Fanfiction: Teenage Dream
Rating: M
This is a 4x04 reaction fic. Spoilers for season 4 up through 4x04, with possible spoilers for 4x07.
Three things I never thought I would write:
1) A fic reacting to spoilers ahead of an episode
2) Songfic
3) Dubious consent
In the aftermath of The Break-Up, this came out, which is all three at once. The one principal I have managed to hold onto is that this is not explicit.
This is based on my headcanon for Blaine found in "Fathers and Son."
Blaine's Big Brother at Dalton, the Senior paired with a Freshman to welcome them to the school, had been a Warbler. He helped Blaine to navigate the social fabric of Dalton. Blaine's Big Brother encouraged Blaine to try out for the Warblers in the first place, and later to audition for solos. By the end of Blaine's Freshman year at Dalton (his second Freshman year), he was starting to get solos at Warbler performances.
The summer between his Freshman and Sophomore years at Dalton, Blaine went to perform at King's Island. In addition to the paying gig, he kept up his voice & piano lessons. By the time his sophomore year at Dalton began, Blaine was getting nearly all of the solos.
Of course, Blaine's Big Brother graduated and went off to college. In his freshman year at college (Blaine's sophomore year at Dalton), he rushed a fraternity. At the fraternity, he met a Sophomore from Westerville, who had gone to Westerville High. When Big Brother found out that Eli was gay, he put Blaine and Eli in touch over Facebook.
Eli was the one who first told Blaine about Scandals, the gay bar in Lima. Eli was relatively open about the hook-ups he had at Scandals and around campus.
Of course, Eli graduated from college in the spring, at the same time Kurt was graduating from McKinley High. And Eli came back home to a job in Westerville. During the week, he worked his new job, and on the weekends he threw parties for his frat brothers, classmates, and a select few of the Westerville and Dalton students. It was a big deal, a huge privilege for the high school students to score an invitation to these parties. Eli didn't invite just anybody.
So Blaine had known Eli on Facebook for about 3 years now. They had had some casual conversations about college, the fraternity, being gay. The summer after Blaine's junior year, he was too busy spending time with Kurt to go over to Eli's.
But as fall came around, it became obvious to Blaine that Kurt just was not happy working at the Lima Bean, enrolling in Community College. Blaine could see the weight of it pulling Kurt down, chipping away at the amazing and fabulous uniqueness of his boyfriend. So Blaine put on a brave face, and encouraged Kurt to go on, to live his dreams in New York City.
After Kurt left in the fall, Blaine threw himself into life at McKinley, trying to fill the emptiness that was left behind. The Superhero Sidekicks club, Game-Mastering with the role-players, and running for student body president.
But none of these filled the empty hours, late on a Friday night, when he was alone at home. After the Warblers had helped Sebastian slushy him, after Blaine had nearly lost his eye, and had to go through surgery to repair it, Blaine didn't trust the current / new Dalton guys anymore. He was still friends with Wes, David, his Big Brother… but not as much the Seniors and Juniors who used to be his friends.
Finn, Mike, even Puck had helped Blaine to become one of the guys at McKinley, in the Glee club. But Sam was still living with Burt & Carole, in that house so filled with memories of Kurt. Blaine liked Sam well enough, although but not quite enough to tell Sam about the unanswered phone call.
As the weeks after Kurt's departure rolled on, Blaine's confidence dwindled and his resolve slowly wore away. He wasn't about to admit to Kurt or Sam how often he cried himself to sleep, after Skyping.
Why did he have to repeat Freshman year? Why did he have to be a year behind Kurt in school? Why did he have to be the one suffering, after the Sadie Hawkins dance? Why was he still stuck in Ohio, while Kurt got to have adventures in New York?
Blaine couldn't trust the Warblers anymore. Sure, he and Brittany got along now, at school. But ever since she beat up Jacob Ben Israel, Blaine was reluctant to spend much time with her outside of school. And besides, that voiceover thing was weird.
For five weeks, Blaine had turned down Eli's invitations to parties, but Blaine felt SO lonely. Surely going over to visit, just once, wouldn't hurt. Maybe he could make a new friend.
Eli welcomed Blaine into his house with a warm hug, the first real hug Blaine could remember since Kurt left. Eli offered him a beer, and they sat in his living room talking about college, the fraternity, being gay in Ohio. Time flew by, and Eli ordered pizza for dinner.
The beer bottles piled up as the hours went by. Two, three, four.
And then Blaine was sobbing in Eli's arms, and it felt so, so good to just be held again. Blaine had felt so cold since Kurt left, it was like he was dying inside.
Blaine pressed on, from hugs to a hot, wet, drunken kiss that made Eli moan.
And then Eli was helping Blaine up the stairs, to his bedroom. That wasn't right, because Blaine was with Kurt. "No, no, no… Kurt."
"Shhhh…" Eli said. "It's all right," and kissed Blaine again.
Then Eli's hands were on Blaine's jeans, hot and warm, so very warm… but Eli didn't move anything like Kurt. Kurt was slow, sensual, full of praise and savoring each new sensation. Eli was hot, and fast, and pushing, from cupping Blaine's back pockets to sliding up his shirt, silencing Blaine's questions with more kisses.
Then suddenly Blaine's jeans were off and he was so, so hard, responding to Eli's insistent hands.
Blaine fell asleep right afterwards.
As Blaine woke up in the morning, his first awareness was a sense of wrongness. The light was wrong, the scent was wrong, the pillows were wrong. He stayed lying down, trying to remember where he was. His head ached, and his mouth felt like cotton, the not-unfamiliar feeling of a hangover. But his muscles were relaxed in a way he hadn't felt since Kurt left…
Blaine's eyes flew open at the rush of memories that flooded in, memories of Kurt leaving mixed with memories of last night with Eli.
Blaine looked around the unfamiliar bedroom, suddenly ashamed and feeling so, so dirty. He sat up slowly, on the edge of the bed, waiting to see if his head would stop spinning. He held his wrist, looking down to the side, and feeling sad. How had his dream turned into such a nightmare? How could he betray Kurt like that? Kurt was going to flip out when he found out… but Blaine couldn't keep something like this from him.
Eli came back and offered a glass of water, but Blaine found his voice at last. "I- I've got to go." He grabbed the rest of his clothes, and went out to his car. He made it about two blocks away, then found a parking lot to stop. Then, finally, the tears came, sobbing into the steering wheel for everything he had lost. No friends, no family, his innocence… Kurt was the one good thing he had left… and now even Kurt wouldn't want him.
Blaine lost sense of time, he didn't know how long he cried in that parking lot. But then he drove back to his parents' house.
The housekeeper saw him walk in, but she didn't say anything as she vacuumed the living room. Blaine went up to his room and started a long, hot shower. He washed and washed, but he couldn't feel clean again. He could wash away the scent of Eli, but not the memory of hands, and lips, and other things.
Eventually the water ran cold, and he turned it off, still sobbing now-silent tears. He toweled off, dressed, then got online and bought the first round-trip tickets to New York that he could find.
He managed to drive himself to the airport, and get through security, his mind still racing. What would he tell Kurt?
In New York, Blaine took a cab to Kurt's apartment, stopping for roses along the way. He hoped he could just fall into Kurt's arms, and tell him slowly.
But Blaine barely got a peck of a kiss before Rachel pressed in, and then Kurt and Rachel were both escorting him out, back into the public. All Blaine wanted to do, was to curl up against Kurt, to inhale Kurt's essence, to feel Kurt's hands, to have back their pure and gentle loving. But they were going back out into public, and Blaine's walls came back up, such a fragile fortress barely holding him together.
And then Blaine knew, he wanted to sing. He thought that, by singing, he might help Kurt understand just how much Blaine loved him.
You think I'm pretty
Without any makeup on
You think I'm funny
When I tell the punchline wrong
I know you get me
So I let my walls come down, down
Blaine didn't have to pretend around Kurt. He didn't have to be just the dapper, collected gentleman. He could also be the lonely, isolated little boy.
Before you met me
I was alright but things
Were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now every February
You'll be my Valentine, Valentine
February, Valentine's day. They'd had a pretty good day last year. Would Kurt still be with him next year?
Let's go all the way tonight
Blaine wanted to feel Kurt one more time. Maybe Kurt could erase the memory of Eli… but he couldn't do that to Kurt. Not until he'd gotten tested… oh what a nightmare!
No regrets, just love
Regrets. So many regrets. Blaine wished he didn't have those regrets, he never regretted the time he spent with Kurt.
We can dance, until we die
You and I, will be young forever
Blaine didn't feel young, he felt ancient.
[Chorus:]
You make me feel
Like I'm livin' a
Teenage dream
Kurt, his dream. Lost. And Blaine was terrified of what that meant, terrified of being alone, of the nightmare he was now living.
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
This was true. Blaine wasn't sure he'd be able to sleep anymore. He hadn't slept on the plane.
Let's run away and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back
Please, Kurt? Could we just run away from all of this? Can we just find a place to be just the two of us, so I can tell you my secret? Can we move on without ever looking back at that awful thing that I've done?
My heart stops
When you look at me
You showed me what love is… and I took it for granted. I didn't realize how much of a difference it made for us, until Eli.
Just one touch
Kurt, your touch is all that I want.
Now baby I believe
This is real
So real, our love, Kurt. Eli… there was nothing loving about him.
So take a chance and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back
Please? Don't make me look back.
We drove to Cali
And got drunk on the beach
Well… I got drunk. Somewhere. I wish I hadn't.
Got a motel and
Built a fort out of sheets
I finally found you
My missing puzzle piece
I'm complete
Kurt, you make me complete. Only you.
Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
I don't want Eli, I just want you.
We can dance, until we die
You and I, will be young forever
I wish I were young again.
[Chorus:]
You make me feel
Like I'm livin' a
Teenage dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back
My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back
I'm a get your heart racing
In my skin-tight jeans
Hands, hot and heavy against his jeans… Eli's hands that he didn't want. Why couldn't he remember Kurt's gentle and loving hands? Blaine felt used.
Be your teenage dream tonight
Let you put your hands on me
In my skin-tight jeans
Why did I let Eli put his hands on me? Why?
Be your teenage dream tonight
Kurt… I want to be your dream. I want your hands. I don't want this. I know I don't mean anything to Eli, just another hookup. No holding or cuddling, it was meaningless.
[Chorus:]
Yoooouuu
You make me feel
Like I'm livin' a
Teenage dream
You, Kurt. Always and ever, just you.
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back
No
My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Will you ever touch me again? Will you please hold me, and tell me that everything's going to be all right? Can you, after I've betrayed you like this?
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back
I'm a get your heart racing
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight
Let you put your hands on me
In my skin-tight jeans
Please? Kurt? Will you be mine still?
Be your teenage dream tonight
A/N
So I woke up this morning, and this came tumbling up. It's been posted for a few hours, and I feel like I need to add an afternote.
I don't know if this is where RIB are going with the story. I'm skeptical if they can address this, let alone if they can address it WELL.
Glee has a bad history of washing over DubCon in previous episodes: 1) When Quick conceived Beth (plied Quinn with wine coolers), 2) When Brittany picked Artie up and took his virginity, and 3) Brittany's line about losing her virginity: "He came into my tent. Boom, Alien Invasion."
To be completely honest, I'm not even sure that *I* am addressing it "right," here. I will say that THIS is the problem with politicians trying to add qualifiers like "forcible."
Because rape is rape. Rape is sex without consent. It does not have to mean holding someone down, it does not have to mean beating them up, it does not have to mean threatening them. It just means ignoring consent. A line of advice that was suggested for parenting, was this: "If you're not both having fun, you have to stop."
There are drugs that can impair a person's ability to control their limbs. The slang I know for that is "slipping a mickey" into a drink. It's illegal... but it happens. The person who is drugged is aware of the situation, but unable to fight back.
Alcohol also impairs judgement. It can get people into situations that they didn't intend. Which is one of the big reasons that I don't drink unless my husband is around. As the Season 2 episode, "Blame it on the Alcohol" (or BIOTA) explained, different people react differently to being drunk.
BIOTA established that Blaine is an affectionate drunk. Season 3, The First Time, expanded on that-fortunately, Kurt was sober and able to effectively fend off Blaine's drunken affections. And Blaine did, ultimately, respect Kurt's wishes and stop. Kurt forgave, and I would hope they're okay.
But this was the biggest concern I saw coming out of Season 3.
I'm not Blaine, this is true. But to quote Darren: "I've been alone, surrounded by darkness."
Like Blaine, I spent my junior year in a new school, a public school that didn't challenge me as much as the private single-gender school that I moved away from. (Unfortunately for me, I did not transfer out of love. If anything, the move took me away from my best friends.)
Like Blaine, I threw myself into clubs and activities, trying to stay too busy to feel. And I cried myself to sleep many nights.
Unlike Blaine, we had moved far enough away that I didn't know anybody nearby.
Unlike Blaine, I moved to yet another school for my senior year, and felt even more isolated and alone. But I avoided parties, avoided drinking. I met someone in college, and stuck with him whenever I felt the situation might be risky.
Unlike Blaine, I was the one who took the internship that made our relationship long-distance. It was hard, but my partner had friends back at college, and I had hope that the internship would establish my career. And so, this is not my story.
So, back to Blaine's (Fanon) story...
This was essentially the only Klaine cheating scenario I could imagine at the end of Season 3. I couldn't see Kurt physically cheating (although the Chandler texting was dubious). But I could see Blaine, being himself: an affectionate drunk.
Having sex with someone who is drunk is... perilous. The consent is dubious when they are conscious, and non-existent if they aren't.
At my 8th Grade retreat, I can remember the high school youth telling us about the parties. Talking about the girls who got so drunk they passed out on a bed... and the guys who lined up to take a turn with her. That, too, would be rape. Rape without force.
For women, the estimates on rape are that it happens to about 1 in 4 or 1 in 5 women. But it also can & does happen to men. Here's some data from Wikipedia:
From 2000–2005, 59% of rapes were not reported to law enforcement.[33][34] One factor relating to this is the misconception that most rapes are committed by strangers.[35] In reality, according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, 38% of victims were raped by a friend or acquaintance, 28% by "an intimate" and 7% by another relative, and 26% were committed by a stranger to the victim. About four out of ten sexual assaults take place at the victim's own home.[36]
Drug use, especially alcohol, is frequently involved in rape. In 47% of rapes, both the victim and the perpetrator had been drinking. In 17%, only the perpetrator had been. 7% of the time, only the victim had been drinking. Rapes where neither the victim nor the perpetrator had been drinking were 29% of all rapes.[37]
Contrary to widespread belief, rape outdoors is rare. Over two thirds of all rapes occur in someone's home. 30.9% occur in the perpetrators' homes, 26.6% in the victims' homes and 10.1% in homes shared by the victim and perpetrator. 7.2% occur at parties, 7.2% in vehicles, 3.6% outdoors and 2.2% in bars.[37]
According to a statistical average over the past 5 years, about 60% of all rapes or sexual assaults in the United States are never reported to the authorities. For college students, the figure is 95%, noted in the Fisher, Cullen and Turner study cited above.
In the U.S., the National Sexual Assault Hotline number is: 1-800-656-4673.