A/N: So this happened. I'm not even sorry. I love it. Stay strong xx
„Kaizoku-o ni ore wa naru!" (I'm gonna be pirate king) Roman exclaimed putting a hand to his chest with all the pride he could muster up and threw his other hand in the air holding an imaginary flag in his hand and waving it. His laughter sounded through the empty street, quite possibly the only empty street in all of Japan and it made Remi's heart grow big with love and sadness. Love for her brother and sadness over the childhood both of them had lost.
"Watashi wa sore o hijo ni utagau" (I highly doubt that) she gave back with a grin, blinking back any emotion that might have shone through, and reached out her hand for him to take. He was standing on a playground for children his age, for possibly the first time in his life, and she almost couldn't get herself to tell him they needed to keep going. They had a mission after all. They always had a mission.
He ignored her and kept climbing around on the giant pirate ship he had discovered, excitingly inspecting every last detail when he heard his sister call again "I think you've watched too much Anime in our time here and One Piece has gotten into your brain." But she laughed and he knew she wasn't mad. Not like their adoptive mother was always mad when he wanted to play.
"But he did it! And I am going to succeed too!" he yelled it into the air grinning as it echoed back at him "I can be anything!" he shouted and then jumped down in front of his sister, grabbing her hand. "Do you believe that, too, Remi?" he wanted to know.
The girl smiled down on her brother rumpling his blonde hair with the hand he wasn't currently occupying. "Yes, I do" she nodded sincerely, loving how his eyes lit up as they always did when she was talking to him, "I believe you can be anything you want. I'll make sure you can be anything you want. I promise."
"I love you, Remi" he said "You're the only girl I'll ever love."
"I love you, Roman" she whispered into his shirt, the only thing she had from him and only because she had ripped it off of him when she had tried to stop the bleeding. There had been so much blood. It had leaked out under the hands she had put onto his torso to apply pressure to his wound. It had painted the ground he had been laying on red. It had gotten everywhere when she had tried to revive him.
She had blood on her hands. In her hair. On her face. On her clothes. Whenever she closed her eyes, all she could see was blood. When she had her eyes open she saw everything through a red mist that seemed to take over everything. Her whole life consisted of blood. Owning it. Losing it.
She had lost so much today.
She still hadn't cried, she realized, looking down on the T- Shirt in her hands. It was full of dried blood. But you couldn't see it on the black fabric. It was dirty from crawling through the woods for over 12 hours before she had found him.
He had still breathed when she had found him. Barely, faintly but it was there. As was his pulse. He had smiled at her when she felt tears streaming down her face, he had even tried wiping them away, wincing at the pain that had caused him. He had whispered he loved her when she was going out of her mind trying to find a way to stop the blood from flowing.
When the blood flow had stopped – so had her tears. When his heart had stopped beating – hers had gone cold. When his eyes had closed – hers had become hollow.
The ambulance had arrived soon after she had realized he was dead and they found her sitting next to him, stroking his hair softly, holding onto his shirt for dear life, not uttering a word.
That had been almost two hours ago. One and a half hours ago they had arrived at the hospital she was now sitting in, waiting – for what? She didn't know. They had given up on reviving him after a few tries, realizing the same thing she had already established. There was nothing to be done. They brought him back to the hospital to clean him up before they called an undertaker.
She didn't think he would care what he looked like when he was buried six feet under. For all she cared, they could've left him just the way he was, smeared with blood, probably not all of it his. Dirty and broken and cold. They always had been the same. Why was she alive now and he wasn't?
She could hear loud footsteps come closer but she didn't look up to see who it was. She already had an idea. And she didn't want to see him. She didn't want to see anyone. Ever. Again.
"Jane?" his soft voice called out to her but she didn't move, didn't acknowledge his presence "I am so sorry" he moved closer to her and she stiffened ever so slightly. He seemed to notice, though, stopping in his tracks and dropping his hand which hung midair. What did he want to do? Pet her? Cares her? With what right?
"I know how hard this is." Did he? Did he ever lose someone who meant everything? Taylor hardly counted. He had still had someone. She had no one.
"I need to see him." That got a reaction out of her. Her head shot up, eyeing him with dead eyes.
"Why?"
"We need to make sure-"
"Make sure what?" she almost screamed, her voice hoarse from not having spoken for two hours. "You need to make sure that he's really dead?" she demanded getting up, taking a step towards him, fuming with rage. "Believe me. He is. There's the problem, though, isn't it?" she cast out a hollow laugh "You can't simply believe my word. Not even on the matter of my brother's death." Something in her broke with those words. "I get it. But I'm not letting you go in there" she said deadly "You can send in anyone. Ask any doctor. Talk to any nurse. But I'm not letting you. Or any one from your team get near him. Not now and not ever again."
"Jane" she heard him plead, taking a step towards her yet again but stopping when she saw the blazing fury in her eyes.
"No" she simply said, closing her eyes for a second, steeling herself and turning off all the hatred she felt burning her up from the inside until all she felt was bleakness "We are nothing to each other. You made sure of that when you sent me away to be tortured. You did that when you sent me out on a new suicide mission every day. You did this" she threw Roman's T- Shirt in his face watching with satisfaction when he winced and stepped back "And the worst thing is – I let you. But not anymore. I gave everything. I lost everyone I loved. I still have myself. But right now that isn't worth anything because there's literally nothing more for you to take. So I'm going to make this stop. Now. Do whatever you want. But don't you dare come near my brother. Or I will kill you." She spit out in front of his feet picking up the dirty T- Shirt from the floor again and cradling it in her arms.
And then she left.
She left the hospital with her dead brother inside it behind her and kept on walking until she lost all sense of direction, clutching the piece of clothing to her chest as if it was her world. Because, it was.
It was only a matter of time until she had to break down, she was certain of that. So when it happened she didn't try to fight it. She let herself fall to her knees on a deserted playground not feeling the impact, not seeing the blood that seeped through her jeans. She had seen so much blood in her life time – this bit wasn't going to agitate her.
She hugged the shirt tighter to her chest imagining her brother's scent on it. Remembering the first time she had seen him in it. Smiling at her.
He had always been smiling at her. Even when she had let him down.
She had promised him he could be anything. Back on that playground in Japan, ages ago. She had promised him that he could be anything he wanted to be and she would make sure of it.
The only thing he had become was a soldier. Molded by her with a last touch from their mother. It was her fault.
It was her fault he had been in those woods. Her fault that he had been shot. Her fault that he had to pick up a gun again. Her fault that he ended up dead in her arms. She couldn't save him. She had let him down.
Slowly she picked up her head from the sand, shaking her dirty hair, getting up. Her tears had dried up. Her heart was dead. She would take revenge on everyone who killed her brother.
She would start with Shephard.
And then she would finish off herself.
Without him she no longer was.