Hello, everyone. It's me -- None other than Sophie, the Swamp Witch. That's right, Neopia's most beloved, skilled, and of course sexiest witch. Everyone loves me -- My magic is unparalleled.

Screw Edna.

Screw her to hell.

...

Anyways. I thought you might like to know that I've finally broken down and hired a pair of assistants -- Their names are Zev Raregroove and Basa Lo. Zev is Basa Lo's owner; he's a tall fellow with messy, jawlength black hair, gray-blue eyes and lean muscles. He wears a gray fur jacket, a red collar, black leather pants and boots, and is possessed of hyena-ears and tail and furry hands with sharp black talons.

Basa, meanwhile, is a spunky young yellow Bori -- She wears red-framed glasses with the tops of the frames removed, a long white coat, a horizontally-striped white and dark blue shirt, black biking shorts and white sandals. Despite their odd appearances, the two seem to complete eachother when seen side-by-side.

Now, you might be wondering, "What da hell, Sophie!? Why would you need assistants!?" Well I'll feed you, baby birds. I don't leave my fans hanging -- Unlike Edna.

It all started one fine day, in the middle of the night. I was just about to turn in after finishing my latest masterpiece of a potion, when I heard it: Quite a loud thunk outside, alongside several mewlings of the Meowclops kittens I let run free outside my shack. Quick as a flash I was on my feet, staff in hand and tip aglow with magical energy. Kicking open the door, I rushed outside and peered around to find the offender.

However, I was quite surprised at what I saw: A large fellow with a slightly...Off appearance, laying on his back on the moist ground. He was cackling madly, as the kittens crawled around on him and played with him. Nearby was a female Bori, cuddling a kitten under her chin.

After I had fought the two and the kittens away from eachother, I found out that the large man was named Zev, and was the owner of the yellow Bori, named Basa Lo. Aaah -- You see where this is going now, huh? Zev pulled a business card on me, and called himself 'All-Purpose Cultural Hyaena Sapien Zev Raregroove'; he then said that Bruno had hired him and his Neopet to be my assistants.

...

Overly-attached big brothers, huh? Can't live with 'em...And that's about it. Just kidding -- I love my big bro.

So. Against my better judgment, I let the two of them into my humble abode; to see if they were up to snuff to be assistants to the Glorious, Victorious Sophie. I'm glorious and sexy -- I'm victorious over Edna, that hag.

I had thought it would be pretty simple -- Let them have some snacks, sample their unsatisfactory skills, shoot them down in flames, kick 'em out and get some shut-eye. Done deal, ya know? However, fate had different plans -- For I underestimated big bro's ability to select proper assistants...

Zev showed his worth by quoting every periodic element on the Neopian Table. Basa Lo proved her mettle by reciting, in exact measurements and notations, the textbook recipe for a Green Ixi Morphing Potion. Neither of which is a small feat by any stretch of thinking.

This left me with only one option, really. I'd be a bloody idiot to just let two kids with potential like this leave just like that, nothing more to be said...Even if I got a feeling they weren't all there...

"Alright...You're both hired," I had said. The two cheered and proceeded to both clear the table to glomp me. After I smacked them around a bit to teach them better, I got some quilts and pillows and laid them down on the floor for the two morons to sleep on. I myself curled up in my armchair, my favorite old 'clops curled up in my lap.

"Well...At least it looks like things will be exciting, huh, girl?" I smiled softly as I scratched her fuzzy chin.

Exciting. Riiight. It would sure be 'exciting'...I just had no idea how much so at that time.