The H. Theory
I woke up from a dream. A sort of nightmare, it felt so real to me, it plagued my mind for days.
I tried to tell them, but none would listen. "It's just a dream. What are you expecting shit like that to actually happen (laughs)"…almost everyone had the same opinion on my dream, almost everyone thought I was being paranoid, almost everyone shut me out, left me nothing but a quick response, a paper-cut to my emotions…
Eventually they turned my mental struggle into a way of ridiculing me. "Any new scary stories about the coming of doom?" they would question my every move. I realised that I could no longer surround myself with such people, but I could not just leave. I tried to get it out of my mind and forget, but even though I tried, they kept teasing, kept insulting and everything they'd say, took me a step closer to breaking. One step closer and I would be done…
Then it happened, it got too much for me, their harsh words, their judgemental looks…I could not forget about my dreams, my thoughts, I had to leave, I had to force its importance…One and only one took me seriously, my newest friend felt sympathy for me and gave me a chance before I left…"No matter how bad it is, if they won't understand, I will…Even if they're not with me, I'm with you". I felt a sense of hope, the two of us left together in search of someone who could help someone who could help us figure it out…
We met an old man, an experienced man of that field. He questioned me more than the others, with every answer I gave he continued to test me constantly in the time we were there. It angered me that the one who was supposed to help us would be worse. He kept saying "I don't care what you think, I don't care how serious it is to you, you could be wrong and it is the point of my authority to get it all out". I did not understand him and wanted to go somewhere else so bad, my friend could sense this and supported me in every way. As we were about to get up and storm out, the old man stopped us and said "for you to be able to understand this dream, you have to tell me everything, the good and the bad, the past and the present, we will solve it, I promise"…
I felt weak for a moment, vulnerable to the idea, I apologised and with a tear in my eye I told him everything. There was pain and suffering in me, so much that it brought out a mental implosion. With everything crawling in my skin, in my mind and soul, he discovered that it allowed me to break the line between space and time. "You have seen a glimpse into the future" he said, it shocked us all and what I described to him scared him. He quickly rushed to his telephone to call someone. When he got back to us, he said we would have to leave right away, to find those who would make a way to ensure the safety of us all.
We all spoke of our families, what about them, we have to tell them what's happening, "they never listened you before, they won't now…what we must do now is run away", but running would not ensure anyone's safety…He said in this way, no time would be wasted, we're not running away to leave them, we're running away to save them, "to open up their minds, we have to have understand yours" I had to open up my mind to the idea…
On our journey to the old man's colleagues I kept pondering about the situation, could I trust this old man, could I trust my friend, could I trust myself, what if it was nothing but a dream. Was I making the right decision, I was so afraid, though they listened to me, I still felt alone…I still felt like I would have to live with the consequences by myself. I was so uncertain of what was to come, with every mile, I failed to make a decision and I had to make a decision soon and so I kept thinking…
We were nearing the destination and my thoughts came to a morbid stop. On my own I realised that I may have been wasting time and this may fail. I lost so much in my fall, did it matter that I had this dream…would it matter if we understood my situation…In the end, would it matter. We reached the lab of the old man's colleagues, my friend walked with me and said "you tried hard, you got this far, do not give up"…with all his positive motivation, I was still torn by the idea that it may all be for nothing. From here on, I would accept whatever came of it, I would just go with it…
I met these men in lab coats, they quickly introduced themselves and then rushed me inside to investigate and find out what can be done. My only feeling was to hopefully find a way to be alone again and sleep forever, I was so tired and sick of it all, I kept thinking about how it started, how I used to be, How I was after the dream, how everyone left me to struggle on my own and yet now I have people who understand, I still don't feel like it is right, I was unfair towards them, but I could not help it, I just wanted them to get done, so I could end it all, I needed a place for my head to rest, for my mind to find peace again…
They were preparing tests for me, my friend spoke to me before to calm me down and bring me back to the point where I wanted to understand it, it felt as though all was forgotten, but it wasn't…maybe I was so hurt by the past, that I could not move toward my future…my friend eventually gave a harder approach to bringing me back, he saw right through me and shouted at me to not give in to my emotions, to not be scared of the outcome, to be ready for whatever happens. It shocked me that he would be this way, but he was right…I had to go on with it…
It came to it and I had to do these tests, brain scans, so many computers linked and attached to weird hardware, they hooked me up to some head gear, said it would help them understand, and that it would be a cure for the itch, my stress would come to an end and so they started. All I heard were weird sounds and I saw parts of my dream, parts of my memories, it was all a quick blur…colours flashing without sound, but an impact which I could feel…stars in darkness…voices, whispers of screams…I lost in this mind trip, and then I blacked out…
I had another dream, only this was not like before, it was a mix of my past and the future. I saw the people who turned me down and turned away from me, even with the events to come, they would still hate me, still not understand me and still I'd be left alone. This dream, was it a test…I tried to explain to them again, but still none would listen, though I tried they kept pushing me away, I had no choice but to accept it all, accept that this is my fate, even though I was right, they'd still reject me…
It was hard, but I accepted it, I made peace with the facts, that I'd be alone no matter what. At the core I was at peace and ready to move on. From now on it was all so clear, this would be my endeavour, to stay true to what needed to be done, to give it all away and focus on the future. I was ready…