Note: The story is based upon Sasuke's point of view.
Silent Agreement
A Silent Agreement. This is something we both have; we both share; we both need. It almost as if it is a routine programmed in our systems and we can't seem to cease. Don't get me wrong, I am fine with routines because it offers me a sense of comfort that I so seldom feel nowadays. You learn to ignore the awkwardness since you have done the same thing, with the same person, on the same day, at the same place. Familiarity leads to confidence. You now learn to assume that it will be a never ending cycle. That's when all goes wrong.
As I lift my hand to knock on her door, I release a breath I didn't even realize I was holding. No, I am not nervous. I've never been nervous. Not when I killed powerful shinobis like Orochimaru and Itachi; heck, I wasn't even nervous when I was almost executed in my own village.
She opened the door with that same practiced smile and just like before, we went straight to her room without as much as a single sound and concluded the silent agreement. She was the safest choice. This, she knows and understand yet she accepted me wholly on her bed. Moans, groans, hashed breaths filled my ears just like every night I spent with her. And just like our past meetings, I leave even before the sun peaks in the morning sky.
I am a man bounded to be alone, to be deprived of love and happiness. This is something I have always believe in and to my dismay, I was never wrong.
The training commenced in the morning and as usual the dobe was beaming with cheerfulness ad energy that competes with the sun. He said or rather shouted something in the lines of "teme" and "beat your ass" and "training". I ignored him and proceed to meditate in a corner which caused more shouting from his part. I gladly ignore his blabbering until he shouted, "Oh, hey Sakura-chan!" My concentration faltered though not expressed in my appearance.
I never greet her in the morning especially after such a night but the dobe always find a way to bring up the night's events unconsciously. "Sakura-chan, are you okay? You walk oddly." I smirk inwardly and can literally feel her blush due to the dobe's question. "Idiot! I walk perfectly fine!" she shouted as she knocks him in the head.
"We need to stop." I stare in to her emerald orbs and I hand to blink to regain my composure since I was lost in her eyes. I stared more, contemplating what she just said. It was a sentence that took me several seconds to comprehend and I start to wonder if I have caught Naruto's dumbness. When my brain finally processed the sentence, I look into her eyes and blink. Then I nod. I just nod.
I understand her- this is something I wish to believe in- as she understands my plight after our nights.Thus, the reason for my reaction. It was her turn to stare and I was suddenly reminded how her eyes expresses her true emotions. Oddly, her eyes were pleading. For what? I don't know.
No words were exchanged between us since that day and even on the days that followed it. Then days turned into months so quickly I didn't even realize it. Then I heard from the dobe about her marriage- Sakura's marriage. I wasn't surprised at the very least because it was Sakura we are talking about here. She does the most unexpected things. Even our relationship, as some may call it, is unexpected for someone as logical as her, don't you agree?
The first time I saw them was after morning training in a park. She was talking happily with him and he was smiling fondly. I was about to go on my way due to the lack of interest but was stopped short when I saw her smile that same smile she had twelve years ago.
That night, I carelessly lay on my bed as I stare at the plain white ceiling of the manor. Her smile keep on replaying in mind; overwhelming my thoughts. I close my eyes and attempt to remember other smiling faces of Haruno Sakura. Sadly, there was none.
In my memory, Sakura is always crying; no matter if it is because of sorrow or pleasure. She is always shedding tears that I start to wonder how come she never runs out of them. I, for one did. At the night of my family's massacre, I believe that I shed the amount of tears a human can have for a single lifetime. She will always be crying in front of me, for me, because of me.
I put my hand in my chest and I was shocked; stunned to feel my heart beating. A burst of emotions exploded inside of me and I can feel again- I am alive. I can feel the walls I put around me crumble down into tiny pieces yet I let them be. It is time, I thought. You may think that it is absurd for someone like me to just give up my anti-social life this way; to let my guard down just like that. You are right. No one can realize this in just one night and be a whole new person the next day. But I must tell you, the wall in front of me started crumbling the moment I put it up. I was never strong; I confess.
I put the wall up the second I saw the bloody hands of my brother yet it started collapsing the moment I met Team Seven. It was only intensified-the collapsing, I mean- with the missions we have done together. Then it hit me like a hard rock to realize that I am not that strong. Oh, how conceited can I be. So I put up another wall in the form of Orochimaru yet it also crumbles down when I saw her look up to me after all those years- all grown up and every spec beautiful. I became desperate. I build a wall three times stronger than the rest in the form of Karin, Sugietsu and Juugo yet this too collapsed in no time. I went to my last resort, my strongest wall yet- Madara but this too failed. I turn to find another wall but there grip of me was strong I can't even move. They brought me back to Konoha; willing to accept my lost soul. "We are family." I heard her say and then a thought came to me. She must be it; she must be what I need. She was the one to break off all my former walls; I figured she must be that strong. So, I made her my wall, my barrier to insanity through our silent agreement. Yet, even this was crumbled in the palm of her hand. It was a long process- very long actually- but I learn to give up now; to let it be. It was time to stop hiding behind these walls.
I bravely faced my emotions now that all those walls are gone and I found happiness. It shocked me to learn that it was right under my nose the entire time. But all good things end. I felt the pain of losing her but no walls are here to defend me. So, I died.
It was the day of her wedding. Damn. The dobe was in the altar ready to commence the ceremony as a Hokage and Kakashi is late as usual. Thus, the reason why I am here waiting for Sakura at the doorway. I was tasked to walk her to the altar. Damn. She stopped beside me and I offered my arm which she took gently. She is beautiful. Well, I've always deemed her beautiful and today was no exception. Actually, the times I've find her beautiful tied to the times I've found her annoying which you may now know as a lot of times. I wonder how someone can be beautiful and annoying at the same time. Annoyingly annoying. Now that's more ways to describe her.
As I looked at her, I get a feeling that something may be wrong. Well, I am most of time insensitive so feeling this may mean that something is really up. Her smile? Nope, she is smiling; genuinely actually that it started to pisses me off. Her eyes? Ah, yes. Her eyes. They are happy but have a hint of uncertainty or dare I say, regret. I told you before that I understand her through her eyes.
As we walk through the aisle, I cautiously asked her, "Are you happy?" She was stunned to hear me initiate a conversation but answered a happy, "Yes." Too happy, I thought. "Are you?" she asked. It didn't take me a second to answer a firm, "No."
She paused for a second maybe due to astonishment then asked, "Why?" We almost reached the end of the aisle that was too damn short for my liking. Before finally letting go of her hand, I looked straight into those emerald eyesand said, "I don't like letting others take what I want…what I love… but today is an exception."It tasted odd in my mouth- the word love. Her voice cracked a little when she asked, "Why?" for the second time.
"Because you are happy." And with that I let her go.
My whole body is numb and so is my heart as Naruto starts the ceremony with a joyous voice.
I silently walk to the doors but stopped on my plight when I heard the dobe say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." I feel like a fool as I watch in silence the wedding of the woman I love with another man; silently pleading for her to change her mind. I love her and she doesn't, at least not anymore. This is something I believe in and fortunately now, I was wrong.
"I am sorry." She said as she drops the bouquet into the carpeted floor. I stay glued on my position as she run to that now too damn long aisle. I didn't budge; I stood there and watch her run just like every soul in the church. For this is a choice she ought to make alone. She jumped into my arms and it was the first time I felt so alive; felt so happy to be alive. We shared a kiss and her tears wet my cheeks. She was crying so hard and I figured she will always be crying in my memories. Damn. I kissed her tears away as she giggled due to my actions. Then she smiled that smile that I feel deprived of for 12 years. "Oh Sasuke-kun."
I came to a realization that her tears were inevitable. Her tears are part of her eyes, those eyes that stay true to her emotions and feelings and so I accepted it wholeheartedly. I smirked as I look into the crowd. The people in the church were shocked, some disgusted, some scandalized. Only four people are happy, an obnoxious loudmouth blonde, a tardy masked sensei, a blushing runaway bride and me. That was enough of a happy ending.
I figured I was wrong with a lot of things. I am a man capable of loving and of being happy. "You are an idiot at times, Sasuke-kun." She said as she encircles her arms around my neck and I lift her up just like what a newlywed groom do to her bride. "Aa." I agreed but hey, I am learning.
Fin.