Pein: Ok, now that everyone's here, lets hear your status reports. Sasori?
Sasori: I've found a mint condition still in the box limited edition actionman action figure with special inverted clothing.
Pein: Is that what's in the box?
Sasori: Of course! Otherwise it wouldn't be mint condition.
Pein: How do you know it's in the box if you've never opened it?
Sasori: Well I . . . I uh . . . I-
Pein: You don't actually have one do you? You just tried to pass off the box as the real thing.
Sasori: It is to in there! Look I'll show you . . . . . . . See? There! It just opened the box and . . . I opened the box . . . NOO! MY MINT CONDITION STILL IN THE BOX LIMITED EDITION ACTIONMAN FIGURE WITH SPECIAL INVERTED CLOTHING IS RUINED!
Pein: Good for you sasori, keep at it. Deidara?
Deidara: I got smashed last night and found out that my palm mouths can't hold their liquor.
Pein: You should work on that, it would be an awesome lady pick up move in bars. Itachi?
Itachi: Who said that?
Pein: I did.
Itachi: Did what?
Pein: I drew whiskers on your face and gave your hair pink highlights while you were asleep you blind weasel.
Itachi: . . . Santa?
Pein: Yes, I'm santa. I'm sorry I've kept it from you. Kisame?
Kisame: I went to sea world to say hi to my folks.
Pein: How was it?
Kisame: The people there freaked out when they saw me and shot me with tranquilizers. I woke up in a fish tank with people gawping at me. I was gonna break out but some chick called a trainer told me to sit and when I sat she gave me a fish.
Pein: Going to a place where there's lots of people, getting smashed and waking up to a woman telling you what to do? Sound like my weekends. Kakuzu?
Kakuzu: I discovered a way to make more money.
Pein: Do tell.
Kakuzu: You've heard of recycling right? They're starting to recycle water now.
Pein: You mean toilet water?
Kakuzu: Exactly! I already have a water recycling plant. So I decided to go one step further. Recycled food.
Pein: Recycled food? Where would find a product you could recycle into food?
Kakuzu: The same place I got the water from.
Pein: . . . That's disgusting, you're not cooking for a week. Hidan?
Hidan: I totally sacrificed some major bitches to jashin.
Pein: Enlighten me.
Hidan: Ten girl scouts, the mailman, the mailman's wife, the mailman's wife's lover, a park bench and the word banana.
Pein: The word banana? How did you do that?
Hidan: The same fucking way I did the park bench in.
Pein: Well at least we won't get any bills for a while. I don't know how they find us every time we move. This is supposed to be a secret base. Tobi?
Tobi: Tobi counted to infinity twice before lunch today!
Pein: I wouldn't put it past you. Zetsu?
Zetsu: We found some delicious food at a recycling plant.
Pein: Really? At a recycling plant?
Zetsu: Yeah! We followed Kakuzu to this recycling plant he owns and their was this stuff that had corn-
Pein: That's enough! I may look hardcore but I've got a stomach as sensitive as konan during her period.
Konan: You're an ass, you know that.
Pein: I know, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy when I'm told that. So, status report?
Konan: I found out why I get so little air time.
Pein: Really?
Konan: Yeah, paper is not that threatening regardless of how it's used.
Pein: Plan on fixing that problem?
Konan: Yeah, I'm going to get roller skates.
Pein: An angel with roller skates? Don't you fly everywhere? I haven't seen your feet in six years.
Konan: . . . I might need to roll somewhere.
Pein: But you're a shinobi. Shinobi don't roll, we run.
Konan: . . . Angels can have roller skates . . .
Pein: Whatever you say beautiful emo child. Well I guess that's it.
Kisame: What about you? What did you do this past week?
Pein: I played twister by myself.
Deidara: You played twister by yourself?
Hidan: How the fuck did ya manage that?
Pein: With all seven of my selves.
Deidara: . . .
Hidan: . . .
Smurf: . . .
Deidara: You're a freak.
Pein: Says the one with five mouths.
Deidara: I only have four. What made you think I have more?
Pein: Whenever you go up against a strong opponent in a one on one battle you reveal you have more mouths. And since we've seen your upper half that only leaves . . .
Deidara: You're gay, hmm!
Pein: No I'm not.
Itachi: Come on kisame this is getting us nowhere, lets go . . . have you gotten smaller? And why do you have a white hat on?
Kisame: I'm Kisame! That's a smurf . . . how did a smurf get in here?
Pein: I'm going to go ahead here and guess it walked.
Hidan: You telling me our secret fucking hideout got penetrated by a smurf!
Tobi: Look! There's another under sasori's chair!
Itachi: Looks like their's more than one smurf.
Smurfs: . . .
Pein: They don't do much.
Tobi: Maybe if we put live grenades in their pockets they'd do more?
Deidara: Tobi you idiot! Anyone would do more if they had a live grenade in their pocket!
Pein: Wouldn't work anyway. Smurfs are grenade proof.
Deidara: Really, hmm?
Hidan: Oh I gotta fucking see that. Blondy, go bang a smurf.
Deidara: Ok
Pein: And you said I was gay.
Deidara: You are!
Pein: Nah uh!
Konan: Yes you are. You have the ability to control corpses of any gender and yet seven of the eight bodies you've ever owned are males. Plus they're men, so when you get them dirty and you take them to the shower you-
Pein: MEETING ADJOURNED!