Notes:
Kurt is secretly in love with his best friend Blaine. He's recently figured out he's gay, but hasn't told anyone. Especially not Blaine. Or his girlfriend.
Blaine is confused and in denial about why he wants to kiss Kurt. He's not gay. He has a long line of girlfriends to prove that.
Both are scared what it will do to their friendship if the other finds out.
This is going to be a long, slow moving story that will take place over the course of five years, starting in 2012 and ending up in 2017. Each chapter is told from either Kurt's or Blaine's perspective (or occasionally someone else's). The beginning of each chapter will let you know who the narrator is. Some chapters will be very short (in which case I'll probably post two at the time), others very long.
This is a story about falling in love, about coming out, and exploring your sexuality, but it's also a story about heartbreak, about giving up and moving forward but never forgetting or moving on. It's a story about trying to find a way back several years down the line, but is it too late? Has too much happened for that to be a real possibility? It's a story about finding out who you are and deciding who you want to be.
Blaine, Tuesday June 1st 2012, 8.33 pm
"Kurt, have you ever wondered what it would be like to kiss a guy?" I keep my eyes on words in the textbook in front of me, words that I haven't been able to focus on for the past twenty minutes. I don't dare to look at Kurt but I can feel him eyeing me suspiciously. It takes a few seconds too long before he answers.
"You must really have taken this break up with Maddie harder than you let on. Why do you go around thinking about such things?" Kurt asks skeptically.
"I just wonder if it feels differently from kissing a girl, that's all."
"Is this your way of telling me that you are gay Blaine?"
"No!" I say a little too hasty. "No, I'm just curious I guess. I mean girl's lips are soft and warm, because girls are soft and warm. Will a guy's lips feel hard or rough or are they the same as girls?" I look up at him, but I don't look him in the eyes.
"Lips are lips. I assume they feel the same." Kurt answers with a shrug and taps his pencil repeatedly on the notepad in front of him.
"You never thought about this?"
"No, why would I? Are you sure you are okay? You say you're not upset about Maddie breaking up with you, but now I start to wonder…"
"Ah, I don't care about Maddie, she's just a stupid girl. There will be others…" I haven't cared about Maddie in a long time.
"She's not any stupid girl, she's the girl you've been dating for 6 months, that's sort of a record for you."
"Ugh, I don't want to talk about her. It's over, there's nothing I can do about it. It doesn't matter anymore."
"So you rather talk about kissing guys." I can feel Kurt's eyes on me, searching to meet mine, but I refuse to look at him. I can't. Instead I reach a hand under my beanie, and scratch the back of my head absentmindedly. "You know, if you are gay I'm totally okay with that."
"I'm not. It was just a stupid question, okay. Let's just forget I said something."
"Okay." Kurt uses the pencil to push his glasses in place and thankfully drops the subject. His eyes leave me and return to the books in front of him. We're sitting by the kitchen table in Kurt's home, studying for our final exams. In almost two weeks we will graduate High School.
I actually don't want to know what it's like to kiss a guy. I have no interest in kissing guys. I want to know what it's like to kiss Kurt.