Just Friends...Right?
A Gundam Wing fanfic by Raberba girl
Author's Note: Urgh...this is one of my oldest fics, heavily influenced by all the Duo/Hilde romances I used to devour. It's chock-full of unrealistic sappiness, even after two revisions and with the silliness fixed up a little. Read at your own peril.
--
I watch her. She doesn't know I'm here, or else she wouldn't be doing this.
Hm...interesting way to cook. She has the radio on, and she's dancing as she works. Shuffling across the floor, twirling around, singing snatches of the song softly under her breath - and she says she can't dance. As I lean comfortably against the kitchen doorframe, I feel like I can watch her forever. For the first time in a long time, I am perfectly content.
She's beautiful. That figure she's always complaining about - it's perfect. Her lovely blue eyes...I love it when they sparkle at me when she's excited about something. Her dark hair - now what is that color? They say it's black, but I think it's closer to violet. Like the color they say my eyes are.
But I have blue eyes. Like hers. Right?
She's dancing slower now. Must be getting tired. She curves in all the right places...my eyes slowly trace her outline, as an idea drifts in the back of my mind how nicely she would fit in my arms.
I blink and shake my head. You are an idiot, Maxwell. You shouldn't be thinking things like that. After all, we're just friends...right?
****
A slower song's come on. Good. I'm getting tired. But I still want to dance; it helps me relax.
I close my eyes and move slowly, vaguely knowing that I need a partner for this one. I put my arms up, and imagine a hand on my waist, another holding my own. As I dance, my imaginary partner starts to take shape in my mind, and it's almost like he's real.
I imagine out his features perfectly. Blue eyes...no, add a touch of violet; his eyes do that when he's emotional. Then long brown hair - in a braid - swinging behind him, and he'd be perfect.
I mentally slap myself. Schbeiker! What do you think you're doing? Why is it that all your ideal guys start to look like...him?
I sigh and stop. But the weight of my partner's hand still hasn't faded. I open my eyes and gasp.
"Why did you stop?" he asks, amused.
"I-- Duo! When did you get home?" He laughs, but doesn't answer my question, only pulls me a little bit closer and we dance some more.
His eyes are purple again. I stare up at them; I can't tear my own eyes away from their twinkling beauty. I notice his mouth curl up in a grin as he lovingly studies my face.
Lovingly? Stupid, Schbeiker, we're just friends. He doesn't love me - at least, not in that way...right?
****
Dinner was delicious. Sure, I can cook - some - but my Hilde's food definitely tops my own.
Hold it. My Hilde? Don't start getting all possessive now, Maxwell. Hilde's her own woman. She's free, independent...the only "my" she's ever going to be to you is "my friend."
I'm not even watching the movie. I'm watching her, hunched over the nearly-empty popcorn bowl, her face all cute and focused in concentration. She's picking out all the half-popped kernels, the ones I hate. I watch, fascinated, as she carefully places them all in a neat little pile on the coffee table. Then she sits back and puts them, one by one, into her mouth and crunches contentedly.
I can't take my eyes away from her face. With her eyes shut, face relaxed, she looks so peaceful.
Now she's done, pouting a little because there's no more left. She looks cute when she pouts.
I want to touch her.
I want to touch her skin, even if it's just her face, or her shoulder. I want to be close to her. 'We're just friends,' a voice warns in the back of my mind, but for the first time, I ignore it.
****
I can't help a childish little pout when all the kernels are gone. They're so good.
Then the thought occurs to me that Duo has been watching me the whole time. I start to blush, a little embarrassed. He must be disgusted; I know how much he hates the half-popped corn.
I steal a little glance at him. I don't know if it's the dim lights or the expression on his face (which is definitely not disgusted), but he looks beautiful. I've imagined what it would be like, if we ever actually dated. I've thought about it before, and I am thinking about it now. But I quickly push those thoughts away, and I blush. We're just friends...right...?
But still, all I want right now is a little kiss. My first kiss...my first real one, anyway. Ever since I got to know him, he's been the subject of my ideal first kiss. I've played it out, over and over again in my head....
Hilde, why are you doing this? He's just a friend!
****
I get up and walk over to her. She's now watching me back, and I kinda like the way her eyes are traveling over me. Then she blushes and looks away.
I halt, surprised. Her, too?
I shake my head. We're just friends. No matter how my thoughts have been gradually changing, there's no way she'd love me any more than she would a friend. No way she'd love me, the way that I--
I blink. Love? Maxwell, are you saying that you...love her.... I catch my breath.
My hand slips into my pocket, and the tips of my fingers brush against it. So that's why I bought you, little box. I remember walking out of the store, thinking I was crazy. But you knew, little box, didn't you.
****
He kneels down in front of me, so that we're at the same level. We're so close.... Why is he staring into my eyes like this...?
****
I have to say something to break the intensity. If I don't, I'll kiss her, and I don't want to do that - yet. Not until I find out how she feels about me.
****
"So, still like the half-pops, huh?"
His voice startles me.
"Um, yeah." I can't bring my eyes away from his, and I don't want to. Why did I ever think they were blue?
He reaches up and gently removes a tiny bit of popcorn from my cheek. His face is so close to mine...his finger is lingering on my cheek, and I feel the four others going to join it.
"Thanks," I whisper. I can't get my voice any higher than that.
He's not moving back. If anything, he's moving forward, though very slightly. He doesn't need to go any farther. We're close enough to....
"You're welcome." His voice is so low I can barely hear it. And then suddenly I feel his lips on mine. We were so close...either of us could have started it...or it could have been both.
****
My body is tense, waiting for her to jerk away. But she never does. Instead she closes her eyes, and I take a chance and deepen the kiss.
She's responding.
Hardly able to believe it, I put my arms around her, finally able to hold her. Now that I know I love her, it's resounding from every cell in my body; it's a wonder she can't hear it.
****
"I love you, Hilde."
My eyes snap open and I stare at him. He loves me. And I--
"Oh Duo, I love you too."
He's staring at my face now, looking amazed. "Really?!" he squeaks in a very un-romantic voice. I can't help giggling as he clears his throat and asks again, sheepishly, "Really?"
My eyes widen as my mind explodes with happy fireworks from the realization. "Duo - I love you!" He looks so happy now. He bursts into laughter and hugs me hard.
We stay like that for a while, snuggling like a couple of kids. Then his arms finally loosen and I hear him take in a breath. He looks at me for a long moment.
"Hilde...what would you say if I sort of - asked you, you know, to marry me. Or something."
I raise an eyebrow. "'Or something?' Duo, with all they credit you for being romantic, you're a pretty horrible proposer."
He blushes. And then I notice the small black box he has in his hand.
****
"Duo." I look at her, and she points at the little box. "Put it on my finger, goofy." I look at the box. I didn't even know I was holding it. I slowly take the ring out and slip it onto her finger. Then I try to concentrate on doing this right.
"Hilde, I love you. Will you marry me?"
She acts like she's thinking. Then she grins, and I groan silently. She's going to tease me.
****
I giggle a little as I see the look on his face. I sit in his lap and put his arms comfortably around me, then lean against him.
"Well, I dunno. You're kind of lazy, you know." I take up the end of his braid and pull the band off, then start unbraiding it. Something I've always wanted to do. "You can't seem to settle down...you're always going off to battles--"
"You know the war's over Hilde," he says, but I pretend to ignore him.
"You always sit around and watch TV...and you eat a lot. That will get expensive after a while." His hair is all loose now. I love playing with it, running my fingers through it, wrapping it around myself like a cape. "You like to play pranks on me--"
"Please, Hilde." I look up, and feel a little bit guilty at the look on his face. I suddenly feel sorry for him, and I twist around to give him an apologetic hug.
"Give me a couple of days to get used to the idea before you start blabbing to the world. But yes, I think I will marry you, Duo Maxwell," I whisper in his ear.
His smile is dazzling.
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
Four years later
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
I sit by the window, staring longingly out of it. I have his pillow; I'm hugging it in place of him. My eyes strain for a glimpse of him, but I know he's never coming back. Tears slide down my cheeks and drip down onto the pillow. Oh Duo, why did you leave me...I didn't even get to tell you about the baby.
It's foggy and gray out. I find it more comforting than depressing; the fuzziness helps to blanket my thoughts. Tiny drops of drizzle collect on the window, and I lean my head against it, feeling the cold seep into my skin.
Duo...I don't know how I'm going to live without you...I still think I can hear your footsteps, your voice around the house. I keep thinking that you'll burst in at any time, laughing that laugh of yours, smiling that smile of yours, that beautiful long braid flying out behind you....
I press one hand gently to my stomach. Baby, he had such long hair, and he took such good care of it. He would have taken care of us, too...but now we're alone.
I shake my head. Hilde, he's gone. Stop moping over him.
I close my eyes and remember the man who came a few days ago.
'Ma'am, I'm sorry....'
My eyes squeeze shut and I bury my face in the pillow, sobbing.
'Ma'am, I'm sorry....'
It still smells like him. I can feel his scent, his essence, all over the house.
'...several people were killed...he was a good man...very valuable to us...'
I shut out the memory, and cry myself to sleep.
****
I groan and open my eyes, blinking. My whole body aches. I can see blood oozing from gashes all over me, but none are that serious. I hope not, anyway. My head is pounding; I reach up to carefully pull a tiny piece of concrete out of a cut on my forehead. The movement sets my arm screaming in protest. What happened, anyway...?
Then I remember. For a moment I let my head fall back, closing my eyes as I try not to laugh. Something blew up.
I try to move my legs, but I can't. They're trapped, and no amount of twisting is gonna get me out. A huge slab of concrete covers my legs, and other debris nearly hides me from view. It's a miracle I wasn't crushed; rubble on either side of me is holding the slab just high enough. But I'm still trapped.
I start calling for help, since I can do nothing to free myself. It takes them a whole day. First off, it seems like forever before someone hears me. Then they realize that they can't pull me out, and they have to get some machine to get the slab off. Then they finally do, but even though I'm free at last, I still can't move. Exhausted, injured, absolutely starving...you can't blame me for losing track of time, can you?
--
My brain seems to be working for the first time in days. People keep trying to make me get back into the hospital bed, but I really am fine. I'm a Gundam pilot, I'm not going to succumb to a measly explosion! Besides, I want to see Hilde.
I catch one of the guys who tried to pull me out. "Hey, Matt, do you know where they're keeping our passport docs? I have to get back home." He's a new guy to our department, only been with us a few days before the accident. He's looking at me funny, and then suddenly his face turns horrified.
"Wait a minute - you're Duo Maxwell, right?!" Puzzled, I nod. He looks frantic now, and is talking to himself. "Maxwell was the one with the braid, the guy who got killed was Johnson...they'll have my head on a platter; I have to fix this!" He dashes off, and I frown. But whatever. I have to get back to Hilde.
I go off in search of a shuttle to take me back to L2.
--
I fumble at the door; the keys are slipping in my hand from the drizzle. I hope Hilde didn't hear anything about the accident, or she'd be frantic.
As I go in, I call her name, but then stop when I see her asleep by the window. She stirs at the sound of my voice, but doesn't wake up. After a moment of just standing there, relishing the sight of her, I make my way toward her.
She's so innocent-looking when she sleeps. I smile and lightly kiss her forehead. I start to head for the kitchen for some home-cooked leftovers, but then I stop as I notice she's clutching my pillow. She must have missed me.... I'm sorry for worrying you, Hilde.
****
Sounds from the kitchen wake me, and I close my eyes again shortly after opening them. Duo, your ghost or spirit, or whatever it is that haunts me, stop tormenting me...you're gone, forever.
I turn my head toward the kitchen doorway, where I imagine him standing with a steaming container of the casserole I made last night.
"Hey Hilde, you're awake," he says with a smile. "Want some?" Strange, how he seems so much more clear and defined now. And his voice...if I didn't know any better, I'd say he was real.
****
I frown in puzzlement at her. Her lips are moving, but I can't hear what she's saying. Her eyes are filled with so much pain.
I put the casserole down and go to her, but she shrinks away from me. My heart aches as she puts her face in her hands and sobs.
"Duo, why can't you just leave me alone...."
"Hilde, what did I do?"
She shakes her head.
I narrow my eyes. She is my wife, and something is making her cry, and I'm hugging her whether she wants me to or not.
****
His arms slip around me, and I am comforted despite myself. I lean against him and cry into his shirt. He's so warm...I can actually feel his breathing, hear his heart beating.
My head snaps up to look at him. No dream can be this real. He must be alive.
"Duo? Is it really you?"
His eyes, worried and confused, look down into my own.
****
"Of course it's me. Hilde, what's wrong?"
Her fingertips run along my face, tracing my features, and she stares at me in disbelief. "You're alive! Oh Duo, you're alive!"
Then I remember. Matt mistook me for Johnson...Johnson had been killed--
"Hilde, I'm so sorry!" I gasp, hugging her as she starts crying again. "I'm sorry if they told you...." After a while she's gotten over her shock, and we stand. She wipes her eyes but they're still glistening when she reaches up for a kiss. I kiss her back, and by the time we remember the casserole, it's already gone cold.
****
As we eat, I watch him. He must not have eaten very well for the past few days, or he wouldn't look so pleased with leftovers.
He's telling me about the accident, and everything that happened. I'm barely hearing it, happy only to see him sitting there, alive and reasonably well, across the table from me. Now he's done, with both the story and his food.
Now I have something to tell him.
He knows it, and he knows I'm going to tease him with it, so he teases me back, chattering about nothing, doing the dishes himself to prevent me from getting up. When he's done, he sits back down in his chair and looks at me with a questioning smile. I smile back and say nothing, teasing him some more. He laughs in defeat and leans back, shaking his head.
"Come on Hilde, I know you've got something to tell me. Spill."
I go around the table and sit in his lap, wrapping my arms around him. "Daddy," I whisper, my voice small and soft. "What would you say if I said we were getting a new family member...just a small one?"
He pulls back and stares at me in shock, taking my shoulders and searching my eyes. "Hilde...you don't mean...?" I smile and nod, and it's like the sun has broken across his face.
He leaps to his feet and laughs wildly, scooping me up in his arms and swinging me around the kitchen in some sort of mad dance. It reminds me of that day four years ago, the day he proposed, when we danced more calmly around this very same kitchen.
He suddenly stops and sets me back on my feet, looking delighted. Then he makes a mad dash for the phone and starts frantically punching in numbers.
As his yells of "Heero! My best friend in the whole wide world! Guess what?!" echo through the house, I come to stand beside him. He grins down at me as I embrace his free arm. We're both remembering that night from four years ago. Back then, we were still under the illusion that we were just friends...right?
Well, we were wrong.