Title: What is Love?
Author: Twisted Sarcasm (AKA Schuyler)
Rating:
Summary: Will contemplates his two loves and wonders who rules his heart more.
Notes: Well, this is actually my idea. I was watching Pirates of the Caribbean and suddenly I got this idea. Hope you enjoy!
111
Will Turner usually didn't experience feelings of uncertainty. Normally, he knew what to do immediately, sometimes stopping to think about what manor to do it in before doing it. During those few times that he couldn't decide what to do, he would pick the one that seemed would produce the best outcome and go with it. If something went wrong, he would accept the consequences like a man. But never before had he wavered between two possibilities like this.
He was mulling over the topic of love.
Elizabeth was the obvious choice in his mind. She was beautiful, that was true, and she not only had wealth but a proper, upstanding family. Her golden locks flowing over her shoulder on their wedding day would contrast perfectly with a pearly white dress hugging her every girlish curve. They would settle down, far away from the violence of pirate life and have several children that would grow up in a wonderful small town with the best money could offer. Everyone would accept them and think of them as the perfect couple. If he willed himself hard enough, perhaps he could learn to love her.
Contradicting his mind was the choice of Will's heart.
He could see the two of them together, sailing the seven seas, fighting off the dangers that his lover would inevitably attract. Yes. Jack Sparrow was the person Will was lusting after. He could picture them in the future, swords drawn, backs together as they fought off another strange danger that Jack had brought upon them. It would seem like a frustrating situation but inside, their hearts would be pounding, adrenaline would be pumping through their system as they fought for dear life, knowing full well they were perfectly safe as long as the other was alive. The crew would never know the secret of their shared quarters, for Jack was well aware of the mutiny that would come if their forbidden relationship was revealed. He wouldn't have to force himself to love with the strange, witty, pirate for he had already given his heart to the man.
The boat rocked to the side slightly, making Will's stomach turn. He wasn't seasick. If he were, he'd be the laughing stock of the entire pirating world. No, his stomach was turning because he knew of the dangers that would come with each situation.
How could he marry Elizabeth so unfairly? If his heart belonged to another, even though Jack didn't know he owned it, he could never truly be Elizabeth's. He wouldn't dream of her, but of Jack instead. Would he be able to love the children created by a person he didn't love? And what if he slipped up one day?
But having a relationship was more dangerous than marrying someone you didn't even love if the other person is a man. For the Captain's Lodging Area, there were no proper locks on the doors, and many of the crewmembers had never been taught the decency to knock before entering. Their actions would have to be constantly monitored, making sure not to brush against the other too sensually, or allow their touches to linger any longer than necessary. It would be a tough relationship that would require a lot of work.
Will turned on his side, trying to force himself back to sleep. However, no matter how hard he tried, his mind always wandered back to Jack. Plus, the other crewmembers were snoring loudly, having been knocked out earlier by all the rum they had drank in honor of Jack's return from the other side.
Will smiled to himself. That was when he had known. When he saw Jack, crazy as ever, running around like some crazed idiot, he felt his heart leap, and a strange fluttering in his stomach. When he glanced at Elizabeth, his fiancé, he noticed her guilty face and a picture formed in his mind, the memory of Elizabeth kissing Jack. The strange pang of jealousy had returned but it was not for the fact that his fiancé had kissed another man, but was instead jealous that it wasn't him kissing the captain of the Black Pearl.
Jack didn't know how he felt. He himself had just figured it out. Anyway, there would be no way he could tell the other man his feelings. If Jack didn't return these forbidden feelings lying deep inside Will's heart, there would be no telling how he would react to this news. He would either kick Will of his boat, or brush it off as if it had no meaning. Either way, it would break Will's heart.
Sighing, Will gently slid off the rocking hammock he had been trying to fall asleep in. In the dark room, he could just barely make out the figures of the other shipmates, sprawled out on their hammocks, the moonlight cascading on their faces. Elizabeth was even curled up in one corner, a bottle of unfinished rum resting in her hands.
Will weaved his way through the sleeping drunks until he stooped over his fiancé. Her face was so peaceful when she slept, her eyelashes gently brushing against her tan cheeks. Tearing his eyes away from her face, he gently pried the rum bottle from her limp fingers, not wanting to wake her.
Outside on the deck, the moonlight bathed the dark wood in a pale light. When he leaned against the railing, he saw the gentle ocean moving back and forth in a perfect languid movement. Peace took over Will's mind, allowing him to finally relax for the first time in a while.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" A voice said from behind him.
Will stiffened and turned his head slightly so he could look at Jack. "I suppose it depends on your definition of beauty, but yes, I do think it is beautiful."
Jack leaned against the railing beside Will, looking out towards the moon, as if he could see something that no one else could.
"I like to come out here at night, when I've got a lot to think about. If it's not raining, and the sea is kind, then it's really peaceful out here. That's what I base beauty on. How warm it makes me feel inside, how calm it makes me." Jack didn't look at Will when he said this.
"Jack…" Will looked up at his captain with a soft smile.
The captain looked down at him with a lazy grin. "What about you, William? What is it that you base beauty on? How good it looks compared to the lass that's soon to be yours?"
The joke was said lightly but it stung Will. He forced a smile and looked down at the dark seawater.
"Well…I think everything has a certain beauty to it." Jack cocked an eyebrow at him. "I know it sounds a bit strange," Will quickly amended, "But I honestly think there's something beautiful about every little thing in this world."
Jack scoffed. "So Davy Jones? You think he's beautiful?"
Will closed his eyes. "Surely you know the story of Calypso? He loved her and she loved him. She loved him so much, she gave him eternal life, in exchange for the promise that he would take care of the souls of the dead. When he returned ten years later from ferrying souls to the other side, she was gone and it tore his heart in two."
Jack pursed his lips. "Yeah, I've heard this story. He was so angry that she had gone off and not waited for him that he told the secret of how to bind to her to the Brethren Court just to get back at her."
Will nodded. "Yet he still loves her, because he still keeps the locket she gave him. He even plays it from time to time. To have a love like that is amazing, and even if you are a hideously ugly beast under a curse, if your heart can still find some room to love like that, then that is true beauty."
They were both silent for a while, just leaning against the rail, listening to the waves brushing against the edge of the boat. Finally Jack broke the silence.
"I agree, William. I can see your point of view and when you put it like that, it almost makes me sad for the poor fellow."
Will looked at the man with raised eyebrows, a sarcastic glint in his eye. "You, Jack Sparrow? You feel sorry for the man who sent you to the other side for a good while?"
Jack scowled down at him. "I'm not saying I like the monster now!" He looked out over the sea again, staring at the bright orb in the sky. "I just meant that I could identify with him."
Will was curious now. "What do you mean by that?"
"You shouldn't concern yourself with my problems, lad. I've got too many to share and this one is too big for you to handle."
Will sighed. "Sometimes, Jack, it's okay to trust people. If something is weighing down on you, then you should talk to someone who might understand, someone who could give you sound advice and help you out. If you share the weight with someone else, then your world will be considerably lighter."
Will didn't say anything more because he didn't want to push the man any further, but he was a bit curious. But annoying him wouldn't get him anywhere.
"I think I might be in love with someone." Jack said suddenly.
Will jumped. He hadn't been expecting a reply. "Who is it?" he asked cautiously. He truly didn't want to know for he knew his heart would break a million times over, but he had to be supportive.
"You don't need to know that, lad. But this person…I'm pretty sure I'm in love with them. It's…difficult to be around them without wondering why they picked the other person and not me, you know?" He shook his head. "I don't suppose you would know, because you got your lass."
Will looked down at the ocean again. His muscles were tense. "Go on," he urged quietly.
Jack closed his eyes as a cool breeze wafted over them. "This person is to be married soon. I've been supportive so far but it hurts me heart to see them with another person."
Will's eyes widened. He's in love with Elisabeth?!
Jack was on a roll. "I honestly wish that they would choose me and I have a good mind to just go up and steal them away from their lover right now, but I'd rather 'em be happy and me miserable than me happy and them miserable."
Will's eyes stung and he wiped at them discretely. "Unrequited love hurts, doesn't it, Jack?"
"I just wish he would see me instead of that damn lass of his! She's not even all that good at sword-fighting!"
Will was confused. "He?" He wondered aloud. "Who on this ship besides me is getting married?" he asked.
Jack tensed. Had he really slipped up like that? Will wouldn't have tricked him like that on purpose but still… He couldn't believe he had slipped up so badly.
Will shrugged. "I guess it's someone on land then?"
Jack didn't move. He didn't want to lie…just not tell the truth. Maybe if he kept his mouth shut the boy wouldn't figure it out.
"But I didn't know you liked men, Jack," Will continued, finally looking up.
Jack averted his gaze from the young boy in favor of the woodwork of the ship. "It's not that I prefer them or nothing, I just believe that your heart's got a right to decide who you love, not society. Just because a man favors another man doesn't mean it's wrong." The corners of his mouth lifted. "Besides, I'm a pirate. Rules don't apply to me."
Wills eyebrows knit together. "What about your crew? Do they share the same mindset as you or are they like the rest of the world?"
Jack rolled his eyes. "They're my crew, what do you expect? Besides, it's considered bad luck to bring a lady on board, so instead of bedding women, when we saw the need, we bedded men. At ports it was different. Most men went after women, but a few still preferred the company of men, which was fine by me. I don't judge."
"What about Elizabeth? She's a lady and yet she's still aboard."
Jack turned to Will with a big smile. "I took a chance with her. Seeing as you wouldn't leave her anywhere alone by herself and the only way to keep you on board was if she came along too." He turned back to looking at the moon. Inside he was taking a breath of relief for Will had veered the conversation away from who he had fallen in love with. He was glad too, any further and the boy would probably have figured it out. The boy wasn't stupid.
"Are you troubled too, William?" Jack suddenly asked, slicing through their silence.
Will sighed and slumped against the railing. "I am very troubled." He suddenly wished that he had something to drink, preferably rum or something else he could get drunk off of.
Jack leaned closer, looking at the boy's face. "What's the problem then? Let's see if old Jack can help you out."
"I don't think I want to marry Elizabeth anymore."
Jack reeled back, eyes wide. "Why not?" he asked incredulously. "She's gorgeous, loyal, and between the two of you, you're sure to produce good looking children." He paused. "Well…unless you have really bad luck."
Will gave a dry laugh. "I agree with you, but…I think I love someone else."
"Who is she?" Jack breathed. If Will had been paying attention he would have heard the soft strain in his voice.
Will took a deep breath. "I'm in love with you, Jack." Instantly he felt his heart drop to his feet. Why had he said that? He certainly hadn't wanted to say that. And yet…it had just slipped past his lips before he had the chance to take the words back. Shame flooded through him as he averted his eyes to the seawater.
Jack looked at him astonished. He chuckled, a deep guttural sound echoing from his chest as he smiled softly. "Do you really love me?"
Will nodded. "I've loved you for a long time, Jack. It hurts now to see you every day and have to stay by your side while everyone gets to touch you and talk to you, while I have to watch what I say and do around you so you don't catch onto my feelings. I'm sorry." He tensed. "I really am sorry. If it bothers you then I'll…"
He risked a glanced upward. As soon as he looked at Jack's face, his cheeks heated up as he realized their lips were pressed together in a sweet kiss.
"I'm glad to hear that," Jack whispered when he pulled back and resumed his position at the railing. "I swear you're a little slow there. I gave you a pretty big hint and yet you brushed it off. In denial that I could possibly love you?" Jack smirked at the younger boy.
The moon had finally risen directly above them, Will noticed vaguely. That meant it was around midnight. But he barely registered that fact. In fact, his brain had completely cut off it seemed. He couldn't think straight. His mind was reeling from what Jack had said. Did that mean that Jack felt the same? What did this mean now that their feelings were out in the open?
Jack gently took his hand and pulled him away from the side of the boat. "Would you care to spend the night in the captains quarters?" he asked coyly. Will felt himself redden at the underlying promise. Since he couldn't find his voice, he simply allowed himself to be led into the captain's quarters.
A dark wooden dresser with a dirty mirror, a table for playing games such as poker and blackjack, and a bed were the only pieces of furniture in the room but somehow it was very homey. Of course, Will barely had any time to register any of this as he was immediately flung onto the bed.
Jack straddled his hips and brought their faces close together but a sudden thought stopped them both.
"What about Elizabeth?" Will mumbled nervously.
Jack concentrated for a moment. "Tell her. Break off the engagement and at the next port we'll unload her."
Will glared. "That's not very gentlemanly," he pointed out.
Jack smirked. "Pirate."
Will opened his mouth to protest, but his lips were claimed by the other man's. Before he knew it, the only thing he could think of was the pleasure Jack was giving him.
111
The morning came too soon for Will. It had been such a long night that if the cold bed hadn't woken him, then he probably would have slept until the afternoon. A dull ache spread down his spine when he moved, but his body had been in far worse condition and he was able to conceal his slight limp expertly. After pulling on his clothes, he exited the captain's quarters expecting to see the entire crew bustling around, ready for a new day.
The only person on deck was Elizabeth. When she noticed his presence, she turned and smiled gracefully, her perfect lips spreading to reveal shiny white teeth. As he neared, she grabbed his hand and led him to the front of the deck, pointing over the horizon.
"Look, Will. We're nearly home." She squeezed his hand. For a moment she was in perfect spirits, completely happy with her situation but just as easily as her mood had come, it disappeared. Dropping her fiancé's hand, she took a step back, her face solemn. "Actually, Will, I've been meaning to talk to you for some time now."
Will looked at her confusedly. Wasn't he supposed to be directing the conversation this way? "About what, dear?" he asked.
"For a while now…since we began this long journey to save Jack…I've been wondering if it's the right thing to do, getting married." She looked into Will's eyes as she grabbed his hands. "And I think it's best if we go our separate ways." Her eyes searched his for the pain that she expected but when she found none, she was slightly confused. Although she did think it was a sign that she could continue. "I will always love you in a way, William, but I don't want to make you suffer." She smiled softly. "It's obvious you love the sea more than you love me. And the last thing I want to do is put you in a situation where you have to give up the thing you love most for my sake. Besides, I'm more suited for higher class thing than life on the sea." A tear slipped down her cheek. "I never wanted to hurt you William, so if you could ever forgive me-"
Will smiled brightly and gathered her in a hug. "Thank you, Elizabeth."
Her face was marred with confusion. "What?" This wasn't how things usually went. Shouldn't he be begging her to find reason or something?
Will pulled back from the hug. "I was going to break off the engagement as well!"
Elizabeth seemed slightly offended yet relived. "You were?"
He nodded. His face fell suddenly. "I had always pictured my life with a woman like you, Elizabeth. Someone beautiful, refined, and well mannered. And when I asked you to marry me I thought that it was what I had always wanted. But slowly I began to realize that I had fallen in love with someone else. And last night…well I had no idea Jack felt the same about me."
Shock plastered across her face. "You're in love with Jack?" She gave a short laugh but stopped herself. "Sorry," she apologized. "But I couldn't help myself. Going from me to him is a little…drastic."
Will looked her over. "You'll be okay with this won't you?"
She turned and smiled as she gazed out over the ocean. "Why should it matter to me? You've fallen in love with a pirate and I was always meant for the Commodore."
Now it was Will's turn to be shocked. "The Commodore?" he asked.
Elizabeth nodded and closed her eyes against the morning sun. "I didn't want to tell you because I was afraid of what you would do knowing I had left you for him. To be honest I was surprised when I began thinking of him because I had always hated the upper class frivolity of things. I wanted a rugged man who would take me on adventures on the sea and yet the thing I long for now is to settle down in a large house with children."
Will let out a short laugh. "It's amazing isn't it?" he asked with a shake of his head. "We thought we wanted something and yet the exact opposite is what we long for the most now."
Elizabeth laughed as well.
111
Will waved as the boat began to set off. Elizabeth waved back, her face bright.
Behind him, the crew stared in wonder. As soon as they had woken up, most to huge hangovers, they had found out that they had come into port. Jack had told them that since they had stocked up the day before, they weren't getting off the boat, just dropping off the lass. Now, they had assumed that this meant it was goodbye to Will as well but when Elizabeth stepped off and waved goodbye to her fiancé, they were severely confused. They just couldn't understand why the boy was leaving such a pretty lass. More so, they all wondered if any of them had a chance with her since Will had ended their engagement.
When Will turned, Gibbs raised both eyebrows as he caught sight of the earring in Will's ear. The dangling assortment of random beads was often found on Jack's right ear.
"Dear lord," he gasped as he neared the boy. "Is that Jack's earring?" The rest of the crew turned, wondering who he was asking.
Will reached up to twist the jewel. "Yeah. He gave it to me. Why?"
Gibbs held up his hands. "Didn't he tell you? That's his personal earring. Made special for him. When a captain gives someone on the ship his earring, it means that that person is his personal property."
Will glared daggers at the man standing at the wheel, both hands on his hips as he gazed out onto the sea. With a small snort he calmed his expression. "He's stupid, that one is," he mumbled to Gibbs who wanted to nod but couldn't bring himself to. "But it's part of his charm I guess."
Gibbs stared at him. "No matter how many people say it I still don't understand it."
Will turned to him. "Some people just can't understand Jack. I love him."
Strong arms wrapped around him. "That's good. Because I don't do well with one-sided love." He pressed his lips to Will's neck, directly on one of the hickeys he had left from the night before.
Giggling nervously, he tried to escape Jack's hold. "Jack," he cried, struggling. "The crew-"
"Doesn't matter," Jack interrupted as his hands began to wander.
Will pushed Jack away. "Shouldn't someone be steering the boat?" he asked, pointing to the wheel that was currently spinning wildly in every direction. Jack jumped and bolted for the wheel.
Sighing, Will leaned over the edge of the ship. "I will never understand why it is I love him though." He rolled his eyes as Gibbs came to stand beside him.
"What is love anyway?"
Will shrugged. "I could drink from the fountain of youth, live forever, and never know."
(END)