This is kind of a spin-off from my Secret Santa fic for you-know-not-my-name. Would have stuck it in with the Trains fic, but fanfiction dot net wouldn't let me align center the poem piece. Thus this bit of crack gets to stand alone. Still fits the prompt parameters though. I'm kinda happy about that.
And now, for your viewing pleasure, the poem on crack:
Raspberry Beret
Kaito put on a raspberry beret
No, he did not buy it at a second-hand store
It was surely brand new, here were the tags in the bag
This was the first time it would ever be wore
O.o
(Or should it be worn? He was sorely confused
English verb endings all sounded the same
But hey! Wore rhymed, sounded simply sublime
That was good enough to settle the claim.)
o.O
So he set out to see his mop-wielding friend
(The author would not let him out of the song)
To proclaim to her his undying love
When something of course went terribly wrong
O.o
A train descended upon his path
Smack dab in the middle of the street
Flattening cars, a hose, a prize-winning rose
And a Tyke tricycle with adjustable seat
o.O
Kaito stared agasp at the locomotive chass
The same pink as the hat on his head
But before he could inquire as to the proprietor
A voice bellowed a curse and it said
O.o
"Oh shiver me timbers and shake me boots
Toss me in Davy Jone's locker
The old gal's gone and landed on land
Should have known she'd fly off her rocker."
o.O
Now Kaito was surprised to say the least
It's not every day pink trains fall out of the sky
But before he could get a word in edgewise
The voice let loose with a wail and it cried
O.o
"Now I'm stuck who knows where out of the air
With landlubbers left and right
And me crew's all deserted except for one lass
Who won't scrub the deck and can't fight!"
o.O
"I can so!" says a voice Kaito'd know anywhere
And from the caboose who should he espy
But wonderful Aoko, dear darling Aoko
With an eye patch and leather thigh highs
O.o
"A mop's not a weapon!" the voice argued back
"no man worth his salt'd wallow in fear."
"Says you!" clamored Aoko, raising a broom
"But I've got a whole high school who knows to stay clear!"
O.o
"Why don't we just ask the lad?" said the voice
"The one in the silly pink hat"
"Fine!" Aoko huffed and turned to the front
And blanched at the boisterous brat
o.O
"Kaito?" she cried, in mortification or fright
The boy couldn't really be sure
His brain was still fried from the flash of her thigh
Who knew leather could hold such an allure?
O.o
And the blouse was not helping, all flowy and silk
With a corset trussed up center stage
Add the gloves and the jewels with a mop in her hands
-All coherent thought had been disengaged
o.O
At least until said mop came flying
Mere inches away from his face
"What the hell are you doing here?"
Screamed Aoko as they began the chase
O.o
"I don't know!" cried Kaito as he ducked to the ground
Barely dodging a wide uppercut
"But I can't say I'm complaining" as he raced to her behind
"Leather looks great on your butt."
o.O
"OOOOHHHH!" fumed Aoko as her face bloomed red
Swinging like a fan on high
"You just shut up!" she snarled at his laugh
Yet she smiled without knowing why
O.o
The banter continued for minutes or days
Who can tell when they get like this?
They might have bickered forever if it weren't for the voice
"Well lassie, ye gonna keelhaul the landlubber or kiss?"
o.O
That ended the chase right then and there
They froze and jumped back ten feet
"Uh, it's nothing like that!" both teenagers declared
Yet their eyes would refuse to meet
O.o
"Sure sure" said the voice "That may be true
On the river of Egyptian De-Nile
But when I had me hands on a buxom beauty
Me booty'd be more than her smile."
o.O
Neither knew quite just how to reply
But the voice carried on after clearing its throat
"Now lassie, I believe we must set sail
If it's Kid ye be wantin to smote."
O.o
"Aye Aye!" cried Aoko as she leaped onboard
Determination shining in her uncovered eye
Looking back at Kaito she called out "Farewell!
I'll see you at the end of July!"
o.O
But Kaito wouldn't have it, he jumped for the side
Of the pink train as it started to fly
At Aoko's confusion he blithely replied
"I've always wanted to be a Pirate of the Sky."
O.o
Just shaking her head she looked at the boy
And granted him a fond little smirk
"I wouldn't expect less" she softly remarked
"But you do realize you'll be expected to work?"
o.O
"What?" Kaito said, his face turning pale
Gazing at the ground far below
"You'd better get started" she happily stated
"The port decks need a good ol heave ho."
O.o
Leaving the boy to his miserable chore
She turned on her heel to flee
But before she departed she posed a thought
"Why is there a beret on ye?"
o.O
"Oh, this thing?" Kaito said, reaching up with both hands
"It all has to do with a song."
"Well then let's hear it," Aoko commented
"Perhaps I could sing along."
O.o
"Don't say I didn't warn you," he then declared
Before descending into the beat
Standing up, he strutted up to the girl
And knelt before her two feet
o.O
"I wore a raspberry beret" he sang
"The kind that you find in a hyaku yen store
Raspberry beret
It was shiny and new and the only one that I wore
Raspberry beret
You know the rest of the song"
Then standing up he looked into her eyes
And pulled her into a kiss quite long
...
(See what happens when you listen to Prince too long?)
And no, I don't know why pirates are on trains that fly through the sky. That's why it's crack.