Kristoff, alongside Elsa, Anna, and, more recently, Oaken, had been fighting spirits, monsters and the like for the past few months, and only recently had they learned of Hans and the Temple of the Southern Isles. Hans, the latest name of an ancient evil, had been depicted as a powerful man in a white tuxedo in the images that Kristoff had seen of it.
Kristoff stared as Hans paced in front of the Temple of the Southern Isles, a thing whose doors had opened up on the North Mountainwhen their containment unit had been broken open.
"It's a girl," said Kristoff as they approached it, him, her, whatever. It had taken on the form of a young woman in a lacy white dress with a red bow on the front of it.
"It's Hans," said Elsa as she took in the temple around them, feeling back for her Proton Pack. Elsa, born with Ice Powers, had worked with them long enough to figure out how to tap into other 'fundamental forces.' As such, she was the one who built their 'spirit gear' and allowed them to use those same forces now.
"I thought Hans was a man," said Oaken. He'd only recently joined their crew, and he had been a great aid. Although he knew next to nothing about the nature of the forces they used, he understood the equipment itself well enough to suggest a few handling improvements.
Elsa shrugged. "It's whatever it wants to be."
"Well, whatever it is, it's gotta get by us!" said Anna with a big grin.
"Right!" agreed Kristoff, stepping back as they lined up in front of Hans.
"Go get her, Kristoff!" said Anna with a big grin.
Kristoff looked at Anna, who nodded and waved her head at Hans. He gulped and stepped up.
"Hans of the Southern Isles!" Kristoff waited until it glanced up at him to continue. "Good evening! As a duly designated representative of the country and city of Arendelle, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension," said Kristoff, mustering as much conviction as he could.
Anna groaned and threw her head back. "That ought to do it. Thanks very much, Kristoff."
Hans cocked its head. "Are you a god?" it asked him. Its voice grated at their ears like claws across a chalkboard and they all winced.
Kristoff looked back at the rest of the group and Elsa nodded 'yes' to him. "No," he said, with a little frown.
Hans reaching its arms back into the temple behind it. "Then... die!" it said, throwing his hands forward as lightning surged out across the towards them and pushed them back towards the ravine. They crashed into the Ice Bridge that Elsa had built before, when she'd constructed her Ice Palace. She'd torn it down since, but left the bridge for 'safety reasons.'
Oaken, clinging to the bridge for dear life, turned at Kristoff once they were out of danger. "Kristoff, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say, 'Yes!'"
Kristoff nodded, having learned his lesson.
Anna just narrowed her eyes at it. "All right. This chick is toast!" she said as she began to march towards it. The rest of them fell into step beside her, forming a solid line between Hans and Arendelle. They pulled out their Proton Guns as they walked up to Hans as if they'd done it a thousand times before, stopping only to ready their weapons.
"Let's show this prehistoric ass how we do things in Arendelle. Light her up!" said Anna, and they all fired their Proton Guns at Hans, who leapt over them to land on the edge of the ravine behind them.
"Nimble little minx, isn't she?" said Anna as they turned to face Hans again. "Aim for the flat top!" she said, and again they fired. This time, Hans vanished.
"Well! That wasn't so hard," said Anna as she put her Proton Gun up.
"We neutralized it!" said Kristoff, still in awe of their quick victory. "You know what that means? A complete force reversal!"
"Hey, we have the tools, we have the talent!" said Oaken as he put his own gun away.
"It's party time!" said Anna, but as she turned to lead them back off the North Mountain, Elsa, hands raised as she sensed the forces at work around them, turned with a grim look in face.
"Anna? This looks extraordinarily bad," said Elsa and at her words the mountain began to shake.
"Subcreatures! Hans of the Southern Isles, Hans the Destructor, Gozer the Gozarian, the Traveler, has come! Choose and perish!" boomed its voice; it seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere all at once.
"What do you mean, choose? We don't understand!" shouted Kristoff into the air.
"Choose! Choose the form of the Destructor!" cried Hans, a laugh on the edge of the sound.
Kristoff's face lit up at that. "Oh! I get it, I get it. Very cute! Whatever we think of - if we think of the Duke of Weasel Town, the Duke of Weasel Town will appear and destroy us, okay? So empty your heads. Empty your heads. Don't think of anything. We've only got one shot at this," he said back to the group and everyone nodded.
"The choice is made! The Traveler has come!" cried Hans, and an angry howl came from the distance.
"Whoa! Whoa! Nobody choosed anything! Did you choose anything?" said Kristoff as he turned back to look at Elsa.
"No!" she said vehemently.
He turned to Oaken. "Did you?"
"My mind is totally blank!" said Oaken.
"I didn't choose anything!" said Kristoff. With dawning realization, the three of them turned to stare down Anna, who wilted.
"I couldn't help it. It just popped in there!" she stammered, looking out into the distance to spy whatever it was had come.
"What? What just popped in there?" said Kristoff as he stepped up to her.
"I - I tried to think," she began, but the mountains around them began to echo with the howls of a beast born of nightmares.
"Look!" cried Elsa as she pointed out the dread beast Anna had called forth.
"No! It can't be!" Anna said as she raced to Elsa's side.
"What is it?" asked Oaken. He still hadn't seen the monster yet.
"It can't be!" Anna said again, all color leaving her face.
"What did you do, Anna?" asked Kristoff as he came forward to join them.
"It can't be!" Anna said once more, as if denying it would make it go away.
Then Oaken saw the beast. "Oh no!"
The forset shuddered and shook, and an enormous white form came into view. It had sticks for arms, a carrot nose and was taller than the palace back home.
"It's Olaf the Snowman," said Anna with a sigh as Olaf howled again.
"Well, there's something you don't see every day," said Kristoff as he watched Olaf rampage towards the city.
"I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood.
Something that could never, ever possibly destroy us. Olaf," said Anna as she was caught up in memory.
"Nice thinking, Anna" said Kristoff as he watched it tear through the trees like Anna tore through a plate of chocolate.
"Elsa and I used to build snowmen in middle of the palace in summer late at night. She'd use her magic and it was always wonderful," continued Anna.
Her memories of childhood magic had been unlocked when Elsa began to use her powers again and the Trolls had helped resettle them when Anna came to them to ask what has happening to her mind as they reset themselves.
"Anna has gone bye-bye, Elsa. What have you got left?" said Kristoff as happy glow settled on Anna's face.
"Sorry, Kristoff. I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought," said Elsa as raised an arm to try and control Olaf, as it was made of snow.
This just served to anger it, though, and Olaf turned its attention back at them and growled.
"One, two, three! Melt him!" said Kristoff as they pulled their guns back out and blasted energy at him.
This managed to set his branches on fire, but he just turned the flames back at them and began to climb up the mountain towards them.
"Funny, us going out like this. Killed by a hundred-foot snowman," said Kristoff as they looked down at it.
Elsa turned to look at the rest of them. "I have a radical idea. The door swings both ways. We could reverse the energy flow through the gate."
"How?" asked Anna as she looked up at her sister.
"We'll cross the streams," said Elsa, glancing down at her own Proton gun as she spoke.
"Excuse me, Elsa, you said crossing the streams was bad," said Kristoff as he began to look at his own Proton Gun. Before they'd turned on their guns right after Elsa had distributed them, Elsa had told them that to cross the streams would result in the complete reversal of the fundemental forces in their bodies, causing them to explode in a fiery and spectacular way.
"Cross the streams …" repeated Anna as the idea began to realize itself in her mind.
"You're gonna endanger us, you're gonna endanger your kingdom. The nice folks who accepted you as queen even after your winter storm last summer," said Kristoff, more out of a sense that someone should object than to offer an alternate solution.
"Not necessarily. There's definitely a very slim chance we'll survive," said Elsa, trying to sound optimistic as she endorsed the idea.
Anna gave Kristoff a friendly slap on the arm. "I love this plan! I'm excited to be a part of it. Let's do it!"
"This job is definitely not worth eleven-five a year!" said Oaken as he joined them in their race to the Temple of the Southern Isles. They reached it only just as Olaf's head reached their peak on the mountain.
"Hurry!" said Elsa as Olaf began to pull himself up to them.
"See you on the other side, Kristoff," said Anna as she lit up her Proton Gun and fired it into the temple.
Kristoff turned to her with a smile. "Nice working with you, Anna," he said as he fired and crossed his stream with hers.
"Let's turn 'em on, Oaken!" said Elsa as she fired her own stream into the temple and crossed with Anna, Kristoff and Oaken's streams.
Olaf howled as he saw what they were doing, but it was too late to stop then. As the temple began to rip itself apart, the doors leading to its world began to close and only then the four of the turn off their Proton Guns and run away.
The powers that sustained Olaf dwindled to nothing and he screamed before exploding in a blizzard of ice, snow and carrots.
A light dusting of snow settles on the mountaintop but with a wave of her hand Elsa causes it all to vanish.
Anna shook herself to get rid of the snow that Elsa missed and grinned, although the grin faltered when a mass of sticky orange goo plodded next to them. "Oh... oh... Kristoff? Are you all right?"
Kristoff shuddered but nodded. "I feel like the floor of Sven's stable on a bad night," he muttered as he began to wipe the muck off." Anna laughed and went over to him to help clean up.
Elsa, meanwhile, looked out over her kingdom and smiled.
"I hope it won't all be like this," muttered Oaken as he walked up to join her on the edge of the North Mountain.
"It won't be. Sometimes it'll be worse," said Elsa with a grin. "All part of the joy of being one of Arendelle's Ghostbusters."