Author's Note: Originally posted on tumblr. Enjoy!

"If you're having second thoughts about this, I'm not going to be upset."

"No, this… it's fine. I'm fine."

"Shepard…"

Ah, that look. She was trying not to crumble under that knowing gaze. Garrus was so good at getting her to spill - his C-Sec training, clearly. But he was right. She was having second thoughts. And at that silent admission, she felt the tears bubble up and she threw herself into her best friend, terrified she might not get another chance to fix what was bothering her.

"Kaidan." He said softly, putting his arms around her. She gave a small nod.

She still had strong feelings for him, and she knew that whatever was going on between them could be fixed with a conversation. But she didn't know if that conversation would ever happen, now. The course to the Omega 4 relay was essentially locked in. They were fueling up on Omega, at the moment, ready to leave any second.

A talon on her jaw drew her from her thoughts, as her gaze was pulled upwards.

"You still have time, if you want. No one can blame you for taking a few days to clear your head." Garrus dropped his hand, one arm still around her for comfort. "You were there for all of us. The least we can do is give you space to get the closure you need."

"Garrus," her eyes were watering.

"Call Kaidan. If you still want my company when you're done talking to him, I'll be here. Whatever that means. I don't want you doing something you might regret later."

She wasn't used to seeing that distant look in his eyes. He looked wounded, maybe. But, he was right. She needed to call Kaidan and get this squared away - let him know she still cared for him, at the very least. She nodded again and he was already turning to walk out. There was a pain bubbling up in her chest as she watched him, but she took a deep breath.

"EDI?"

"Yes, Shepard?"

"Tell the crew we have an extra day of shore leave." She let out a sigh, and then ran her hand through her hair before going to her terminal, looking to call up Kaidan.

"Very well, Shepard. Will that be all?"

"Yes, thank you EDI."

She was alone again. She sat at her desk for several minutes, finger hovering over the call button, with Kaidan's name next to it. She shut her eyes, pushed the button, and put her head in her hands.

"Don't pick up. Don't pick up. Don't pick up." She kept repeating like a prayer.

"Shepard?"

Her head shot up, and she sat up straight again, clearing her throat.

"Hey, Kaidan." She sounded miserable. Great. She couldn't even muster up enough courage to give him a smile. But… he didn't exactly look all too well, either. "I… wanted to talk to you." Pathetic.

"You did?" She thought she saw a little bit of light in those tired brown eyes. He looked like a mess - his hair wasn't neat like it usually was, in fact it looked like he hadn't showered for a few days. The scruff on his jaw made him look sickly, too. This wasn't how she ever wanted to see Kaidan, but here he was. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Us. I guess." She lowered her eyes, and leaned forward on her desk, arms crossed in front of her. "You've been on my mind a lot lately."

"I've been thinking about you, too." She saw him lean forward when she looked back up. And then he cracked his lopsided smile, and she couldn't help but grin, looking away again.

"I just wanted to tell you that… I'm not going to hold what you said on Horizon against you. You were right, in some ways. We have changed, but, maybe not so much that we wouldn't get along." Shepard cleared her throat, and felt her back relaxing some. "I don't want to go through the Omega 4 relay, and leave things the way they've been. I want to know that things are good between us. Or that they will be."

"You're going through the Omega relay? What the hell, are you insane?" The tone of his voice was reminiscent of Horizon. But he was allowed to use that tone. It meant he still did care a little.

"That's why I called, Kaidan. I don't know of I'll be coming back from this."

"You'd better make damn sure you come back."

She expected him to be silent. To tell her how stupid she was for doing all this, maybe even to say he couldn't keep talking to someone thinking about near suicide. What she hadn't expected was that tender ache in his voice. She hadn't expected that she would look up, and see a tear rolling down his cheek.

"Kaidan, don't cry." Her voice cracked as she let a tear roll from her eye. It was painful to see someone so strong, so loving, and so deserving of someone better to be crying over the thought of losing her.

And then she realized, they could lose each other again. It had apparently nearly destroyed him before. What would it do to him, now?

"Promise me you'll come back, Shepard. Promise me you're going to walk away from Cerberus after this is done, and come back to where you belong."

"I'll call you first thing." She smiled as another tear was blinked from her eye. To see the relief as his shoulders dropped was worth it. He moved to end the call. "Kaidan, wait."

He watched her with curiosity. Had he not been expecting any more from her? She hadn't called just to hear his voice, that was for sure.

"I need to say this now, or…" She shook her head as her hand covered her face.

"Go ahead."

"I've… sort of been talking with Garrus. And we've been… considering being more than friends."