Preface

Why did everyone leave me? Was I really that horrible of a person? I know I was always clumsy but really… I had out grown that phase last year. I tried to be nice and love with my whole heart but every time it was smashed smaller and smaller. Soon there would be nothing left. How does a 21 year old girl know so much about loss and love? Well, that's what I'm about to tell you.

The first to leave was my erratic, child-like mother, Renee. She met the man of her dreams when I was 16 and wanted to be with him when they traveled for his baseball team. I understand the need to be with your other half… believe me… I understand it more than anyone knows. Phil is her other half. He is a great guy and all but I felt like a third wheel around them. With them being all lovey-dovey and shit it was more than I could handle. Ugh. I had to get away.

So I moved with my Dad, Charlie in Forks. Yes, Forks. I know, what the hell kind of name is Forks? It's a crappy, little town that has more trees and moss than it does people. There were more students in my high school in Jacksonville than there is in this whole fucking town. I knew I was going to be completely miserable but I had to act happy… for Charlie and Renee's sakes. That's where I met HIM.

Edward Cullen. He was the next to leave me. No that's not right… he didn't just leave me… he broke me. He was so beautiful. I was completely taken in by his looks, his smell; his grace… everything about him had me mesmerized. I thought he was my mate for all of eternity. Yes, eternity. He was… is a vampire. In fact, his entire "family" is vampires. I was convinced that I would eventually join his family. How wrong I was.

After 18 months of dating, he decided he was bored with me. Bored? Really? I changed everything for him. My hair was too short so I grew it out. My clothes were too common so I changed my entire wardrobe. I wasn't sophisticated, submissive, or proper enough for him and his family. I became someone else altogether… for HIM. Why? I have no fucking idea. Maybe I was just young and stupid. Pathetic. Yeah that's the word.

The day he left me I thought I would die from the pain. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't function… all I could do was feel. All consuming pain. He left me lying there in the woods behind my house. I was just a play thing to him. A shiny new toy that became dull and boring. Once I was able to open my heart enough for him to read my mind I got boring. I was no longer a puzzle or fascination, just plain, old boring me. He just left me there, lost in the woods.

That's when The Pack found me. Yes, the Pack. A bunch of bratty teenagers that shape shift into giant wolves. No, I'm not crazy. I promise. The one that found me is the only she-wolf in the pack, Leah Clearwater. She is the only person that hasn't left me. She is my best friend and my soul sister but I never really thought much about her at the time. I thought she was a total bitch. I still do but that's why I love her so much. We are like two peas in a pod. We have both been hurt so much that we can't trust anyone but each other. She was the only person I could relate to after Jacob.

Jacob Black. Where the hell do I start? He was my best friend, my savior, my personal Sun. He pulled me out of my black pit after Edward left. He molded my heart back together and gave me the will to live my life again. So, what happened? Yep, you guessed it. He left me too. Just like everyone else. I thought he loved me enough for the both of us even though I couldn't love him the way he wanted me to. I was just too broken and he blamed himself too much.

He wouldn't see me after he phased the first time. He thought he was too dangerous to be around me. It wasn't his fault I pissed him off and he phased too close to me. I was the one who couldn't love him like he deserved and said he would never be what I wanted. He knew I was talking about Edward. He thought he could never measure up to him. He just lost control of his emotions for a second. That's how I lost my Sun and gained 3 jagged scars on my back from my shoulder blades to the small of my back. He never forgave himself even though I did a long time ago. I left Forks as soon as I graduated high school.

That was 3 years ago. I haven't been back and I haven't let anyone into my life since, other than Leah. She is my soul sister and that is a bond nothing can break. We will always be there for each other, her ancestors chose us for each other. She is the reason I have to go back to Forks… back to my own personal Hell.