Icase you didn't know, it turns out all the beef in britain is acutaly horse meat. it#s not really France's fault though i think, Idk,I cba researching porberly
England was just having a normal night in, eating in with his normal family- well it was a normal night for the Kirkland family! He and Scotland were bickering as usual, over everything making snide renarks just to spite eachother. No, the two brothers didn't hate eachother, they just had growned so used to arguing all the time, that they hardly ever tried a different method to communicate. Besides,
although they'd never admit it, England and Scotland enjoyed the banter. Between the other two brothers, sat wales, who was interjecting in the argument at random times, mostly being ignored. The Welsh nation was the smallest of the three even though he wasn't the youngest. His short sature, round face and stocky structure gave him the look of a teenage boy rather than a nation that was many thousands of years old-
he blamed his younger brother england for his growth stunt, being his property since the 12th century really stopped him growing as a nation and a person! the bitter yet complacent brunette chewed his tesco's own beef microwave-meal lasagne trying hard to listen to the news. Tesco's own microwave lasange really was a life-saver for the three cooking-impaired brothers (or four when northen irleland was there) it was cheap!
easy to cook, and pretty damn tasty- well the Brits seemed to find most things yummy, because of their poor taste- as least according to the Frog AkA France.
" Okay, so tomorow we're meeting up with France and Germany to discuss wether we want to stay with the European union." England said, running a hand through his blone hair.
" Nay! The Celtic's football match is one tomorow! why'd ya have to arrange things withoot consulting ya brothers first, ya wee shit" Scotland said irritated, he like the rest of the UK brothers loved his football " You never arrange it during your own stupid football matches!"
" Thats because I'm in charge!" The Blonde replied with a cold smirk
" Bloody contol freak." the red head replied, annoyed once again " I'm becoming independent!"
" Like we haven't heard that one before"
" Ach! you getting upset ya wee pansy? will you cry when I leave?"
" Shut up you stupid ginger! go drown in haggis"
" Go Drown in tea!"
Wales gritted his teeth, damn those two were annoying! it was like being the mother to two squabbling kids! " Both of you be quiet! I'm trying to listen to the news!" Wales shouted- well it wasn't really shouting. The brunette's voice wasn't very quiet like canada, but he wasn't much of a shouter. But to his suprise the other to fell quiet, allowing him to listen to the oh so depressing news.
" The bbc's inquiry into the Sir Jimmy savil sex scandel continues, the late Jim'll fix it presenter has over one hundered allegations of people claiming to have been assulted" The news reader read out.
" And I thought he was a good guy..." England murmered, remembering how before all this was uncovered, Jimmy savil was an icon.
" Goes to show- you can't trust anything! not even this lasagne!" Scotland said, taking another mouthfull.
" Why on earth couldn't you trust a lasgne!?" England said, rolling his eyes.
" And in other breaking news- it appears many britsh beef and pork products have been found to contain horse meat rather than pig and cow's meat. Tesco's amoung many other supermarkets, have taken many items of the shelves because they contained not beef, but pork. umounge the tainted items, was the pork pie, sausage roles, shepheards pie, and the tesco's own lasagne"
" SPPPPPFFFFF!" All three of the Brit brothers spat out their food in usion, like many other people where doing across the country.
" H-Horse meat!" England shouted in outrage and disgust, leaping over the table to get to the bottle of whisky on the other side of the kitchen. But scotland beat him to it, swipping the whiskey out of his hands and taking a gulp
" They tricked me into eating horse meat.." Wales murmered, traumatised rocking back and forth, thinking of his pet horse Mr clipClop back at his home in wales " T-Thats like eating a dog."
Scotland tipped his head back and downed the whiskey " I NEED TO DRINK TO FORGET!" he screeched " FORGET WHAT I HAVE DONE! I ATE MY OWN PETS"
England was doing the proper gentlemanly thing to do and threw up in the toilet in pure disgust, he then proceded to drink beer and role around the kitchen floor " What will the unicorns think of me now!" he moaned. turning slightly green while thinking how gross it was to eat horse.
Scotland suddenly ran upstairs and came down with a air rifel gun, with a pure anger blazing in his eyes, he took aim and fired at the Tesco's own Lasagne, tears streaming down his face. " How could you betray me, tesco's own lasagne.. YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE A COW!"
Wales grabbed Scotland, tears running down his own face " N-No please, don't shoot it!" The brunnete cried, trying to grab the gun away from his brothers hand, but he was too weak. " We.. we need to bury this p-poor horse who was murdered and turned into.. LASAGNE!"
The welsh nation knew it was futile to try and stop his red head brother when he was a rage, but he couldn't help it. he clung on to Scotlands arm, trying to get him to let go of the gun to no avail. He feared his brother had snaped-
no Tesco's own Lasagne was safe. Wales turned to England for help. The Blonde was on the floor, murmering and drinking beer. He wasn't crying, but his eyes were wild- crazy! it looked like his mind had finally snapped. He wasn't ready to deal with this, wales thought, England is the youngest after all. The brunette suddenly felt a rare wave of older-brother-type protectiveness, he wished he could of protected his brother from this terrible disgusting truth about the lasagne.. but it was too late now.
It was that moment America walked in, a huge smile plastered on his face- he'd been sight-seeing in London so he thought he'd drop in and suprise England, Scotland and there other brother... ermm.. he was named after a fish or something..
trout? " The hero is here!" He announced, but then he laid eyes on the Kirkland brother. Scotland was firing an air rifel into some sort of mince-meat ness on the table. browny-red source splattered all over the walls. (What America thought was) England's little brother,
Trout, or dolphin or whatever was trying to grb the gun of the Scot. it took a second for Alfred to locate England, but then he saw him, rolling on the floor, whining. Both Wales and scotland were crying hysterically while England just looked a littlw insane.
America regared the situation for a moment, before deciding he really, really didn't want to be involved with this crazy shit, and he didn't even want to know what the hell was going on, so he just kind of slipped out into another room, a confused yet dissapointed expression on his face. Did the guy rolling round on the floor while his brothers cried and shot lasagne really raise him? and people wondered why America grew up being a little..'different'.
it wasn't for a full ten minuts later, when Scotland finally ran out of bullets, Britain finally ran out of beer, and wales finally ran out of whisky that the situation calmed down, the news still rang out through the now silent room.
" it is thought the traces of horse came from manufactueres in France..."
England gasped, standing up " That bloody frog!- I should of knew that damn spunk-stain was behind this"
" So.. what should we do?" Wales asked, as much as he hated it, he'd grown used to following england's order's under the many years since his little brother first invaded him in the 12th dentury or somthing.
" Wales! you right a angry letter to tesco's!" England said, taking charge of the dire situation. " Scotland- you reload your gun and shoot the lasagne some more!- I'll speak to the frog!"
The other two nodded, they didn't usualy do what england told them without question (at least Scotland didn't) but desperate times call for desperate measures!
" Hello. France? This is england." The blonde haired nation said, with the most seriuos tone he could muster- but he couldn't help that his voice quivered a little- he was still traumatised after all, and maybe he shouldn't of drank all that alchol before, as much as he deneyed it he was a light-weight.. and he was beggining to feel a little squiffy.
" Oh! Your calling me first! have you finally realised your love for me!" France teased lightheartedly.
" Frog! This is seriuos!" England said, annoyed " something horrible happpend and IT'S YOUR FAULT"
" Terribly sorry ma Chere, but I can't here you- is that gunfire in th background!?" France said, a bit of worry seeping into his voice 'just what in gods name was going on'
" Oh yes, sorry Scotland's shooting the lasagne. WHICH BY THE WAY IS YOUR FAULT!" England shouted, he was really beggining to feel the affects of the alchol now " You damn snail slurper.. swapping horses for- for cows"
" Qui?" France said, utterly confused, was 'shooting the lasagne' some sort of odd english saying? the bushy-browed man from across the water really was a mystery to him even after all these years. " I have no idea what your going on about.. if this about me sending round that picture of you and Prussia then-"
" Your manufacturers..t-they made horse meat and it got into our.. f-food. I ate a horse today, France!" England yelled, unable to stop himself from bursting into the tears he'd been trying to hold in- saying it out loud made the truth seem far more real and far mroe worse.
" ..Merde.. Are you crying?" France replied, unsure weather he should laugh or be worried. " Why are you so worried about eating horses? Zey are a delecacy here in France! you could do with learning a thing or two about good cuising instead of releying on that Mcdonalds or take away fish and chips!"
" Don't. You. Dare. Insult Mcdonalds or fish and chips." England growled " And You eat snails and frogs france! Snails and frogs! You can't lecture me about good food!"
" I don't see why you're so bothered!" France said, shrugging " When you were younger, you eat plently of..(strange) things (..)"
" France I don't often say this but..y-your right.." England said, staggering around a bit- he was begining to feel lithheaded. In the background, Scotland was re-loading his gun. " Heh, I guess I over reacted, your so right France. Now I'm going to have to get Wales to clean Lasagne of the walls. Your hair is really nice too, like really nice you know. "
" Sacre Blue- your being nice to me! you really must be Drunk." France said, with a chuckle, he should of recorded this, when he was drunk, the english nation was either a angry douchebag, a sobbing mess or very rarely a nice guy.
" Shut up! As if I'm being nice to you you stupid French Prick! Go surrender and eat cheese! I'm goona bloody through horse lasagne at your eiffel tower!" England yelled.. and here comes MR angry.. but wait- " Oh my France I'm so sorry for just now that was very rude of me."
" Oui.." France said slowly, this guy was obviuosly crazy " Anglettere, I think you should maybe seek some sort of medical help for your brain"
" Anyway, Bye France. We still need to discuss this horse meat scandel at a later date." England said, he almost sounded like he wasn't drunk, but then he started laughing hystericaly.
" Wait- England your acting even more odd than usualy prehas-" France was suddenly cut of.
" Oh yes, what did you mean about those pictures of me and prussia- I mean.. Prussuia and I?"
" Oui, well, it's been tres being spekaing to you, angelterrre! aurivoir!" France said, slamming the phone down.
" DON'T YOU HANG UP ON ME YOU FRENCH SHIT!"
-
America sat in the guest room, listening to what was going on. He sstood up for a moment with the intentian of interveining, but then sat down. 'No.' he thought 'Just no.'
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