Cow Tipping
His steel toed boots clacked against the tiles of the school hallway as Sasuke Uchiha walked to the school parking lot where his truck sat waiting. He just wanted to get out of there before his crazy best friend found him. 'C'mon, you're almost there. Just another few feet!' Taking his keys out, he pushed the unlock button and the car beeped, signaling it was unlocked. He heard a giggle nearby and he turned to see his girlfriend coming towards him with one of her friends.
"Hey, big boy!" Sakura Haruno called to him. Her shoulder-blade length hair swayed with her hips, but despite her luscious curves that sent him spiraling, Sakura was a complete tomboy. She wore his cowboy hat to shield herself from the intense heat of Konoha, completely ignoring the talking cheerleader at her side. "Can you believe how hot it is?"
"Yeah, it's insane," Sasuke said nervously, looking around nervously as well. Sakura caught this and cocked her head to the side.
"Are you okay, Sasuke? You look, I don't know, nervous. Not like you at all."
"I'm sorry, Sakura, but I have to go. He's looking for me." Sakura's mouth opened in an "o" shape and nodded in understanding, winking slyly.
"If I see him I'll cover you, 'kay?" she told him. Sasuke smiled gratefully at her and leaned forward to kiss her in thanks. "Be careful, okay? You never know what he'll do when he finds you with him and his crazy schemes. We've known him since kindergarten and he still does stupid things."
"Yeah, and he tries to pull me into his pranks, too. Well, I'll see ya later, Sakura," Sasuke said, kissing her on the top of her head lovingly.
"Remember to come by my house for dinner tomorrow! My parents would love to have you over!"
"Will do!" Sasuke shouted back to her as he headed for his truck. He opened his door and hopped in, sighing in relief when he found he wasn't caught by his friend. It was after a few minutes on the road did he realize he wasn't the only one in his car.
"YO, SASUKE!" a voice shouted from his back seat. Sasuke yelled out in surprise and swerved dangerously on the road. Pulling over, he unbuckled his seat belt and began throttling his best friend, Naruto Uzumaki, within an inch of his life.
"What the hell is your fuckin' problem, you idiot?" Sasuke shouted. Naruto was cackling insanely as Sasuke shook him by his collar. "You could have killed both of us!"
"That's what you get for avoiding me, Sasuke~!" Naruto sang. After Sasuke had his fill of killing Naruto, he sat back in the driver's seat while Naruto climbed into the passenger's seat. "So, what are we doing today?"
"What are you talking about?" Sasuke blanched. "I have to go over to Sakura's house for dinner tomorrow and I have to be well rested!"
"Aw, I was hoping we could do something tonight that was fu~n!" Naruto pouted. Sasuke groaned and put his seat belt on, proceeding to pull back onto the road.
"Well, I'm not going anywhere tonight, Naruto."
"But it's a Friday! C'mon, Sasuke!"
"No!"
"Baby." That made Sasuke jerk to a halt again, but this time it was in a gas station. He turned his head to look at Naruto, who was looking at him with a cat-like expression, with a growl.
"I am not a baby," Sasuke warned. Naruto then began making chicken noise, resulting in Sasuke tightening his hands on the steering wheel. No one makes chicken noises at Sasuke Uchiha and gets away with it. But Naruto wasn't done.
"And I thought an Uchiha like you could do something as simple as the task I'm asking you to do. Pfft, you sure proved me wrong."
"Fine," Sasuke growled. "I'll do it." Then, he felt his ego swell and he smirked at his best friend. "You're talking to Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto. I can do anything."
"Great!" Naruto exclaimed. "Meet me near 'The Tree' at ten!" With that, the blond jumped out of the truck and proceeded through the woods to his neighborhood on the other side. Sasuke shook his head in disbelief and put his truck in drive to head home, dreading the night ahead.
Sasuke stood at the great oak tree by Sakura's house, a big empty field behind him. Glancing at his watch, he huffed in annoyance and hung on one of the giant branches of "The Tree," a huge oak tree he, Sakura, and Naruto had played on as kids. It held a lot of memories of the trio: Sakura's first broken arm at age six, Sasuke's first busted nose at age eight, and the time the two of them had pushed Naruto off the top branch for catching them making out, which was only the previous month. Looking back, Sasuke could only laugh at the memory.
"Yo, Sasuke!" The teen looked down the road to see Naruto running towards him.
"Naruto! Where have you-!"
"Shush! You don't want us to get caught, do you?" Naruto whispered. Sasuke's eyes widened, and they narrowed in a glare.
"Naruto, are we doing something illegal?" Naruto shuffled his feet in the dirt and grinned sheepishly at Sasuke. "Well?"
"Not…exactly. At least I don't think so anyway, hehe," Naruto said rubbing the back of his head.
"Dammit, Naruto! How many times do I have to tell you I'm not doing anything with you that involves the cops?"
"That's if they catch us! Please, Sasuke? I promise I won't ask anything of you anymore!" Sasuke considered this; 'Well, I could use a break from his stupid ideas…' Sasuke nodded and shrugged.
"All right, Naruto. But this is the last time I will EVER do anything with you, no matter how much you beg. Do you understand AND promise?" Naruto made a motion where he crossed his hands over his heart. Smiling, the blond slapped a hand on Sasuke shoulder and began pushing Sasuke closer to the field behind them.
"Have I ever told you how much I love cows?"
"Cow tipping?" Sasuke questioned. "You want to do cow tipping? Out of all the illegal things you could have picked, it had to be cow tipping?"
"Yep! Cow tipping is fun!" Naruto swept his hand across the field they were standing in. Cow of every size and color littered the vast field; white cows, black and white cows, and even brown cows. "Look! They even have brown cows! I wonder if they make chocolate milk." Sasuke face palmed as he stared at his blond friend.
"Naruto, this is pointless and stupid to even think of doing. Do you know what Sakura's parents will do to me if they ever find out what we're about to do?"
"Ah, they'll be fine!" Naruto whispered if that was even possible. At the moment, they stood in front of a cow, the hairy animal not noticing them, which was a rare thing. Sasuke knew a thing or two about cows, and one of them was that they were very alert to their surroundings. It was amazing the two of them had been able to get through the field without waking up any of the cows, as if God was saying it was all right for them to be doing this.
"Naruto, this is so stupid and, like I said, pointless. It's a wonder how the cows haven't noticed we're here!"
"Ah, shut up, scaredy cat," Naruto teased.
"I've changed my mind," Sasuke said firmly. "I'm not doing it."
"Baby." That name had him irked again and he glared at him.
"I am NOT a baby," he growled. Naruto began making the chicken noises for the second time that day, this time flapping his arms and stomping the ground to prove his point. Finally, Sasuke flung his arms in the air, groaning in defeat. "Fine, I'll do it!"
"Great! So, here's what you do: You just go up to one of them and get close to their ear and whistle. Watch this." Naruto crept up to the black and white cow in front of them on tip toes, cackling silently. Sasuke rolled his eyes and crossed his arms in annoyance. Naruto got within a few inches if the cow's ear before whistling shrilly, causing the cow to jerk away. It mooed and ran around in circles before falling over and, unbelieving to Sasuke, farted. Naruto started laughing and held onto Sasuke for support.
"I swear, cows are so dumb! Aw man, it doesn't get any better than this, bud," the blond gasped out. Sasuke rolled his eyes again and patted Naruto's shoulder as they started walking again.
"Yep, you're living the dream, buddy boy," Sasuke said to him. He turned to him, only to see Naruto wasn't there anymore. Instead, he was creeping up on another cow and giving it a shrill whistle to its ear again. The cow mooed and repeated the same actions as the first, finally flipping on its side and farting. As it did these movements, Naruto danced over to Sasuke, his jumps and movements times with the cows, and jabbed him in the shoulder when the cow farted. Naruto started laughing again and pointed at Sasuke.
"I don't care who you are, that's funny right there," Naruto whispered/laughed. "Alright, your turn now!"
"Naruto, I can't. I don't even know how to whistle," he lied.
"You say you don't know how, or you're just too chicken, like that hair of yours!" Naruto said pointing at Sasuke's abnormal shaped hair. Sasuke fumed and flicked him off, running his other hand through his hair. "HA! You ARE chicken!" He started making the chicken sounds once again until Sasuke snapped.
"Fine!" Sasuke strode over to a large cow that slept soundly, unaware of the treat that stood in front of it. Sasuke looked at Naruto, unsure if he should really be doing this to Sakura's parents' cows. Naruto made a sweeping gesture as if inviting him to do his task. The teen in front of the cow huffed and stepped forward a step. Placing his fingers in his mouth, he blew hard, producing a whistle so loud not only did it wake up the cow in front of him, but the whole field.
Cows around them woke up with jerks and mooed, performing the same way the first two cows had: mooing, spinning around, flopping on their sides, and finally, with a few second pause, farted in almost perfect unison. It was completely silent for a second before a louder fart sounded out through the field, making Sasuke and Naruto burst out laughing. They calmed down after a few minutes, sighing at each other before another sound filled the air. It sounded like a cow, but slightly larger and threatening. Naruto's eyes went wide, causing Sasuke to look at him questioningly.
"There's Frank!" And with that, Naruto bolted.
"Naruto! Who's Frank?" Sasuke shouted. He soon found his answer when a HUGE bull came ramming through the bushes in front of him and he let out a yell before following his friend. Naruto was laughing his head off as the bull chased them around the field, Sasuke running faster to get away from it while catching up with Naruto.
"He's going to get you, Sasuke!" Naruto laughed. Sasuke realized Frank was getting closer to them, his horns lowering dangerously to their legs. Then, they were soaring over the fence, separating them from Frank, who roared in anger. Sasuke put on one last burst of speed as they ran away, Naruto cackling the whole way.
"And so, when that ditzy cheerleader finally realized that I had smeared red paint all down her front, I was already bolting from the art room!" Sakura laughed. Sasuke yawned and leaned his elbow on the table tiredly. He was at Sakura's house for dinner the next day, Naruto sitting right next to him, laughing at Sakura's story. Her parents laughed as well as they ate their dinner and listened to her story. "Sasuke?" Sakura's voice made him jolt from his daze to look at his girlfriend.
"Yeah, Sakura?" he asked.
"Are you okay? You look really tired," she said, placing a hand on his arm. He nodded and stretched his back.
"Yes, I'm okay. I didn't much sleep last night because I was up doing some stuff."
"So, Sasuke dear," Sakura's mom started. "I hear you're quarterback this year for the football team."
"Yes ma'am. The best, according to the coaches." Sakura's father laughed and clapped a hand on his shoulder.
"Well, that's fantastic! I could give you some pointers after-!"
"Mr. Haruno!" their neighbor, a little boy, suddenly cried from their back door. "You're cows and Frank got out just now!" The older man was up in an instant and running out the door, grabbing a set of keys at the same time.
"Sasuke, Naruto, I'm going to need some help rounding them up!" he shouted back at the boys. Sakura gave Sasuke a look that immediately told him she knew it had been them. Sasuke gestured to Naruto with his head and sprang from his seat, Naruto following him. They gave each other horrified looks before running outside to help round up the cows and the bull. A few minutes passed as Sakura and her mother continued to eat dinner before they were interrupted by yells of terror from whom they knew too well: Naruto and Sasuke.
"It was them, wasn't it, Sakura?" her mother asked calmly. Sakura sighed and nodded. "Frank didn't sound too happy last night. He never liked Naruto a lot."
"No, he didn't. I wonder if getting Frank taught those two idiots a lesson," Sakura said happily.
"I'm sure it did, honey, I'm sure it did."