the Shinigami King and he had to check on me more often to see if I was enough of a threat. A year later, Ryuk told me that I was deemed a major threat to the Shinigami for killing enough people that the Shinigami started to die. Shinigami need humans to live, when they write the name of a human down in their Death Note. Whatever remained on the human's lifespan was added to the Shinigami's lifespan. He told me that if I kept killing people that within 10 years the Shinigami species would be put on the brink the extinction. I guess criminals and Kira haters took up a significant part of the human population. I guess I got a little bit carried away. The Shinigami were already starting to die out when I first met Ryuk as the Shinigami Realm was already a hellhole. I was only making it worse when I was taking away their food.

Ryuk took me to the Shinigami realm where the Shinigami King gave me immortality as a punishment for all the people I killed. I was told by Ryuk to not look at the King or I would be in a permanent state of shock. When Ryuk protested against my punishment, saying that he should kill me as he promised, the King wrote his name in a Death Note that the King said was made to kill Shinigami. When I asked the King why he even uses it, he said it was to keep order in the realm. Ryuk died and the King gave me immortality by writing my name in his Permanent Life Note, which he said I was more fitting a punishment for what I had done. It is said that only the King of the Shinigami realm can use other kinds of magical notebooks to control the both worlds that aren't Death Notes. I even told Ryuk, shortly before we met the King, that it was okay for him to kill me as I knew at that point my entertainment value had became stale to him, as long as he gave the Death Note to a dedicated Kira follower.

I asked the King why he would give me immortality as a punishment when it is more like a gift. He said that time will tell. He told me that I couldn't die and I couldn't be killed either, I was practically indestructible. He gave me a new Death Note and sent me back to Earth. I thought it was perfect to begin my reign as a true god of the new world but I kept wondering what he meant by time will tell. I didn't even think that he was predicting the future.

A year later, the secret that I was Kira went viral over the world. I found out through television that the last genius in the Whammy House, Linda connected the dots that I was Kira and was able to provide proof that I was. She did it all anonymously. It was mostly speculation until she provided the video in the train station of the day I killed Raye Penbar. She found a camera angle and zoomed in enough to show that the face of the guy looking at Mr. Penbar on the train when he died was me.

I had to escape Japan as soon as I could. I was chased all over the country until I got to the ocean. Taking a leap of faith I fell into the water and swam as much I could. I found out even more of the invulnerability when I found out I could survive without food and no amount of water would drown me. I faked my death. I went to other countries to go into hiding until I settled in Africa.

If you are asking why I couldn't just conquer the world, the reason I kept Kira anonymous was to make sure my reputation as one of Japan's best students wouldn't be ruined. I didn't want my family to find out who I really was. I am not willing to kill any of my family members and my father's death was mostly a chain reaction of many things. I never wanted my father to die. He was the reason I wanted to become a man of justice and that man of justice turned into a monster. I practically lost the will to do all this because I wanted to make a peaceful world. I wanted Kira to be admired and he ended up being feared. It was then that I realized that I had become what I was trying to destroy, a criminal. I can't return home and I don't want to. I don't want to see Sayu and Sachiko, not because I don't love them but because they probably hate me by now. I never wanted to be hated. Cops are after me all over the world, I don't know if they will find me in Africa and if they do, I don't know when.

I can't imagine what Sayu thinks of me now. Sayu was always a person who looked up to me, ever since early childhood. I am her big brother. I was like an idol to her, an icon. I help her out with a lot of things like homework or projects she was working on. I loved her and I am responsible for her suffering, how she temporarily lost the ability to speak after being kidnapped by Mello and now she probably thinks I'm a monster, her perfect image of me is broken, shattered into a million pieces. She would see me as nothing but a heartless mass murderer. Thinking of Sachiko is even worse; I can't imagine how she found out that she raised a monster. At least my father never found out I was Kira. If he did I don't know what he would have done to himself, probably commit suicide.

I still use my Death Note but only to prevent my secret from getting out. It is a terrible secret, I can't age. I don't know if it has been 5 years or 50 years since I last saw Sayu and Sachiko, but if people find out I can't age, they would find me more of a monster than I really am. I have to keep my secret that I am immune to everything. I have tried everything bullets, fire, poison, writing my own name in the Death Note, but nothing will work. I said I wish I was dead but I simply can't kill myself. I even tried the Shinigami Eye deal in an attempt to shorten my lifespan but it didn't work, I am permanently immortal. With the Shinigami Eyes I remember the names and faces of everybody I see. I remember most people I killed with my Death Note and now those memories are painful and will never go away. Whatever I do to myself it always fails. Poison doesn't do anything to my body, bullets always bounce off and I can't burn to a crisp. That is one of the reasons I look exactly the same as I did at 25. I can go an eternity without eating, so starvation is out of the question and I can go an eternity without drinking, so dehydration is out of the question. Not even fatigue works. The King promised immortality as my punishment and it became more and more like a punishment as it went on.

After I left Japan, one of my Death Notes was found by a heavy Kira supporter and another was found by a member of the police which started it what the news calls the Kira Wars. Total anarchy, that one Kira supporter turned into a huge clan of Kira supporters all over the world and the Kult of Kira (as the news calls them) was formed. All over the world the Kult trades pages of the Death Note to kill criminals; they have become so widespread in what they are doing that the police can't catch up. The police on the other hand try to apprehend these members but usually end up having to kill anyone of them they can get the name and face of.

Criminals started to violently protest against the Kult and have caused more crime than the clan can keep up. This has been all over the world. Despite both the police and Kult having the Death Note, the crime rate has climbed to a point unimaginable by humans. This is 10 times the amount of crime then there was before I was Kira. From what I heard on the news, this war has caused a lot more terrorism as well. The world is a crap house no matter where you live now, except most of Africa which has been avoiding the conflict, but they may join in one day.

At least 2.5 million crimes are reported every day, whether they are major or minor. I can't fix a world this broken. The only way to fix this planet is to tear it down and rebuild a new one. Start over from scratch. This world is too crapsack for even Kira to fix. This is a world that is beyond saving at this point and I don't want to do measures that could potentially make this world worse than it is. I will just see if the dust settles eventually. The world knows I'm still alive when they found me in China and the US military is said to be on a manhunt for me. That is why I live in Africa, the closest place to being permanently anonymous.

I was able to make contact with a bully from my High School named Sudou and he actually did support Kira so he is actually a friendly person to talk to. I contacted him on my cell phone which I got repaired by a person in Africa who probably doesn't know I am Kira. I only made contact with him because I wanted company, but now that my phone has died I am all alone again.

Africa is a pretty bad place to live. Africa is also the only place I can stay anonymous because of the lack of technology in most countries. All the information I had about the Kira Wars came before I was able to reach Africa which took several years. The place is wet, humid and sticky, all things that I hate. I got my clothes from the urban part of the country, I found something that looked like my high school uniform. I chose it because it would at least carry a few good memories. I can get food from the villages I visit or I can hunt them in the rain forests. I happen to be in Tropical Africa, for the people here, they are fine with living in these conditions, but I am not, especially after I lived so well in Japan.

I rarely use my Death Note; a lot of people in Africa haven't gotten proper information of who Kira is. I want to keep my secret safe, so if I stay in a small quint village, I won't stay there for too long. If anybody from Japan, Asia, U.S. or Europe find me here, I can bet they would know me and I would have to resort to this measure.

I look the same as I did when I was 25, but I think I am currently in my 40's or 50's. I think at least 25 years have passed since my secret got out and if I went back to Japan, I bet I wouldn't recognize anyone. The last I heard of Misa, she was apprehended by the police at the beginning of the Kira Wars and was subject to cold blooded torture, and she has no memories of being the second Kira. Just let that sink in for a while. I haven't heard much of her since.

When I was Kira, I carried out my actions without remorse, without repent, I didn't even care what it meant. I killed because it would further my goal in creating a crime free utopia and now I regret every kill I made. Now I am hesitant to even kill one person. Knowing I am responsible for turning this planet into the worst place imaginable and looking at all the lives I have ruined. I was blinded by the power of the Death Note and it took me to realize the world I created to snap out of it. It was not what I wanted, not what I wanted at all.

I am immortal, and it keeps ringing in my head. This is only the beginning of a never ending journey. I have realized the horror that is to become of this immortal life. I will outlive everyone and because I am indestructible I will probably outlive the human species. The Shinigami have benefited with less people being killed despite the insane crime rate. I think the reason the King gave me this life was because I was special to the Shinigami. I had one last visit to the Shinigami realm before my secret got out about why he gave me immortality. The King said that he wants a trophy to look at until he dies and I am the perfect trophy.

I am realizing how terrible immortal life is and now that I think about it death is pretty merciful. I wish I died the day L found out I was Kira but that never happened. I wish I died the day Near found out I was Kira but that didn't happen either as much as I wish it did. I guess this is what I deserve for my heinous crime to both the humans and the Shinigami.

When we are born, we are sentenced to death. As we live, we slowly die. We are all put on a journey, a journey of varying length but a journey all together. We are basically death row inmates to the Shinigami, waiting for our green mile to be over. The mile is long or short depending on the person but it all makes us human. My mile is never going to end. I am not going to die, no matter what. I want the journey to end now, I have been through enough misery, I have lost everything I had. I realize that playing god was better than being god, but now I hate that I played god at all. I am literally a god and I hate every second of it. I want mortality, I want to be punished as a mortal, but it just won't happen.

These thought will only get worse over time and I know, I know that being the last human on this planet, heck the last living thing on this planet will be miserable. My journey had a beginning and it doesn't have an end. I just want to go to whatever is between heaven and hell right now. My life will never be the same. I miss the days I was a hard working honors student before I got the Death Note. I miss the days of being great son that I was 10. Now I am just a monster and nothing else. These are acts that cannot be redeemed and I don't know how I could redeem myself. I wish I never picked up that notebook. I wish I didn't even try it. I wish I never got my memories back. I could have been friends with L and worked with him on many cases but when Kira consumed me again, I killed him and I can never go back. I can never take anything that I did back, it is what truly makes me a monster.

My life is over as far as I am concerned, being a recluse, having everybody after me, seeing the world become even worse, has taken away any meaning for me to even try to live a happy life. Everybody I know is either dead or away and I don't even want to know what they think of me now. Death should have been my punishment, but the King thought it was too merciful.

My name is Light Yagami and I don't know why I can't I kill myself. Everything comes to an end, except me, this is my life, my hell and if there is one thing worse than death it is having your life ruined and not being able to just end the misery. There is no reason I should live, I ruined my life and now there is no way to turn back.