Little disclaimer before we begin. Any dialogue you may recognise is taken from the episode "It Takes You Away" which is not mine and belongs to the BBC, I'm just playing around with a "what if?" my mind supplied.
This is my take on the famous scene that has the whole fandom divided. The moment we saw the Doctor in the white room, this is what my brain was hoping for. Wishful thinking? Yes.
But that's what we've got fanfiction for!
The whole room changed, the appearance of a quaint little Norwegian cottage gone in a second. The time coordinates that had given her a sense of reality merely seconds before faded away leaving the Doctor dazed and slightly disoriented. It was almost as though it had never existed. Oh, she loved dimensional travel. The wonder of not being able to determine where exactly she was. Like humans must feel, she thought, grinning. But here she had gone again and lost track. What was she supposed to be doing again.
Well there was the matter at hand. The Doctor looked around, only to be blinded by white light. Every particle around her was a sort of sparse white light-emitting gas, that got denser the further it was from her. And it took her senses a few seconds to adjust to it all before she realised that she wasn't alone.
Of course! Of course it would feel alive in its most primal form, a collection of energy excited and moving and never stopping. The Solitract was all around her, alive and thriving and ever-changing, never remaining the same and- dare she say it, adapting. But it wasn't just particles of light anymore. Through the white density, she could see the outline of a shape a few meters away from her.
Only when the Doctor's eyes had adjusted, filtering the light out, did she see what- or rather who- was standing in front of her. Her blood ran cold. She froze in place like a child caught skipping class at the academy all over again. She was overcome by a wave of terror, but that she could deal with. Fear kept her going, kept her on her feet. But what she couldn't handle was the sadness. Both her hearts dropped in her chest, heavy with loss.
It seemed the Solitract wasn't done tormenting her. It was adapting in the only way it knew how to, by taking on a shape from the Doctor's own memories and using it against her. But it couldn't really be who she thought it was. This figure was just the Solitract digging through her memories like it was consuming the greatest story to have ever been told. And it was, the Doctor thought. Her universe was just that, the greatest adventure to be had, the most wonderful thing to be seen.
"Uhm, Solitract? Why do you look like that?"
The woman facing her smiled sadly, and the pain etched onto her face burned at the Doctor's hearts. "You said I could stop being Trine."
The Doctor tried to ignore the loneliness in those eyes she knew so well, that had always been filled with such wonder. "Yes but, I sort of meant you should take on your true shape? You can stop pretending to be anyone, I stayed for you." The Doctor didn't let herself consider who that meant she wasn't staying for.
In response the young girl held her hands out around her as if to point out her surroundings. "My own form is endless, but like this Doctor, I can give you back something you lost."
The Doctor scowled and muttered under her breath. "There's me thinking the day had no more surprises left."
"Now please," and the thirst shone in the young girl's eyes, like a light from within. "Tell me more, more of your universe, more of everything." She sounded just like she had when she wanted her grandfather to tell her a story before going to bed, regardless whether it was a story she'd heard a thousand times before.
"You know words can't do it justice. It's like a thousand tides pulling at you from every direction. A thousand things to see and incredible moments to experience. Can you imagine what it feels like? Every star that ever was, being born, every life taking shape, expanding around you. And out of it all, do you know what I'll miss the most?"
The young girl stood still, the spark in her eyes only growing with every word. "The people." The Doctor spoke, almost surprising herself. "My friends."
She thought about Yaz with her strong sense of compassion, Ryan who's curiosity finally let him shed his self-doubt. And Graham, wonderful Graham who just wanted to stop hurting. But her mind wandered to other friends she'd had. Other people she'd cared about so much that she'd sacrificed herself for them, and would do so again in a heartbeat.
Look at me now Rose, she mused somberly, after all the goodbyes I've had to make, I too have to part ways with our universe.
But those words could never be enough for a universe to live on. The Solitract wasn't satisfied, regardless of the Doctor's conviction. It wanted more. "How can you claim to be such a caring person if you chose to abandon your own granddaughter? I thought you're supposed to care about family."
She'd been expecting this, the bitterness in the Solitract's voice, Susan's voice. And still, it crushed her to hear it. She remembered last time, a lifetime ago. She'd had a picture of Susan on her desk. It had crossed her mind then already- oh so many times, to take a detour. One little visit couldn't hurt, could it? It had been so long, and the Doctor didn't even know where she was now. What she'd grown to become.
But here she stood. Or rather, the Solitract did. The Solitract. Solitract-Susan, whose smile screamed of missed opportunities and lost universes. But maybe, just maybe, she didn't need to regret losing the world. Because she'd never have to worry about goodbyes again.
A sudden jolt in the endless whiteness distracted her. For a second, this plane's gravity stopped, like a glitch. The mirror was back, and it gave the Doctor a sense of stability. It grounded her and reminded her that this was wrong. She'd fallen prey to the same Siren's song as Erik and Graham before her. The Doctor lost her footing and the girl almost fell. The Doctor rushed to hold her in place, enveloping her in safe steady arms. "Are you alright there Solitract?"
Her answer was curt and cold. "I'm perfectly fine. I control everything here."
The Doctor took a step back. She'd never seen Susan look quite that spiteful- it looked wrong in so many ways. And for the first time the Doctor truly caught a glimpse of the Solitract through the cracks of its armor. She felt a wave of pity for this downtrodden, lonely creature that needed to feed off the idea of another world to feel complete.
But the Solitract's wishes were futile, and in that moment the Doctor saw it clearly. "So you can see that it's still destabilising. I'm just one person, but it's too much for you to handle. Me being here is going to kill us both."
Susan's gaze was that of a petulant child. Disbelief and entitled anger shone through her manners. "No it won't. You're lying to me because you want to leave me! Again!"
This whole day had been difficult, but the piercing pain that those words brought were the realisation of some horrid nightmare. Her face was contorted, as if it had been eaten away by decades of hurt and loneliness.
"What am I supposed to do without you?" Oh, the Doctor wanted to chastise herself for thinking those eyes couldn't get sadder. There was a sense of searching and longing, but something else as well.
The Doctor thought that out of all the people the Solitract had become in order to please her loved universe, this form was most fitting. She was young, and had her whole life ahead of her. A whole life to learn how to be her own person, or well, her own universe really. "Solitract? You know what? You're the luckiest being I've ever met, and oh I've met thousands of beings in my life. D'you know why?"
The Doctor paused and stood up straighter, "Because you've got something even I can't dream of having. A whole of time and space to truly make your own, with no rules or guidelines. An eternity. And what makes it better? You can create anything."
The Doctor continued hopefully, "All universes start somewhere, sometimes all it takes for one to blossom is a little push, who knows what you'll grow to become? It's time for you to stop trying to be a part of other people's stories and start making your own."
The Solitract looked at the Doctor with a vulnerable smile, and she finally saw what rested behind the girls deep yearning. These words were what she had been looking for this whole time, without even realising.
Gravity shifted again unpredictably, and this time the Solitract didn't pretend she was in control of it. The whiteness around them fazed sporadically, and the Doctor felt herself getting dizzy from the unease. It was time to go.
The Doctor stepped back once more, getting closer to the mirror but still facing the Solitract. The girl seemed resigned, accepting of her fate if not a little sad, but what mattered to the Doctor was her hope. It was contagious. "I'll miss you." the girl muttered.
"One day, I'll come back to you, I will." It took all her willpower not to think of similar words uttered to the same exact face, such a long time ago. "Prove me right, will you? Show me how wonderful of a universe you can be on your own."
As she stumbled into the mirror, the light around her enveloped her and clouded her vision, and all she could see of the Solitract was a blur, the Doctor gently added "Goodbye."
When her companions and her had made sure Erik and Hanne were safe, and had said their goodbyes, the Doctor looked back at the house, just as she entered through the doors of the TARDIS. Yaz stood inside. Poor thing seemed confused. They were all walking on eggshells since she got back from the Solitract- didn't know what to make of her brooding, she supposed.
"Doctor? What's next?"
The Doctor sighed deeply as her eyes remained on the cottage. She didn't want them to see her like this, like anything less that the carefree traveler they had come to know. "Next? Earth. I suppose. I've got some unfinished business."
It was finally time, she smiled sadly. "Someone's been waiting for me."
There you have it! I think what got to me the most about this episode was its potential. Not just the characters, but the dialogue as well. It was constantly on the verge of saying something, but I think having the Doctor jut say goodbye to a lonely universe seconds after she thought she'd spend the rest of her life there left me craving more. Hopefully if you thought like me, this will quench your thirst for something more.
If anyone is interested in what I imagine taking place after this, I'd say think about what this season could've been with the usual thirteen episodes! When I first watched "It Takes You Away" I thought the finale could be about Susan, but now I think the finale finishes it off nicely. But who says we can't add another episode in between!
A thousand million thanks to BlueCookiesforRick my incredible beta without whom, this short fic would be laced with all sorts of grammatical cringy-ness. She's amazing and talented and if you like this fic you should check out what she did with this scene!
Thanks for reading,
Whisper