My first diary.
I don't know what feels so amazing about it; other people bragged about having one back in grade school, and now it feels ridiculous to. I mean... I'M SIXTEEN FUCKING YEARS OLD. Why would Grandpa get me one for Christmas if there's no real reason to use it?
Hell, why am I using it now?
Maybe it's just because none of them understand. And then... you'll listen.
Yeah, that's it. Maybe I'll use you from now on.
Yours, Lovino
December 29th, 1997
School starts back on the third. I'm not ready for this. I push people around for using my brother as a doormat, pretty much. Feli belongs to my heart.
And I want to see Antonio again. I won't say anything else on that matter... or any other one.
Yours, Lovino
January 1st, 1998
Look at that.
New Year's.
What's so fucking special about it?
Yours, Lovino
January 3rd, 1998
Life takes rough turns, doesn't it?
I finally got the courage to ask Antonio out, and he turned me down... for fucking Bella!!
My friend. She was so nice, and she accepted a date from that bastard. Now she's going to be one. Congratulations, Bella.
I don't even love Antonio anymore.
Yours, Lovino
January 4th, 1998
I went out for ice cream after school. I needed it... and then I met Andres and his roommate, Flavio. Two years older than me and not going to college. They sat next to me and we started to talk and eventually I got their address and number and I'm going over to their apartment tomorrow, or maybe the next day.
Yours, Lovino
January 9th, 2998
Has it really been five days? Gosh. School had me occupied. But I did go over to Flavio's and Andres's place on the 6th. It was pretty big, and I kind of got to see what they were like. Andres barely spoke, and Flavio always wore sunglasses and had this mysterious bite mark on his right arm that I just couldn't figure out the origin of.
Maybe I'll find out one day.
P.S.- I'm going to stop putting my signature here. Just wastes space and makes me look like a weakling.
January 11th, 1998
I'm going to visit some friends over in Berlin in Summer. Grandpa said Feli will stay with him, but I'm going away. I'll he staying with Feli's pen-pal, Ludwig and his brother, Gilbert. I have their address and pictures.
Ludwig looks Aryan, and probably is, considering that he's German. Gilbert is an albino, silver hair and red eyes. He's got this weird bird accessory on his head, but it looks so real I want to pet it.
Can't wait to meet them!
January 14th, 1998
Nothing really. I just wonder what Germany's like.
January 15th, 1998
Other students brag about not being virgins. I wonder what that feels like. Is it a good feeling? Maybe I'll ask Grandpa, but knowing myself, I probably won't.
January 17th, 1998
You don't even know what this feels like for me. My grades went up from C's and D's up to all A's, well, except for one B, which was just a 92. Grandpa was so happy with my report card, he made me a cannoli.
It was so good.
At my school, 93 is the minimum grade you need to get an A.
January 20th, 1998
Tomorrow's Saturday. On Saturday nights, Feli leaves the house to go out with his friends for a bit and Grandpa does whatever he does then, so I'm always alone. Normally I blast music while I do whatever the fuck I feel like until they get back.
January 21st, 1998
I didn't get my Saturday.
Feli never left the house due to a cold, so Grandpa went out to get some medicine for him. Since the next drug stores are a couple hours away on their own (we don't have a car), I had to stay and take care of Feli.
He was so needy!! Get this, get that, do this, do that, put this here, put this there... ugh!! I get that he's sick, but... damn, child!! Grandpa was back around dinnertime and Feli fell asleep after he got his medicine.
My day was shit, and now I've got to wait until next weekend.
January 24th, 1998
One of the students that I chat with from time to time has been absent for the past couple of months. After talking with his friends, I found out that he was going to have a baby and that's why he had to stay home.
This would sound off to my family (I'm normally very aggressive), but I wish I had a baby. That would be all I ever needed in life; a child to care for and love as my very own. Now I wish I could lose my virginity just to have a chance. I want a baby so bad.
January 25th, 1998
Fucking fuck.
Feli fell off the sidewalk and sprained his entire left leg on the asphalt. Now I've got to stay home with him until he can walk again.
Just gotta call up Andres and Flavio later.
January 26th, 1998
I did call them. Flavio answered, cheery as ever, and I explained my situation and Feli and all that shit. He understood and even drove over to drop off some ointment and gauze, along with bandages. Feli whined a bit when I wrapped his leg, but at least he could stand and walk a bit.
I called Flavio again and told him I was grateful. He chuckled and said it was no big deal before saying he had to get ready for work and he had to go. Then he hung up.
Doesn't he realize it is a big deal?!
January 27th, 1998
This may shock you, but I've been invited to a party on the sixteenth! I, stupid little Lovino Vargas, have been invited to a party!!
I can't fucking wait.
January 29th, 1998
17 days until the party.
Can't fucking wait, you know. Good thing I found out, Antonio's not invited, so I don't have to deal with that fucking piece of shit while I'm trying to have a good time.
January 30th, 1998
16 days.
Feli can walk alright (as long as he has his bandages on, of course) and now we can both go back to school. We'll both go tomorrow (we missed our time today because Feli was still feeling bad). We'll have some make-up work to do, but it'll be worth it for my little brother.
January 31st, 1998
15 days. Just a little over two weeks.
I'm getting closer to meeting new people, getting a chance to have sex, and I'm probably going to get some alcohol. I'd love to try some booze.